Can You Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back?

• chris

  Hello..i broke up my girlfriend one month ago..but when she met my friends she always asked them about me(like what im up to)so isnthis the sign she can back to me ?i really need your help..

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Chris

    Thanks for your question.

    It depends mate. Sometimes, a woman will try to find out how her ex-boyfriend is doing because:

    a) She wants to feel like her life is better than his now. Example: She’s been dating and having fun, while her ex-boyfriend has been grieving and hiding away from social interaction.
    b) She wants to know if he has been talking about her. If he has been bad mouthing her, talking about how much he misses her or trying to work out how to get her back.
    c) Her ex-boyfriend was once a big part of her life and she simply wants to know he is doing.
    d) Is just making conversation with his friends. She might not have too much else to talk about with them.

    When getting your ex girlfriend back, the key is not to worry about what she might be saying, thinking or doing. What you need to focus on is making her feel respect and attraction for you (online, in person or on the phone) and arrange a time for you and her to meet up in person.

    Here’s how to make that happen:
    http://store.themodernman.com/get_your_ex_back_super_system.html

    Cheers
    Dan

  • mike

    Hey Dan great article, I read a few and I really enjoyed yours. I’m in a situation that’s breaking me apart and would like your input. I dated a girl for 1.5 years. Things were good, great sex, we got along, hours seems like minutes… Near the end we started to argue about little things and then turned into bigger things. my friends started not to like her because she was always yelling,truthfully she only got mad and yelled cause I was a dick and provoked it,but in everyones eyes she was “crazy”. Bottom line was I took advantage of her. 5 months (Aug) ago I had a party about 50 people or so and she freaked out. Got a little phsical with me because I was ignoring her and my mom actually asked her to leave and so we broke up. Following the break up we still saw eachother ( sex, dinner hotels) and spoke on the phone for about 2.5 months after. 2 months (oct) ago She ended up moving 2.5 hours away and I was ok with it. I had dated a few girls mean while and things were fine. I went on vacation about a month ago (nov)and it hit me like a brick in the head. I want her back. So when I got back we were going to meet but timming wouldn’t allow it so we were forced to talk on the phone, she became distant with me and I noticed right away. I got drunk a few times and out of rage and insecurity made comments that I regret. I told her hoe I felt and that I wanted to try things again and that’s when She told me she met someone when I was away. This was earthshattering for me to hear. I assumed but didn’t think it would happen. So now I’ve been spilling my heart out to her assuring things would be different. Which I truly believe they would but she doesn’t want to leave her friends she just moved back to see, just started a new job, started a new relatiship ( about a month) can’t stand my friends. But does aknowlage that me n her get along. This weekend she was bacl home and I tried to make her jeleous so I was flirting with a girl in the bar and she waled by slepped me in the face and told me its done… This was a little strange because she’s been telling me its done for a month now. But she had a voice of doubt in the back of her head. With my recent episode of the other girl she said it was closure and she deleted me off facebook and bbm.

    I’m truly lost and need some pointers. Every thing I read says be confident, be the guy she fell in love with, ignore her for a month etc… I don’t think I have very many options. I can replace the void of a girlfriends its just not the same without her. When I think of a future, vacation or overnight boat trips I don’t want anyone else but her because its not an empty feeling… Thanks for listening. Let me know your thoughts. Thanks

    • Dan Bacon

      Hi Mike

      Thanks for sharing your story.

      It sounds like she is feeling quite happy without you at this point. With a case like this, I recommend using Plan B from my system rather than Plan A. I can’t go into details of what that is here, but when you use Plan B on her, she will contact you or at least be open to talking to you on the phone.

      From there, you simply use my conversation persuasion techniques to get her to happily agree to meet up with you in person. At the meet up, you will then use the techniques from the program to get her feeling rushes of respect and attraction for you. You will also be able to get her to forgive you for the mistakes you had made during the relationship.

      After that, she will naturally begin to open herself back up to loving you again and perceiving you in the way she once did when things were great between you.

      Watch the video on this page for more info on how it works: http://store.themodernman.com/get_your_ex_back_super_system.html

      Cheers
      Dan

• sean

  Hey, I’m kind of in a funny position. I met a BEAUTIFUL girl over the summer who is not only completely flawless, but everything I look for in a girl. The funny thing was she was the one who chased me, which was great. We started going out and we kissed. Everything went well and we talked the next couple days… then. She stopped talking to me and started ignoring me. It was really unwarranted and it felt so unnatural. I asked her to explain herself, but all she could give me was “I’m just so busy. See you around and have a good summer”… it felt terrible. This was a girl who I had chemistry with and she left me out of no where. A few weeks later, she came back…. we made plans, she ditched them and said it wasn’t going to work out. So I stopped talking to her. It took really long time for me to get her off my mind, but when I finally did, she came back. I said last chance. I figured the more I could get to know her, the more likely it would be for me to unravel this mystery. So we went out and then we went out again the next day and got pretty physical. We ended the night and our feelings grew extremely strong. I could really tell this girl was like in love with me. For the next few weeks she kept texting me how much she missed me. We got together again and she looked completely depressed. I found out she has a mood disorder and it affects the way she feels about me. After that date she’s been hiding in her shell. Haven’t heard from her in a month. She’s been ignoring me again. You see, this is a girl who I have a DEEP connection with. And she really cares about me and likes me A LOT but it’s being masked by her disorder. It just really sucks. And when she hides on me, it doesn’t feel right… because I know that something is there. I can’t get over this girl. I really can’t. She means so much to me. What is your advice?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Sean

    Thanks for your question and for sharing your story.

    This one is pretty simple. You are chasing her and when she does something wrong like ditch plans or change her feelings for you. It sounds like you just accept her rejection, walk away with your tail between your legs and then hope that she will change her mind.

    No, no, no. That isn’t how a man should behave if he wants power in his dating life. If a woman EVER ditches plans with you and then comes back asking for a second chance, you should make her aware that you are giving her a second chance. It sounds like YOU were the one you felt super lucky when she contacted you again. How on Earth is that going to give you any power or control over the situation?

    If you let a woman dictate the terms of your relationship, you are forcing her to take on the masculine role in the situation. Women are naturally feminine and prefer men to be masculine and take the lead. You will never experience easy, consistent and natural success with women if you give them the dating power. Never.

    Here’s what I would have said in a PLAYFUL, but confident way:

    “Ohh, it’s _______ (whatever her name is)…so, someone’s not too busy any more huh? You’re a funny one…”

    I would then go on to ask how she is going to make it up to me (e.g. wine and dine me). Women, especially like the woman you’ve met here, do not want a man who is a pushover. They get that ALL THE TIME from guys who are willing to agree to almost anything she says in the hope that they get chosen by her.

    Here’s the thing though…

    She wants to be in the position where she is hoping to get chosen by YOU. Ever heard a woman say, “I want a man who is a challenge?” or seen countless nice, sweet guys get ignored or rejected in preference for a guy who has confidence/balls and isn’t trying to kiss her but? That is the essence of Dating Power and it sounds like you need to watch it. If you’re on a budget, you should at least read my ebook The Flow and learn what attracts women and what turns them off.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Colt

  my fiance’ left me 3 weeks ago and i will end up seeing her in 3 weeks due to a mutual friends birthday. she claimed to be unhappy and unattracted anymore but i know now it was some insecurity and smothering on my part that ruined things as well as not supporting the things that she truly wanted me to in her life(i.e. career, hobbies). we were supposed to be wed in May this year and even though that is highly unlikely now i would like the chance to convince her to at least take it slow and try to rebuild this. we had a very very good thing going and we had so many more amazing plans on the table. she did cheat but easily forgave her cause of how much i love and care for her. i did my part by not making certain changes for quickly enough that i know if i had we would be fine right now. really need advice on this and even if it seems hopeless any advice on being able to do anything positive would be great. i refuse to go down in this without a fight.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Colt

    Thanks for your question and for sharing your story.

    First things first: Women do not respond to “convincing” them to like you. Words do not have the same effect as FEELINGS.

    You need to make her FEEL like she wants you back. Watch this video immediately: http://www.themodernman.com/how-to-get-your-ex-back-free-video.html

    You said, “I refuse to down in this without a fight” and there is a fair bit of irony in that comment, because it sounds like it WILL be a battle all the way if you approach in the way you are currently doing now…that is, even if you do manage to start anew.

    Some of the reasons it will be a battle/fight:

    1. She cheated on you.

    Should you marry a woman who has cheated on you? Hasn’t she already revealed her character? When times get tough in future or she feels bored, she will most likely cheat again. Most studies show that cheaters who cheated because they were unsatisfied with their partner will usually do it again.

    Is that what you want for your life? Do you want to marry and potentially have children with a woman who will eventually cheat on you…again?

    Sure, she MAY be an exception, change her true character and not cheat again, but I think she cheat again will unless you become a man that she absolutely doesn’t want to lose. At the moment, it sounds like she has all the power in the relationship and feels more valuable than you. An absolute recipe for disaster over the long term.

    2. She wants to focus on her career and hobbies.

    A woman will usually say that if she is with a man who is more focused on the relationship than she is. Pretty much every woman wants to be in a situation where her man has purpose (e.g. is going after something in his life that is more important than her) and she is the one who is more focused on the relationship. If you don’t give that to her, she will react like she is now (i.e. like a man who needs to achieve something, rather than a woman who wants to focus on the flow of love in her life).

    I recommend that watch this free video I’ve made that will help you understand what you need to do to get her back: http://www.themodernman.com/how-to-get-your-ex-back-free-video.html

    Cheers
    Dan

• Sven

  Hi Dan,

  I am actually current in this situation. Me and my girlfriend broke up yesterday. The thing is that we got together 5 years ago. The first 2 years we were dating and in the beginning of this year we started dating again.

  Sadly to say is that in this period I didn’t have had another relationship with any one else. None of the girls I talked to were as good as her. I hooked up with one but felt bad about it afterwards and was thinking of what she would think of me if she would find out.

  The last 3 months of this relationship were just not good. She went on a holiday with some friends (I couldn’t go due to work) and afterwards everything just went downstairs. She had a lot of contact with one guy, saw that she was texting him a lot and she lied to me for the fact that she had texted him that day. Her feelings just weren’t the same in these periods. Before she went on the holiday, I was certain that she was the one. Well she is actually my only real relationship.

  The thing is.. during the 2 year break-up I have read the flow and some other books and after reading them it brought back the spark in my life and was enjoying it. Got a lot of attention of girls and yeah I simply loved it. But I was still thinking about her.

  Now I don’t feel sad actually, but just frustrated that I wasted the last few months just for her. I did everything to keep her satisfied and yeah in some ways I became a pussy, but also stood up for myself.

  Now I just want to get my life back on track and also with other girls. But the thing is after a few months of not seeing her, I would like to contact her again to just be friends, because she is a nice person! But I will start to get feelings for her.

  What should I do besides going out with other people and woman? What would she think when I start hooking up with new people? (I wouldn’t be too happy if I heared if from her). But mostly how do I forget her or how can I get back into this relationship? I think for the last 3 months we just didn’t felt ourselfs anymore. Also a lot has changed in our personal lifes with new stressfull jobs etc..

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Sven

    Thanks for your questions and for sharing your story.

    This is interesting. It sounds like you really do love each other, but you’re going through what many young people go through with their first love. That is, it all starts well and the love is real, but it eventually falls apart due to:

    a) Mistakes you have made.
    b) Mistakes she has made.
    c) A desire from one or both of you to get out there and experience more relationships.

    This is the story of my first true love, how I ruined the relationship, why she cheated on me and how I recovered: http://www.themodernman.com/why_women_cheat.html

    It will take time for you to get over her because although you can easily have sex with new women by using the techniques from The Flow (as you’ve experienced – the techniques work!), you will not always find truly compatible women each time.

    The fastest way to get over her is to hook up with women who are physically more attractive than her. I know that sounds shallow, but we men do value an attractive woman more than an unattractive woman. When you know in yourself that you can attract and have sex with women who are hotter than your ex, it will give you a new outlook on life. Suddenly, you won’t feel so desperate to get her back. You’ll see that there are loads more beautiful women who are waiting for a guy like you.

    Also, another important thing you need to do is to change your mindset about letting new women into your life for love. Literally say to yourself, “I am open to love. I am open to letting more love into my life. I experienced love before and it was amazing for both of us. I am now open to love again and invite it into my life”

    By thinking like that, you’ll look at women differently. Instead of being afraid of letting new women into your life, you’ll feel good about the possibility of giving and sharing love with a new woman.

    Trust me, the myth about “the one” is a myth. Out of the billions in the world, there are millions who are PERFECT for you, millions who will be good fun for a while and millions who you aren’t compatible with. You’ll only meet more women who are perfect for you by having new relationships. Additionally, the more relationships you have and the more love you experience, the stronger you grow as a man and the more ability you have to spark love between you and a woman. I refer to it as “Relationship Intelligence” and “Love Intelligence” and you don’t get that by hiding from relationships and love. Who knows – the next girl you meet might be the one you stay with for life, but in the meantime – don’t worry so much about that outcome. Just enjoy love, open new relationships and see where they go. If both of you are truly compatible and both at a stage in your life where you want to settle down, it will happen. If you’re not, the relationship will end. It’s pretty simple.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Tim

  I read ur article and I must confess I do not think I need my ex back again. We broke up 4 months ago. After reading ur article I discoverd I ws doing one of the donts by askin her frnds to talk 2 her on my behalf.. U were right, cos it only worsend the situation. Jst like u said; there are plenty fishes in d sea so I got out of my shell and started dating other ladies and I must confess that av come across some really gud ones

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Tim

    Thanks for your positive feedback mate.

    Yes, it never ceases to amaze me how many awesome women there are out there. I used to think that quality women were in short supply, but I honestly have 3 girlfriends at the moment and they are all awesome. I could get more, but I don’t have the time! Lol…

    Enjoy the great times ahead!

    Cheers
    Dan

• Emmanuel

  A girl has been chasing me for so many years.After giving in to her and accepting her,she dumped me because she feels nothing for me.Could you please help me with all the adcvice to get her back since i have come to love her emotionally.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Emmanuel

    Thanks for sharing your story.

    Sounds like a case of her enjoying the the IDEA of being with you rather than the actuality.

    Use the strategy that I explain in this video:
    http://www.themodernman.com/how-to-get-your-ex-back-free-video.html

    Cheers
    Dan

• Dax

  My ex and I broke up over a year ago. It was the toughest thing I have ever done. Eventually it drove me into joining the military. I thought maybe a screaming Drill Sergeant would help me forget her. Ultimately that plan failed. I still feel such a strong bond to her I could never begin to describe. I would work everyday of my life to see her smile or even to hear her voice again.
  I have tried to move on. I have found plenty of other attractive women. I have had sex with women since her, but yet I could never bring myself to kiss them. I still see her from time to time at local events or driving home from work (I live in a small town) and when I see her I am always wondering if she has ever thought about me since I’ve been back from military training. If I could show her I’ve changed maybe she wouldn’t hate me any longer. But, enough of my rambling. Any help you could give me is appreciated more than you will ever know.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Dax

    Thanks for sharing your story.

    She hates you now? Why does she hate you?

    It sounds like you also need to use the strategy I explain in this FREE, 19-minute video:
    http://www.themodernman.com/how-to-get-your-ex-back-free-video.html

    Cheers
    Dan

• joseph

  Hey I got one for you. Been married 26 years. My wife flat fell in love with my daughters boyfriend that latter eneded up being 42 like my wifes age . I let her do what she wanted. I took control of the situation. Before I paid 100 percent of the bills and gave her 600.00 for groceries etc. provided her a vehicle and gave her full choice of what she wanted in life. He didnt want her and when he started treating my daughter bad under my roof I kicked him out. I know I am the man of this house and I set the rules. I am not and never been mean I am just firm and know whats right. I informed my wife that she will step up to the plate and be the wife I expect or bye bye. She hasnt said or talked about leaving since. I know I run the show now. I am just deciding when or if Ill move on. Even though I haven’t learned from any of your programs, Ive lived your advice the past thirty years and you guys are right on track. I have seen and lived with the kind of women you guys talk about all my life. Keep up the good work helping men stay or becoming real men.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Joseph

    Thanks for sharing your story.

    Sorry to hear about what happened. That must have hurt like hell, especially when the man who slept with your wife was also with your daughter. What a nightmare!

    You said, “I am just deciding when or if Ill move on.” Yes, deciding whether or not to move on is a very personal choice. It comes down to how you view yourself in terms of your value to women, what you expect from women in terms of behavior and what you will accept from women in terms of the whole package. Personally, I do not give second chances for cheating, lying or deceitful behavior. Fortunately, I haven’t been cheated on since this happened many years ago before The Modern Man, but I have had a couple of girlfriends since then who lied or were deceitful. I broke up with them immediately and – surprise, surprise – they are still trying to get back with me to this day.

    I should ask you:

    – Are you waiting for your wife to cheat again before you move on?
    – If you had 2 or 3 attractive women interested in being with you right now, would you be more inclined to move on?
    – Do you think that your life will be filled with mutual love and happiness if you and your wife stay together?
    – Have you completely forgiven her and forgotten all about it?
    – Is she still attracted to you?
    – Does she still love you and want to be with you?

    I’m all for trying to keep marriages together. The divorce rates these days are ridiculous. However, most men go about it in the wrong way. They try to jump through all the hoops women hold up, change their behavior and identity to suit her (only to have to change it again when she changes her mind) and beg, plead and hope that she falls in love with them again. That is not the solution. You have to get HER to want to change and she will only do that if she afraid of losing you more than you are of her. It’s complicated to explain how to do that in a comment here, but I recommend you read my book and understand what attracts women and what turns them off, as well as how to get her wanting to impress you and please you.

