If you’ve come to the realization that you’ve been behaving like a crazy ex boyfriend, but you still want her back, then you have an opportunity to turn things around now and get her back.
Here are 11 tips to help you calm down, refocus and then re-attract her in a way that will work:
1. Understand that most people behave out of character when they are dumped by someone they love
Some people will say, “Oh, just give it time” or, “Cut off contact. Be strong. You will get over it eventually,” because they’ve never really been through a serious breakup, or because they really don’t care much about what you’re going through.
Yet, if they were dumped by someone they truly loved, it would be a different story.
Suddenly, they would find themselves behaving out of character due to the shock of being dumped by someone they loved.
In fact, divorce or breakup is listed as the second-highest stressful life event a person can go through, with the death of a loved one taking first place.
So, it’s understandable that a person can go a little crazy after a breakup.
Additionally, according to Helen Fisher, Ph.D., a biological anthropologist at Rutgers University, the body goes into withdrawal after a breakup.
Essentially, it is similar to the withdrawal symptoms experienced when recovering from drug addictions such as nicotine or cocaine.
It’s the withdrawal from the drug that was their ideal partner and the love they offered.
This explains how a guy can end up acting like a crazy boyfriend when he gets left behind.
Yet, there’s an evolutionary reason behind it.
It’s nature’s way of increasing mating success.
If the brain simply accepted a breakup without a fuss, the human race would have faded out of existence ages ago.
According to Fisher, “The brain is designed to try to win this person back.”
So, don’t beat yourself up for acting like a crazy ex boyfriend since your breakup.
Your brain is actually doing what it’s supposed to do (i.e. motivate you to get her back).
2. Forgive yourself for behaving out of character
This is very important because if you don’t, it could lead to the following problems:
- You convince yourself that you are no longer worthy of your ex girlfriend, so you give up on the idea of getting her back. You then potentially spend many years missing her and regretting never taking the chance.
- You start to worry that you are a crazy person and that no other woman will feel attracted to you. You then act and behave in unattractive ways (e.g. insecure, timid, put yourself down during conversation) around other women, which turns them off and proves you right (i.e. that women aren’t attracted to you anymore).
- When interacting with your ex, you end up turning her off even more, because you try to make it up to her by apologizing repeatedly, sucking up to her, or being extra nice and agreeable even when she doesn’t deserve it (e.g. she’s being rude, unreasonable, disrespectful). She then doesn’t feel motivated to give you another chance.
3. Know that you won’t lose her if you know how to re-attract her
Re-attraction changes everything.
It makes a woman want to forgive a guy and makes reconciliation possible.
On the other hand, how much a guy apologizes, or declares his love for her, doesn’t matter to a woman if she’s not feeling attracted to him.
This is why you absolutely must focus on making your ex girlfriend feel attracted to you again first, so she wants to forgive you for being a crazy ex boyfriend and give the relationship another chance.
Attraction comes first and everything else flows on naturally after that.
So, the next time you interact with her, ask yourself:
- Am I saying and doing things that are making her feel attracted to me (e.g. using humor that actually makes her laugh, being emotionally masculine so she can feel girly in comparison to me, flirting so there is a sexual spark), or am I behaving in a way that reminds her why she broke up with me initially (e.g. showing insecurity and self-doubt, being too nice and polite even when she is treating me badly, being nervous)?
- When I talk to her, do I make her feel sexy and desirable in my eyes, or do I make her feel like a neutral friend, or worse, turned off?
- Am I able to make her enjoy the fact that I’m feeling attracted to her and feel attracted in return, or does she feel annoyed because it’s clear that the feelings aren’t mutual (i.e. I feel more attracted than her) and I’ve never been able to improve that?
Am I confident and emotionally strong around her, regardless of how little interest she shows in me, or do I become insecure and unsure of myself if she’s not making it obvious that she wants to get back together?
The more attracted you make her feel, the less chance there is of losing her.
4. Interact with her again, create a spark of attraction, tell her that you accept the breakup and then get her to agree to be just friends
A woman is more likely to agree to that if she’s feeling attracted again because she doesn’t want to make a mistake and end up regretting it later on (i.e. she decides to move on and never finds another man who can make her feel attracted the way that her ex can).
That’s why you’ve got to make sure that you act, talk, behave and treat her in ways that turn her on rather than turn her off.
For example: A guy will ruin an ex woman’s attraction prior to attempting to get her to agree to be friends, by…
- Being extra nice and agreeable in the hope that getting her way will make her happy and as a result, more open to being friends again.
- Treating her in a neutral way so she doesn’t feel a spark with him anymore.
- Accepting whatever scraps of attention she’s willing to give him (e.g. she says he is allowed to text her once a week, he has to ask permission via text before he can call her) and giving her power over him (which she doesn’t want) as a result.
Then, after suggesting they remain friends, he ruins her feelings of attraction by…
- Waiting for her to lead the ex back process, rather than being man enough to take charge and make it happen.
- Being too predictable and obvious, so she doesn’t feel motivated to try and impress him to maintain his interest. She takes it for granted that he will accept whatever she dishes out for a chance to be with her.
- Being afraid to playfully tease and flirt with her to create sexual tension between them, so she assumes that he is no longer interested. As a result, he ends up in the friend zone while she hooks up and dates other men.
5. Let her know that she is welcome to contact you as a friend and then give her a week of space
When you do that after re-attracting her, it automatically changes her perception of you.
Firstly, it proves that you’re no longer being a crazy or needy ex boyfriend.
You are past that and are now a lot more emotionally mature and balanced man, so she doesn’t have to feel threatened or annoyed anymore.
