Great sex is the key to a successful, lasting relationship between a man and a woman.
Without it, the relationship feels more like a friendship and in the modern world, where it is no longer taboo to break up a relationship, many women will leave you to find a new man who can make her feel sexually satisfied.
Making a woman orgasm is mostly about getting her in the mood prior to sex by triggering her feelings of attraction for you.
You can trigger her feelings of attraction by way of your actions, touch and behavior.
Her ability to orgasm (or “come”) has more to do with her perception of you as a man, how she feels about being penetrated by you and the emotional state you get her into before and during sex.
When you create the right type of relationship dynamic between you and your woman, it will be easy for her to reach orgasm without you having to spend a lot of time on foreplay or romance.
However, if you create the wrong type of relationship dynamic (i.e. where she can’t fully look up to you and respect you as her man), most women will be unable reach orgasm and the relationship will begin to fall apart.
10. When Licking Her Pussy, Focus Mostly on Her Clitoris
Oral sex is the easiest ways to make a woman orgasm. The secret to making a woman orgasm with oral sex is to simply focus on licking her clit.
Gently lick up and down the front of her pussy for a bit in a soft and slow way and then just focus on the clit.
Putting your fingers in (i.e. fingering her), sticking your tongue in and out, or aggressively licking all around her pussy usually doesn’t make women reach orgasm, so I don’t waste my time with that. I only do it if I feel like it because I’m in the mood and want to devour her.
The thing that makes most women orgasm is to simply focus on licking her clit in consistent, repetitive patterns. Get into a rhythm and stick with it, so she can relax and begin to guide herself (mentally) towards an orgasm.
When you notice that her body starts to tense up, don’t switch to another licking pattern – just keep going until she orgasms.
If she is tensing up and appears to be close to having an orgasm, but still doesn’t have one after about 30 seconds, rapidly switch to another licking pattern and keep that going at a fast pace. In those cases, she will usually orgasm within 10 seconds after that.
When she is experiencing the orgasm, don’t switch to another licking pattern – just keep going until she pushes you away.
When she pushes you away, it means she peaked, enjoyed the orgasm and is now finished. When the orgasm finishes, her clitoris will become very sensitive and any licking or touching will usually be slightly or even very painful for her.
BTW: How do I know so much about sex? I’ve had sex with more than 250 and am now in a committed relationship, in which I make my girlfriend orgasm almost every time (about 95% of the time) because sometimes she doesn’t want to orgasm.
Great sex is one part of what keeps us madly in love, but there is a lot more to making a relationship last that I teach here at The Modern Man.
9. Don’t Rush Through the Kissing…Sometimes
For women, kissing is huge. Sometimes, a woman would rather than make out with you and experience the intimate closeness than comes with that, rather than just having sex. To paraphrase a scene out of the movie “Bull Durham” with Kevin Costner and Susan Sarandon: Women like long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that go on for three days.
I’ve been with my girlfriend since October 2012 and even though we’ve past the initial phase of the relationship that typically includes a lot of kissing, I have made sure that I don’t deprive her of it now. I won’t do it every time we have sex, but I will do it sometimes and to be honest, BOTH of us get really turned on by it.
So, whether your relationship is new or you are 20 years into it, make sure that you don’t forget how powerful a kiss can be.
If you and your woman feel like you’ve passed the “kissing days,” then I recommend loosening up with a few drinks on a Friday or Saturday night at home.
If you’ve been with each other a long time and no longer jump all over each other and make out, just have a shower and brush your teeth before getting into bed so you both feel fresh.
Then, when you do have sex later than night, the alcohol will make you both loosen up and the fresh breath will make you feel more open to kissing and behaving like you did in the old days.
That’s me (Dan Bacon), chillin’ with my woman. She orgasms easily with oral sex focusing on her clit and when she is on top.
8. Set the Stage For Sensuality…Sometimes
Some women really like sensual mood lighting and romance.
However, from my experience, many modern women laugh when they see that you’ve set up mood lighting with candles, are burning some incense and playing some soft music in the background.
