Are you letting the fear of success steal your life away from you, day by day?
Are you going after what you really want with women and in life, or are you hiding from it because you’re afraid of failing?
To some people, it may seem strange to think that a man could fear success so much that he avoids becoming successful in many areas of his life. After all, what man wouldn’t want to have a great job, a loving relationship with a beautiful woman and achieve anything else in his life that he desired?
Although success brings more happiness and fulfilment to a man’s life, fear of success is one of the primary reasons why men steer clear of going after what they really want.
In the case of a beautiful woman, a man will often avoid approaching her and picking her up because he fears that begins a relationship with her, he won’t be able to keep her happy.
Instead of facing his fears of approaching women, he will wait in the shadows in the hope of “getting lucky” and will accept a woman that he isn’t truly happy with.
Are You Afraid of Success?
In most cases, success means that you need to do things that are not familiar to you, which can make you afraid. To get what you really want, you might have to step outside of your comfort zone and talk to high status business people or to beautiful women and the cool crowd.
For you, success might mean that you have to take on bigger responsibilities, take more of a leading role at work or around friends, or you may have to do things that you’ve only ever fantasized about being able to do.
As you imagine being successful, you then begin to fear that if you become too successful it will then change the relationship you have with friends or family members, because you might have less time to spend with them or they may become jealous of your accomplishments and resent you.
For instance, if you suddenly become more successful at meeting attractive women or finding a great girlfriend, you may fear that your friends who don’t have your level of skill with women might feel uncomfortable around you.
Perhaps if you start to earn more money, you might assume that your friends will either resent you or try to take advantage of your new wealth.
You may also believe that you don’t deserve real success or that if you get that new job you want, you might not be able to accomplish everything that’s expected of you. So, why even bother?
If you succeed in your love life, you may fear that you don’t have the skills to build and maintain a relationship with the quality woman you have attracted. So, why even talk to her?
There are many reasons why you might fear success, but let me ask you this: Do you really think it is an intelligent thing to do to let your fears be stronger than your desire to succeed?
Do you feel as though hiding in fear is better than being a true success and enjoying all the benefits that come with it? Would you rather let this life pass you by or live this life to it’s fullest?
Answering those questions is hard for someone who fears success because the fear is usually more powerful than the desire to succeed. Additionally, someone who hides from success usually doesn’t know how good it feels to be successful.
One of the biggest differences between successful people and unsuccessful people is that successful people get EXCITED about any small step of progress they make towards their goal. Any little win fires them up even more and gives them more passion and drive.
Yet, unsuccessful people focus on their lack of success. Any little slip or mistake serves as additional fuel for their fear of success. They think, “See! I can’t do this. I am hopeless. I will never be successful” and give life to the fear.
To kill fear, you have to stop giving it fuel. You have to give fuel to the fire of your desire. The bigger your desire, the easier it is to succeed now and in the long run.
Take the Test
If you have been making any of these mistakes, you have been adding fuel to the fire of your fear…
1. Procrastination
Do you spend too much time on unimportant things to delay doing the things that you actually need to do to be successful?
For instance, do you use your phone or computer to “check Facebook,” read unimportant news or follow sports that you don’t need to following all week long?
Do you watch a lot of TV or spend way too much time at the gym, when you should be putting some of that time towards achieving the long-term goals that you really want to achieve in life?
2. All Talk, No Action
Do you spend a lot of time talking or daydreaming about meeting a new woman, landing the job you want, getting a better education or wanting to live a healthier, more active lifestyle rather than putting in the time and effort to make it happen?
3. Self-Doubt
When you see a beautiful woman that you want to approach, do you sometimes think, “She’d never go out with a guy like me, so why should I even try to talk to her?”
When you think about getting a better job, do you sometimes think, “What’s the point in even applying? There are so many applicants; I’ll never get the job (or promotion) because they are most-likely going to be better than me.”
4. Misplaced Guilt
When good things come your way, do you feel guilty that you got it and others didn’t? Do you feel like you don’t deserve to be successful, but you feel happy for others who succeed? When something good happens to you, does you sometimes feel like you shouldn’t be that successful or lucky?