    Cheers
    Dan

• adam

  last one month ago i stop with my sweety for what i dont now but she was talk to me befor i want to stop this relation i was asking what happen sayin i didn’t thing for and one she call me middel night talk me can we have mirrege and i answer are you ok baby to call mthis time and she talk am very boren by this situation and she start to craying and speek to har please keep quit i will talk to tomorow then i call har in coupl aday she said just i was very hanger and i ask again can we do what you are say yesterday she say not now and sadenly went we meet agin talk me i want stop and i give short answer you are free do what you want to do or be what you want to be and think and give me call

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Adam

    Thanks for sharing your story.

    It sounds like you said the right thing to her in the end. That being, you told her to do what she wants and if she wants you back, to call you. However, it sounds like the communication between you and your girlfriend needs a lot of improving because you don’t even know why she broke up with you. Read this:
    http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/maintaining_a_great_relationship.html

    For a relationship to work, you need to encourage open and fearless communication with each other. If she opens up and shares something at a level that she usually avoids, be supportive and let her know that you’re there for her. However, for you and for the guys reading along who might get the wrong idea here, let me be clear: Women aren’t looking for men who are constantly opening up, sharing sensitive information about themselves and looking for pity, support or a pat on the head from mommy. They are looking for a man who can be strong for them.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Berne

  I stupidly got involved with a 26 year old married woman. Soon after the very start, 18 months ago, she thought she might be pregnant with me and was ready to leave her husband for me. It turned out that she wasn’t, and the affair continued on and off until now. She openly admits that she has feelings for me, but is claiming now that all-in-all she thinks her husband is a better man (although I know for a fact she never sleeps with him and has slept with me 20 times). Since she announced that 6 weeks ago I have blanked 2-3 messages that she has sent me. I’m playing really cool, having fun and trying not to be needy. I will see her again in 4 weeks. What to do? Follow your do’s and don’ts above and hope that she’ll fall for me again (which she will, but then the circle repeats), or should I just stay away completely. The is THE one, I know it. But I’m an attractive guy and can find other women. The problem is that I want her, and at least 49% of her wants me.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Berne

    Thanks for sharing your story.

    This is a difficult one for me to give advice on because I personally don’t agree with having an affair with a married woman. It just goes against my personal morals and it is not something that I want to encourage.

    You say that you’re an attractive guy and can meet other women, so why don’t you? Why destroy another man’s life to be with a woman who doesn’t even seem to want to be with you anyway? What is the deeper reason you’re doing this?

    I recommend that you approach and meet single women. If the woman you had the affair with ends up getting a divorce and wants to be with you, then by all means – give it a go. However, my read on the situation is that she will most likely want to play the field because she’s already said that she doesn’t see you as much of a man. She’s not going to want to go from one disappointing relationship to the next.

    Cheers
    Dan

• akash

  me and my ex broke up about 5 months back..it was during the summer when she sort of texts me out of the blue and says that she has to break up with me coz her family wont allow us to be together at all..so fast forward three months and i suddenly hear that she’s getting all flirty and talks a lot wid another guy so i confront and ask her wat the real reason of the break up was…was it really coz of her family or was it coz she wants someone else to which she replies that she doesnt consider it important to tell me…we have a big argument…after all this time i still do love her and its not like i’m afraid to try but we did have a great thing going…we do correspond through text though she did make it clear that she has no feelings of attraction towards me anymore…her friend has told me that she does talk and text another guy late through the night…i really do want to know how to get her back cause she does mean that much to me…just cant get her out of my mind…

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Akash

    Thanks for sharing your story.

    Imagine if you broke up with a woman. Imagine that you no longer felt attraction for her and no longer had feelings for her.

    Then, when you spoke with other women that you liked, she got angry. Despite your clear communication that you don’t want to be with her, she persisted. Yet, you feel nothing for her anymore. You are enjoying having feelings for a woman (or women) that you are so much more attracted to.

    Would you go back to the woman you weren’t attracted to?

    It’s a pretty rhetorical question I know, but that’s the point. If you want to get your ex girlfriend back, SHE has to be SO attracted and interested in you that she realizes that she simply HAS TO have you. That is NOT going to happen if you’re behaving all needy and desperately trying to get her back. It will only happen if she feels like she has lost something amazing.

    I believe you that you did have a great thing going, but as you’ve experienced – love and keeping a relationship together involves more than just having a great thing going. There also needs to be sexual attraction and it sounds like she just isn’t feeling that for you.

    What you need to do is start doing the things that make a woman feel sexual attraction in EVERY encounter you have with her. That will change how she FEELS, but trying to convince her that you had a good thing will NEVER work when a woman has lost attraction.

    Read my ebook The Flow and start doing what I recommend immediately.

    Cheers
    Dan

• peter j

  hi dan.
  i meet a lady online 2 yrs ago and there was attraction on both sides but i stuffed things up on the 3rd meeting. would like 2 have ur thoughts on this cause i like her and i know i could have done things better. so she wasnt a gf but was potentially heading that way. ok everything was good untill the end of the 3rd meeting. she invited me 2 her friends place on a friday night. was there from 9 pm to 2am. in that time we didnt talk much cause was talking 2 her friends husband more as the footy was on. towards the end of the night she sat next 2 me and said i iam cold but i didnt respond. it wasnt that cold as there was a fire place in the room. then at 2 am she said 2 her friend she will pick her kids up in the morning and walked outside where she then started hugging me very tight. then she kissed me and as she kissed me i dropped my head and asked when u wanna meet next. she replied with a slightly annoyed voice when do u think? i said i dont know with my head pointed 2 the ground. she replied cant 2 moro cause my inlaws r coming down. with my head 2 the ground i said call u during the week. walked of got in my car and went. called her in 2 days but she said she coldnt meet for 2 weeks cause of the school term holidays as she has 4 kids. sent me a text saying talk soon the next day. called her friday ( a week after being at her friends place) she answered but said she cant talk and that she would call me back 2 moro arvo. guess wat? she didnt. waited a week and called her. she said she felt bad about not calling me back. then said she wasnt sure she could b romantically involved with me. said she would much rather meet some 1 locally and naturally. told here i respected that but said i like her. she said she liked me 2. left it at that and wasnt goin 2 call again. a week later i get a text from her saying we should meet up and that she was thinking of me. sent a text back saying thinking of u 2 and 2 call me or msg me when u wanna meet. a week later she called on friday at 2pm 2 meet up and i said i had 2 work friday night and had a planned fishn trip saturday morning and that i would call saturday after fishn trip and meet up. fishn trip didnt happen but did a heap of tip runs saturday. called saturday at 4pm and she wanted me 2 come down that arvo. said i was 2 tired and that i would come down sunday arvo b4 i went 2 work at 8pm. said ok but sent a text cancelling it sunday at 2pm and said make it 4 another time. sent a msg 4 days later but had no response. called next day and we talked 4 a few minutes and she said she would call during the week. she didnt. sent a msg after the following week and she replied with call u next week. she didnt. called and asked what was goin on and she said she was sorta c ing someone else. story was she was waiting 2 c if a bloke she meet on the net and had a 3 month relationship with was coming back 2 melbourne after he took of on her b4 she meet me. he came back and she was goin 2 move in with him but said 2 me let me know how u go with meeting other women of the net. inother words keep in contact. some ppl say she wanted 2 keep me as back up. thing is i didnt relise where i went wrong untill it was 2 late as this was mt first internet dating experience. i called 15months later 2 c how she was doin. she was surprised and a little hesitent 2 talk and then i talked about the night at her friends place and she said she couldnt remeber. i picked up signs she may not b with that guy anymore. then i heard this babies noise in the background and she hung up after saying u r a dill can u call me another time. then i communicated thro email with her explaining whay i called and why i acted the way i did outside her friends place. she replied with not available 2 chat further. sent a email back saying if things change 4 her that she can get in contact. just would appreciate ur thoughts and if u feel there is a slight hope with this lady. i said i may tryn contact her in a yr or 2 but she didnt responed 2 that.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Peter

    Thanks for sharing your story.

    Phew! That was REALLY difficult to read will all the “2’s” and lack of punctuation. First lesson – write correctly and use proper punctuation. I’m no grammar expert and you are obviously an older man, but the way your message was written looks like it could have been typed up by a school boy. You may be a great guy, but your writing style makes you come across as immature and lacking masculinity. That is something you should clean up immediately.

    Your mistakes with her:

    1. She came and sat next to you on the couch and said she was cold, even though it was warm. Peter, that was her way of saying “Hug me.” Women don’t like being forced to take on the masculine role and lead a “man.” You should have been a man about it and hugged her. She doesn’t want to have to tell you to make a move because it takes her out of the feminine role.

    2. You were leaving and SHE had to make the first move by hugging you and then make the second move by kissing you. You then dropped your head down to the floor and asked when she wanted to see you again. What the hell? Why were you behaving so apologetically and as though you were so unworthy of seeing her again? She was giving you obvious signs of interest and when you asked when she wanted to see you again she said, “When do you think?” In other words, she wanted to have sex THAT NIGHT.

    3. You’ve been trying to have a “relationship” with a mature woman, but you haven’t even had sex with her. What you really had was a FRIENDSHIP, with a little bit of kissing by the sound of it…and heck – even she had to make that move, so it wouldn’t have been very enjoyable for her. The reason she doesn’t want to be romantically involved with you is because she’s looking for a man. You have not been behaving like one at all.

    Also, what’s with saying you’re going to head over and see her and then cancelling and saying you’re too tired? Too tired or are you too afraid of escalating to sex? It isn’t the 1920s anymore – men and women don’t go through months of courting before having sex. The reason she chose the other guy over you so quickly is that he would have had sex with her. THEN the relationship started and they began plans to move in with each other. You need to adapt to the modern dating environment – whether people like it or not, the dating strategies that our grandparents used don’t apply in today’s world.

    4. She hung up with you and called you a “dill” (for everyone reading along, “dill” is slang and is a softer way of calling someone an idiot) and you then you e-mailed her explaining yourself. Wow, talk about doing things backwards! Why would ever let a woman disrespect you and push you around like an unworthy loser? My guess is that you are a GOOD GUY with good intentions, so letting a woman treat you like that is crazy. You deserve a LOT better Peter.

    Your problems with women come back to a few core issues:

    a) You don’t know what women are attracted to and turned off by. Your ideas about attraction and dating have likely been garnered from friends, TV and movies. How’s that been working out for you so far?

    b) You place women above you in terms of value because you lack self-esteem.

    c) You think that women WANT to be placed above you and by doing so, it will show that you really do care. Placing women above you not only makes a woman play hard to get, but it makes her feel like she’d be doing you a favor by going out with you.

    d) You are using outdated dating strategies that would have worked 100 years ago when women didn’t have financial independence, political voice or equality and had to rely on the support of a man to survive. Times have changed and you need to adapt.

    Wow, I really could go on here, but I’d end up writing a book which I have already written. Before you have ONE MORE interaction with that women, read my ebook The Flow and get up to date on how the dating scene works in the modern world. Peter, you deserve to treated a lot better than you have been treated in this situation, but fixing that starts with respecting yourself a whole lot more. It sounds like you’re prepared to put up with a woman’s bad behavior and disrespect to hopefully get something out of it. That is weak, ineffective and a path to pain, frustration and rejection.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Lance

  Katie and I have been together for approx. 2 years. She is 33 and I am 42. We went through a breakup for about 6 months and then re-established our relationship last year in May. Our relationship has had many problems due to a lack of communication and a lack of learning to understand each other and where the other is coming from.

  Last year in September, we got news that she was pregnant with our daughter. We did not live together at the time. I lived in an apartment in Greenfield and she resided with her brother and sister-in-law in Waukesha. She has lived with them for the last 5 years approx. I had expressed that I wanted us to get our own place together, work through the problems we had, and prepare a future together for the child and a family. She expressed concerns about moving out together because of our earlier problems and asked that I in turn move into her brother’s home with her and her sister-in-law. Upon the end of my lease, I moved into the home to be closer to her and our child. Her family thought this would also be a better idea so that she could be around family, deal with any depression that may come, and work on our relationship. (I was told by her family that she has always had a knack of running when things went wrong and for only looking at the negatives in any relationship she has ever had without consideration for the positive aspects.) As much as I didn’t feel comfortable doing so, I moved for her.

  Although she “feels” as though I never supported her during the pregnancy, I want to point out that I explained to her there was only so much I could do as we were not living together through most of that time by her choice.

  Once Ava was born (and we were living together), she was breastfeeding and spent 90% of her time in her room either feeding Ava or having her sleep. I expressed numerous times how I felt like there was nothing for me to do because she was breastfeeding and how I felt sort of jealous over the fact that she was getting to spend so much time with her developing that bond and I was at work all day. She always said that I shouldn’t feel bad because there really wasn’t much for me to do and that it was normal for her to develop and better bond as she was her mother and with her 24/7. So, I would ask her if it was ok for me to ride my Harley with friends on Friday and Saturday nights in order to meet friends out, socialize and show pictures of Ava. She never had a problem with me doing so-or so I thought at the time. In hindsight, I should have been more understanding of her needs and feelings, but again, we never communicate so I never understood where she was coming from.

  Approximately 7 weeks ago, I started taking a much more active role in bottle feeding her milk produced by Katie, spending more time with her and taking a more active role. Katie expressed that she felt like we had lost our relationship and that there was nothing there. She also expressed that she had felt I wasn’t or didn’t take as much of an active role as I should have and had felt lonely like she was doing it all herself. I have done everything I can to be supportive including cleaning up after everyone and taking a more proactive approach with my daughter.

  I have told Katie that I do love her and want our relationship to get better and I have told her and shown her through actions that a family is what I truly want for Ava, her and myself. I have expressed that not only would I continue changing my lifestyle and working on myself, but I would actively seek counseling for both of us to learn how to communicate and understand each other.

  I am moving out on Nov 1st as nothing will happen while under that roof.

  How can I win back her feelings? How can I get her back so that I can have my family together?

  I don’t know what to do.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Lance

    Thanks for sharing your story.

    This is a classic case of why men need to take the lead and not follow women. A woman, especially the one you’ve found, will often make snap decisions based on her changing emotions, rather than thinking logically and rationally and choosing a better long term option. There is no stability in following a woman and guys who try to keep up with it end up being run around in circles, frustrated, confused and desperate to do whatever they can to get the woman to go in a straight line.

    You, for example, want things to be stable and to go in a straight line. You don’t see the point in all the fussing and fighting. You want a stable relationship, to live together and to work together for the future of your new family. This is a noble goal and one that I totally support.

    However, you’re making a massive error in handing all the power to her. You’re basically expecting a woman like her (who will shift and change what she wants depending on how she feels on any given day) to lead you. It will never work and it will never make EITHER of you happy.

    It’s great that you have things you enjoy OTHER than your relationship – this is important to keep things balanced. However, even though you go and hang out with your friends and ride your Harley (I’m jealous! I want to get a Harley some day) it seems as though you still give her way too much power and control over you and the relationship. I understand that it is difficult now that you have a child because you really, really want things to work out, but let me throw some questions at you to help you realize what you need to do:

    1. Do you think she is going to change if you keep behaving as though she runs the show?

    2. Do you think a woman like this would snap out of her usual behavior with a man who:

    – Puts up with her bad behavior and instead of getting her to change/improve, tries to change himself.
    – Pretty much does whatever she says.
    – Tries endlessly to please her.
    – Is constantly trying to win her feelings.

    Or a man who:

    – Sets standards of behavior (for him and her) and sticks by them.
    – Leads the way, while still being respectful to her and letting her have a voice.
    – Creates a dynamic where she is endlessly trying to please him.
    – Creates a dynamic where she is constantly trying to win more of his feelings.

    What would work better? It’s pretty obvious.

    The strategy you are using is a LOSING strategy. If you want power and control over your relationship where your woman shows deep respect, attraction and love for you, you will NEVER get that by being her doormat. It does not work.

    You need to start by reading The Flow. In it, I explain how to get a woman behaving in the ways you want by ENCOURAGING her when she does something good, encouraging her femininity and letting her be a woman. It is not about talking down to her, telling her off, complaining, etc. That doesn’t work either.

    You need to stop pleading and explaining how you will change and make HER want to change by causing her to feel attraction, respect and love for you again. It WILL NOT happen via pleading or you saying that you’ll change.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Justine

  I have a girlfriend whom i love so much. To be sincere, i cannot do without her. Suddenly she says she does not want anything to do with again. I am confuse, i do not know what to do.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Justine

    What the? Sorry dude, but what were your parents thinking calling you Justine? Are you a guy or a lesbian who is asking about their ex-girlfriend?

    Anyway, lesbian or unfortunate dude, here’s my response to your vague comment that doesn’t give me much to work with:

    Attract her. Make her want you more than you want her. Watch this:
    http://www.themodernman.com/videos/question-and-answer-video-series-part-10.html

    The strategy I mention in that video is that you need to make her SO attracted to you that she simply HAS TO have you. It won’t work if she only “kinda” wants you again.

    Cheers
    Dan

    P.S. If you are a guy, change your name to Justin.
    P.P.S. If you are a lesbian, what the hell are you doing here? This is The Modern Man, not The Modern Man-Wanna-Be.

• Sebastian

  Dan, mine is short and a little complicated

  3 Years ago I dated this girl for about five months, first love for me and her blah blah. At least once a year we hook up for a night and such but she’s always doing her thing and im doing mine. Although this year she’s been dating someone else and for some reason I’m craving her again. Ive never had trouble with woman im pretty confident I can go to a bar and bring a girl home if I want her to, and this girl knows that. But is just this one girl who drives me crazy. The catch and what makes it hard for me to get her again is that she is aware of the fact that I’ll always feel strongly about her and when we were dating I was very inexperienced with woman (and in bed)so her memories about intimacy are probably way off of what i am now.
  She’s dating a guy who is a owner of a bunch of clothing stores and way older then her (and me). Wouldnt affect my confidence usually, but Im a university student and live 6 hours away from her, so that already puts me on disadvantage. We never really talk much, last time i tried talking to her was like a month ago, I was going to Toronto where she lives and asked her if I could sleep at her place cuz i had no place to crash(dumb move i know) but i think she was just starting to date this dude and never got back to me :S So i guess what I want exactly is have her at least one more night. How shall I proceed?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Sebastian

    Thanks for sharing your story.

