To be clear here, the Friend Zone is when you have a sexual interest in a woman and you want to have a sexual romantic relationship with her, but she only sees you as a friend.
So, the first funny thing about the Friend Zone is…
1. It’s usually the guy who places himself in the Friend Zone
Some women place guys in the Friend Zone because they have absolutely no interest in the guy and would never date a guy like him, but in most situations when a guy is in the Friend Zone, he has actually placed himself there.
The woman would hook up with him sexually and get into a relationship with him, but he has placed himself in the Friend Zone because he doesn’t think that he is good enough for her.
He’s trying too hard to get her to like him, he’s trying too hard to get to know her and is hoping that eventually, she’s going to show him some strong sign that she wants more than just a friendship.
In the meantime though, he doesn’t feel like he’s good enough yet.
He is talking to her and trying to hang out with her and build up some sort of relationship so something happens.
Yet, as you may have seen in your life, when a guy uses that approach with a woman, all it usually takes for him to be pushed to the sidelines is for another guy to come along and make her feel attracted.
The new guy isn’t necessarily any more better looking than him, but the one difference about this new guy is that he does believe that he is good enough for her.
He doesn’t interact with her in a way where he’s just trying to be friends with her.
He’s not trying to build up some sort of relationship by really getting to know her over time.
Instead, he’s focusing on making her feel sexually attracted and turned on by him.
When that happens, the guy who was in the Friend Zone is then left thinking, “What? Why did she do that? We were getting along so well. We have so many things in common. We hang out. We talk. She laughs. She was even touching me on my arm and my leg and everything seemed to be going fine. I thought I was getting great signals from her.”
Yes, she was giving some signals, but at the end of the day, she doesn’t actually want to have a friendship.
She wants to have a sexual, romantic, relationship.
So, when a guy comes along who shortcuts the process and just makes her feel sexually attracted and turned on, she then has a sexual interest in him.
He will do that by being very confident around her and using humor, being charming and charismatic, but more importantly, he will do it by not giving her the impression that he is hoping to get a chance with her.
The guys who place themselves in the Friend Zone tend to give a woman the impression that they are hoping to be liked by her.
The woman, if she has any experience with dating, can see that.
She can see that he doesn’t really believe in himself and is trying to hopefully grow on her over time.
In some cases, that slow, friends first approach can actually work.
For example, in the case of two coworkers working together for a couple of years.
If the woman is spending a lot of time with the guy and he’s able to grow on her over time, he might be able to get a chance with her.
Yet, if another guy comes along into the workplace and makes her feel attracted right away, then she’s not really going to be focusing on the guy who’s just making her feel friendly emotions.
She’s going to be focusing on the guy who is making her feel sexually attracted.
The guy who was using the friends first approach then gets left behind.
Now, it’s important to point out that she didn’t actually place the guy in the Friend Zone.
He placed himself there by using a friends first approach.
He was trying to get to know her and slowly build up a relationship over time, whereas the other guy focused on making her feel sexually attracted and turned on pretty much right away.
That’s how he avoided the friend zone and got her sexual and romantic interest right away.
Now, in the workplace, some guys might be wondering, “How can he do that without getting himself into trouble?”
It really comes down to the way that you come across when you’re interacting with a woman.
A guy who is confident with women and knows how to make them feel sexually attracted will do it in subtle ways.
For example, if he is making a woman feel attracted to him by being confident and being charismatic and he notices that, he will begin to show her that he is noticing that she finds him attractive and he will also begin to show her that he finds her sexually attractive.
He’ll do it in a very subtle way, though.
He’ll be talking to her, for example and give her a look up and down. He will show her that he finds her attractive, but he will do it in a subtle way like hat.
Subtle signals like that that show her that he is aware about the sexual tension building up between him and her.
She can then flirt back with him by touching him, playfully hitting him at times, biting her lip when talking to him (when no one else is looking) and looking him up and down in a subtly, sexual way.
On the other hand, the guy in the Friend Zone is just being nice and neutral around her and not creating a sexual spark.
He’s saying, “Hey, how are you today? How’s work going? How’s things? Yeah, I’m working on this project,” and is being Mr. Neutral and being Mr. Friendly.
He has placed himself in the Friend Zone based on his approach to her.
The second funny thing about the Friend Zone is that…
2. Most guys aren’t even aware that they are doing it
The next time that you’re at a bar, a party or a social event, notice how most guys interact with women that they find attractive.
Most guys use the friends first approach and are trying to get to know the woman and build up some sort of friendship and relationship, so they can eventually get a chance with her.
Most guys doubt themselves around attractive women and feel like they’re not good enough for the women.
Now, the thing is, most of those guys ARE good enough for the woman.
They are more than good enough for her, but it’s the guy’s insecure, self-doubting thinking that is causing him to behave like that.
He thinks that he needs to slowly build up a connection with her, build up some sort of relationship and hopefully, she’s going to like him.
Alternatively, he’s thinking that a woman like her wouldn’t want a guy like him.
So, he’s thinking, “Alright. I’m going to try to be nice to her, try to talk to her and get along and hopefully we build up some sort of connection and she likes me for that.”
Then you see another guy come along and talk to her and he uses what I call the attraction first approach.