It just feels corny, staged and even a little outdated to most women. However, if you remain confident, calm and in control and simply smile at her as you walk over and begin kissing her and rubbing her body, she will open herself up to the experience and really appreciate the effort you put in.
The mood lighting, the massage oil, incense and music will help her relax and get into the mood for an orgasm. This is especially useful when having sex with women who seem confident, but are actually quite insecure. In other words, most beautiful women.
To set the stage for sensuality, you might have a steamy, candle-lit bubble bath together or soap each other up in the shower with a new soap that you both selected. Get some massage oil or lubricant and use it to play with each other’s genitals while kissing for a while before sex.
Play some relaxing music while burning incense. Anything like that to add a bit more romance and sensuality to the experience. However, make sure you only do this sometimes, because it will get boring and lose its effect if you do it too much.
7. Make Her Feel Lucky to Be Having Sex With You
Fact: Women want to feel lucky to be with you in a relationship; they don’t want to feel as though they are doing you a favor by being with you or having sex with you.
When I realized that women wanted to feel lucky to be with the guy they’d chosen, it suddenly made sense to me why women always seemed to reject wimpy nice guys and go for confident guys who believed in themselves.
If you think it’s a little chauvinistic or arrogant to feel as though she is lucky to be with you, then you’ve probably been brainwashed by modern TV culture and advertisements that continually portray men as stupid, incompetent, clumsy, nervous, lacking confidence and having to continually try to impress the almighty woman.
A lot of modern men make the mistake of trying to get in a woman’s “good books” by being really nice to hopefully then get some action in the bedroom. However, that type of weak, submissive male behavior actually turns women off at a deep level.
The right dynamic between a man and a woman is to make her feel lucky to be having sex. It’s not about telling her that she should feel lucky, but being the sort of man that she knows other women would love to be with in a relationship as well as in the bedroom.
6. Talk About What You’ve Enjoyed So Far
When you’re outside of the bedroom in a quiet, safe zone (e.g. a quite night in front of the TV), tell her how much you enjoy when she does certain things to you. For example, you can say with a cheeky smile, “Babe…I really enjoy the way you suck it…you’re good at it. I’ve taught you well :)”
If you have a great relationship where both you and her are comfortable to be your true self around each other, she will laugh along with you and enjoy the moment. More importantly, she will feel more confident the next time she decides to give you oral sex.
She will feel more sexy in your eyes and as a result, will be more-likely to achieve orgasm when you give her oral sex or while you’re having intercourse.
If you’re still dating and haven’t had sex yet, you can tell her how sexy her kissing is. You’ll boost her sexual self-esteem arond you and that will allow her to feel more emotionally open during sex, which will increase the chances of an emotionally-driven orgasm.
She’ll think, “Well, if you liked my kissing, wait until you see what I can do to you in bed!” and will be keen to let relax, show off her skills and enjoy the sex with you.
After letting her know what you like, make sure that you also ask her if there’s something she particularly enjoys. Don’t cross-examine her in an overly-serious way, just casually ask her. Smile gently and look her in the eyes and ask, “So, what have I done so far that really turned you on?”
5. Turn Her on With Your Behavior
A woman’s physical appearance is what turns us men on in an instant.
However, for a woman, she gets turned on more from how your behavior, actions and vibe makes her feel. So, instead of worrying so much about how you look physically, you need to focus more on how you are making her feel.
Does she feel protected around you, or does she feel as though she needs to protect you from the world? Does she see you as a real man, or as a wimp who she will put up with until she finds a better man?
An example of turning her on with your behavior is what I call the Clit Call. When the relationship has reached the point where you are having regular sex and are comfortable being yourselves around each other, pick your moment to call her on her phone a day before a date that you have scheduled together.
Get her on the phone and say, “Hey…listen there’s something I want you to think about. Imagine this…my tongue, your clit. See you tomorrow.”
Then hang up.
After that, she will naturally begin to imagine and daydream how the sex will play out after your date. In fact, it’s very possible she’s going to want to skip the date and head straight to bed.