    Actually, it sounds like you’ve been doing a pretty good job despite your earlier lack of experience with women.

    “…what makes it hard for me to get her again is that she is aware of the fact that I’ll always feel strongly about her and when we were dating I was very inexperienced with woman (and in bed)so her memories about intimacy are probably way off of what i am now.”

    Sure, I agree. However, think about this:

    If the tables were reversed and a woman who wasn’t very good in bed wanted to have sex with you again, but you already had a great girlfriend at the time – you probably wouldn’t be in a hurry to meet up with the other woman (if at all), right?

    With this one, you’ll just need to be patient and wait for an opportunity when she’s single to show her the new you. It sounds like she’ll be up for it, because you’ve already been hooking up with each other here and there anyway.

    In the meantime, you need to change one main thing about how you think:

    DON’T think that you need to impress her when you see her again. Instead, KNOW that you are already impressive and just do your thing.

    If you get caught up trying to impress her and are looking for a “pat on head” for being such a big boy now, you will lose. Don’t give her the power like that – it is unnecessary. Just be confident, attractive and masculine and if you’re both open to it again at the time, you’ll get back together.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Stuart

  My ex who dumped me 4 years ago (haven’t talked to her since then) visit my profile on a community. So I visited her and saw she has gotten a nice back tattoo, which I commented.
  “Nice tattoo you’ve gotten” which she replied with a simple “thanks”. I replied “Would been interesting to know how you evolved as a person:) been a while since I knew you. Over a unharmful coffee/such”(such= best translate I can come up with)
  and mailed her my cellnumber. I got a sms from her “You’ve got mail” (didn’t have her number). In the mail she wrote.
  “Give me 3 reasons to met up and I’ll consider it”
  My first reaction was that she wants to have control over the situation and on second thought, she gave me her number, so that’s a good sign *yay*
  Now I just need 3 good reasons too convince her, I can come up with many, but do you have any suggestions? Please respond asap

  and again, thank you for helping all of us 🙂 I’ll keep looking at this site, it’s great Dan.

  Stu

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Stuart

    Thanks for sharing your story.

    You’re doing it all wrong dude. When have I ever said to cater to a woman’s demands like that?

    However, since you’ve gotten yourself into a bit of pickle – here’s how to get out of it.

    You need to turn the power back in your favor when you reply with your “reasons”. Instead of trying to “win her heart” with sweetness or promises to be a good, little boy – say, “I’ve got 3 reasons for you 😉 Will tell you when you call me”

    If she doesn’t call, don’t fold. WAIT. She will eventually send you an e-mail, Facebook message or SMS. Just WAIT.

    Approaching it the way you are now makes her feel RELUCTANT to see you. Approaching it in the way I am suggesting makes her WANT to see you…and that feels better for you AND her.

    Cheers
    Dan

    P.S. I’ve included a 😉 “winky smile” in there because it seems to be your usual mode of communication, so I didn’t want her to think you were being rude all of a sudden.

    • Stuart

      I followed your advice.
      She didn’t call, but she mailed me that she couldn’t phone tonight cuz she had to study.
      I only read the mail and then closed the conversation. She later SMS’d and ask me again for the reasons. Maybe I put myself in the pickle again when I didn’t phoned or ignored it. Instead I just wrote back an SMS.
      “I don’t really need any reasons. If you still have feelings for me I can understand that you might not want to met up. But we’re talking about a innosent coffee/such, not like we’re going to date. I can give you reasons, but doesn’t see the point in that. If you wouldn’t have the smallest intressed in meeting up you wouldn’t give me your number, call me tomorrow or friday so we can set time/date and a nice place. Now, sleeptime 🙂 gonite sleep well”

      which she replied.
      “I don’t have feelings for you, just want to make that clear. But I need a reason to met up, you were the one suggestion it and you gave me your number.”

      So yeah, I might put myself in the pickle again or did I do good? Gimme more advice going from here please.
      Can wait hearing your advices.

      You’re the best 🙂
      Regards
      Stu

    • Dan Bacon

      Hi Stu

      You followed my advice and it WORKED, then you messed it all up again when you replied to her. The way you replied to her was the absolute opposite of what I would have recommended.

      For example: Saying to her that it was only going to be an “innocent” coffee catch up. That is a TOTAL LIE and both you and her know it. One of the core principles of our advice is that you never need to lie to a woman.

      Also, talking about whether she has feelings for you or not – WRONG. Don’t even GO THERE. Make her FEEL ATTRACTION for you and THEN she will get her feelings back.

      Overall, here’s where you are going wrong…

      She dumped you four years ago and no longer has feelings for you. I’m sure you’re a good guy and all, but acting the way you have been lately is making it worse because, quite frankly, you’ve been acting like a girl. She feels like more of a “man” than you and that is NOT attractive to women.

      You’re also being sneaky, you’re being a wuss and you’re trying to CONVINCE her to like you again. It doesn’t work that way! Do you know what attracts women and what turns them off? You’re doing things that are turning her off Stu – that isn’t going to get her to have feelings for you again.

      In addition to everything that you’ve told me, you’re most likely making a heap more mistakes whenever you interact with her. It is NOT going to get better unless you change what you’re doing and stop acting like such a desperate wuss with her.

      What are you going to do from here? What is your next step?

      Cheers
      Dan

    • PJ

      Hey Dan I have to agree with you here mate. We guys don’t do ourselves any favours when we get all needy with girls upon a breakup. I learned that lesson the hard way over a year ago w/ my exgirlfriend. Looking back on it now I guess I was acting like a bit of a girl as you say. I should have been stronger I know that now.

      Since getting your Flow book I haven’t looked back tho. My new girlfriend is beautiful, easy going and down to earth and that’s what I like. I met her while waiting for a train and she responded so well to the lines you include in the book, so I want to say a big thanks to you. I am never going to turn into the needy guy that ruined my previous relationship and turned my exgirlfriend off even more during the breakup. I have learned that lesson. Once is enough let me tell you!!

      PJ from Sydney

    • Dan Bacon

      Hi PJ

      Thanks mate! There’s nothing better for me than checking the comments on the website and seeing a success story like this. I’m glad to hear that you easily found a new girl, have recovered and become a better man because of it.

      Enjoy the great times ahead!

      Cheers
      Dan

• Michael

  Hello Dan,

  I just wanted to chime in here and mention that I bought your Ultimate Guide to Conversation program a couple of months ago because me and my girlfriend of two years were having problems.

  You have been recommending The Flow to guys who want to get their ex back but I think you should also recommend the Conversation program.

  What you guys teach in that program fixed everything for me because I had become less masculine and attractive to her and had stopped being the me that got her interested in the first place. I changed all that back and used all the new conversation methods in your program especially the flirting and now the spark is back in our relationship. She said that I had changed and asked me what had gotten into me but said that she really liked it. I have never seen her smile so much or hug me so much. Also our sex life feels renewed and we have discovered our passion for each other again and that is a wonderful feeling.

  I feel truly blessed to have found your site. I hope you guys bring out more information about relationships in the future because I will certainly be one of the first to buy it.

  Thank you.

  A grateful fan,
  Michael

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Michael

    Thanks so much for sharing your story and positive feedback. I love it when customers are generous enough to come back and share their feedback via the site! Thank you so much.

    About recommending The Ultimate Guide to Conversation: Yes, I could, but in all honesty – almost all of our products help guys in this situation because our advice centers on understanding women, improving your attractiveness to women and avoiding the mistakes that turn women off, ruin interactions and ruin relationships.

    If a guy needs to improve his conversation skills – yes, listen to The Ultimate Guide to Conversation. If he needs to build the confidence and masculinity that women find deeply attractive, listen to Mastery Methods & Mindsets. If he wants to know how to go from approach to sex and into a relationship with a new woman, watch Dating Power. If he wants to try 21 different ways to get a NEW girlfriend, he should listen to 21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend and follow the 30 Day Challenge that comes as a free bonus.

    The Flow is perfect for guys who want to get an ex girlfriend back because I explain the personality traits that women find attractive, the mistakes men make that turn women off when they approach or when in a relationship and how to continually increase a woman’s attraction for you. In addition, The Flow is the 4-step process from approaching and picking up new women, so if he decides he wants a new girl – he’ll have the system to make that happen.

    Thanks again for sharing your feedback!

    Cheers
    Dan

• eric

  Hello.

  My girlfriend broke up with me 2 months ago, and we were in a long distance relationship for 9 months.

  We haven’t spoken in 1 month, as I’ve held back and not wanted to have any contact with her, to see if she might be the first to initiate any contact with me.

  But as I wrote, it’s been a month without any contact at all, and it’s been two months since the break-up, so I’m slowly realizing that there might be no point to it…

  She broke up because she felt that the “spark” was gone, and that I wasn’t the right one for her. We fighted a lot in the relationship, and I was the main reason, by acting needy, weak, and jealous.

  She said she needed someone who had a goal, and someone who could push her and make her reach for goals and develop her as a person. In short: She needed a leader.

  So my problem is that, it was a long distance relationship, so I have no way of showing her or giving her subtle hints, about that I’ve changed, and am her independent leader.

  (She’s also the very strong, independent and confident type of woman, who doesn’t “need” a man to feel good about herself.)

  So with all this information I’ve given you; do you think there’s any real chance of getting her back?

  Or would it be best for me to fully move on and forget about her?
  (All though, moving on is the only way to get her back anyway.)

  Thank you for your future reply.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Eric

    Thanks for your sharing your story.

    This is really interesting. I’m about 4 days away from starting to record a new product I’ve been developing about “being a man” in terms of relationships with women and success with life in general. One of the main things I’ll be talking about is “having purpose”, or as your girlfriend put it “having a goal.” You see, when a man focuses more on his relationship with a woman than going after his purpose in life, his woman is then forced into the traditional role of a man. She starts feeling like she needs to “do something with her life” and feels like she needs to lead him. Women do NOT want that. It KILLS the sexual attraction or “spark” as your girlfriend put it.

    In the meantime, you need to fix the issues that will cause you to become needy in a relationship the next time. Watch Dating Power and learn about increasing your self-esteem and confidence as well as making a woman chase you (want you more than you want her/care about the relationship more than you do) all the way from the first conversation and then continue throughout the entire relationship.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Joe

  Girlfriend left me a couple months ago, because she thought I was hitting on one of her friends. Anyway, the breakup was a mess. She broke up with me, we met at a neutral location so she could say what was on her mind. After that, she handed me my stuff and I left. Then, that night she texted me, saying she realized that it was stupid of her to break up with me and got back together. We went on a date that weekend, everything felt like it was back on track, it felt like the clock was turned back to before everything soured on me. Then, I got a text on our anniversary that she didn’t think it was going to work out. She started dating another guy now and they’ve been together about a month. Is this rebound relationship thing legit? And how do I go under the radar so the other guy doesn’t know?

  Thanks
  Joe

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Joe

    Thanks for your question.

    It sounds like she wants to move on and has already done so. In cases like this one, you will need to get on with your life, date and have relationships with other women and eventually, if she changes her mind about you, the two of you might have a chance again. The best way to get you to understand what I mean is to suggest the following scenario.

    Imagine that your girlfriend was hitting on one of your friends and you lost your trust in her. So, you decide to break up with her and go to the effort of organizing a meet up at a neutral location to avoid any hassles. You then give her all of her stuff back and say that you don’t want to be with her anymore. Then, when you get home, you start to feel like you’ve made a stupid mistake. So, acting on the emotion, you send her a text saying that you want to get back together.

    You then get back together with her, but as you spend time together again you realize that you really don’t want to be with her because you no longer feel the same way. Your anniversary comes around and she feels happy and in love, but you just don’t feel the same way anymore. So, you send her a text message saying you don’t think it is going to work. You and her break up and you feel relieved that it is over once and for all.

    You then meet another woman and have (what I can only assume is) an exciting new relationship full of new lust and love. Yet, your ex-girlfriend whom you no longer have feelings for keeps trying to get back with you.

    What would you do in that situation?

    Often, the only way to ever understand situations like this is to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes. Can you understand the position your ex-girlfriend is in now? Unless there was something really special about your relationship with her and she feels like it would be a LOT better to be with you, rather than without, then you really don’t have much chance of getting her back in the short term.

    In the meantime, focus on becoming as attractive as you can be as a man. Then, when you do communicate with her again (e.g. Facebook, phone call, etc) or if you happen to see her in person, she will hopefully want to have you back.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Dave

  Hi, Dan. I met one girl on internet on summer, i started conversations with her like a nice guy, then step by step i was stopping being too nice, not worrying about what will she think about my thoughts, i was flirting a little, i succeeded in taking her out twice for a date, i was talking about many topics, travelling, childhood of both of us, future, family, music, purposes, food, flirt, i was touching her, she was touching me, i made her face redden, made her laugh, made her amused, bored, angry, but i didn’t even kiss her, i also saw signs of green colour ‘GO’ from her body language, but when i got less atention from her, i was writing her too often, i had too much free time, during time when we were communicating i even stopped being interested in my own hobbies as passionate as before meeting her, was too concentrated on her.. also i became too protective, didn’t want to let her know me much, i often got mad when i didn’t understand her through sms, and threw arrogance through messages. She wasn’t really interested in asking me many questions. In 2nd date she called me friend, and later we communicated via sms, facebook of instant messenger, i couldn’t deal with that she called me friend, and i wrote her bad words, that she is conformist, she is not so beautiful, good, and waits for other people opinions.. This was over the red line.. Before i met her, i was going out too rare to meet with friends, basicaly spending all the time at home, after i broke up with her, i started doing things, going out, meeting new people, i enjoyed every new meet with new persons, i met more people than i did before meeting that girl this year, my confidence grew up. Now i found job, but i still often think about that girl i met on summer, good moments with her makes me smile all the time, but i was protective often with arrogance to her, i still think if i could get her back, guess it’s too late..

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Dave

    Thanks for sharing your story.

    It sounds like you’ve learned many valuable lessons from the experience. It also seems to me that you’ve grown and developed a lot more as a person, so the next time she interacts with you she will feel that and notice it.

    However, the way you responded to her (i.e. those arrogant, hurtful messages you sent her) is enough to make any woman turned off completely. In this case, it might be better to just learn from the experience and keep moving on to better things.

    You said, “but when i got less atention from her, i was writing her too often,…” Next time, don’t be so needy. Have a balanced approach to your career, hanging out with friends and/or family and spending time with your GF. While it might be flattering and fun for a woman to get a lot of attention from a guy at the start of a relationship, she will eventually lose respect and attraction for him if he hides from the world behind a relationship with her.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Ian

  Hi There
  I have recently broken up with my girlfriend about two months ago. Everything was great then she went on holiday with her family and when she came back she was different and it ended soon afterwards so she had time to think, She is extremely busy with work and her mum hasn’t been well. I accepted her decision gratiously and left her alone for a month then made contact and we still have a little contact. she says she is not avoiding me but is under extreme pressure but will stay in contact. How do i handle this? if i stay in contact i will just be her friend but if i cut contact i could lose her. What are your thoughts? Thanks.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Ian

    Thanks for your question.

    If a woman sees her relationship with you as important and valuable, she will go out of her way to see you. It doesn’t matter how busy a woman gets, when she is in love she will make time to see her man.

    Sounds like she’s either trying to let you down slowly, or keep you around until she finds something better.

    My thoughts? Start seeing other women. It is highly possible that she slept with a guy when she went away on holiday BTW. Whenever a girlfriend goes away on holiday and doesn’t cheat, she is super eager and keen to see her boyfriend when she comes home. If she isn’t, she has usually cheated.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Bobby

  I have been on a on-again, off-again relationship for almost a year, just shy of a two weeks. A little background on us. I’m 32, financially stable with a pretty good paying job. My GF is 26, part time substitute teacher and going to school to get her teaching credential. We come from different backgrounds, I’m an only child and she is not. I’m also of Asian decent and she is Caucasian (not sure if that anything to do with the problem). Before her I was single for about 5 years just enjoying the single life and concentrating on taking care of myself due to a toxic situation with my ex-girlfriend at the time. She was also in a toxic relationship herself where her previous bf compared her to his previous relationships he had. I’ve meet her parents and her younger sister and they all like me.

  We have known of each other for a couple of years now through mutual friends but never really got to know one another. That is until a year ago when we just happened to strike up a conversation on FB which eventually turned into meeting up for drinks. At first I wasn’t interested in her and then one night we got into a really deep conversation about social dynamics and how people act as well as families. It was like a ton of bricks hit me out of nowhere and I slowly saw myself growing more and more attached to her. Within a two weeks things got passionate and we had sex. From that point on we both knew we wanted to be with each other and were constantly texting and calling back and forth. I was floored at how she made me feel inside and I didn’t feel so isolated anymore. When we are together we have really good chemistry and genuinely have a really good time with each other. We have great talks, enjoy going to places together and have a intense intimate relationship with each other. Like any other couple we have disagreements.

  The first disagreement we had was my need to maintain the same amount of time in my social life while maintaining a relationship with her. I assured that she always comes first and there is no competition for my time whatsoever, she was the priority. But within a few months she called it off stating that she still felt that it was a competition between her and my friends. I wanted to discuss the matter further and see what I can do to ease her insecurity. She didn’t want to talk until I said “look, I really want to work this out can you please give me the respect to just meet with me for a few minutes to hear me talk. You don’t need to reply you can just listen at the end of it you still feel the same way then okay but give me the opportunity to speak my mind. Its not fair to us.” She agreed to meet at Peets Coffee. I got there early and kinda prepped myself in my mind on what I was going to say to her and how I was going to say to her. She came in and gave me the cold treatment, arms crossed and leaning away from me. I knew I had to overcome this in order to get her to listen with her rational mind. I told her that I really valued her time and thanked her for meeting me and then went into detail on how I was sorry that if I did anything to make her feel that she wasn’t the priority. I again assured her that she is number 1 in my life and that talked about the deep connection we both had with each other. After awhile she lowered her guard and stated that she would need some time to think. I agreed and allowed her to take the time to contact me when she was ready.

