Ending a relationship with your girlfriend can sometimes be a difficult decision to go through with, especially if you and her have shared true love and enjoyed many great times together.
Breakups can also be painful for both people, but that shouldn’t stop you from doing it if you feel it needs to be done.
Sometimes a breakup just needs to happen and will then be of benefit to you both in the long run.
It may be hard to see now, but if you honestly feel like she isn’t the right girl for you, then you will thank yourself in the future for having the guts to end it when you did.
If you don’t, who knows what might happen.
For example: What if you accidentally get her pregnant and then have to pay her child support for life, or have to live with her and raise the child, even though you’re not in love with her?
Not fun.
So, if you don’t feel like she’s the girl for you, here’s how to do it.
Breaking Up a Casual Dating Relationship
If you’ve only dated a girl a few times, haven’t met her family or friends and are simply involved in what would be considered a casual dating relationship, the breakup should be pretty simple.
Just tell her, “I think you’re great, but I just don’t think this is going to work out. I want us to stop seeing each other because I don’t want to lead you on, or for us to get more involved in a relationship that is most-likely going to end soon anyway. I wish you well and I’m sure you’re going to find a great guy who’s right for you.”
Keep it short and sweet.
If she really likes you, she might offer to give you some space for a while or to remain your friend.
Just tell her you think it’s best that you and her stop seeing each other and if your feelings change in the future, then you will call her.
If not, she should move on.
Breaking Up a Long-Term Relationship
Breaking up a long-term relationship is where things get tricky, especially if you want her friends and family to still like you.
You need to be direct about what you want (i.e. for you and her to break up completely), but tell her that you still love her and respect her.
Let her know that you’ve realized you and her aren’t a perfect match and you want to break the relationship up now, rather than living a lie.
Tell her that you’re willing to be seen as an asshole by her right now for breaking up the relationship, but you’re doing it because you feel like it’s the right thing to do.
The “We Can Stay Friends” Approach
Some guys try to use the, “We can remain friends” approach thinking that it will soften the blow.
Yet, it rarely works.
Offering to be her friend simply leaves the door open for a clingy woman to think that there is a chance of reconciliation if she just plays her cards right.
In cases like that, she will usually hope that you just need a short break from her and will want her back if she gives you space and takes on the role of a great friend.
So, if you want the relationship to be over, you need to make a clean break and be firm that you want out of the relationship for good.
You have to be clear and tell her, “I don’t want this to become a messy breakup for us both. I care about your feelings and mine and don’t want to give you the impression that I will change my mind.”
She might then accuse you of being selfish for breaking up with her like that and ask how you could be so cold, but really – you’re doing both you and her a favor.
If you’re not a compatible match, it’s better to make a clean break than to drag things on for months or years, which will often just be a waste of time for both of you and end up hurting both of you even more.
As I mentioned earlier, the last thing you want to do with a woman who isn’t right for you, is accidentally get her pregnant and then be stuck with her for life.
Additionally, there’s also the risk of you staying with her at her request, falling back in love with her and and then having her break up with you as a way of gaining emotional control over you, or getting revenge for attempting to break up with her.
If your gut instinct is telling you to break up with her, just do it.
Believe me, you will KNOW when you are truly in love with a woman.
When you are in a relationship with a woman that you truly want to be with, you will not be thinking about breaking up with her.
Breaking up will seem like the silliest, most irrelevant, unnecessary thing to ever do in the relationship.
So, if you have a persistent feeling that this girl isn’t for you, then she isn’t.
Don’t pretend to want to be her friend and don’t take on the role of her friend.
Doing so may lead you back into the relationship if you ever start to feel lonely because you’ve been unable attract new women.
Don’t Make Her Hate You
When a guy can’t work up the courage to break up with a woman on his own, he will sometimes begin to behave like an asshole to her.
He will treat her badly, make her feel like crap and hope that she breaks up with him because of it.
After helping countless guys to get their ex woman back, I have come across many cases where a guy wanted to break up with a girl, but then drove her away by being an asshole or rejecting her desire for him to commit to marriage, or to move in together.
Then, when the woman had enough of being treated that way and broke up with him, he struggled to pick up new women and then began to miss her.
She then had all the power and he started begging, pleading and offering the world to come back to him.
To avoid that type of messy outcome, just be a man about it.
Tell her that you love her, respect her and think she is beautiful, but you just don’t want to be in a relationship with her.
Tell her that you know deep down that you and her shouldn’t be together, even though you’ve had great times in the past.
Tell her that she will probably hate you for a while for breaking up with her, but she will likely end up appreciating you for breaking up a relationship that needed to end.
She may not be able to see that now because it hurts to get broken up with, but she will eventually see it.
Pick the Place
If you think she is going to behave badly (scream, cry, throw things, etc), you should likely pick a place that’s at least semi-public (restaurant, park, or any place where there are others around), so she’s less likely to go crazy and make a scene.
On the other hand, if she is normally composed, then choose a more private space to end it, but preferably not in your apartment because if she doesn’t want the breakup, it will probably take hours to get her out of your place.
If she has her own apartment, go there and do it so you can make a fairly easy exit after all is said and done.
Let Her Vent
You’re breaking up with her and chances are she’s going to have a few nasty things to say to you.
As long as she isn’t getting violent or overly crazed, let her get what she wants to say off her chest and hear her out.
She’ll probably tell you that you’re selfish, that she now hates you, that you’ll never find another woman like her, that you’re ugly and all those kinds of things.
That’s okay; she needs to vent and may simply try to make you feel insecure so you stick with her.
Just don’t take what she is saying seriously because she will be highly emotional and will probably say many horrible things to you in the heat of the moment.