4. Experiment to Find Out Which Position Makes Her Come
Due to the position of her clitoris, it’s extremely difficult for most women to achieve an orgasm from the standard missionary (man on top) position.
If you’re on top and pumping inside of her, try lightly stimulating her clitoris with a moistened finger at the same time (find out if she prefers to have you play with her clit directly, or from the outside of the hood of her clitoris.
Some women are too sensitive down there and it hurts, while others love it) or get her to play with her clit while you focus on penetrating her with varying degrees of force with your penis (e.g. long light strokes, fast aggressive strokes, etc).
One of the easiest ways to make a woman orgasm is to get her on top, because it allows her to effortlessly stimulate her clitoris against your body and control the speed, penetration and length of the strokes to her satisfaction.
Her on top is the easiest position for a woman to orgasm, but you need to work out the right rhythm and technique for each woman – not all women are the same. Some women prefer sex lying side-by-side facing each other (push her head down sometimes to allow her to see you pumping her), doggy style or back to front.
Have fun experimenting and she what she responds to, but don’t change positions too often and too quickly. When you keep switching positions, she will often lose her heightened emotional state (e.g. feeling intense feelings of love for you, feeling naughty, feeling dominated and loving it, etc) which is a big part of how a woman reaches an orgasm.
Let her get caught up in the emotion and delve into the feelings, thoughts and sensations that will drive her to orgasm. Help her along by groaning (in a masculine way) with pleasure at times, breathing heavily and using your masculine facial expressions to show her how into it you are.
3. Don’t Make it Your Fault or Her Fault
Never, under any circumstances, apologize about her being unable to reach an orgasm. Also, don’t make it out as though she has some sort of problem. Orgasms will have more often if you can just be easy-going about it and allow both of you to relax.
If you turn it into a huge problem, both of you will be so tense and thinking way too much during sex that it will be difficult to enjoy it. Instead, have the sort of attitude that, “No orgasm is no big deal. Maybe next time” and just be easy-going about it.
When she does orgasm, just smile and allow her to enjoy it without you interrupting with questions or comments. You can then ask her, “Nice baby?” or “How was that darling?” while smiling in a relaxed and sexual way.
It’s good to acknowledge her having the orgasm because you want her to know that you know. She’ll likely respond with, “Yes, that was an amazing orgasm” or “Wow, that was good” or something along those lines.
The more often she orgasms with you, the more she will be able to orgasm in future because simply by believing that she can orgasm dramatically improves her chances of achieving orgasm the next time. In time, she’ll get good at going to “that place” in her body and mind that delivers her to the point of orgasm.
2. Mix it Up
Oral and hand stimulation can often provide her with an even greater chance of success of reaching orgasm. Since the clitoris is the most sensitive spot on a woman’s body, it’s much better to go with a light touch that isn’t too prolonged and then go back to it sporadically.
When touching her clitoris, always – I repeat, always – ensure that your finger is lubricated by her juices or your saliva. A dry finger on her clit hurts like hell and is a big turn off. Combine light flicks of your finger or tongue on her clit and long strokes in and out with your fingers. Then, alternate by putting your penis back in and then going back to finger and oral stimulation. You’ll both have an explosive sexual experience.
It really depends on the woman. As mentioned, I’ve had sex with more than 250 women and after a while, I became confident enough to just talk about what I liked and what she liked or wanted. Sometimes, women were too shy to say a lot, so I waited for a night when we were out partying and having a few drinks to ask her.
Either way, I got my answers and found out what she liked. Some girls liked being fingered, some hated it. Some girls wanted to be slapped on the face, while others wanted really soft and sensual sex. Some girls loved copping it doggy style, while others loved being on top.
If you are unsure what might work for her, just ask her in an easy-going way. Don’t stress out about it, just ask in a relaxed manner and then get on with what you’re doing.
1. Be a Man
The most important element in making your woman able to reach orgasms with you is to be a man. From the very first moment a woman meets you and right through the entire relationship, she will constantly be assessing your level of masculinity.