  A week later she contacted me and we started to repair our relationship together. I was very mindful to ask her HOW she felt about me going out with my friends rather then saying I WANTED to go with my friends or WE ARE planning this event. I discovered that she just wanted to have a sense that she had a say in the decision making. So that was understandable. We lasted another 3 months of bliss and I thought everything was perfect! Until the friends issue came up and we got into another argument. This time it as “I don’t understand why you like your friends they are stupid and dumb.” We went back and forth on this on how I would never ask her to cut her friends off because of me as they are her friends for her reasons. Who am I to say you can’t hang out with a friend whom you known before me. I was dumbfounded as my friends are friends that I have known for over 5 years so they are all established friends. I told her that I could understand if I was obtaining new friends all the time why you’d get mad. Eventually this argument subsided but she was still not happy with my friends. She then wanted to move in with me. I told her that as much as I want her to move in with me I don’t think it would be a good idea at this time because we still had this issue to work out. I told her that I don’t want us to fight in our home about friends, I’d rather get this taken care of now so we can have a peaceful home life. I asked her can we give it 30-60 days max to see how we go and if things go well we can then make the move to live together. We then went back to my place and made love to each other and it was fantastic.

  The next day she texts me stating that the friend thing is a deal breaker and that she can’t deal with having to travel to my place from her home, and dealing with the schooling at the same time. It was too much stress for her. I was hurt and saddened by this as I had thought I made every attempt to make it work as much as I can. I tried calling and txting but she blocked contact with me as that is how she deals with conflict. I felt cheated and felt that all my attempts were wasted and didn’t get through. So I let this pass for a week giving her space. Until I couldn’t stand it anymore and called her from my house line and got a hold of her. I asked her to not hang up and to hear me out. I told her of the turmoil that I have been going through and how much I cared for her and that I couldn’t stop thinking about her. She asked why I was fighting for her so badly? I told her that I feel a connection with her and that it was deep connection that was worth fighting for. I told her that she was worth fighting for. I asked her if she felt the same connection and she agreed. I asked her if I can see her in a few days and she agreed.

  We stay together for another 3 months and things seem to be going great. We told each other that we loved each other and that we wanted to eventually explore the idea of marriage. I even asked her to move in with me on our second month as it seemed that we had resolved our issues. She didn’t end up moving in because her school was already starting and didn’t have time for the move. I understood and said we can do it when things calm down. We went wine tasting, movies, volunteered together and even to a meditation yoga that she wanted to go to. I thought I was doing everything right and putting her first. Then one day she gets mad because my best friend is getting married and that he is doing his bachelor party in Vegas. She understands that I have to go because he was one of my best friends but she didn’t like that it was in Vegas. She said “its dirty and immature and if you want to get drunk with your buddies and look at strippers count me out” I told her its what he wants I can’t do anything about that. We tried to work through this for a few days but it then resulted in her breaking up with me again.

  By now I’m pretty sad trying to figure out what I did wrong. I don’t contact her and I leave her be hoping she will make contact with me. I go to Vegas and have a pretty decent time with my friends. Even though I wasn’t with my GF I still didn’t go to the strip club because I felt guilty. So I opted to go bar hopping with another group of people instead. A week later it was my friend’s wedding and I still haven’t heard from her. By now I was pretty much coming to terms that she may not be calling me but it still hurt. I went to the wedding blocking it out and had a good time celebrating my best friend’s marriage. I then finally get a text message from her asking if I wanted to go do something with her. I inquired to what it is was but she wouldn’t tell me. So I said fine because I really wanted to see her. Later that evening we talked again and agreed to try and be friends and see where that goes. I was okay with that so we went along and remained “friends.” We then get together and try to make plans for a trip to Disneyland – I’m really good with numbers so I told her that it would be about $800.00 total for the trip with hotel and rental car. She then made a comment about how she was kinda of expecting me to pay for the bulk of the trip. I felt really hurt by it because she didn’t have to say that. I was already planning on paying for most of it anyway but I felt like she was saying I was cheap. I expressed my feelings and she apologized for making me feel that way. She then tells me that she is kinda committed to me but wasn’t going to tell me. Already a little annoyed I asked her why wouldn’t you tell me thats something that is very important. I then told her that while I’m happy you feel that way that I am now very confused. You wanted to be friends and now you want more but you don’t want to classify it as BF/GF status. I told her that we need to know so we are both on the same page and that it isn’t fair for her consider not telling me how she felt because if I’m not aware and something happened with someone else, I would of inadvertently hurt her to which I told her that for the record I’m not interested in any other women other then her. I told her that I couldn’t think straight and that I wanted to talk about this more in depth in the morning. So we called it a night and went to bed.

  I wake up and she is gone and I txt her asking how come she didn’t wake me up. She said I looked peaceful and content and didn’t want to wake me. She then tells me that we come from different backgrounds with different upbringings and that she can’t expect me to know what to do with her. And that it may be best that we just go our separate ways. Again, I’m confused to why this is happening and tell her that I wish she didn’t feel that way and that I want to be with only her. I again, give her space and limit my contact with her. Two weeks later she reaches out to me to go get some drinks, I agree and get drinks with her and we have a good time like the old days. We end up drinking wine back my place and sleeping with each other again. I then don’t hear from her for about a week where she wants to come over to hang out. I say okay and she comes over and hangs out and we chat. Nothing happens at this time which is fine. We had also been texting back and forth on how the other was doing as well.

  I then have to go to surgery which would put my on leave for 2 weeks. During this time she texts me to see if I’m okay which I thought was very nice of her. During my healing process I decide to try and make contact seeing how she has made contact with me earlier in the month. I try to set up a happy hour date with her but she doesn’t return my message. I think nothing of it and let the weekend pass. The following tuesday I then text her to see if she would like to hang out for a little bit. Again no return message. So later that night I end up calling her and leaving a message on our voice mail asking for her to give me a call cause I wanted to talk to her. She ends up texting me the next day asking what I wanted to talk about. I request that we talk on the phone or meet in person she declines and says “I kinda like someone else but I want to still be your friend of sorts.” This devastates me because we were together recently and had spent some quality time together. I ask her if she could just give me 15 minutes of her time and she says she can’t. So I tell her how I felt again via text message (not the way I want to do it). She doesn’t reply and I leave it be. It has been 5 days since our last contact.

  I feel a mixture of emotions that include hurt, isolated, and confused on what to do. All my friends say she will come back and that this is just her way of creating some distance and is just testing you. I tend to believe the testing thing because she said she could never lie to me in my face so doing via text message is more non confrontational. I know what we felt is real and I know she feels the same way about me as I do about her and thats why I stay and wait. I also observe that each time we are together it gets better and better with hopes of the on again, off again turning to a full time on-again relationship. I don’t understand what is her issue is and I don’t want to just give up because I love her and I know something special is there. What do you think?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Bobby

    Thanks for sharing your story.

    I have to admit (and there is a lesson in this for you), I was put off replying to your message for a week because it was so long (2563 words). Upon reading your message, I discovered that you are an intelligent guy with good intentions and you explain yourself well. However, you could have given me the same information with half the words.

    The lesson in that for you in terms of success with women? I suspect that you’d be approaching your conversations and messages with your ex-GF in the same way (i.e. going on and on and explaining yourself in great detail) and that is the WORST thing you can ever do when having relationship problems with a woman. Why? Women do not respect men who put so much time and effort into trying to keep them and solve every problem that they invent.

    For instance: Your ex-GF complained about your friends, about not being involved in making decisions about your life, about your different upbringing and a load of other things. Every time she said “Jump”, you asked, “How high?” and that is NOT what a woman wants when she first meets you, when on a date or when in a relationship. The irony is she will be so much HAPPIER and will complain LESS to a man who doesn’t jump when she says jump.

    This woman will continue to invent problems and will get pleasure from seeing you jump through the hoops she holds up. By the sound of it, she enjoys playing with the emotions of men and is quite experienced at it. You will never get her respect if you let her play with you like that; she is looking for a strong man who will be strong with or without her. So, you are making a big mistake by telling her that she is your everything and your priority in life. Although she wants to feel loved and be a part of your life, she doesn’t actually want you to drop everything for her. When you do she loses respect and attraction for you. She needs a stronger man.

    BTW: Initially, you weren’t even interested in this woman, but she grew on you. Now she is dating/having sex with another guy that she likes, but you are scrambling and looking for ways to try and get her back. I think it might be time for you to approach and talk to women that you’re initially attracted to, rather than letting the wrong type of woman grow on you.

    Cheers
    Dan

• tamtam

  hey Dan,what will do i break up with a girl that i have been with over 2yrs. i love her so much because she refuse to have sex with me,and i categorically told her that if she can’t do it with me is over between both of us.and she should stop callin me on phone and i won’t call her also. She accepted after about 5month she start call me again..your advice please.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Tamtam

    This one is simple. You are not compatible.

    You wants to have sex and she wants to wait for marriage or for some other reason. Find a woman who wants to have sex. This allows you to live the life you want and leaves your ex-girlfriend to be who she wants to be.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Zak

  My girl friend of 15 months broke up with me a little over 3 weeks, we have been no contact since even though I tried to reason with her prior the break up. Since she learned about her ex husband’s remarriage and expecting a baby, she changed. She is in emotional turmoil. I am grieving our break up while she is grieving her ex husband being with someone else. I love her and had intentions to pursue getting her back, but the fact that she is not even thinking about me is making me wonder if I should try. I need some advice please – thanks.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Zak

    Thanks for your question.

    Yes, she is still in love with her ex husband. Relationships in the modern world are quite complex and a simple answer is often not sufficient.

    However, in this case I think the best thing to do is give her the time she needs, but definitely start sleeping with other women in the meantime. If you sit around waiting for her to love you again like she did before you’ll turn yourself into a needy, messed up guy. Being needy will never help you get a woman back, so to avoid being needy – start sleeping with other women. If you try to drown yourself in work or other distractions, it will not get you over the pain of the break up. Only new women can get you over old women.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Viraj

  hey my girlfriend left me nearly 1 and a half years ago because her mom wanted a nice guy as her boyfriend.I am not tall n also not like handsome guys.We still do talk sometime on our mobile phones.But she sounds like she is not ready to come back though ive never asked her.I want her back.She still knows that i love her.But she doesnt say anything.i am mentally strong enough but every time i end up dejected.Please help me win her back.Il always be grateful to you.you are doing a wonderful job.please help me.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Viraj

    Thanks for sharing your story.

    You said, “She still knows that i love her.But she doesnt say anything.” Getting your ex-girlfriend back is not about her knowing that you still love her. A woman will not CARE about that if she no longer feels ATTRACTION for you. Additionally, she has to feel like she is losing YOU, not you losing HER.

    In most cases, you can’t get an ex-girlfriend back by appearing as though you are losing more than she is. Think about how DESPERATE you are feeling because you are losing HER. Imagine you could make her feel that way instead. How do you do that? Start by learning what turns women on and what turns them off at a deep level. Read The Flow and you’ll most-likely find that you’re making many mistakes EVERY TIME you interact with her; mistakes that are turning her off even more.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Roger

  Hello:

  Me and my now ex broke up 3 days ago. It was a friendly break up. Since the beginning of the relationship she had several personal issues which seem to undermine her chances of happiness. I tried to help, but after trying so much I just felt not in it anymore, I also had several actions that i know certainly not benefited the situation at all.We spend a lot o time together so i feel that the time apart will certainly help. She asked for space for her to learn to be happy with herself. I am planning on giving her time, and after that I plan to become her friend first and then win her back again. She has a birthday in a week so should i contact her just to tell her happy bday? she also has a very important acting gig in a show that she is really excited for. Should i attend without she seeing me? also the strategy i want to use to win her back is similar to the movie you;ve got mail. being a good friend to her and kinda making her go for the anonymous charming guy who i was when we started dating. Let me know what you think.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Roger

    Thanks for sharing your story.

    Yes, you should wish her a happy birthday – there’s nothing wrong with that. However, if you call to wish her a happy birthday and then have an undertone of desperation to get her back, it will NOT work in your favor. When you call her, show her that you are doing FINE WITHOUT HER by being your normal, confident and happy self.

    During the phone call, she will be waiting to see if you try to get her back on the phone call. DON’T TRY AT ALL. When she notices that you’re not trying to get her back, she will either ask something like, “So, what do you think about us breaking up?” or “Have you been okay?” …or she will get off the phone without going anywhere near that type of conversation. If she doesn’t go near that conversation, then you know that she is trying to avoid it at the moment. Give her the time. If she does want to talk about it, she’ll send you a message or call. However, if you push the issue and even come across the slightest bit desperate, it will most likely push her away further.

    You said, “also the strategy i want to use to win her back is …being a good friend” Absolutely not! If you are SECRETLY scheming to get her back it WILL come through in your body language, words, tone and behavior and she WILL notice. Do not approach your relationship in a deceitful way – it almost always backfires.

    I recommend you read The Flow and learn how to get her ATTRACTED to you again. Success with women is NOT about getting them to LIKE you, it is about getting them to feel ATTRACTION for you. If you approach it the way you are planning, you will fail like many of the other guys have who’ve left comments on this page long AFTER they used the same strategy. It doesn’t work.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Dave

  Hey Dan,

  My ex girlfriend broke up with me 5 weeks ago. We had been dating for about 9 months. In that time we shared a lot of great memories and had a lot of fun. We laughed everyday, we had great chemistry, we never argued and we liked each other’s friends and families. Things were looking pretty good.

  About two months before the end, she started mentioning having doubts about the relationship. Things like, will she be happy in 5 years, will we have enough money, and that she felt somewhat smothered etc. When I took a stand and told her that I couldn’t be with someone who was a) superficial and b) having doubts, she said nevermind and took it all back.

  Then we had a great summer together and went on a nice pre-planned trip to Costa Rica. About a month later, she gave me the “we have to talk” line. She basically said she was still feeling the same as she did a few months ago. She still felt smothered and wondered how happy she would be in 5 years. And that she loved me but it was a burden for her to have doubts and unfair to me.

  Admittedly I think I got too comfortable in the relationship. I don’t think I was too on top of her or too “needy.” After all, she was calling me to hang out more often than not, but I was hooked.

  It’s been really tough since then. We haven’t spoken at all and I can’t stop thinking about her. I want to talk to her so badly, and I’m tempted to call, but I feel that will only make look weak and confirm her perception. That being said, it was a really great relationship and I know we both felt strongly. In your opinion, do you think there’s any chance for reconciliation? What’s my best course of action?

  Thanks,

  Dave

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Dave

    Thanks for sharing your story.

    Well, it sounds like you didn’t do too much wrong at all. Here’s what the possible problems are:

    1) Bad timing.

    Right now, she doesn’t see herself settling down, but the relationship seemed to be heading that way. If you’d met each other 5 years from now, it probably would have been different.

    2) Lack of direction.

    When a woman is with a man who doesn’t really have much direction in life and views his relationship with her as his purpose in life, it causes her to feel lost. Instead of being able to relax into her man’s masculine direction and be free to focus on her love with you and the relationship, it forces her to have to start thinking about where her life is heading.

    I’m not sure if that describes you, but it’s a common symptom in relationships where the man sees his woman as his #1 priority in life.

    About the best course of action from here…

    You broke up 5 weeks ago and she hasn’t contacted you since. That’s a pretty solid indication that she doesn’t want to start the relationship again. The best you can do is get on with your life, see other women and maybe she’ll change her tune in a few years when the timing is better.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Carlos

  A big challenge!

  Hello Dan, first of all I want to apologize because my english.

  Like I already told you a couple of times, I’m very happy with every thing I learn from you! I bought 5 from your products and I can tell you that this is one of the best investments I made in my live! In fact my life change in very positve way and I have a big succes with womans, but I still having a problem and I’m wondering if you can help me.

  I had a girlfriend 4 years ago. She was very in love with me. But at that time I was coming from a divorce and I was not ready to love anybody. She suffer and cry a lot and at that time she told me, she never love someone like she love me. 6 Months after we broke our relation she send me an SMS and ask me for a Date. I meet her and she told me that she had a boyfriend, but that there were a many things form him, that she doesnt like. It was the true, that she had a boyfriend.

  Anyway I’m almost shure she told me that to see my reaction. After that I didnt see her again and I start to have several relationships. 18 Months later I began to think a lot about her and I contact her again. At that time she was living with her boyfriend. I made a very stupid thing and I told her that I had made a big mistake and that I miss her a lot. During 2 long years I send her about 200 emails declaring my love. She answer me just twice to tell me I shouldnt write her anymore, but I keept writing and I guess she read everything I send to her. Sometimes I talk in a very platonic way and some times I did say her something like this: “The fact is that you need a real Mann in your life and not a guy without nutts, who makes anything you say”.

  I write her many times that I was very sorry for my mistake but some times I write her also that she needs a Mann who take her face in his hands, push her against the wall, kiss her with passion and so in bed like in the life. A Mann who is a chalange for her and a Mann who makes her feel the
  pasion of love and life. A Mann who is able to take decisions and a mann who knows exactly what he wants!

  During this time she was with her boyfriend and I want to belive that she read all this Emails.

  One month ago I sent her another email and I told her, that I dont want to have a date with her but I want just to meet her like a friends bei a cup of coffee. I was very suprised that she answer me back but she say that she doesnt want to see me and I shouldnt write her anymore. She say
  that she had everything she want in the life but I know that she is alone again and not with her boyfriend anymore.

  After I read the Flow and hear and view your videos I realice that I made a lot of mistakes writing all this emails during this 2 years. Anyway, the fact that she never complain about my 200 Emails (some of theme were hard) give me the sensation, that she read and enjoy what I write to her. In fact I think that if she read my Emails and she didnt say anything about this to her boyfriend is a bit like if she cheat her boyfriend in a platonic way.