When she’s had a chance to vent, you can say, “I’m sorry for making you feel upset. I understand if you want to see me as an asshole right now, but I do love you and care about you. I’m going to go now, so if you want to scream at me some more over the phone, I will answer your call and let you vent. If not, I will just hope that you’re happy without me.”
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I wasn, sure where to post this question regarding breakups, but whats the best way to handle/ deal with if ax Girlfriend gets in touch after a long period of no contact?
Two Nights ago an ex GF got in touch with me over the phone outa the blue exactly two years after we stopped talking and broke up’she rang me on private blocked number letting on she rang me by accident saying she had my number written down and she thought it was someone elses number’ then we got into a small conversation for a minute’I was totally caught off guard when I knew it was her on the phone wasn,t too sure what to say’ but I don,t for one second beleive she rang me by accident.
The conversation lasted only a minute just small talk but ever since she rang IM left wondering as to why now she choose to get in contact with me, Im hoping she rings again so I can ask her.
Hey Barry
Thanks for your question.
I have to say, this is one of the unusual requests for advice I’ve ever received. Made me laugh!
Look – If you want to call her, call her. Don’t ever worry about things when it comes to women – just do what you need to do and move on. If you really want to find out, just call her and ask her straight up, “Hey, it’s Barry…how you going? Hey, look – I just wanted to ask you so I can get clear on what happened the other day…did you really call by accident or were you trying to reach out to me to rekindle something?”
Then you have your answer and you will either be moving on or getting back with her by the sound of it.
Cheers
Dan
I want to break up with my girlfriend, But it’s really hard. She’s really great, we’ve been dating for just over two years, and we’ve never even had a mojor fight. The problem is, things are always OK between us, I don’t ever have any reasons why I’d wanna break up with her. But I’m in my fourth year in college, and in just a year I’ll be done with college. I wanna go out with a bang. I wanna go on parties every day, wanna bang someone different every weekend, like my single friends. but that’s not going to happen if We’re still dating. We go to the same college, and it’s like every girl knows about me and her.
Some time back I left my laptop and phone in my place, and she came over while I was out and went through my texts and facebook messages. I tried to use that invasion of privacy as an excuse to break up with her, but then she got all crying and apologetic and I couldn’t. I don’t really care about privacy. Please help me figure this out, Thanx
I am pretty much in the exact same situation, except my girlfriend is at a different college about 500miles away… We have a great relationship when we actually see each other, but Im only young and ive only really been with her
OK I HAVE A HUGE PROBLEM, I WAS DATING A GIRL FOR ALMOST 8 MONTHS, 5 OF THOSE MONTHS WE WERE BF AND GF.. THEN SHE CAME OUT PREGNANT, I LIKED HER A LOT, SHE’S A GREAT GIRL, HARDWORKER AND FAMILY ORIENTED, SO WHEN SHE CAME OUT PREGNANT WE DECIDED TO MOVE IN TOGETHER I MOVED INTO HER SPOT SHE SHARED WITH HER BROTHER AND HIS WIFE, TO BE HONEST I HAD BEEN WANTING TO HAVE A BABY FOR THE PAST 2 YEARS, NOW SHE’S 5 MONTHS PREGO AND I’M REALLY HAVING DOUBTS SHE’S THE PERSON I WANT TO BE WITH FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.. I FEEL NO ATTRACTION TO HER ANYMORE ATALL.. I KISS HER CAUSE I HAVE TO, NOT CAUSE I WANT TO.. I KEEP THINKING OF BREAKING UP WITH HER BUT I FEEL LIKE I CAN’T BECAUSE OF THE BABY.. I’M DYING INSIDE… I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!! Someone please help with advise…
Hi Israel
I feel sorry for you mate. Hopefully it will turn out to be a good thing for you. As a consolation, maybe you can feel happy for being generous enough to share your panicked comment here, because it might now prevent another guy (who reads this) from impregnating a girl he’s not truly compatible with either.
I’ve had a few close calls where a woman thought she was pregnant, but it turned out she wasn’t. It was so stressful for me because I thought, “Man, now I have to spend the rest of my life with this girl…or at least be associated with her forever.” Since then, I always wear condoms and if I’m in a relationship and decide to not wear them any more, it is with a woman who I would actually want to have a baby with (if it did happen). I personally don’t want children now though.
As for you: Mate, I really do hope it turns out to be a good thing for you. Hopefully your child grows up to change the world in a positive way and if it weren’t for getting this woman pregnant, none of it would have happened.
Cheers
Dan
P.S. Don’t write in all caps bro. It is annoying to read, looks immature and just ain’t the way to use a keyboard! 😉
I have been seeing this girl for two years. We get along fine and we share many common interests and we share intimacy. Lately though I feel like I need to move away from the big city and seek a simpler, quieter life. She does not want this and prefers to stay here in the city where her aging parents and sons live. So I felt a need to break it off. The problem is we belong to several social groups, biking, sailing, and other singles clubs. Should I continue going to these functions, many around the Christmas holiday where I would see her or not. The break up was friendly and somewhat understanding because of my current situation. No job, and wanting a better life. I dont want to cause her anymore pain so I’m wanting to know how do I handle the social aspects. By the way we share many friends and acquainteses.
Hi Mark
Thanks for your question.
That’s very noble of you to care about her in that way. However, life does need to go on. Despite you and her breaking up, the Earth kept spinning and everyone else kept getting on with their life. She will need to deal with her pain on her own, but you need to move on, get a job and go after that better life you seek. Whatever you do, don’t fall into the trap of wanting her again because you’ve got no other options with women. If you feel like you should move on, do so.
Cheers
Dan