Sometimes your masculinity is expressed in very subtle ways, while other times it is extremely obvious. A subtle example of masculinity is how you respond to another man when he is being pushy, or trying to undermine you.
A woman will look to see if you can remain confident or be assertive, without losing control of your emotions or getting pushed around. An obvious example of masculinity is the way you hug her (e.g. when on the couch). Do you cuddle up to her, or do you get her to cuddle up to you?
Getting a woman to reach an orgasm is both simple and complex. If you can take on your role as a man consistently, your woman will find it easy to orgasm with you (even after only a few minutes of sex). Most of my women orgasm within the first 1-2 minutes of sex, or within the first minute of oral sex.
This isn’t because I have a big penis (I’m just average) or because I am using amazing physical techniques, it is because women see that I am a man all day, all night, no matter what situation I’m in. That’s the big difference.
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Great tips for an enjoyable sex life! I will say that communication is the key to great sexual experiences with your partner. Don’t be afraid to express what you like and don’t like and don’t be embarrassed to discuss new things you would like to try.
8. Turn her on with discreet, public foreplay
That is always a turn on. I’m not really a fan of PDA but discreet, under the table flirtation is always fun!!
Definitely talking about what he or she likes is a big thing. One thing I am big about is to never force new positions or sex techniques without discussing.
Not everyone jumps head first (some do), but communication is definitely big.
Great tips! I think I’m gonna have to try some of these out!
I liked most the last point and that is be the man , i want to add few point i this section.
– Use the erogenous zones to your advantage – caress them.
– Take your time when you’re down below.
Helpful tips , i think you should perform different activities with different women, my personal experience is that if you focus following points above and try the following points it increase chances of her orgasm: –
– Warm up her feet with a relaxing massage by the fire or heater
– Put on musky cologne
Sex without communication might lead the process to be a boring one.. better arouse her feelings by your talks and even with your actions.. cool tips ..thanks for sharing
These are some very useful tips to educate a man on how to make his woman reach an explosive orgasm. I(being female) even got aroused just by reading the article because you are so precise and detailed. I can use this to my advantage by advising my man to come on this site and read all the informative information you provide. Our relationship will be so much more fulfilling afterwards. I was wondering if you had a section explaining what men want from women?
Hi Meme
Actually that might be a good article to include – thanks. A lot of guys are afraid to tell a woman what they want in the bedroom, in fear of turning her off. Yet, most women enjoy that sort of direction/leadership from a man. It has to be said and done in a certain way though to really add to the love and passion of a relationship.
Cheers
Dan
While most of this is correct, I don’t like that you believe all women want to submit. My boyfriend is quite masculine in the physical sense, but in regards to anything sexual he prefers to submit to me, rather than ‘taking me’, just as I prefer to dominate him. Considering this page is The Modern Man, I would have expected you to expose gender roles as being false generalizations, rather than enforcing them.
Your boyfriend likes to be dominated by you…and you want us to promote that? You’re killing me here…lol.
Ashley, a woman’s natural tendency is to submit to a man. There is no arguing that. Sure, people like you and your boyfriend do exist and there is room for you in the world, but it is not what 99% of guys want or would allow a woman to do.
Men who submit to their woman are usually doing so as a result of psychological issues. Vice versa for the woman… usually the woman grew up with a father who actually wanted a son, so she became more masculine to win his love.
Usually, manipulative or secretly insecure women prefer submissive men because they can then be in control of the relationship and have less chance of being broken up with and left brokenhearted, compared to being with a guy who is in total control.
You say your boyfriend is quite masculine in the ‘physical’ sense, but masculinity is in fact, more about the man’s behavior and psychology. This is why shorter men are able to dominate bigger men in business and in life….and have done so even as far back as the days of Napoleon.
Dan
These are great tips. I hadn’t thought much about how to make her orgasm. Thanks for such a detailed article.
Great reply to take girlfriend on bed. i was doing few mistake getting for kiss quickly, not doing foreplay. Now this will help me out..
Will try from nowonwards hope this helps.
how can you tell a girl you want to be your future wife that you love her.