5. Laziness
Do you know what you should be doing, but just can’t be bothered doing it because you’re afraid that you won’t succeed anyway? Have you become addicted to your laziness, to the point where you actually make yourself feel good for staying at home alone and not doing anything?
How do you think you will feel in 30 years time when you look back and realize that you wasted your life, while people around you have been getting ahead of you and enjoying life so much more?
5. Embarrassment
Do you know people who could help you to achieve your goals, but are too embarrassed to ask for their help? Have people offered to help you to accomplish something, but you then turned them down because you’d rather do it yourself?
Do you feel like you’re most-likely going to fail, so you don’t want anyone else to get involved because you will then let them down?
Entering the Unknown
You are always in control of how you perceive the world.
You can either look at ‘the unknown’ (things you haven’t done or things you don’t know about) as a scary thing and then feel fearful about it, or you can look at the unknown as an exciting thing and feel exhilarated by it.
Remember when you first learned to drive a car? Getting behind the wheel for the first time was an example of you entering the unknown…but, guess what? You survived and you succeeded because your willingness to learn outweighed your fears. That’s how you have to look at all of your possible success fears.
For example: This is how a guy can begin overcoming his fear of approaching women and then use his newfound confidence to approach and attract women that he chooses…
Overcoming your fear of success is simply a matter of understanding that if you have a strong enough desire to succeed, you will eventually get there and reach the level of life and experience you are aiming for.
It doesn’t matter if you make mistakes along the way to success because EVERYBODY does. The most successful people in the world have made 100s, if not 1000s of mistakes to reach the success that they now feel so proud about.
The basic steps to become successful at something are:
- Learn what you need to know.
- Give yourself the time to practice and become better at whatever tasks are necessary to achieve what you want.
- Don’t give up at the first sign of difficulty or challenge.
No elite athlete, musician, actor, businessman or anyone you admire who is a success was born with all of the tools necessary to become great at what they do.
They learned, practiced, made mistakes, practiced some more, made whatever sacrifices were necessary and had enough self confidence and drive to eventually achieve greatness and succeed.
How willing are you to be successful?
Will you hide away in fear, or will you take control of your life and live it to the fullest while you still can?
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Yeh, I think this has to be my main problem with women and relationships. I basically avoid meeting new women because I don’t want to end up failing.
Wes, so if you happen to strike out, so what? c’mon man, everyone’s struck out. Do you think when you were first learning to walk you didn’t fall on your but a bunch of times? so if you crash n burn, what’s the big deal? You won’t be the first one who struck out. It’s not fatal. You’ll get better at it if you practice but if you don’t bother trying to get better you won’t – that simple.
Great advice. Thank you!
Thanks – I’m glad you learnt something from it.
Cheers
Dan
I found this article really interesting. I have had problems with confidence and self belief all my life.
I must admit that the thought of having more friends women and success in life almost intimidate me. I’ve been this way for soo long and hate it but at the same time theres the fear of stepping into the unknown and risking getting hurt. Stupid I know but thats how my mind works anyway.
I really do want to change and know that I have to grow some nuts and just dive into it and work hard.
Thanks to you Dan and of course Ben and Stu as well for the great products and fantastic site
Hey Dan,
This isn’t a dating related question but is a confidence related one. I’m in college at the moment and in a couple of months I have this presentation (possibly to a hundred people or so) I’m really nervous. Rather than firstly going on and getting some product, usually American (like i did at first when i tried to learn about women). I said i’d ask you for your thoughts maybe you have a helpful mindset. Your mindsets on women were perfect, is there any way i can relate them to my problem?
Best regards,
Nick
Hi Nick
Thanks for your question.
I definitely can relate to your problem. For one, I’ve done a lot of public speaking for The Modern Man and am always completely calm, confident and in control. See photos here I have never felt the slightest bit of nervousness or anxiety when talking in front of people for The Modern Man.