  This situation becomes for me a challenge and I want to see if is posible that she decide to see me again. For me is not so important to be with her again but I would like to have her just like a good friend. I know that after my Emails is dificult to achive that but dont want to surrender just like that. I just want realy to see this girl again!

  I appreciate your advice, Carlos

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Carlos

    Thanks for your positive feedback and question.

    Well, you really want to get this woman back, but I think you would have lost her when you sent the 200th e-mail dude! As per your comment, “…she answer me back but she say that she doesnt want to see me and I shouldnt write her anymore” How much clearer do you want her to make it?

    Imagine if the situation was reversed: You didn’t her back, you’d already found a new girlfriend whom you loved very much, you felt happy about your life, but she was writing you hundreds of e-mails pleading to get you back. If you wrote back to her saying that you weren’t interested and she shouldn’t write you anymore, would you be lying?

    I think your ex-girlfriend doesn’t want to see you anymore. You made a huge mistake of sending way too many unanswered e-mails (200 e-mails? What the…) and she now probably sees you as desperate, weak and needy.

    If you want her back, you’re going to need to give a LOT of time. She needs to see that other women love you and when you next interact with her, she needs to see that you’re not needy like you were before. However, in all honestly, this sounds like a case where you need to learn your lesson and move on. Most women don’t get back with men who behaved like you did. I understand that it must have been difficult for you at the time because you were coming out of a divorce and found it hard to love again, but how you’ve behaved over the past 4 years has most likely turned her off completely.

    Approach new women.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Chris

  Me and my girlfriend just recently broke up. At first it was a
  Mutal thing but usually with our typical so call “broke up”, one of us usually calls and we just get back with each other. This time was much different, I want her back but she tells me that we argue too much and I drive insane. We both have been arguing alot in the past months. I think this breakup was a combination of things because she’s turning 21 soon and I think she also simply just wants to enjoy her youth. So I’m in a dilemma because I love this girl, i want to win her back but I don’t want to feel like a fool because I think she also not with me because she wants to enjoy her teenager life. What should I do? Please help me

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Chris

    Thanks for question.

    Yes, what you’re going through is definitely a difficult thing to deal with. When you’re going through it, nothing else seems to matter – including the fact that almost all young men (in the modern world) go through what you’re going through now. I went through it, but I was cheated on: http://www.themodernman.com/why_women_cheat.html

    The truth of the matter is that right now, you may feel like you and her could be together for life. However, in today’s world, we live longer lives, marriage is on the decline and most people get in and out of relationships their entire lives. If it was the year 1920 today, your girlfriend probably wouldn’t be behaving like she is. Both of you would most-likely be getting married and thinking about starting a family. Yet, the culture has changed.

    Changes to the culture always happen and the way women behave these days is frustrating to a lot of modern men. They feel powerless and wonder how they can be more of an important part of their woman’s life. That’s why we teach men how to maintain their position of power in a relationship, so the woman never wants to break up. We call it “dating power” and it continues throughout an entire relationship. If a modern woman is in the position of power in a relationship, it often leads to her leaving, cheating or causing endless arguments. Why? Unlike women in the 1920s, she doesn’t have to “put up with” her boyfriend/husband. She can move on and everyone will be there to support her. Yet, back in the “black and white movie” days, it was shameful for a woman to have many boyfriends or divorce.

    If you and your girlfriend are meant to be together, it will happen. All you can do it be the confident, masculine man that a woman wants. If your girlfriend isn’t mature enough to settle down right now, there’s nothing you can do about it. You can’t force her into a committed relationship. Those days are over and women now have choice. That’s why we recommend that you get into the position of power where the woman fears losing you and will do anything to keep you. If you don’t, you’re asking for trouble in the modern world. Personally speaking, since working out these secrets 7 years ago, no woman has broken up with me. Not even close. I always have ex-girlfriends contacting me and trying to get me back.

    You should at least start by reading The Flow and learn the fundamentals of what we teach. It will help you in more ways than just success with women. It’s also about confidence, relationships (with women, family, friends and co-workers) and being a man in the modern world.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Jaime

  I broke up an engagement cause even though I loved my x-girlfriend I am sorry to say it had become a joyless relationship, after some years the spark was gone and attraction diminishing, I could only see how much worse was going to get with time so I pulled the plug, everyone keeps saying that is normal and that is what happens to all relationships and long time marriages, but I have a hard time accepting that, and now I miss a really wonderful woman because of that. Any advice on how to handle that. I don’t wanna sound superficial but I really need the spark and attraction, but now I fear is going to keep happening again with other women.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Jaime

    Thanks for your question.

    Yes, in the modern world women don’t “put up” with men like they did throughout history. Women now how political voice, make their own money, have equality, rights and a modern culture that supports their desire to be free if they want to. It is not going to back to how it was in the 1920s.

    To be successful with women in the modern world, you need to become a man that they desperately want to be with. You also need to know what turns women off and the mistakes that guys make in relationships that put the woman in the position of power. I recommend you read The Flow and learn the fundamentals of what we teach.

    The BEST PART of all this is:

    – It is EASIER to succeed with women when you put yourself in the position of power (the chooser). If you try to impress women and hope to be chosen, they will make it difficult for you all the way.
    – Women actually WANT a man who they have to continually try to impress and maintain the interest of.
    – Both you and your woman will be happier when in that type of relationship.

    Cheers
    Dan

• michael

  Hi Dan,
  My ex and i brokee up about 2 weeks ago. I’m the one who always ends up dumping her. We broke up before then got back together in like 2 days, Just by being friend we found each other back together. This time i want her back i tryed to talk to her about why i broke up with her but what she said made me wish i never broke up with her because ive relized that she’s right. I have trust issues and that the reason i broke up with her. after discovering that she was right i tryed to get back with her but she said that she doesnt want to get back with me. shes “tired of brakeing up” and want to be “friends” i told her ill will let her know when im ready to be friends again and she didnt seem like she cared. about a week went by and then I went and told her that we could be friends,but im finding it hard becuz i still want her back. How could i get my ex girlfriend back before I really loose her or she goes and messes with other dudes?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Michael

    Thanks for your question.

    This one is a little confusing. You don’t trust her (or women in general) and kept breaking up with her again and again, but now you want her back. Honestly, it sounds like if she doesn’t come back to you again it might be for the best. Why? When you REALLY love a woman and KNOW that she is the woman for you, you DON’T want to break up with her. The constant break ups are a sign that you should dig deeper and figure out why you kept pushing her away. Maybe, deep down, you know she is not right for you or that you’re not fully ready for a committed relationship with her.

    Regarding her messing around with other dudes now that you’ve broken up: Yes, that can be a horrible thought for a guy who knows that he is probably going to struggle to find another woman, whereas his girlfriend can easily go out and find a new man. However, wanting your ex-girlfriend back because you don’t want another guy to have her isn’t true love. That’s insecurity.

    What do you think you should do? What is going to be the best for both you AND her in the long term?

    Cheers
    Dan

• michael

  Hi Dan,

  Thanks for your opinion. I think I should just let her go sounds like that might be best for the both of us.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Michael

    That’s very brave and mature of you mate. I understand that it isn’t easy, but if it is the right decision you will feel much better about it in the long run.

    When you are ready to meet new women, find another girlfriend or have sex with a new woman, I recommend you try our simple and practical advice in 21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Ryan

  Hey Dan, I really enjoyed your articles and videos since I found the site by mistake.

  Sorry if my English is bad not first language.

  Anyways I have one problem with a girl that I simply can’t understand. In summer we hooked up, and agreed we both mutually love each other (ofcourse I did it playfully at first, she took it for real).

  In autumn we had the everyday flirts, chats, I always stayed a challenge, questioned her value and her loyalty, making her more invested, then a few times I told her I’m visiting her town to meet her since it was long time we last met to which 2 times she said she couldn’t one time telling she has work, other responding in late evening. I acted pissed off, after sometime she started asking if I will come to her 2 times I think.

  But after her birthday,I said I don’t want to talk everyday on phone, she started to grow colder each day, she would reject and resist me on a high level uptil now, ofcourse when I would make some effort on days like asking ,,what do you feel for me?” or that ,,I’m giving you one-sided love” she would respond with ”I feel something beautiful for you” ,,I don’t know what I feel for you”.

  Time came when I got tired of making conclusions with her, yet when I asked her you want to end it all? She just answered if you want, it doesn’t matter to me. After sometime I found she’s angry to me (for calling her a princess, and other silly names), today she wrote me, and I asked if she is still angry, she said lets keep it a secret, we talked for sometime. She keeps responding me every hour now, or rarely every 2 minutes, and still stays as cold, rejecting my flirts, as if I’m her dorky, boring friend.

  I actually wanted to meet her on new year but she has her challenge shield up so high… I’m planning on ignoring her for two weeks then calling to arrange a meeting yet Im sure she isin’t so entusiastic in meeting anymore. What do you think?

  Sure hope you can help out man, because she is so puzzling.. Thanks.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Ryan

    Thanks for your question.

    Yes, this is what happens when you pretend that you have the power in the situation, but she is the one who is really in control. At The Modern Man, we only teach men to be real. As we always say, “You never need to lie to a woman”, but you were lying to her by pretending to be Mr. Cool who didn’t care if he lost her or not. Most women can see through that and they will then test you to see. When she tested, you failed by asking her things like, “What do you feel for me?” and “Do you want to end it all?” and she replied that she didn’t care.

    This will happen to you again and again throughout your life unless you fix the core issue. That is: Do not place women above you in terms of value. Become a man that is naturally attractive to women and then CHOOSE how you feel about her based on behavior, etc. This is how WOMEN do it and men go CRAZY trying to do anything and everything to please them. Switch it.

    It’s clear to me that you don’t understand the “dating power mindset” that we explain in Dating Power. When you follow that, you will never find yourself in the weak position in a relationship, on a date or in a conversation.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Josh

  Hey Dan,
  I need a good amount of help…last week my girlfriend broke up with me because she needed to experience high school and wants to be single. She has always drilled into me in the past 2 years how she doesnt want to be single and ive treated her better than anyone ever. She texted me 4 days later to ask how i was and i responded a few hours later. It was short, i only responded once. about 4 days later (yesterday) i texted her telling her that if shes ready to talk in person ill be around home from college this weekend. She immediately responded saying yes she thinks she ready. Im not sure what I should take from this…if she is wanting me back or not? With thinking over the past week to 2 weeks I’ve realized i think its because i always had a mood change when she would tell me she was going to do something with a group of people consisting of guys. Ive decided that i know i can be ok with her going out with a group of people and not worrying about other guys and think this break up is what it took for me to realize. She’s always told me that we would talk things out before we broke up and we didnt this time. Im hoping things go really well this weekend. Can you let me know what i should include in what i say when i see her over the weekend?
  Thanks a lot Dan,
  Josh

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Josh

    Thanks for your question.

    It’s not about what you will say so much as your overall approach to the relationship. Make sure you read the comments and replies I’ve already made on this page to see examples of what to say to her. Additionally, listen to this: http://www.themodernman.com/why_women_cheat.html My ex-girlfriend broke up with me for similar reasons to your ex. One of the mistakes I made was being insecure and suspicious when she hung out with a group that included guys.

    In short, your girlfriend needs you to grow up, not be insecure and not place the relationship as your ultimate priority in life. Although most women won’t admit it (but you can hear it in pop songs if you pay attention), they want to be with a guy who LOVES them and CARES about them, BUT doesn’t place them first above absolutely everything in his life. Secretly, women want to be in the position where THEY are the ones desperately caring about the relationship. In other words, a woman wants to be in the position that YOU are currently in with your girlfriend. She wants to be fretting and worrying, but doesn’t want to be with a guy who puts himself in that position.

    Josh, if you do nothing else in the meantime, make sure you at least read The Flow so you can get a proper understanding of what women want from a man

    BTW: In case you or others reading along are wondering (because Josh is in college and his girlfriend is in high school): Yes, the same fundamental principles apply whether the girl is in high school or a 40 year old lawyer. Women are women and if you don’t understand them, you’ll continue to run into the same problem in life when it comes to dating and relationships.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Dhadkan

  Hi Dan

  Me and my partner are together from last 7 years and like every relationship, ours also had ups and downs. She is ambitious at times and also lazy many times..she is over weight and that never bothered me and she used to tell me that she finds it surprising that I never comment on her weight and she likes that etc. I am separated but not divorced and she is single and this was a point of botheration for her most of the time but I have many issues to settle before I head for divorce and she understood that and kept silent or rather- she had reconciled to this fact according to her own words. And she intends being single, doesnt wants to marry. We became pretty close and so much so that I relocated from my place to her place ( as in city) but we never moved in together. Her another trait is that she is a stickler for details and pretty tidy and keeps an eye on what you shd wear and what you should not including colour combinations ! She is short tempered and I am very patient and the equation was pretty much under control. All of a sudden one day, around 2 months ago she flared up on our way to a movie since I was wearing the same clothes which I was wearing 2 weeks ago when we went to another movie. She was silent thru out and then mailed – I think there is nothing common between us and we dont have any topics to talk too on the same plain and this and that and also she thinks she has gone forward in life and I am still where I am and so she wants to move on and do only those things which gives her happiness, life is short we all have one life and all that kinda talk. She had done this many times before and has become pretty fine later. This time she is still distant. After this incident she went out of country on official work for 3 weeks and mailed one day that she used to think she will find a perfect man only out of country and she thinks she has found one now and talked much about him. I played along and acted I wasn’t worried and ignored those lines and all with what she told about him since she was on a TRIP in life ! We still regularly exchanged mails and messages till she came back and then I recieved her at the airport and then dropped her and 2-3 days later which is like 45 days from today….she has remained silent with minimal contact which can be termed as NIL. And once or twice when I called, typical one or two word replies and ok AM busy now which I think she is because she had to submit a project report. But there were earlier incidents too where there was too much work but still she used to call for 10-15 mins before she used to go to bed. All that has come to a HALT now. Am thinking if I broach the subject it might reach a flash point again and keeping shut. Now my doubt or concern is – what should I do to rekindle the spark or is it too early yet or it is futile and I should move on. I love this woman and I dont want to loose her. But I also know I shdnt be a stalker. I am 45 and she is 40. Any suggestions or inputs ? She is too hard wired at times and also pretty head strong

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Dhadkan

    Thanks for sharing your story.

    This is a simple, classic case of the man putting the woman in the masculine position (her as the more dominant one, the leader of the relationship) and the woman being turned off by that. Although many women will go along with it for a while and enjoy having power over you, they will almost ALWAYS say what your woman said in the end.

    She said, “I think there is nothing common between us and we dont have any topics to talk too on the same plain and this and that and also she thinks she has gone forward in life and I am still where I am and so she wants to move on and do only those things which gives her happiness, life is short we all have one life…”

    Why did she say that? She said that because she doesn’t feel like a woman when she is with you. You feel “lost” to her, so she is forced into the masculine, leadership role. Based on what you are saying happened, I can almost guarantee that she would have lost interest in having sex with you and been withholding sex. Why? She doesn’t feel like a woman with you. She wants a man to be a man and her to be a woman. Only then will the attraction be right.

    I recommend you start learning now. Learn what women really want in a man or you’ll likely suffer the same painful circumstance again with another woman. Start by reading The Flow and it will open your eyes to a completely different world; a world where women desperately try to keep YOU in a relationship, rather than the other way around.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Dhadkan

  Hey Dan thanks for the advice. But I want to know can if I get her back or she has called it quits and moved on. I want to know if there is a chance to get her back if I work on the Flow technic. Thats what I want to know. Will appreciate your inputs on that. I have put lots of energy, time and patience behind this relationship and I dont want it to go waste.

  Thanks

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Dhadkan

    Thanks for your question.

    It depends on how much you have turned her off at a deep level. The Flow will teach you the right way to approach a woman and a relationship, but the truth is that nothing will help you get your ex-girlfriend back unless you are willing to change the way you think about how a man should behave around a woman. Your problems with her are a result of deeper misunderstandings of what women want and how a man should behave around a woman.

    For example: One of the main reasons she broke up with you was that you were continually trying to live up to HER standards in the hope of impressing her and keeping her. While that may seem like a logical thing to do in a relationship, it almost always ends up with the woman having too much power (which she doesn’t want) and she then feels like she doesn’t need to impress you to keep you. She feels like she can act like a total bitch (which she did to you) and you will put up with it (which you did).

    That relationship dynamic is a recipe for disaster in an era of human history, but it is especially problematic with today’s women. Why? Modern women don’t have to “put up with” a man any more. If the relationship isn’t what she wants, she leaves. In the past, women were dependent on men for their survival and “had to” stay with a man because they weren’t able to earn an income on their own and because it was shameful to break up/divorce. Today’s world is different, so to be successful with women you need to be a man that they feel they need to impress in order to maintain his interest.

    If you want to get her back, you have to work on changing yourself into a man that she can look up to – not a man that she can boss around. For example: When she got angry at you for wearing the same clothes, you should have laughed at her and laughed at the humor in what she was saying instead of taking it seriously. Don’t ever let a woman push you around like that. Deep down, women are not attracted to men who let themselves get pushed around like that.

    If you’re serious about getting her back, you should start by reading The Flow and if you want to learn more, continue by listening to Mastery Methods & Mindsets (because we talk about having more power, confidence and strength and discuss the right way to establish a relationship) and then watch Dating Power (if you can afford it) to get a deeper understanding of what women want, what they find attractive and the many mistakes that guys make that ruin their interactions, dates and relationships with women.