He focuses on making her feel sexually attracted and turned on by him.
Now, he’s not being sleazy about it and he’s not saying, “Hey girl. What’s going on? Let me see that butt. Oh, yeah. I like yours. You show me your tits.”
It’s not a sleazy first approach.
I’m not talking about that.
I’m talking about attraction.
You make her feel sexually attracted and turned on by you in subtle ways.
For example, a guy who’s being confident and making a woman feel attracted to him based on his confidence and the humor that he’s using and the charisma that he’s displaying.
He’s talking to her and she asks him, “So, what are you doing later on?”
A guy who is not going to make her feel attracted at that point will answer in a logical manner.
He will answer her question and miss out on the opportunity to create a sexual understanding between them.
However, a guy who uses the attraction-first approach and is focused on making the woman feel attracted will hear her question and answer it in a much better way.
She asks him, “So, what are you doing later on?” and he looks at her and says, “Gee, you move fast. We’ve only been talking for a couple of minutes. Geez, just take it easy. You’re going to need to take me on some dates first and wine and dine me and maybe after a few dates, I’ll let you hold my hand.”
Pretty much every girl you say that to will laugh at that.
She will then try to tell you that she wasn’t saying that and it’s you who needs to take her on dates and so on.
However, as a result of talking to her in that way, you are letting her know that there is something going on between you and her.
It’s not just a friendship.
You’re not trying to get to know her and find out all about her interests and, “Oh, really? You like hiking. Oh, that’s nice. Oh, you’re an accountant. How long you been doing that? Oh, that’s great. Where did you study? Oh, really. Okay, what else can I ask you that is going to bore you to tears?”
Now, there’s nothing wrong with asking women questions about those things and there is nothing wrong with discussing those things.
However, if a guy is using the friends first approach with a woman where he’s trying to be her friend and build up some sort of connection and isn’t focused on making her feel sexually attracted and turned on, then he is almost certainly going to end up in the Friend Zone.
If he talks to her for an hour and they seem to be getting along and then he asks for her phone number, she’s almost certainly going to say no.
She might say something like, “Well, you’re nice and it’s been great chatting to you, but I’m sorry I don’t give out my number at bars,” or, “I’m sorry, I’m not looking for a boyfriend right now,” or, “I’m sorry, I’m too busy at the moment,” or, “I don’t have a phone number,” which some women will say as well.
The reason why she will do that is because she’s not feeling sexually attracted to him.
She might get along with him in a friendly way, but she’s not actually looking for a friendship.
She’s looking for a sexual, romantic relationship.
She will then start talking to another guy and if he is making her feel sexually attracted and turned on, she’s either going to give him her phone number or they’re going to end up kissing and having sex that night.
Now, it doesn’t mean that the guy who got Friend Zoned wasn’t good enough for her.
He was almost certainly good enough for her, but he made the mistake of using too much of a friendly approach.
There wasn’t enough of a sexual spark there.
There’s nothing wrong with being friendly while talking to a woman, but you also must ensure that she’s feeling sexually attracted and turned on.
At the end of the day, that’s what’s going to be the difference between a friendship and a sexual relationship.
Learn more?
Okay, I hope you’ve enjoyed this video and learned something from it.
If you’d like to learn more, I recommend that you read my ebook, The Flow, or listen to the audiobook version, The Flow on Audio.
When you read The Flow or listen to the audio version, you will learn exactly what to say and do to attract women and get to sex and relationships.
It’s actually a very easy thing to do.
Most women are way easier to pick up than they make themselves out to be.
You just need to make sure that you’re using an approach that causes them to feel attracted to you and then know what to say and do to get to a phone number, kiss, sex and into a relationship.
So, from now on, you will notice that most guys actually place themselves in the Friend Zone with women that they like and they’re not even aware of it.
This presents an amazing opportunity for you.
When you are one of the rare guys who use the attraction-first approach, you will see how easy most women are to pick up. Most women will act as though they are difficult and hard to get when guys use the friends first approach.
However, when a guy uses the attraction first approach and makes her feel sexually attracted and turned on, she doesn’t want to play games with him and mess it up.
She might test his confidence by playing a bit hard-to-get at times, but she’s going to be interested in a sexual, romantic experience with him.
She’s not going to look at him as just a friend.
She’s going to have a sexual and romantic interest.
He can then move things forward to a phone number, a kiss, sex or a relationship if he wants that as well after sex.
He has that choice.
The woman has a sexual interest in him.
He can go forward and enjoy that and then whatever happens after then is up to the two of them.
Meanwhile, the guy in the Friend Zone, who doesn’t understand what you’ve just learned, is thinking, “What is wrong with women? I was so nice to her. We were getting along and now she goes and hooks up with another guy.”
As you now know, the answer is simple.
You have to focus on making her feel attracted and you have to feel that you are worthy of her.
Don’t place yourself in the Friend Zone by thinking that you’re not good enough and that you have to build up a friendship and slowly get her to like you.
You can make her feel sexually attracted and turned on by you right away and you can then build on that.
The next thing you know, you and her are kissing, having sex and enjoying a relationship.
That’s how easy it should be and that’s how easy it is when you use the attraction first approach.
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