Without good friends, life can be pretty boring, miserable and lonely!
If you and your friends have recently drifted apart or are no longer living in the same area, you might have found yourself wondering how you can make some new friends.
Maybe most of your friends now have a girlfriend or are married and you are still single and looking to find the right girl for you.
Having friends in your life is especially important if you’re a single guy because meeting women through friends is one of the easiest ways to get a girlfriend.
With a lot of guy friends, you also have wingmen to go out approaching women with, which is definitely helpful and speeds up the process.
Whatever the reason you might be looking to make more friends right now, I am going to help you.
First, let me start by asking you an important question…
What Do You Really Care About?
I ask you that question because it is a critical step to finding the right type of friends for where you are at in life right now.
Sometimes, we find ourselves hanging around and being friends with people who don’t really care about the types of things we’re interested in.
When this happens, it is usually difficult to have free-flowing conversations, crack relevant jokes and enjoy meaningful connections.
Whereas, when we spend time with people who care about the same things as we do, it is easy to hang out and be friends.
It feels good to be around each other and you know that you’re in the right place at the right time.
If you find that you’ve been hanging out with people who really aren’t helping you move forward in life, or who don’t really care about the things that you do, the solution is to get in contact with people who are just like you, or who want the same things in life that you do right now.
Having common interests is one of the fastest ways to become friends with someone because it gives you both a REASON to hang around each other and develop a friendship.
However, if you meet people who are very different from you and want different things than you do, it doesn’t feel necessary to become close friends or spend a lot of time together.
If you do manage to hang out, it will often feel forced or awkward.
To find people who have exactly the same interests as you, I recommend that you use Meetup.com
Just join a bunch of groups, attend and use your confidence and conversation skills to make a bunch of new friends.
If you are currently lacking in confidence or need to improve your conversation skills, then I am here to help you.
Being the Guy That Everyone Wants to Be Friends With
You may have noticed that some guys have a certain knack for getting people to like them immediately.
It doesn’t matter where a guy like that goes, people like him.
They smile, laugh and talk with him like he’s an old friend.
How does it do it?
Well, it’s actually a complex social skill that any guy can develop.
Initially, it feels awkward to do the sorts of things that a guy like that does (e.g. making small talk, showing genuine interest in people, being your real self no matter what, smiling, having an easy-going vibe about you, having the courage to use playfully challenging humor, etc), but after a while it becomes natural.
Some of the elements that make up the complex social skill of being the guy that everyone wants to be friends with includes:
1. Being great at conversation: A lot of guys who struggle to make friends or get themselves a girlfriend aren’t the best conversationalists when they meet new people or new women.
Some guys think that they are making great conversation and then end up being ignored or rejected and wonder what just happened.
Unless a guy like that actually learns where he is going wrong, he will likely make the same mistakes throughout his entire life.
2. Being confident: Confidence is attractive to women, but it also makes people respect you and want to be associated with you.
Generally speaking, confident guys get laid more often, are happier, make more money, live a more interesting lifestyle and are more fun to be around.
People instinctively know that and gravitate towards the confident guys.
If you lack confidence in social situations or around women, people will naturally feel repelled by you on an instinctive level.
You will definitely be able to make friends with other people who lack confidence, but the ‘cool crowd’ and the attractive women will usually remain out of reach.
3. Being a cool guy: It almost sounds immature to talk about ‘coolness,’ but instead of fighting against the idea of being a cool guy, think about it this way: Whenever you’ve been in a social situation and wished you could be friends with a particular person, you considered them to be cool, right?
You didn’t hate them for being cool; you liked them for it.
The fact is that the cooler you are as a guy, the more of a friend magnet you become.
Coolness is a trait that is difficult to define.
However, we all know it when we see it and it usually has a lot to do with a guy’s confidence and social intelligence.
Guys who struggle to make friends or attract a girlfriend are almost always coming across in ways that make them appear ‘uncool’ or socially awkward to people.
Getting People to Like You Immediately
Over the years, many guys who struggle with women and find it difficult to make new friends, have said something like this to me, “Dan…I’m fine once people have a chance to get to know me, but when I first people I’m shy and it takes me a while to open up.”
Guess what? That’s not good enough.
If you want to make friends or get yourself a girlfriend, you have to exude confidence right away and talk to the person as though you know that they like you and want to talk to you.
If you talk to people in a self-doubting way, most people won’t want to feel responsible for making you feel that way and will try to end the interaction as soon as possible.
You have to believe in yourself no matter what, rather than hoping that new people you meet give you loads of compliments, or reassure you that they like you.
What Would You Like to Do For Fun?
A big part of making new friends is engaging in activities that you consider to be fun, interesting and exciting.
I’m not talking about solo activities like playing computer games, watching TV or going to the gym to lift weights.
I’m talking about activities where you are interacting with other people in a fun, interesting and exciting way.
So, what do you usually do for fun that includes other people?
If you don’t really know the answer to that right now, what would you like to do for fun if you had the opportunity?