    Additionally, your comment of “I have put lots of energy, time and patience behind this relationship and I dont want it to go waste.” Do you really think that a woman wants a man to be in the position where he is putting in more time, energy and effort into the relationship than the woman is? Or do women want to be the ones worrying about the relationship and having it as their focus in life? While women may act like they want a man to try really hard to impress them and keep them, women are actually turned off (at a deep level) by men who do that and turned on (at a deep level) by men who don’t feel the need to impress them, but who are also good guys. It’s not about disrespecting women or treating women badly, but it is about having respect for yourself while also being a good guy who loves her. Disrespecting yourself by putting up with a woman’s bad behavior (even though you’re being a good guy) is never going to make her want you more. You have to learn to be stronger than that and not be willing to be pushed around by a woman. No woman wants to feel like she is stronger than you and can push you around with the threat of her losing interest or breaking up with you.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Joseph

  my girlfriend broke up with me. she tells me that she was gona miss me. What should i do?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Joseph

    I’m going to need more info than that mate.

    What happened between you and her? Why has the relationship broken down?

    Cheers
    Dan

• Alex

  hey Dan,

  I have a query for you regarding an Ex girlfriend. We had met last Christmas while she was on holiday visiting her cousin. We hit things off straight away and found ourselves in a long distance relationship after she she returned home to Englnad. I live in Ireland. She didnt like the idea of the LDR but had spoke about her bad history with men and how she always fell in with guys who didnt treat her well and how lucky she felt to have found a guy like me.

  Anyway we spend great weekends together travelling to see each other until about May of this year she decides to break things off with me on the phone just days after booking a holiday to come and visit me. Not really clear on the reasons about breaking off with me and she still made the trip but stayed with her cousin instead. Quite angry and annoyed I confronted her about this during her stay and a mutual friend told me she had a new guy back home. My ex told me that she couldnt take the distance anymore or provide her with the closeness that her new guy could. She said we had nothing in common and that I couldn’t handle her being a bitch etc…I don’t where this was all coming from!

  So its been 7 months of no contact and I’ve dated other women but after all that happened with her she is still in my thoughts especially knowing that there is a good chance we will bump into each other over the Xmas period this year and emotions could be running high. A few weeks ago a mutual friend told me that her new “love” didn’t work out as she got dumped and the guy turned out like all her old boyfriends. She even went as far to say that I was actually too good for her after her history with men. Part of me thinks that the grass wasn’t greener on the other side for my ex after boasting to me what she was going back home to in May when she broke up with me.

  Anyway Dan, i’d appreciate your thoughts on why I still feel angry/hurt somewhat towards this girl after what happened and how I should behave if we happen to bump into each other over Xmas. I don’t want a repeat of our last encounter.

  Cheers

  Alex.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Alex

    Thanks for sharing your story.

    It’s perfectly normal for someone in your position to still feel angry and hurt over the situation. Why? From your perspective, you didn’t do anything wrong so it’s frustrating to be treated so badly in response. However, in her eyes you did do something wrong.

    This part of your comment revealed a lot for me. “She said we had nothing in common and that I couldn’t handle her being a bitch etc …I don’t where this was all coming from!”

    It sounds like:

    1. She felt a lot stronger than you as a person.

    Women want to be with a man who is mentally and emotionally stronger than them. You couldn’t handle it when she became bitchy and probably tried desperately to appease her when she was. That is not how a woman wants a man to react when she’s being bitchy.

    2. She felt as though you were too nice to her.

    If a woman is bitchy towards you or doesn’t treat you well, that is not a cue for you to be even nicer. You need to have standards about what you will and will not accept in terms of a woman’s behavior towards you. When a woman sees that you lose respect for her and interest in her when she treats you badly, she will try to improve her behavior.

    BTW: Long distance relationships are very difficult to uphold, especially if the woman doesn’t fully respect the man. One of the main things we teach here at The Modern Man is that a woman should be trying to impress you and maintain YOUR interest. When you create that dynamic in a relationship, a woman is respectful towards you and is less likely to want to cheat or leave. However, when you are constantly trying to do everything to keep a woman, she will lose respect for you and often stray when she feels like it. If you want to learn how to have that type of power over women, I recommend that you watch Dating Power.

    Cheers
    Dan

    P.S. Here’s an article I wrote on long distance relationships that you might find useful: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/long_distance_relationship.html

• Charles

  My girlfriend broke up with me two weeks ago and since the break up I’ve been depressed and unhappy . The reason she broke up with me is because I was to sensitive and today she wrote me on Facebook saying I was suffocating her and she needs to think if she still even wants to be friends .she unfriended me on Facebook . What should I do to save the relationship if that’s possible . Im in love with her and really need her back .

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Charles

    Thanks for your question.

    She said you were suffocating her with your attention, affection, etc. That says it all mate. You need to learn from this experience.

    One of the biggest lessons will be that women don’t want you to behave like a sensitive and needy girl. A woman wants you to be a man and to have OTHER things going on in your life that are important to you, in ADDITION to your relationship with her. If you don’t do that, she will feel suffocated by your neediness.

    Cheers
    Dan

• john

  Me and my ex was together for 2,5 years..We had our ups and downs. She went into the relationship with me without the trust part. The reason for the trust issue was that she had bad experience with other boyfriends. I told here that she had to trust me from the start or we would get problems. In fact, she tried but she craved that i had to do alot of things, like smsing or phone her alot. I then said thats not how a relationship should be, and it wasnt my fault she felt like that. Im not saying we didnt text or phone, but she wanted it on daily basis, several times a day.
  When i travelled home for vacation, she would cry and say that i shouldnt contact here while i was home..she didnt want to hear what i did home at all. I found this strange, but accepted it.

  Then she went to thailand for a 3 month period. this was something she did throu school programs. and we planned to meet up there around christmas.
  Its very expensive to call to thailand, and as we both are students i said that we had to use skype. Sadely the internet connection down there sucked balls. This made here even more sad and we argued alot because we didnt talk that much when she was down there.
  I was unsure if i wanted to continue the relationship. and i told here. She got mad and we broke up twice in a period of 8 months.

  our last breakup, now being 2 months ago is different.

  We both agreed to brake up, and she travelled home for a week. in this period here mom got ill, but it went well.
  I thought that i had moved on, and found myself a onenight stand. After the onenight stand i regretted it.

  I suddenly see that i miss this girl, and that i still have my feelings for here.

  I got desperate, texting here. calling here. Telling here i want us to take a second chance. I even told here that i wanted the same things as here. (kids, travel, move to here town) This was a issue before since i didnt see a future for us.

  She told me she was going forward, and that she knew about my onenight stand. She didnt want a guy that went to bed with another woman. And especially since she knew who this woman was(they are not friends).

  She broke up all connection with me, i got desperat and needy. Even cried to here on the phone. My feelings for here controlled me.

  Now lately we have had some contact. But im the only one who takes the initiative.

  She even told me she was dating another guy now, and that she met him a week after my onenightstand. She told me how good he was, that he had good values and seemed more adult.

  I talked to here a week ago, then she said she didnt want me or the other guy to have contact through christmas. And she says that if its ment to be me and here, that will happend in the future. But at the time being she just wants to be left alone. Its really hard to leave here alone, though i havent been that needy as i was in the beginning. I still send here txts and phone here now and then. Not daily.

  What should i do`? is she intrested in me? She says she cant give me what i want..should i accept it and just give up on us? feels like she is sending mixed signals- And our chemistry is still good. Ive felt it the few times we have met to talk after the breakup. It doesnt feel like shes is done with me.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi John

    Thanks for sharing your story.

    It sounds like she is just leading you on now. Sure, you do have “feelings” for her, but you will have feelings for almost every woman you have a significant enough relationship with. She definitely doesn’t sound like the right girl for you. When you meet a more compatible girl, you’ll forget about her quite quickly and will be glad it ended.

    About you crying on the phone, being needy, etc: I hope you realize that doing those things are a huge “no no” when it comes to a woman’s attraction, respect and love for you. Don’t ever do that stuff. It is as unattractive to women as hairy armpits on a woman is unattractive to us men.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Craig

  G’day Danno
  Over 12 months ago I met fell in love for the first time in my life(I’m well into my 40’s) with a woman in her early 40’s.I met her a year previous in another city where she lives,we talked briefly,I was attracted to her,but she was with her husband so I didn’t persue it any further and anyway I was in a relationship of 13 years and she was married,also for 13 years,just over 12 months ago she turned up at the same place knowing there was a chance I would be there again. This time she insisted I took her number.A few days later I called,which began our relationship.We were both forthright with our respective partners and were for the most part open and honest,I moved out and so did she.She told me that she was madly in love with and I said the same,as I was! We’ve had an amazing relationship for the last year,almost perfect in every aspect! I have been strong and supportive of her,re her leaving her husband,kids etc,we planned a life together,I was even making plans to move to her city.She told me the feelings she had for me she had never felt before,it was genuinely mutual.
  3 weeks ago she told me she couldn’t talk anymore as she needed to”work” things out with her husband,kids etc,she did however ask if I’d wait and that she is still in love with me.I must admit the last few weeks we were together I had asked for her emotional support,maybe I came across a little needy,which is out of character for me.I have not heard a peep from her so far,should I wait?am I fooling myself? Should I leave her alone and just move on?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Craig

    Thanks for sharing your story.

    This is a difficult one for me to reply to because we (The Modern Man) don’t want to support, encourage or help guys to have affairs with married women. It goes against our personal beliefs and values.

    However, I do want to help you improve your skills with women in general, so I will reply in that sense. Based on your story, it seems as though you did most things correctly and it’s just a case of her wanting to keep her marriage together, which is perfectly normal and reasonable. Yet, there were a few things you said in your comment that stood out and revealed a little more.

    You said, “I was even making plans to move to her city.” I can understand that one of the reasons for moving to her city would be so she could remain close to her children. However, in almost all the cases I’ve heard about where a man relocates his life for a woman, the woman ends up changing her mind at the worst possible time. Why? Fundamentally, a woman will always be more attracted to a man who has a purpose in life other than just a relationship with her. It’s just how it works.

    You also said, “I must admit the last few weeks we were together I had asked for her emotional support,maybe I came across a little needy,which is out of character for me.” In movies and on TV sitcoms, the sensitive man often wins the woman in the end and everyone lives happily ever after. In the real world, women are turned off by weak men who need their emotional support. There’s nothing with allowing your woman to be supportive, but needing it from her so you can cope with life makes her feel like the man, the supporter, the leader.

    I’m happy for you that you experienced love, but I recommend you find a woman who can be yours and who isn’t already in a committed relationship. Try meeting women this way and you’ll find loads of compatible women who are ready to be in a relationship with you.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Jason

  Hey Dan,

  I recently moved to a new city where I met my ex-girlfriend. At first, she was head over heels for me, she’d call me 2-3times a day, introducing me to all her friends, saying she’d never met someone as kind, sexy, smart etc. as me. She kept saying I am the best lover she’s ever had and it’s true, the sex was amazing. A very hot friend of her kept coming on to me but I completely rejected her, to show my gf how much I cared about her and that I am someone she could trust. At some point we even said ‘í love you’.

  Four months later, I lost my job and had no place to stay, because I also have to pay for college, so she offered that I stay at her place until I get back on my feet. I told her I didn’t want to be a burden but she insisted. This happened a day before I had to leave, to go back home and spend christmas with my family /friends.

  The first week I was gone, she kept texting me, telling me how much she had missed me and that her house felt empty without me. On the second week, she would text me once every two days and her messages were cold. I figured it was because she was mad about the fact that I was having fun back home because she could see the pictures on fb, while she was stuck here, having to study for exams. Then she got upset because she said I didn’t call her often enough. A couple of days before I was supposed to come back, we chatted and she seemed scared about the whole “me moving in her place for a lil while” thing. She said she was afraid that she would lose her freedom, that I didn’t know her well enough and that we needed to talk once I came back.

  I came back two days ago. She forgot what day I was coming(!) so she didn’t come to pick me up at the airport like she said she would. We ended up having a big fight at home in front of her friends. She then said that her feelings for me have changed and that she doesn’t feel like I am her boyfriend anymore(whatever that means) and that she doesn’t want to be with me. I was not expecting all that. We slept together that night, and I told her I still want her but she said she doesn’t want me back. I kept asking her how this happened and she finally admitted that she cheated on me, twice, while I was gone, with some random dude she met. That didn’t surprise me to be honest, because how can someone lose their feelings for you all of a sudden?

  I am so confused. I mean I already knew that she is very insecure about her self and that she’s afraid of commitment. She was always so scared that I would cheat on her eventually (how ironic). But I’m so confused about the fact that she doesn’t want me back and she seems kinda sure of her desicion. We haven’t talked since she told me she cheated because she thinks I hate her, but I don’t. I want things to be the way they were before I left, I want her so bad! I cant figure it out and i dont understand why i still want her. I’ve never been cheated on, but I have cheated on ex girlfriends, and I know it was a result of my own insecurity.

  What can i do to make her feelings come back??

  P.s. Really liked the article. keep up the good work.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Jason

    Thanks for sharing your story.

    When I read the part about her forgetting to come and pick you up at the airport, I thought, “Ahh, she cheated on him for sure” and low and behold – she did.

    If a woman cheats on you and has a BETTER experience with the other guy, she simply won’t be that interested in getting back with you unless she ends up feeling lonely and reminiscing about her times with you. The same would have applied to you if you had strong feelings for the girl you had an ONS with. Except, for you it sounds like it wasn’t that good.

    Move on in the meantime Jason. Chasing her, begging her, trying to convince her will not work. It will push her further away because you will probably end up coming across as needy.

    Cheers
    Dan

• luis

  hey
  my gf and i just broke up and i wanna know what should i do at first she looked sad then she told me that (because were ages apart shes 7 yrs older) felt that she was not letting me be my age but i was raised incase anything ever happened to my family i would take care of them idk what to do im not the protective type im not a wuss im very confident but with her i felt something different that i have never felt b4 with any other woman what should i do ? any advice i gave her space oo another thing she texted me first and during that convo. she said “i think we just need some space from each other for a while” we work together and i work with her mother what should i do ???

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Luis

    Thanks for your question.

    This sounds like a case of simply needing time apart. I wouldn’t be surprised if she tried to get back with you soon, even if only temporarily to make herself feel better. If she doesn’t, it will because she feels like you’re too young for her and she sincerely wants to move on.

    About your comment, “i felt something different that i have never felt b4 with any other woman” I understand mate, but let me tell you something about feelings and love: They are not limited to one woman. Just because you feel good with her, it doesn’t mean you won’t feel even BETTER with another woman. I know that most guys don’t want to hear that when going through a break up, but there are good times ahead for you. Love is abundant and comes in many different flavors. I’ve been in loving relationships with many women now and honestly, it just keeps getting better and better. The only reason they end is that the women always want to get married and have babies with me. I’m not ready for that now.

    By the way, if you’re into older women you might like this.

    Cheers
    Dan

• vernon

  Hi Dan

  Well me and my girlfriend have been together 3 years we broke it off about 9 months ago, but we talk all the time. We broke up because we stayed together an ended up having sum finacial troubles so she started using People for money and she got attached i guess. I had dealt with her catching feelins for other guys before and i just had enough of it, so instead of me doing the right thing i went and found me somebody too. We ended up Breaking up because we had a big fight and she left the apartment leaving me with all the bills and etc. I was more hurt at the fact that she left me in the time of need than anything. So i kept messing with the other girl and totally ignored her she wanted me back but i didnt want her just because she kept catching feelings for other guys and she left me wen i needed her….she apologized for it but i thought i found something better in the other girl. Untill all of a sudden things just didnt feel the same anymore for the new girl i missed my ex so much and wanted to now work it out. An i went to try and work things out but she had kinda moved on a little but the dude she was with ended up leaving her and going back to his ex!!! so now she is just single. And i have been talking to her every other day an she will send pics to me but then she wont answer my calls we text all the time and she tells me she loves me and she is still in love with me but she needs time and she dont know because she dont want to rush. But she still kinda be flirting with other men im confused. and then when i tell her ima leave her alone and let her do her she say’s ( its not even like that vernon please dont act like that) so wtf is up??mixed emotions??? …i asked her could I see her and she said she will see so idk does this sound like something that can be repaired ?? Wat should i Do I Really Need Your Help???

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Vernon

    Thanks for sharing your story.

    Nah, it sounds like she’s just playing you until something better comes along. Honestly, you don’t have to settle for that type of treatment from a woman. Millions of women would kill to be in a loving relationship with you dude. Get some perspective by sleeping with some more new women and you’ll soon realize that it was a good thing that the relationship ended.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Rhodri

  Hi Dan,
  About a month ago my girlfriend of 18months broke up with me. There were very little warning signs. She said she doesn’t feel the same any more, doesn’t love me at all. She told me I am probably the best boyfriend anyone could ever had and that she doesn’t think she could find someone as good in bed as me. I’ve never felt this way about someone before. I was willing to spend the rest of my life with her and planned to move in with her next year. At first she tried to push me out of her life but now she’s willing to be friends. She’s told me at the moment that she just wants to be on her own and concentrate on herself and is not interested with being with someone for a while. What do i do? We have a really strong connection still, I just think she got bored of me and can’t see that I can be fun and confident.
  Thanks

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Rhodri

    Thanks for your question.

    I’d bet that you don’t have much purpose in life or could be a bigger and better man, but have been hiding from the world behind your relationship with her. True? When a woman is with a man like that, she will almost always react by saying that she needs to “do something” with her life or “concentrate on her career.” Why? Women want to be with a man who loves them and commits to the relationship, but doesn’t hide from the world and his own true potential as a man.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Bob

  hey dan
  my girlfriend broke up with me saying she wanted more space she also said that she wanted to try dating other people so then we broke up but i think this is where i went wrong i never read this stuff so i kept sending her messages and txts and now im left with her ignoring me… idk what to do and i would like advise as in if i will ever get her back?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Bob

    Thanks for your question.

    To have any chance of getting her back, I recommend you hook up with hotter women than her and start posting up pics to Facebook. Although, at that point, I doubt you’ll want her back.