Hi Mark – first you need to attract her, kiss her and begin a relationship with her. If she is going to be your wife, then she needs to be in love with you too.
Sounds like you’re in love with a woman who is a friend or someone you know – would that be correct?
Dan
just thought I’d add my three cents. I LOVE being dominated by a woman. Sadly, so few women are into this. As you stated, most women want to be submissive in the bedroom and be taken by a strong man. However, I also know with absolute certainty that many men who are extremely dominant in real life, also love to submit in the bedroom. I dated a dominatrix for a while and her clients were almost exclusively powerful men. As in CEO’s etc. They were always in that role so for them, it was a huge turn-on to have the tables reversed by a powerful woman. (btw, a dominatrix does not have sex with her clients – she makes them do shit to themselves or whips them etc). I am a dominant male and I enjoy being both dominant and submissive in the bedroom. I am extremely secure in who I am so maybe thats why? Not sure about the psychology of it but the power play is intoxicating in both situations. Nothing like choking a woman or spitting in her mouth while telling her to take your rock hard cock in her wet pussy like she’s been thinking about all day. Of course, that requires respect and maturity outside the bedroom and she has to know she can trust you. If she knows you will behave like a man outside the bedroom, you can absolutely fuck her brains out and make her your fuck slave. Whats perfect for me is that since I know what turns me on in my submissive fantasies, I can use that to determine how far to push her boundaries and how critical it is to control her mind properly to give her that incredible psychological pleasure. Then, when she’s lost in the depths of wave after wave of orgasmic pleasure comes the atomic donkey punch. POW!! right in the back of the head! (lol – okay, the donkey punch was just a joke but the rest is very true).
so, for those of you that are worried that you have been with a woman too long to pull off this dominance, here’s how you do it. Go to the gym or do something like rock climbing or chopping wood and come back all sweaty and pumped up. Tell her you feel like a freaking caveman with all the blood rushing through your veins etc. if you are going to the gym, maybe let her know you are trying a new pre-workout supplement that give you big pumps. something like Hemo-Rage. hell its got the word rage in the name. When you get back, tell her how crazy you feel and walk around like you’re full of raw animal power and then give her a crazy look in her eyes and grab her hair on the back of her head in one hand and kiss the shit out of her. no tongue at first. then tell her how you want to rip her clothes off and drag her or carry her to the bedroom. rip off her clothes and yours and preferably already have a concrete boner and pounce on her but maintain extremely dominant eye contact with a slight mischievous grin at the corners of your mouth. If she starts complaining tell her to be quiet or shut the fuck up – depending on the woman and your relationship. generally speaking, you start slowly and get more animalistic and intense. you would be amazed at how rugged women are and how hard they like to be spanked. I hate being spanked but its incredible how hard I’ve slapped the shit out of a few womens’ asses and how much they liked it. same with hair pulling and dirty talk. if you are not used to dirty talk, just start slow and describe the hot things you see in your head that you want to do to her. and throw in the occasional comment about how hot she’s making you. then fuck her ever living brains out. I use extra strong condoms because the thickness lets me pump the fuck out of a woman without getting overstimulated (you know, how when your dick can start to get irritated from pumping too long in one position?). that way, you are more likely to be able to make her cum from fucking. good luck all!!
Great tips and I am one of the fortunate ladies that has a man who does mostly all of this. He needs to work on the cuddling me part more then me cuddling him because when he does I melt in his arms and it is true…it makes me want him more.
just re-iterates my belief that sexual stimulation for a woman is predominantly in the mind, if her mindset is that ‘oh my god, this guys gonna let ME have sex with HIM’ then it is just a matter of letting her arouse herself as long as your confident in what you’re doing.
id say the defining factor that dictates whether she orgasms or not (with a woman you havent had sex with before)is everything you’ve said/done in your interactions BEFORE you’ve even got to the bedroom/couch/park bench 😉
thats what ive experienced anyway, perhaps its different for 20 year olds
Hi Frazer
Yes, you’re right. What you do BEFORE sex is critical for setting up the right dynamic for the woman to orgasm. About your comment of it potentially being different for 20 year olds – no, the good news is that the approach works on all women. Most of my girlfriends have been between 18-23 (I’m 34) and they all orgasm, but I’ve also been with women in their 30s and had the same outcome.