Can you imagine yourself having a cool group of friends and being at a house party on a Saturday night that is full of single women?
Would that be fun, interesting and exciting for you?
How about sports? Are you a sports fan?
If you want to hang out with people who are into sports, head to a local sports bar or sports club.
Talking about the team who is playing works as a great conversation starter.
You can say something like, “Hey, how you doing? Who do you think will win today?” and then have a general chat with the person.
Many local bars and pubs are the designated hangout for a particular team and if you’re a fan, you’ll find others who will be happy to cheer along with you as you watch the team play.
Would you prefer to play a sport?
If you’re more of a participant than a spectator, then join a team.
Do a Google search for information on teams in your neighborhood.
Baseball, bowling, pool, darts, martial arts, golf – whatever your interest, you will find people who share your enthusiasm for a sport or activity.
As a bonus, if you join a mixed sports team (where men and women play together) you might just find your next girlfriend.
Are you into computer games?
Head to a gaming conversation and approach people to ask for advice, or just make general chit-chat about something to do with the event, “Wow, there are a lot of new cool games this year…which one is your favorite?”
From sci-fi fans to sports car builders, spiritualists to woodworking hobbyists, there are conventions you can attend to meet others with the same interests as you.
Most hobbies have associations with local chapters that you can join, or you can simply head over to the hobby store and meet people there.
You can bump into other hobby enthusiasts and strike up a conversation by saying something like, “This shop has such a good selection hey? I love this place. How about you? What are you working on at the moment?”
It Only Takes One Friend to Get Things Going
Once you find one new friend, chances are that he or she will have other friends to introduce you to.
With a little effort and a true desire to meet new people, in a short time, you’ll find that your life begins to fill up with new friends.
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After completed my college degree, i moved to new city for job, and i found myself very alone, even now i am not totally comfortable to make new friends but i think i should give it a try like you say
I’ve recently moved to a new city and need to make some friends. Thanks for this post. I’m going to follow through on your idea of joining a martial arts club…going to try MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) because I’m a huge fan of the UFC.
I have moved a couple times in my life, and I can admit, it is difficult to adjust to a new city and meet new people. It is not impossible. Starting with a hobby or personal interest is a great way to find people who you might click with.
There is nothing called friendship in this world. People meet you; want something from you, and try to get what they want from you under this name “Friendship” and when they get what they want they are no longer your friends they leave you alone.
Wow, you sound pretty negative about friendship dude! I agree, some people in this world want to use you. However, I have found that most people have good intentions and don’t live their life trying to do harm to others.
Maybe you’ve just come across a few bad people or your friends changed their priorities in life and you no longer fitted in with that.
Hope things get better for you though.
Cheers
Dan
Yes friendship is hard to find but yes you can find it as long as you want it, I moved from my country after I got married and lived almost five years with no friends. I thought its impossible to have a friend in this country specially I’m staying at home and don’t work. I felt real lonely and it’s very ugly feeling till I met this lady, I met her while I was waiting the school bus that my daughter ride, She was waiting her son we saw each other a couple of times before we actually start talking, it was only a smile then a small hello and how are you doing then we start talking we found a lot in common between us and now we’re best friends in less than 3 month, I really like her a lot and I feel she feel the same way for me, So it happen and I am so glad that happened
so it took me 5 years thinking its impossible to have a friend while it took me less than 3 months to have a real friend
Friendship is very rare these days specially when you have a busy schedule with your family, job, ..etc
I believe that the friends you have are the friends you know when you were young if you still have them.
I used to have friends in school, I never had a lot of friends, I usually have two or three good friends and that’s all I need, I am not very sociable by nature but when I got this job I had to move from my hometown to where I live now and I’m completely alone, I never considered my coworkers as friends they are just coworkers for me but maybe I was wrong I will give it a try your way and I hope it work
Good advice. I am probably one of the shyest people you will ever meet, but it almost never shows. I’m great at making friends because I talk a lot once people start talking to me. Like what you suggest in this post, I put myself in situations where people will talk to me and once we get started talking they can see that I am a cool, easy going guy so it usually is pretty easy for me.
this post is very usefull thx!
Finally, an issue that I am passionate about. I have looked for information of this caliber for the last several hours. Your site is greatly appreciated.
I moved to Hungary to Canada. It was so hard to find friends but when I started to speak proper English people could get to know me more, so it became easier. I have met most of my friends from joining clubs too.
i believe, confidence is the best element which is required to make friends. if you have confidence to talk to anyone then you can make as many friends you want !
Great site. A lot of useful information here.
nice post. thanks.
After I graduated from college a lot of the buddies I hung out with got jobs and moved out of the area. I only had 1 or 2 people I hung out with on a consistent basis. One night my buddy invited me to get together with some of his friends. Normally I am pretty passive with people I first meet, but I decided to strike up conversations and acted interested in what these people had to say. It turned out I had a lot of the same interests and I decided to invite a few of them to a local basketball game. After that theyve been inviting me out to get togethers, out for drinks, games, and Ive even met quite a few women through them. It’s just a matter of actually doing it and caring about it.