    She’s already made it clear that she wants to be with other men, so you’ll be in pain until you start having sex with women who are more beautiful than her. Sounds pretty simple and possibly superficial, but it is the solution.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Austin sean

  hello, well Im in a pretty sticky situation.. This is where my story Begins. I broke up with my girlfriend a month ago, we were together for 6 months. I broke up with her because I was very sick on my birthday, and she was suppose to show up at a certain time but she didnt.. she showed up 4 hours later because she was “getting high with her friends” I left her the next day. as she tried to win me back for 2 weeks I just wanted a break and I was really cruel to her “which I now reget”, and I thought that she had gotten over me when It reached a month, I thought it was a good thing untill new years night I texted her and I tried to reason with her by trying to get her back. I found out a few days later she started doing molly and exctasy after I had broken up with her. she told me she does it to “fill the void”. she has a whole new group of friends that do these drugs, so Ive been trying to get her back in her life because I want to be with her and I want to save her. now that ive re entered her life a month an a half later she tried putting me in the “bro/friend zone” but I told her I still had feelings for her and I wanted to win her back, she told me I really hurt her, and that I should say sorry to her friends for saying they “have the iq of a desk lamp” and that shes is trying to move on. Ive tried almost every trick In the book now, I wrote her colorful notes and brought her stuffed animals. I would try and get her to text me or call but she wouldnt. 3 days ago I went to her parents house to try to find her or see her but she wasnt there she was at a party with “a new guy” that shes talking to and trying to figure out. I talked to her parents trying to suck it up and not tell them that there beloved daughter is doing hardcore drugs. I talked to her mom and she said to not give up on her daughter and that she still loves me. I left my cute note and a stuffed animal there for her to find when she returned home. she texted me at 2 in the morning telling me she got my note. the next day I tried talking to her and sorta had to beg for her to call me, we talked on the phone for 2 and a half hours. and now its today, the day I went back to school, after one of my classes I walked up too her and asked if I could walk her to class, and I she let me , I told her that she look beautiful and brought her skittles before she walked in her class. after this she wanted me to appolize to her friends and I did, I said I was sorry. but then as I went Into class and talked to a friend, “one of her friends too” her ex boyfriend was the guy that my ex was “talking too” I was angry and I asked her If she was seeing him, she said no but he still wants to take her on a date. I talked to her after class and told her how I felt about her, that I was just angry for what I had said when we broke up and that I really wanted to be with her, I cryed as I told her I didnt abandon her and that I just want what we used to have together, I told her that I was sorry for mistreating her and that I should have loved her much more. she wouldnt look into my eyes. I talked to her for an hour about how I felt I got on my knees and pleaded with her that I still love her. that I wouldnt ever leave her again, she cryed some as I cryed I held her for a while, he dad had showed up to pick her up from school because her car had broken down. she said goodbye to me and we went our ways for 20 feet. I turned around and she turned around and glanced at me, I ran up to her and pulled off the bennie that we always shared together, I gave her one of my most prized posessions. I looked at her and bent down to kiss her lips, she hesitated some but there was still a kiss between us. she said that she would text me. but 10 minutes later I texted her and asked if I had messed up again, she told me “idk…” and I told her I was sorry. she said that she felt sick and needed to be left alone, every time I would tell her in the past week that I still love her she would tell me that she was “feeling sick” this Is where my story ends. and this is where I went to ask for help, not an hour after I have kissed her face. I love this girl with all my heart and I gave up the ex before her “was with for 4 years” to try and try and win her heart back, she dosent tell me she loves me anymore, she tells me that our relationship wasnt “heathly” I just miss everything we had and now im paying for leaving her. Im currently asking myself what do I do now? how do I get her back? what if she starts dating this new guy that was her comfort when we broke up. if you can help me in anyway. id really like the advice. this situation is confusing because I belive she still loves me even if she wont tell me. she just doesn’t know if she can take me back and if if its the right decision for her. I want to be with her with everything Ive got. so what do I do now? help me please.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Austin

    Thanks for sharing your story.

    Wow, dude – sorry to have to be the one to tell you, but you are doing it ALL wrong. You are making so many mistakes with this girl that I honestly don’t know where to start. It would literally take me 30 mins to explain all your mistakes in reply. Instead, I’m just going to have to point you to my book The Flow. Read it and you’ll get the shock of your life when you realize how much you’ve been ruining that girl’s attraction for you.

    http://store.themodernman.com/products/the_flow.php

    Cheers
    Dan

    P.S. Read the article above. I explain some of the mistakes you’ve been making. Also, read the comments and my replies.

• Byrd

  Dan,

  I really enjoyed your article! I look forward to putting some of this into practice. Me and my ex recently broke up after 6 years together. She left me because when we fight I can get really mean and end up fighting to emotionally hurt them rather than get a point across. We don’t fight that often but when we did it could get ugly but it never got physical. I still love her a lot and don’t want to be with anyone else. I started taking therapy right after we broke up in order to control my anger and not be so mean when we fight and I’ve also seen a psychiatrist at my therapists advice and have been diagnosed with manic depressive disorder and thankfully I am now on medication to help me control it. It has been a couple weeks since we broke up now and I’m clearly trying to move in the direction to change myself. When my ex does decide to contact me again (I’ll let her get at me first) how do I show her that I’m trying to become a better person without just randomly blurting out “I’m a psycho and on medication and getting therapy”?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Byrd

    Thanks for your question.

    As the old saying goes, “Actions speak louder than words.” She will naturally test you to see how you’ll react and when you react in a healthy way, it will encourage her to continue.

    Make sure you read through the articles I posted up about relationships: http://www.themodernman.com/category/dating/relationships

    Cheers
    Dan

• Jake

  Hi Dan
  I have got to say after searching the net on how to get my ex gf back endlessly you seem to be the only person who really seems to make any sense.

  I have been going out with this girl for the past 2 years and prior to her my longest relationship was 3 months. Woman have always been easy for me to get.

  But I fell in love with her and decided to change for the better. So I became this nice guy yet she never did trust me due to my past.

  We broke up about 6 months ago due to her thinking I’m cheating, but remained friends. Yet our feelings never left. 2 weeks ago she decided that we have no future and asked me to let her go even though she stil loves me.

  I know she is now speaking a lot and going out with another guy. But I do love her still. Is it because I became this sweet guy that she lost interest? Should I leave her alone ?

  I don’t want to become the guy I was before , and hooking up with random girls again, but I’ve lost my confidence also, after her rejection.

  Any advice?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Jake

    Thanks for your positive feedback and for sharing your story.

    The thing is, there is nothing wrong with being nice, but you will almost always run into problems with women when you are TOO nice. Niceness and sweetness is not what attracts women; they only appreciate it from men whom they respect and feel attraction for. When it comes from weak or needy men, it is resented and often taken advantage of.

    BTW: Did you listen to this? http://www.themodernman.com/why_women_cheat.html I became too nice and sweet and lost the confidence that attracted her in the first place.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Kameron

  Hi Dan, great article. My girlfriend was forced to break up with me by her family and from what I have heard still likes me and I don’t quite know how to approach the situation and start talking to her again. Any advice?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Kameron

    Did you make any of these mistakes?
    http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/top_10_ways_to_make_her_parents_dislike_you.html

    If not, explain your situation in more detail in your reply.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Jay

  Hi Dan
  My ex and I broke up 3 1/2 months ago. When we split I broke down. I moved about a week later 1200 miles away to take a high paying job. I don’t like it here at all but am working it for money to get retraining when I return home.( if I do still thinking of a few options of where to go to for school) I was needy and trying to talk her out of it for the week before I left. I realized this was a mistake and stopped. I still call her 1-2 times per week since leaving but only as a friend. She say we made better friends than a couple. She still cares about me and likes me as a person. I still love her and want more… Im 35 and she is 32. we were friends for 6 years and together for 6 years. I’ve never felt a connection like what we have with any other woman. She is incredible. We have much in common and it’s just so easy and natural to talk to her. She brings out the fun,lighthearted and playful side of me. I don’t have anything planned when I call but always find lots to say. When we got together I was getting over some very rough times and she was there for me, getting my life together and going back to school. But a bunch of crap happened somewhat related to us getting together and I got in trouble. Because of this I couldnt complete my schooling as a medical professional. Even thru this she stuck with me. After a while I got depressed and played games and neglected our relationship. Things were awesome, intense, passionate to start with and for the first 4-5 years .last year we both withdrew some and distance creeped in. We never fought and I didn’t know she was so unhappy this last year. She said one day she was moving out, soon after i left state.I’ve had other girls but not someone who I felt so strongly about and connected/loved so deeply. I’m getting my life back on track finally but I miss her everyday. Do I have any chance? If so what must I do? Thanks in advance for a reply.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Jay

    Thanks for your question.

    It sounds like it was a great relationship and you also both experienced an unforgettable connection with each other. However, you did make a fundamental error of pushing her into the “masculine support position” throughout the relationship. While a woman definitely wants to “be there” for her man during a tough time, she will naturally lose respect and attraction for him if she is forced to continue holding him up. It’s just the way attraction between men and women works; women want to feel like you are their rock and support, not the other way around.

    Also, calling her every week since the break up is not something you should be doing if you want her back. You want her to miss you, right? Well, you must give her a CHANCE to miss you. Let HER be the one wanting to speak to you.

    You may have a chance of getting it back together at some stage, possibly 5 years down the track if she doesn’t have anyone and starts reminiscing about the past or worrying about her biological clock ticking away. However, her comment about you and her making better friends than a couple says it all. That can be translated as, “I no longer feel sexual attraction for you. I have sentimental feelings for you, but the passion is gone.”

    About your comment, “I’ve had other girls but not someone who I felt so strongly about and connected/loved so deeply.” Yes, of course – you and her have known each other for over 12 years and had a very deep relationship. I have no doubt that you’re speaking the truth there, but let me give you some good news: You can experience different types of love and connection with different women. Just because you experienced true love with her, it does not mean you cannot ever find it again. In fact, because of the approach that I take with my women, the love in my relationships is always strong, deep and unforgettable. Personally, the only reason my relationships end is because the women want to marry me or have babies, so I break it off. I’m just not up for that right now. However, it hasn’t stopped me from experiencing amazing love time and time again. Not to mention that all of those women still hold a place for me in their heart and wish they could be with me. The way I approach dating and relationships is basically the opposite of what all the guys have done who’ve asked questions below this article. Personally, no woman has broken up with me since I worked this stuff out over 7 years ago and developed the Dating Power approach to women.

    About your ex: She may come back to you, but in the meantime you should know that love is abundant and you will experience it in a different way with a different woman again sometime soon.

    Cheers
    Dan

• nickson

  Hi I got invoived with a lady with my area,I stated getting a long has gudfrd until a time whn we agreed to start dating,we dated 4 abt two weeks then suddenly she decided to change her mind that o she needed ws frindship,this ws after I had taken even a resposibility to sponsor her to schol after few days of beging,and pleding finally sh told me sh did wtd any boyfrd anymore,I asked her y? Sh told me becouse the guy sh love so much who happen to b a her x b4 me bronk her heart ad that she still miss him much,I kept on pursung her to see if she change mind fortunate enough sh kept on begn in different mood every today sh b gud we go out have sex th following da its opposite of this ,pls help me becoz I still love the girl ad I don’t. Wt loose her

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Nickson

    Thanks for your question.

    The first thing you need to learn is to not write like a girl. The way you typed up your comment is how girls write these days. Don’t copy them. Read this for more info: http://www.themodernman.com/social/facebook/top_10_ways_to_look_like_a_loser_on_facebook.html

    About her continually changing her moods, read this: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/how_to_handle_your_girlfriends_moodiness.html

    About her missing her ex-boyfriend: Trying to talk her out of it will only push towards him. The best strategy is ALWAYS to be attractive (read The Flow to learn) while not chasing a woman. She will then be drawn to you.

    Cheers
    Dan

• b

  i was with a girl for 5 months,before me she was seeing a married man and said it was allover only for me to find out she was still seeing him,many lies have been said but now shes begining to be truthful and says she had a connection with him and tried to move on with me but everytme he pops his head up he worms his way backin. i love this woman and need to giveit one last shot at winning her back from him,so how the helldo i do this ? and i want it to be a big gesture as if it doesnt workthen i will cut all ties and walk away, any help and advice is appreciated

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi B

    Thanks for your question.

    The best medicine for women like that is for you to pull away and begin sleeping with other women. Post pics up on Facebook of you with other women. When she sees that she will contact you. Pleading with her will only push her into his arms. However, she’s already been sleeping with a married man so she doesn’t sound like a woman who can be fully trusted.

    Cheers
    Dan

• robert hruska

  I have been dating a girl for a year when I drink I say hurtful things putting. Her down we broke up two days ato she says its too late we still live together untilled I find an apt she won’t budge not to mention I’ve been acting like a little girl

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Robert

    Thanks for your honesty mate. It sounds like you need to use this as a lesson and grow as a man from it. I think it will be best for both of you. If you do break up for good, I recommend that you read this to help you get back on your feet quickly: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/how_to_survive_a_relationship_breakup.html

    Cheers
    Dan

• Lewis

  Hey,

  My girlfriend dumped me because she thought she was a shit girlfriend, because she never showed emotion much, and she was too mature for a relationship. She’s 16, and she wants to get a full time job, learn to drive and go clubbing. But she’s only 16 and thinks she’s an adult because she left college at our first year for a gap year and work.

  I love her like nothing on earth, but she thinks she doesn’t feel the same way as i do to her? She showed emotion on her first few months, and she never show emotion to anyone. There have been so many signs that we should be together and it’s like fate. I know she still loves me deep down and she just needs to realise what she’s losing, and that she’s not mature than she thinks she is. How do I win her back without showing all my emotions?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Lewis

    Thanks for your question.

    You said, “There have been so many signs that we should be together and it’s like fate.” Yes, when you’re 16 and in love it feels like you could stay together for life. However, if she is already wanting to break away and go clubbing, she is not a girl who wants to get married and settle down with one man yet. Unfortunately, you’re going to need to use this as an opportunity to grow and become a man without her. Don’t worry, there are plenty of women who would desperately love a guy like you.

    If you want to win her back in the meantime, use the advice I’ve provided in my other replies. She needs to feel like SHE is the one losing YOU, not you losing her. You achieve that by showing her that other women want you.

    Cheers
    Dan

• steph

  after almost 2 years my girlfriend broke up with me. she says that since she found a text on my phone she hasnt bfelt the same and she doesnt want me back.
  the text was saying that i ‘liked’ someone else when it didnt mean that at all and she doesnt believe me.
  i admit that over the past few months i have changed and become to protective when she is out with people because i dont trust her friends, but i do trust her.
  i made the mistake of telling her since she broke up with me that i can change and that i promise i could make things work but she says we could only be friends.
  and telling her to look at the good times we had and just see how good they were, which is true. but then she always goes back to us arguing and all the negative things.
  i would do anything to have her back and ive started to change back to the person she first ever met.
  do you think there could ever be a chance that we would be together again?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Steph

    Thanks for your question.

    Yes, a break up under that circumstance definitely has a chance of repairing. However, you must stop telling her that YOU will change. Don’t ever beg or plead with a woman – it ruins her attraction and respect for you.

    Give her space and see if she comes back. If she is planning on going out with her girlfriends and meeting other guys, you must get out there and hook up with some women. If you don’t, the thought of her hooking up with another guy will be very painful for you and will probably cause you to plead with her further.

    Cheers
    Dan

• mark

  Ok so I dated this girl for 6 months and it started off fantastic, we never fought and we always had a good time. Well she was cheated on and had a terrible relationship with a guy that she dated awhile before me. The only reason I bring that up is because after awhile one of her friends who had feelings for me before told her I was cheating on her which was complete bullshit. We kept dating but things were definitely not the same. So I kinda shut down and didn’t do some of the small stuff anymore to make her happy. She ended it because of that reason. I did a few of your don’ts to try and get her back, instead of giving her the space she wanted. She basically said that I pushed her away by irritating her by not giving her space. Well I went 3 weeks and didn’t talk to her or anything, I sent her a text, out of the blue. We texted for an hour and she even asked how I was doing which she never did when I tried to get her back. She still said what is done is done though. I know all signs leading to me not getting her back. The only reason I’m even posting this and asking for advice is because when I did give her space she seemed to open up and care a little more about me. Do you think I should just try being her friend and show her I have changed as far as I won’t take her for granted and I’m getting my shit together or should I just read the signs and move on?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Mark

    Thanks for your question.

    It sounds like you might have a chance of getting back together with her, but it won’t be by pleading or trying to convince her that you’ve changed. She showed more interest when you gave her space. If she really does want to be with you, she will eventually get in contact with you and try to re-initiate things.

    In the age of Facebook and photo sharing, the best strategy is to move on. Post pics up of you with new women and if she will either feel jealous and worry that she has lost a great guy (in which case she WILL contact you) or she will be relieved that you’re moving on and are finally leaving her alone.

    Cheers
    Dan

• ricardo

  Hello,

  My girlfriend and I went out for a year and 7 months broke up with me a week ago on a Sunday. On the Friday before that she did not text back so I just sent her a text that said goodnight. Saturday morning she sent me a text saying she was sorry and that it wouldnt happen again. Saturday it happened again and on Sunday she said she was sorry and said she felt really bad. LAter on throughout the evening we talked and she said that she needed time to think that she felt she needed time alone and that she was confused and could not even explain her confusion she said it was better if we broke up. To this, i was shocked and questioned her and kind of begged her no to do it. Anyways, she did. She called me on Monday night and said she needed to hear my voice because she hadn’t felt good all day and that she was sorry for doing it to me but she felt that since we are in different cities right now and we had been fighting for some time, that it was the best for her but that she didnt see herself with anyone else and that maybe in the future it would be easier and we would be back together. She said it wasnt me that it was her for not dedicating the time to the relationship like i did. She called me on Tuesday again and a similar conversation took place and said she was sorry for confusing me and that she would stop. We did not talk Wednesday or Thursday and on Friday she sent me a text and said Hi how are you and I did not respond. She then called me at 8 at night and I did not respond. Moreover, it was 3 am saturday morning and she called me and told me that she missed me and that all she wanted to do was to be with me and that she was going to try to go to visit me the next day and that she knew I wanted to move on but it was hard for her. The next day she calls me and says that she was sorry for making things worse but she was drunk when she called (i had no idea). I told her it would be better to meet to talk but she said that it would only make things worse and that she felt it was only going to affect her more and she said we should wait till we meet back home to see what would happen. So i insisted to meet her and she did expect me to go although she said she did not want to. She then sent me a text and said if I was going and I then told her I wasnt because she needed her space and that i respect her. She said thank for understanding it could only make things worse. The following day it was my birthday and she was the first one to call I answered and said thank you but tht I had to go. She sent me a text and said I hope I was having a good time.. I did not respond. I really do not want to loose her.. what should i do?