Cheers
Dan
This is by far one of the best and well-informed articles for men on how to help her reach orgasm. They always seems obvious to me, but in my experience, clearly not to most guys. The discreet foreplay, the naughty comments made over the phone early in the day, the not rushing through kissing… I love it! One of your best tips, however, was number 1. Be a man. We may be independent, strong, intelligent beings, but we still want our man to be the MAN. Nothing is more of a turn-on and like you said, can be in the subtle of ways sometimes… but we notice. For me, in the bedroom it is expected. Giving me some of that “masculine aggression” works with me every time;)
I would add to this list something that may sound a bit overdone, but goes a long way and that is – the art of a well done and well placed compliment. Telling a girl she’s beautiful or hot is something we all like to hear from time to time, but telling us something a little less typical is more effective. Maybe telling her her hair smells delicious or that you can’t stop staring at her amazing lips when she talks, for examples. Just sayin’:)
Thanks
Good Tips,I hope I will have good sex in the future .
Thanks
Hi I’m Tracey,
I’ve just gone thru other people comments which was very usefull to read.
But I would like HELP plz.,, I’m going with a guy for over 3years and have our ups nd downs as we all do, but my boyfriend dosent arrouse me before sex’ I’ve asked but he replays that he dosent want to which makes me think why ‘ I’ve asked him why he dosent whant to and all I get from him is that he’s not interested getting me arroused before s..
There as been times he’s came onto me sexually even thou I’m not interested but all he says is that’s my duty and if not hell find some other women at which point he hurt my feelings and playing with my am motions . If you get to read this I would like to say a big thank you
Hi Tracey
Sounds like your boyfriend is doing it wrong. The best dynamic is where you are always coming on to him for sex. That will only happen if the right masculine/feminine dynamic exists between you in the relationship. I explain how (your boyfriend) can create that in Better Than a Bad Boy.
Cheers
Dan
great tips ppl i am jay i be honest i was 26 stone i am 16 stone now do women go for fit lads to get more of a orgaism? i got a new lass she is fantastic i know how to make her fell special but i wish to make her came lost with lasting orgaisms any advice thanks
Hi Jay
A woman’s mind is her most erogenous zone. You have to turn her on mentally and emotionally if you want her to orgasm. See: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/sex/erogenous-zones.html Getting yourself fit and having big muscles will only cause a woman to feel a superficial level of attraction. The deepest and most powerful attraction a woman feels for a man is about his confidence, masculine and presence. You can learn about that here: http://www.themodernman.com/videos/better-than-a-bad-boy.html
Cheers
Dan
Are all lady visable when reach her clamix.i mean u as a male can u tell if she’s on her clamix or not
Ive really enjoyed this article. I got here by first looking up how I can make blow jobs more enjoyable for my boyfriend lol But what u say makes a lot of sense. The sad part is, is that previously I was I. A relationship with someone for 6 years. Never orgasmed once. Now ive bee. In this relationship for nearly 2 years, and although heis a much better person, and tries very hard to please me sexually as I do for him, I simply cannot orgasm. Ive faked it so many times and I think ive gotten so good at faking it, I have no idea what orgasming while having sex actually feels like. I result to vibrators alone at home all the time. It actually reallt depresses me and I dont think my bf would take it very well knowing he can’t…make me climax like how I make him. It makes me almost cry while reading your article about a man caring and trying so much to please his woman the way she pleases him, but if only I could be…pleased. I’m 20 years old and have never experienced an orgasm during sex. And we go through boxes of condoms like crazy. Please help. ):
Also I have no trouble making myself orgasm. So why is it so difficult while doing it with the guy I love? I feel its going to be a minor part in ruining our relationship..
Hi Sally
Thanks for your question.