Dan, I’ve moved to America and I’ve been living there for a while but here is the thing: how do I make new friends that I can hang out with, with out being needy?
I’ll start school in a couple of weeks and I want to meet new people. What do u think I should do?
Hi S
Thanks for your question.
Follow the advice we provide in 21 Great Ways to Get a Girlfriend and you’ll make lots of new friends in addition to hooking up with women. In the program, we also provide specific advice for making new friends in school/college/university environments.
Cheers
Dan
Hey Dan, well good news I finally got out of my comfort zone and went to a speed-dating event alone, basically the whole thing was new to me, the bar, the speed dating, Hollywood, and I made a friend to go out with every weekend to get better at this (with women). You’re right it really isn’t hard especially when they have the exact same interests in you. I’m happy that I read little bit of your Flow and listen to 21 before I went, I was actually surprised I wasn’t all that nervous at all and the girls were all nice. But I noticed I could improve a lot, like FLIRTING but I’ll get there I like didn’t do that at all, I’ll just keep telling myself to do it and keep practicing and tell myself to stop resisting to urge to flirt. Anyways, hopefully next time it’d be a bigger success story then this one, I’m counting my little success as success too.
Hey Michael
Great to hear of your progress so far.
Now that you have a friend to go out approaching with, I hope to be hearing an awesome success story from you sometime soon!
Cheers
Dan
Oh one more question, when I’m at a bar, and say it’s crowded, how would I go an approach a girl or girls?
This weekend the new friend I made can’t go because of work, but I’m sure you’ve gone to bars and clubs alone, if it’s crowded and there is a lot of people what would you do?
The most logical thing I can think of is don’t think just do it, and keep approaching.
Hey Michael
Thanks for your question.
We explain how to approach groups of women in Dating Power: http://store.themodernman.com/in/ff7fdd If you have a serious case of approach anxiety that you just can’t get rid of, watch Alpha Male Power and use the techniques provided: http://store.themodernman.com/in/d2e92f
Cheers
Dan
Hey Dan
What you said in this article is true. Making new friends is a lot easier than I thought, even my friends list on my facebook page has increased. Back then I use to be lonely & bitter but since making these new friends, I feel a lot happier & know that I belong with them then with anyone else. 🙂 I even get to do things with them that I didn’t get a chance to do back in the past. 🙂
Hey Amrish
Cool!
Care to explain to other guys why making friends has become easier for you?
Cheers
Dan
Hey Dan
It all has to do with how you perceive yourself as a person, which comes down to your mindsets & how that affects your life as a whole. Not to mention having charisma & finding people who are compatible with you.
Here’s a site I highly recommend to all that are reading this, I made a lot of friends through here & Dan himself recommended it to me. http://www.meetup.com
No matter where you are in the world, you can easily make friends 🙂
Cool – thanks for explaining it better for the guys reading along.
Obviously, you have a much better perception of yourself these days (and so you should!). You’re right – that is what makes the world of difference.
Cheers
Dan
Dan mate is there ever a bad reason to be friends with people? I feel like one of my pulls as a friend is that I live a good lifestyle; take holidays, go new places, good disposable income and quite happily share this out to people but I wonder sometimes if I didn’t have this in my arsenal if I would be as a desirable friend. I mean for sure there is the important stuff like a connection, laughs, good times etc but feel like the other perks beef up my lack of social power if you will. Anyway getting back to my point does it matter why people join forces as long as people are happy with the setup and has the true markers of a friendship? I mean are all relationships and friends a value exchange?
Hey Michael
Yeah, from what I’ve seen, all relationships are fundamentally a value exchange. The economy is based on value exchange, marriage, work and even family (i.e. parents have children so they can build on their relationship, experience the joys of it, etc).
I don’t think that it’s a bad thing that the world works that way. It keeps everything humming along nicely.
My approach to it is that I love and accept everyone for who they are. I don’t need any friend to do anything for me, but if they do something nice/thoughtful, etc that is always appreciated. I am completely focussed on my purpose in life (The Modern Man) and then give the majority of my time to my girlfriend (who recently became my fiance http://www.themodernman.com/blog/why-i-decided-to-accept-my-girlfriends-marriage-proposal.html), followed by friends and family.
Over the years, I’ve learnt that most friends are only in your life because they need you or are relevant to you at that point in time. Your best friends will still be there even when you don’t spend any time with them. Months or even a year can go by and you will pick up right where you left off when you speak or meet again.
As you go through life, just love people, accept them for who they are and keep pushing forward to achieving your purpose in life. Reach for your true potential as a man and live life as you want to along the way.
If a friend is wasting your time and taking you away from spending valuable time on your purpose, stop spending so much time with that person. Your life will be fine with or without that person, but still love them and accept them for who they are.
Don’t worry so much about the spot you are in with some friends. Just be who you are, live life, love and reach for your true potential. Everything else is just details that you don’t really need to worry too much about.
Cheers
Dan