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Ricardo

    Thanks for sharing your story.

    This sounds like a simple case of the man caring about the relationship more than the woman. Regardless of what women might say when asked or what actors might say in TV sitcoms, the reality is that women are repelled by guys who are needy about the relationship. A woman wants to be the one who is worrying and caring more about the relationship. If the man does it, she will feel like she needs “space” or “time to think.”

    Stop chasing her to get it back together. Have a life and include her in it when you can. She will then try to be included more and more by impressing you and being a good girl. That’s the position women want to be in.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Dan

  You have some great advice and I plan on following a lot of it.

  I met this girl last new years eve, we got together and dated for a few weeks, was great, and she went back to school out of state. When we spent the summer together I got in a weird funk and the relationship basically fell apart. When she returned this past winter I fell for her all over again, but she told me she wasn’t interested because of what happened over the summer she got over me. We tried dating this winter and I tried to be as nice as possible to make up for the summer, but she said she just had no feelings. So going against your advice I pleaded for whatever I could do to reconcile and it has just driven her away to the point that we can’t talk anymore. She even told me she is not interested in me and is already interested in someone else and basically plans on not being single by the time she returns home this summer. I understand now that I need to take your advice and show her I do not need her and I am my own person. My real concern is she was not really interested when she first came home this winter when she thought I wasn’t interested at that point, and when I did show her interest she still didn’t have interest in me. Is she too far gone at this point to get back into my life? Or could a few months of not talking and improving my life maybe bring her back? Thank you in advance!

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Dan

    Thanks for your question and positive feedback.

    It’s not all about having a life other than just her. You also need to be attractive to women. You said, “I tried to be as nice as possible to make up for the summer” Are you aware that niceness is not what attracts women? There’s nothing wrong with being a nice guy, but you also need to attract her by being a confident, masculine man. I recommend you read my book The Flow and learn about attraction.

    Cheers
    Dan

• malik

  Hey,
  My girlfriend broke up with me because I was cheating and she found out.
  I have realized my mistake and I want her back. I told her I would never do it again but she doesn’t believe me. She have lost all the trust she had for me. Now I dnt know what to do. I love her a lot and I wish to spend the rest of my life with her. Its very hard to move on and I dnt know what to do. I would love some advice

  • Dan Bacon

    Hey Malik

    Thanks for your question.

    Sounds like you need to read this: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/is_your_relationship_built_on_trust.html

    Cheating in a relationship changes everything and isn’t always fixable.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Jamie

  Hi Dan. I split with my ex-girlfriend over a month ago now. The relationship wasn’t good for me, and even though other aspects of my life have greatly improved since leaving her, i still miss her. She treat me badly and got with some other guys to make me jelous after the relationship ended. Since the break up, i’ve been using the flow every weekend when i go out to bars and night clubs and i’ve had a lot of success with beautiful women, which is great. I read your story about how it all began for you – with your ex girlfriend and how she treat you badly. I’m interested to know if you ever think about her still in a positive way since you’ve experienced mastery success with the women you want. For example, if you ever ran into her again would you ignore her or speak to her, would you miss her or be glad that she’s gone, is she as good as you once thought she was now that you’ve had success. I’m just curious to know because i can relate to this story myself, and it would give me a good insight as to what i could expect when i eventually run into the ex. I just want to bump into her one day and instead of being full of sadness seeing her with other guys, i want to look at her and think, yeah i’m glad your an ex because i’ve done so much better.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Jamie

    Great to hear of your success using The Flow! Thanks for sharing.

    About your question re my ex: Yes, I am glad that it ended. Her and I added each other on Facebook about a year ago and wow, she has packed on a lot of weight since. I’m now 34 and she’s 31 and she definitely doesn’t look as beautiful as she once did. She’s really let herself go in terms of weight and appearance.

    These days, I mostly hook up with women between 18-23 years old, so I am so glad things turned out the way they did. Additionally, I’m at a point now (and have been for 5 years) where basically all the women I sleep with end up wanting to marry me or have babies within months of meeting me (usually quicker – I’m just trying to be modest here!).

    If I was to bump into my ex in person, I wouldn’t have any hard feelings towards her, nor would I be feeling any pain at all. I’d talk to her like I would with any other person. I have no need for her in my life, but if she wanted to be friends I’d be open to it. However, to be honest, my life is very full and I wouldn’t have much room for her other than to invite her to a party every now and then.

    She was simply a woman that I had a relationship with. Since then, so many women have loved me (and are still in love with me) and asked me to marry them. I’ve never had a woman break up with me since working out the techniques we teach here at The Modern Man. I’ve broken up all of my relationships because I’m not ready to settle down yet.

    As you continue using the techniques we teach here at The Modern Man, you WILL get to a point where women literally ask you to marry them. It’s crazy, but that’s what happens because modern women are having a hard time finding real men these days.

    Enjoy the great times ahead!

    Cheers
    Dan

• Jamie

  Hi mate,

  I have been with my GF for 7.5 years n over the last 6 months we have been drifting apart. 6 weeks ago she broke up with me saying she no longer feels the “deep love” for me and is not happy and hasn’t been for a while due to me not showing her the love and affection she has always told me she wanted.
  I have been txting her about once a week ( no reply) and sent her 3 detailed emails with replys from her after a while, which says she does not want to get back and she wants to be single as she is following her heart n feels this is the best thing for her at the moment and also said she said not to call her as she is not ready to talk to me. and just yesterday she replied to my email saying that i need to move on and start letting go of her and stop procrastinating on what could have been… this was hard to take but i sent a reply to the email saying what i would fix if i had another chance.. (just thought she should know) she also said in the email she hopes one day when we are both past this we can have a conversation..
  I really want another chance to try and fix the mistakes which I made and be the better boyfriend she wanted, i guess me emailing her or getting her friends and family to help me has not worked so what can I do now??
  Do you think she just wants time to find herself and them we might fix things in the future? Should i contact her in future? What can i do to help her want me again?
  Sorry bout all the questions and the long story..

  Thanks in advance

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Jamie

    Thanks for your question.

    You said, “She said not to call her as she is not ready to talk to me.” That means that she will be ready to talk to you when she has hooked up with another guy. She doesn’t want to talk to her while her heart is still vulnerable to being persuaded to get back with you.

    Based on the other things she has said, she clearly wants to move on. I don’t think you have a chance of getting her back because wants to feel more in a relationship. Telling her that you will change and pleading with her to take you back will only cause her to lose more attraction and respect for you. Unfortunately, it sounds like the relationship has run its course.

    You said, “due to me not showing her the love and affection she has always told me she wanted.” There is a reason why you stopped showing her that love and affection. She is not the right girl for you. When you are with the right woman, you will continue to show love and affection as the years go on. Read this: http://www.themodernman.com/dating/relationships/5_stages_of_a_relationship.html

    I would recommend that you stop all contact with her until you hook up with another woman and have feelings for the new woman. Why? It won’t be long until your ex tells you that she has met another guy. If you hear that news and haven’t moved on, it will hurt you even more than you’re hurting now.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Monkey

  I was wondering if you can help me. I met this woman on an online dating site about 5 months ago. We hit it off straight away and loved each others company. I was introduced to her family and her 2 children. Everything was better than great UNTIL she hears from her ex boyfriend. She then texts me saying that although she’s mot getting back with him she can’t be with me. I’ve tried the no contact but she can’t go more than 2 days without contacting me. We hooked up lastweek at her request and she told me she wants to be with me but take things slow. I agreed, foolishly me thinks. Well, we went for food and drinks and ended up back at hers where we slept together. Way too fast i know but we were both caught up in the moment. The next day everything seemed fine, sending each other jokey texts. Then on Thursday she sends me a message saying she’s still unsure and wants us to stay friends and go out, see where we go. I absolutely love this girl more than i’ve loved anyone. I was in a relationship nearly 20 years and didn’t feel 1/2 of what i feel for this woman. Everytime we talk of meeting up she insists it’s for friends only. I really don’t know what to do for the best. I know i can live without her but i want her back so much. I find myself thinking about her all the time. Remembering the great times we had.

  Is there anything i can do to get her back or should i try and move on?

  Thanks in advance!

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Monkey

    Thanks for your question.

    It sounds like she is merely stringing you along until she finds something better, or (in this case) gets back with her ex.

    Based on her behavior, it seems pretty clear to me that she’s trying to tell you that she wants you as a f**k buddy, not a boyfriend. If you want her to want you as a boyfriend, you need to put her in the position she’s put you in. In other words, get her chasing you and thinking about you all the time. How? Read The Flow: http://store.themodernman.com/products/the_flow.php

    Cheers
    Dan

• Jeremy

  Dan,
  Appreciate the help. GF of over a year broke up with me a month ago due to me not respecting her. We began to argue a lot more the last couple months. She moved to where i was living to give it a chance with me and i screwed up. I have talked to her a few times over the past month not at her wishes. She eventually blocked my number and facebook so we do not have contact. She told me she still loves me and i really do love her and am sorry for the things i did. I want her to give me another chance because i truly feel we were meant for eachother and i know i am better then the person who treated her so poorly. I made her feel unappreciated and was a bit selfish in the relationship. I know what i did that made her break up with me i just wish i could make things right. She always would tell me she would never break up with me and I guess i believed her, took her for granted a bit. I feel terrible looking back on the things i did to make her break up with me. I have been trying not to have any contact with her but its very hard because we were madly in love. The saying is true you dont know what youve got till its gone. How can i get her back? Thanks.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Jeremy

    Interesting. Basically all of the other questions under this article are from guys who were too nice. You got dumped for being an a**hole.

    Here’s what happened:

    – She was attracted to your indifference to her and enjoyed it, but you took it too far.
    – She eventually felt like there was too much of a disconnect between you too, so she broke it off.

    If you now plead with her or try to convince her to take you back, you will not be displaying the confident indifference that she is attracted to in guys.

    I recommend that you treat her well, but give her space. Don’t plead, don’t try to convince her to take you back. It will take time (and maybe a couple of failed relationships) for her to want you again. However, if she can’t find a new guy within a month or two, she will be open to seeing you again.

    Cheers
    Dan

• Curtis

  Hi, my ex and I got into an arguement. We both avoided one another for a full week then she left for vacation for 2 months and during the time of her absence we talked on a regular basis nearly everyday. But now she is back from her trip, he says she had made up her mind for not wanting to get back together. Said she’s afraid of the pain of break up again. The agruement we had were based on trust and blaming her for things that happened. I really want her back, and have made several adjustments in my attitude but she says her mind is made up. What can I do? It’s been 2 months since the break up now.

  • Dan Bacon

    Hi Curtis

    Thanks for your question.

    It sounds like she has had enough time to think about what she wants. Her feelings have changed and she is now trying to distance herself from you to avoid being dragged back into the relationship.

    It’s promising to hear that you’ve made those adjustments to your attitude, but what really counts (in terms of getting your ex back) is if those adjustments do anything to the way she feels.

    If you want to learn exactly what you need to fix and improve about yourself to get her back, I recommend that you watch my program:
    http://store.themodernman.com/get_your_ex_back_super_system.html

    Cheers
    Dan

• ricardo

  Thank you for the advice Dan!

  Do you think we still have a chance to get back together? Should I be the first one to send a text or call? What should I do?

  Best,

  Ricardo

• Brian

  hi dan
  great article :)….i have been dating my ex GF nearly 3 yrs now and through that time i confess to you i have treated her like “shit”, and i am really bitter about what i have done( i have kissed a different girl, had sex with another in my car, exchanged pictures with another, asked another if she was game for anything and last year november admired this other girl) all this she knows about, and some of the incidents i was given chances to change, but i took everything for granted, she is just perfect dan i dont no what to do without her now she has gone we broke up just before christmas, and things havent been the same since then, i mean she really loves me to the moon and back, vut she feels humiliated unapriciated of which i agree with, i have said my sorrys, and i believe myself i can prove myself and her that i can be that better if not best, we still talk i try persuade her into coming back, but obvs thats not the best way of making things better, we still text each other she still comes over my place from time to time but i still see something ain’t right we are not as we use to be, “you really dont know what you got until its gone” i just dont no what to do sometimes she says dont bother talk to me “piss off” sometimes shes fine, i am lost without and very sorry with what i have done, how could i ever get her back? thanks Brian

• Kam

  Hey Dan

  Great article! It made me realize alot about my relationship. I’m having a problem too with my 4 year relationship. We started dating in 08 when she was in high school, she was a virgin and I wasn’t but I took her virginity and a month later cheated on her because I was cheated on from my last gf and was scared to commit. You said not to bring ur feeling from other relationships to the new people. That is where I messed up. But over time she forgave me and said its fine but the thing is she keeps bringing it up even after 4 years. Every time I say something I thing she’s doing wrong or that she’s hurting me, she will say well you hurt me back then. And recently I got charged with theft from my work but I’m not in trouble because they said they’ll drop it if I return it. And the thing is we broke up a couple weeks ago and she told me she had feeling for someone for a couple days and then a couple days later she made out with someone when she was drunk. She said she’s sorry and that it ment nothing to her. I told her I lost the trust for her but I’m willing to work with it and work on trustin her again. The thing with the whole brake up is that she keeps giving me all kinds of reasons and I feel the real reason she’s not telling me. I live in Illinois and she goes to school in Tennesse but she comes home every other week and we’ve been fine with that, we talk every day and were really willing to work with it. One reason she said was that it’s because of the theft that she feels like “her motherly instinct clicked and she wouldn’t want that around her kids” when she’s older. (FYI she’s 21 I’m 22.) another reason is she said she gets bored with people after 4 years. Another one is that she didn’t get the Experiqnce other people like I did before her. But she still keeps telling me she loves me soo much and she thinks she wants to be with me for the rest of her life but that she just needs to be single for now. I feel like she’s putting me on the side since I’m not there to see what she’s doing and in case she doesn’t find someone there, she’ll come back to me as her last choice. Am I right or wrong? I did do a stupid thing that u mentioned like talked to her mom and her friend and show a little sign of weakness. But how should I fix that? What do you think about this whole “brake up”. She keeps saying all she needs is a little bit of time, I told her I’ll give it to her but that there’s boundaries, am I doing the right thing? She does spend money to come home to see me. Maybe I did take her for granted or the theft showed her that I’m being a looser? I go to school close by home and she goes to school there but her parents live 30 mins from me and this is where she went to high school. I do care about her and she says she cares about me. I also feel that her new friend is influensing her because right when she met her she started to drink and party alot with her. Her other room mate was her only best friend last year and that room mate is nice. So I feel like she changes her personality to the person she hangs out with the most. When we hang out we do hang out and have sex and everything is great it’s just for me it’s the fact that I feel like she’s putting me on the side but ofcourse she won’t tell me that although that’s what I told her she’s doing. Am I doing something wrong?
  Thanx
  Kam

• jay c

  so i have 3 weeks that me and my ex broke up, we were together 2 years, i am 20 and she is 19, we were perfect, we were happy and the only problem was that i like to play around alot. she has an attitude that she might take one lil thing to the heart and she would make it an argument, now she loves me but at the same time she says we cant be together because i cant be what she wants me to, i told her change takes awhile not a day. when we started she had a few friends nothing close, and i loved it because we were always together.. i had friends i use to go out cuz i was never in a relationship, but i stopped because i enjoyed being with her more then anything, i gave her everything she needed, took her out anywhere, and i was ready for engagement i had a ring.. she talked about it all the time, she talked about moving in and being married like it was nothing and well i am independent after all, i am mature and know what i want,. i got thering because i know she will do anything for me.she cares about me and she loves me. she says i cant change, and be less of a dick.. i try so hard, i change some problems that i had, and i put my past aside for her, i love her, she said she cant be with me cuz she knows for sure i wont change. i stopped texting her calling her, but we have 2 classses together in college, shes been calling me for the past 3 days to fall asleep on the phone, she kissed me after one class.. she texted me yesterday after she saw the vow saying she wanted to run t my arms, and then she said she couldnt because i wont change…. i still dont text her at all, valentines day is in a few days i have a gift for her, i know its crazy to give it to her but i feel that if i do i will be satisfy that i tried everything i could and that i showed her what i have to offer for her…. now with her mind saying she simply cant be with me but at the same time callling me, kissing me and saying she thinks about me while showering? and then calling me because she saw a movie that made her want to be with me but she can’t, i simply dont know whats on her mind, i have no clue what to do, and simply not texting her , calling her and not being able to be with her scares me that she will find someone…. or like someone else iodk what to do anymore

• rman19

  hey man i like this forum. so…… l was pretty rude to my gf and shes just fed up and wanted to break it off. we have been dating for 2 years now and the day she brok up with me i was dying. i called her and called her but she didnt answer. i just really wanna know if shell come back to me or not. its killing me. we both loved eachother like crazy and we wanted to get married. but now shes with her sorority sisters up in college and im 2hrs away. her sisters prob arent helping MY situartion. but she hasnt answered me at all for the past week and a half. and ive just been waiting to here from her. i know she loves me and this is hard for her but i just want her back and i want her to know that i CAN change and not be rude. i want her back and i dont know what to do.i just want her to come back to me already. im pretty sure she plans on not talking to me for a while too:( what do i do?? how long is this gonna take?? shes fed up with me bein rude and it stressed her out so shes done:( i want to prove it to her. i need her back. ya never know what ya had untill its gone:(

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