Additionally, because she feels attracted to you again and you’re not pushing her for a relationship, she starts to feel drawn to you again.
She worries about walking away and regretting it later on.
As a result, she is more likely to contact you to say “Hi” and see what happens from there (i.e. will you continue re-sparking her feelings, or will she realize that she made the right decision to break up).
Of course, she might also wait for you to contact her again (e.g. because she doesn’t want to make it easy for you to get her back, she worries you might reject her now).
This is why it’s important not to give her too much space.
Up to a week is fine.
However, more than that and you stand the risk of her assuming you’ve moved on, so she hooks up with another man to make herself feel better.
6. Stop looking at her social media and only focus on yours
It doesn’t matter what she’s doing right now (e.g. having fun with other people, going on dates).
What matters is what you’re doing.
You need to prove to her (without using words) that you’re no longer being a crazy ex boyfriend and the best way to show her that is through your social media pages.
For example: If she sees that you’re having fun with other people and enjoying life (e.g. going to parties, clubs and bars, pursuing a new hobby or interest, joining a meetup group in your area), it will be easier for her to accept that you’ve stopped being so obsessed over her and the breakup.
So, take your focus off her and use your time effectively to update your social media with photos of you looking happy, relaxed and having fun with other people.
Important: It must be photos of you with other people and not alone, regardless of how attractive you look in a photo by yourself.
Only when she sees that you are interacting with other people will she be able to relax her guard a little bit (i.e. because she can see that you’re not obsessing over her anymore).
She then feels more comfortable when interacting with you (i.e. because she is not worried about you acting crazy), making it easier to re-attract her and get her back.
7. Use the time apart to level up your ability to make her feel sexual and romantic attraction for you
For example: Some of the ways you can do that are…
- Maintaining your confidence when she tries to make you feel insecure by teasing you, being distant or saying that you’ve ruined any chance you might have had with her by acting so crazy after the breakup.
- Staying in control of your emotions when she’s moody, angry or closed off.
- Using attraction techniques that are natural and work with almost all women, even exes (e.g. making her laugh and smile, teasing her, being playful and flirtatious) to make her want to forgive you for acting like a crazy ex-boyfriend and want to spend more time with you.
- Understanding that women prefer a good guy who is a bit of a challenge, rather than a guy who is too easy and desperate. Then, put that understanding into action (e.g. by not always letting her have her way, standing up to her in a loving, but assertive when she’s trying to be the boss, playfully saying no to some of her requests, rather than always being so agreeable).
These are just a few of the ways you can level up to make your ex feel sexual and romantic attraction for you again.
8. Prepare yourself to use a more attractive communication style
For example: Some things that a guy might say, which would be unattractive and push an ex girlfriend away are…
- Not listening and talking over her to make his point or make her listen to reason. This causes her to feel bullied, unheard and even intimidated by him.
- Not respecting her personal space and getting “in her face” during interactions. As a result, she feels threatened.
- Being too serious and always wanting to discuss the relationship, what he did wrong and what it will take to get the relationship back together again. She then gets a sense that it’s all about him and what he wants (i.e. her feelings are irrelevant or unimportant to him).
On the other hand, a few examples of a guy who uses an attractive communication style are…
- He uses humor to ease the tension between him and his ex girlfriend and focuses on making conversations feel fun and relaxed.
- He listens to her without getting angry, defensive or upset.
- He is calm, relaxed and charming regardless of what she says or does during interactions together (e.g. she’s defensive, closed off, accuses him of being crazy, insists she will never give him another chance).
- He is playful and friendly and makes interactions feel stress-free, while still behaving in ways that spark her feelings of attraction (e.g. confident rather than bossy, relaxed rather than tense, open rather than defensive).
When you change your communication style your ex will naturally start to see you in a new more positive light, rather than as her crazy ex boyfriend.
9. Contact her, interact with her, create sparks of attraction and let her sense that you’re not trying to get a relationship
A guy will usually come across as a crazy ex boyfriend because he is desperately trying to make his ex woman change her mind and give him another chance right now.
So, when you contact your ex, make sure that you focus on talking to her in a confident, charming and relaxed manner and let her sense that you’re not pushing for a relationship.
Instead, you’re just interacting with her and she’s feeling sparks of attraction for you again.
As a result, she will naturally start to feel drawn to either getting back into a relationship with you, or hooking up with you again sexually to see how she feels afterward.
10. If she seems open, invite her to catch up for a coffee or bite to eat
If she doesn’t seem open, let her know (again) that you accept the breakup and wish her the best, but are open to catching up for a coffee if she changes her mind sometime in the future.
Then, add, “If I don’t hear from you in a week, I’ll contact you again to say hi and if you’re still not interested in catching up as friends, I promise to never contact you again.”
Make sure that you say this in a confident, relaxed manner (so she can see you’re not being needy or desperate) while you continue building her feelings of attraction (e.g. by making her laugh, being playful and flirtatious).
On the other hand, if she says yes to catching up, make the necessary arrangements.
Then, when you see her in person…
11. Re-attract her further at the meetup and establish a new relationship dynamic that appeals to her
For example: In a case where a guy has been needy, clingy, jealous and controlling in a relationship; a new relationship dynamic would be where he is confident, relaxed and loving, but also emotionally independent.
In other words, he treats her well and makes her feel special, but also takes time to focus on himself, his goals and interests and to spend time with his friends without her.
When you establish the right relationship dynamic with your ex, everything changes naturally and easily.
She stops looking at you as her crazy ex boyfriend and starts seeing you in a new more positive light.
You can then get her back and make the relationship even better than it was before.
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