You should try a few things:
1. Get your boyfriend to give you oral sex, but tell him to just focus on licking your clit in different repetitive patterns until he feels you starting to really get into it. Then, get him to focus on maintaining one, pleasurable licking rhythm for you. I’ve never had a woman not orgasm from that.
2. You need to learn to open yourself to the moment and surrender into the sexual experience with him. For that to happen, the relationship dynamic needs to be the type where the man is masculine and the woman is feminine. If you are both kind of neutral in your masculinity and femininity, then you (the woman) are going to have a lot of trouble truly surrendering to him during sex.
3. If you think your boyfriend could use a bit of help in becoming a more masculine man in your relationship, consider recommending to him that he watch Better Than a Bad Boy. How do you recommend a program like that to him without hurting his pride? Tell him the truth: The fact is, more and more modern men are learning about masculinity and relationships. A relationship is about growing more and experiencing more than you would on your own. You love him so much that you want both of you to grow together by him stepping more deeply into his role as the man in your relationship. Believe me, the advice in that program will bring you closer together and add further charge and passion to your sex life.
Cheers
Dan
Astounding. Its like you knew exactly what I wanted to hear…in a way. No girl wants to admit their boyfriends arent…masculine enough. But the truth is, thats a big part of him. Hes very sensitive and almost fragile sometimes. I just..honestly dont know how to admit anything like this to him, however thats just up to me to figure all this out. But I appreciate you taking the time to reply to me with genuinely good and useful advice. Thank you very much Dan.
Hey Sally
You’re welcome.
Yes, it’s a difficult thing for a woman to say because if she has to coach her guy on how to be a man, it can make her feel like the more masculine one in the relationship. Since most women are naturally feminine and WANT to be feminine, being forced into the masculine means the woman will lose interest in sex with her guy, feel frustrated and irritable, feel mentally exhausted (like you have been) and so on.
You’ve got a few options:
1. Put up with how he is and accept it.
2. Have a talk with him about what you’ve been experiencing and ask him what he feels about becoming a stronger man that you can lean on, instead of one that you need to tip-toe around.
3. Leave.
Obviously option 2 is the best for both of you. I wish you good luck in whatever you decide. Go with what feels right for you.
Cheers
Dan
Hey Dan!
Stumbled across your site and so glad I did…but not before I made a monumental mistake with a beautiful woman I really liked. I bought The Flow and Coaching Calls and am now prepared better but wanted to share my horrendous cock-up and get some feeback on my email address please.
I am a university professor (read – minimal social skills and knows nothing about women). I was supervising a wonderful 23 year old on her master’s thesis for 4 months and from day one she flirted outrageously with me…spotting things in my office and saying “Oh, I love cricket too” “You specialise in HR don’t you, yeah I’m getting really into that” one day she half undressed herself because it was hot in my office. She gave me lots of sexy smiles…one almost stopped my heart beating. She giggled with me…sat close to me…leaned across me…tried to touch my hand when I was pointing to a sentence on her thesis…when I discovered she had a boyfriend she looked intently at me for my reaction with a silly smile to see how I felt (and then said she’s not that serious with him etc etc).
Anyway, I never responded to anything and never showed interest in her for professional reasons and this just made her keener and keener to impress me and connect with me. End of semester she comes to the office looking sad and saying she won’t see me again. She was graduating so I said we could keep in touch…a big smile broke across her face and she almost skipped out of my office. Oddly, she said she’d send me an email during the Christmas break and never did…earlier she said she’d add me to Facebook and never did.
4 weeks after I last saw her I returned from the break keen to get with her. My HUGE mistake – remember, I hadn’t bought your products at this time – was to send her an email (I lacked the courage to call her now she wasn’t a student)saying I really liked her and if she felt the same way and wanted to see me she could let me know. Guess what happened…
She never responded to the email. So after a week I tried calling her…she wouldn’t pick up…I sent a couple of texts…she never responded…she completely cut me off after 4 months of flirting continuously. She even got a friend to return my books she had borrowed.
I couldn’t eat for 2 days…I was shattered.