However, before I discovered what I now teach at The Modern Man, I worked in the corporate environment and I secretly suffered from what is commonly known as “social anxiety.” I would go RED in the face, get all dry in the mouth and stumble on my words when I had to talk in front of a few people, let alone a whole AUDIENCE. I would be petrified of what they might think of me. Although I KNEW that such anxiety was silly and unnecessary, I didn’t know how to cure it.
To cut a long story short, after much effort, testing and experimenting on myself, I eventually discovered the secrets to getting rid of all the insecurities that CAUSE nervousness and social anxiety. I’ve been teaching those secrets for years now here at The Modern Man.
The specific program you need to watch is Alpha Male Power. When you follow the advice in that program, you will stop feeling anxious or nervous in social situations and instead will confidence, calmness and a powerful feeling of control of what you are doing. Of course, as a result of that confidence, women will then feel naturally attracted to you.
BTW: You will find this article helpful also: The Consequences of Not Being an Alpha Male
Cheers
Dan
Hi Dan Its Hloai I need advise from you ,I ‘ve been so called dating a chick ,I started meeting her in February introduced myself and she gave me her numbers ,I started calling ,encouraging her and on the 3rd of March she said its her birthday ,I bought her a present “Watch” she was very delighted didn’t believe I can do something like this for her.So on that day I told her I’m going to take her out the next day and She agreed,on that day she couldn’t answer my calls ,she started to having excuses as we went along ,Trying to call her still not answering my calls ,when I tried with different numbers she answered ,she was waiting for me to speak and when I did she hangs up on me or gives her cellphone to her friend to tell me that shes not here. Okay decided to live her for a while About Three months later I decided to take my short again ,It started working bit by bit sending her messages and I remember the day when she was sick she had very bad flu the one similar to Bronchitis I bought her medication ,within three days she was getting better ,she was so amazed the way I treat her .Then as things were getting much better , we needed to come to conclusion, she told me” You know Hloai I wouldn’t say I Love you ,But I like You and I don’t wanna lose you,who knows as we go along I might start falling in love with you so lets see what happens” I told her You are confusing me, are you saying you want us to be friends ,she said no.Okay we decided to take a try ,I was sending messages and she responded back,sometimes she used send to me first ,writing sweet messages about two weeks after I got an sms from her and told me Baby today my aunt is fetching me for about a week and I’ll be back on Friday.On that Friday she never came back ,but we were keeping the conversation going and writing one another sweet messages,the time she called, she told me she wants to come back on Saturday so I can spend Quality Time with her which I’ve asked for. But told me her mother doesn’t have any cash to bring her back I decided will deposit money for transport
,Late I got an SMS saying please deposit me also money to fix my hair I responded alright cool.On Saturday I deposited cash and told her ,she said okay baby ill go to the mall and check,I waited and waited ,she called me at 3 o clock in the afternoon asking me whether I’m alright ,I told her I’m alright she said will call me back .Time passed by until was very late around 11 o clock at night I decided to call her with another phone she answered by time I spoke ,she hanged up on me , so now she was going back to her old habit again.
Mr Dan I’m frustrated ,hurt, miserable because I truly love these girl I don’t want to loose her I cant even Imagine loosing her I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE
Hey Hloai
Thanks for your comment.
It’s obvious that you have no idea how to go through the stages of a natural, sexual courtship. You do NOT buy women presents to get them to like you. You’re being a nice, little friend and hoping that she will eventually like you. All it will take is ONE guy to come along and go through The Flow properly and he will be kissing her and having sex with her immediately. Watch this: http://www.themodernman.com/videos/turn-your-female-friend-or-co-worker-into-your-girlfriend.html
Cheers
Dan
Thanks so much for the motivational article, Dan. This inspires me to be a better man.
Hey Alan
Thank you for your appreciation. The comments that guys like you post up inspire me to keep writing, keep creating, keep pushing boundaries of thought in this area.
About you becoming a better man: Make it happen my friend. Please report back here to talk about your success sometime. It would be great to hear.
Cheers
Dan