I now know, from The Flow, that I had shown insecurity, weakness and neediness by my email and I had transfered the power to her and lowered myself. All the time before I posed a challenge because whatever she said or did I never showed any real interest.
Even so…to completely cut me off after working so closely together over a two line email?
My questions to you are:
1. Was she just playing with me all along and not really interested at all (maybe she just wanted to get me to be interested for her own ego) or did I really blow it with my email?
2. What should I have done on my return from the break?
3. Do I still have a chance to resurrect things? Is there something I could say in an email or text to repair my mistake?
4. Is there any way I could have discovered her true feelings/wishes while still maintaing a professional relationship?
I’d love a second chance but obviously can’t ask for one…I can’t see how I can now be a challenge. I know I could have tested her real feelings by flirting or even tried escalating to a date but, as I say, she was my student and even though she seemed super interested, it just wasn’t appropriate for me to do anything
I sincerely hope you will reply and I eagerly await your thoughts and comments. The good thing about my stupidity is that I have learned something.
Thanks for improving the quality and enjoyment of my life through your products.
Paul
Hi Paul
Thanks for your question.
This is an interesting case. However, I’m not sure why you posted it under this particular article! 🙂 Never mind, I am happy to help out wherever you happen to post.
My answers to your questions:
1. Possibly. Read: Is She Hitting on You or Just Being Friendly? She sounds a little bit like the 2nd woman described. I haven’t seen the e-mail you sent her, so I don’t know how bad it is. However, although telling a girl that you like her before she says it or before you kiss her is usually a recipe for failure, it sounds like she was very interested in this case. So, the e-mail wouldn’t have been the only thing that messed it up. She may have simply begun a sexual relationship with another guy and closed herself off to other offers. Happens all the time.
2. Talked to her in person and gone through The Flow process. You wouldn’t have had to spend much time on Step 3 of The Flow because you’d already established a lot of that by the sound of it.
3. You have a chance to ressurect things, but do NOT try to do it via text or e-mail. Read: Terrible Texts That Turn Women Off. I recommend organizing what I call a Half Date. Read: My Secret Weapon For First Dates
4. Not unless you are an expert at flirting and reading a woman’s true body language, which comes with experience. Additionally, it’s very difficult to begin any type of mildly sexual relationship in the type of work environment where you have to maintain a professional distance; A bad reaction from her could cost you your reputation and job.
Based on what you’re saying, it seems that it would be “against the rules” at your university to have a relationship with her. I’d recommend you begin seeing her when she finishes studying at the university (I couldn’t work out if she had already based on your comment).
Cheers
Dan
My girlfriend doesn’t orgasm & she is worried about it.
Hi Ajayi
Orgasms happen easily when a woman feels emotionally turned on by you. You have to change the way you approach your relationship and your sex life with her, so she becomes highly emotional (in a positive way) and turned on during sex. Watch this video: http://store.themodernman.com/in/18c787c
Cheers
Dan
Ok been with my guy 4yrs now. Don’t get me wrong i love him hes amazing in bed plus quite big and he can make me orgasm repeatedly in one session we have sex most nights even after 4 years have both got a huge sex drive the problem is it just feels like sex is all for him if that makes sense. Like I said he’s good but lately just get the feeling he’s not even trying anymore … What do I do. I’m 23 he’s 29 if that helps at all
Hey Jade
Thanks for your question.
Sex is only one part of a relationship. If the relationship is full of love and progress as a couple in other areas of your lives, sex is just an added bonus that happens 2-3 times a week. However, if the happiness of your relationship is mostly based on sexual pleasure, then it’s only natural that things will change over time.
Your relationship needs to have more substance and love to not even have to worry about those things. For example: Yes, he may be just in it for himself at the moment, but if you and him fall more in love and grow as a couple, he may then switch to making it more about you because he wants to see you happy.
If he doesn’t though, I don’t think it’s anything to be worried about. What’s most important (for the long run), is that you love each other, find each other sexually appealing, respect each other and keep moving forward and growing as a couple together in life.
Cheers
Dan