If you’ve been trying to convince your ex to feel the same way as you do about her, but she is being stubborn and closed off, today is the day that you will change that.
To turn things around, here’s what you need to understand…
1. Words mean nothing to her if she isn’t attracted to you
When a guy is still in love with his ex and wants her back, he might try to convince her to change her mind by explaining how sorry he is, telling her how much he cares and asking her to just give him a chance to prove that things can be different.
For example: He might say things like, “I’m so sorry for the way I behaved. I know that I hurt you and you have every reason not to want to talk to me, but I honestly believe if we can just sit down and discuss things, we’ll be able to work things out between us because I really have changed. Not only that, but I still love you more than anything, despite the fact that we have broken up. I’ve never loved a woman as much as I love you. However, I can’t show you that unless you give me the chance to prove myself to you. Please think about it. You have always been such a good person. Please give me another chance. I promise that you won’t regret it.”
If that approach doesn’t work and she just keeps saying things like, “No, I don’t believe that you’ve changed. Please accept that it’s over between us,” he might add, “Please…I love you. I need you in my life. You were the best part of me and I’m lost without you. Please give me one more chance. I know I can make you happy now.”
Essentially, he’s hoping that by saying that to her, she will think something like, “He sounds like he’s really making an effort to fix things between us and he also still loves and needs me so much. Based on that, how can I say no to him? Our love deserves another chance. I am so lucky to have a man who loves me as much as he does” and then they can get back together.
Yet, it rarely (if ever) works that way.
Why?
If a woman has disconnected from her feelings of respect, attraction and love for a guy, his words mean next to nothing to her.
Rather than being convinced to change her mind based on his explanations and promises, she is more likely to think, “He still doesn’t get it. He doesn’t realize that I don’t have feelings for him anymore and nothing he says is going to change that. As far as I’m concerned, it’s all just a bunch of empty promises. Even though he’s saying that he has changed, it’s obvious that he hasn’t. He’s just being desperate, insecure and needy and that’s not attractive to me.”
So, what should he do instead?
Start interacting with your ex on the phone or in person and show her (don’t tell her) that you truly have changed and improved.
The more attracted you make her feel to the new and improved you, the more she will want to give you another chance to see how she feels.
Yet, if all you do is talk, talk, talk (or worse, text, text, text) her in a friendly way or in an annoying way where you’re asking for another chance, all she’s going to say is, “No, no, no.”
Remember: If you haven’t reactivated her feelings of sexual and romantic attraction first, your words and promises are going to be next to meaningless to her.
In other words, if you don’t make her want you back first for her own reasons, she’s not going to care about your reasons for wanting her back or how much you care about her or love her.
The next reason why you can’t seem to convince your ex to feel the same way that you do is…
2. Your feelings are largely based on wanting her back
Lately, you may have been thinking things like, “I want her back so bad” or, “I need to get her back” or, “I miss her so much! I can’t live without her” or, “I don’t want any other woman. I just want her. She is the one for me! I have to get her back. I don’t want to fall in love with another woman. I just want her love. She makes me feel so amazing. She is what I want.”
Essentially, you’re thinking about how you feel and what it’s like not having your ex in your life right now (i.e. life sucks, you feel lonely, you feel like you’re being left behind, you fear the idea of having to get out there and start dating again, you just want her back so your life can go back to normal).
Yet, here’s the thing…
While you’re thinking about your feelings, you’ve overlooked one important thing: Her feelings.
To get an ex woman back, the only thing that matters is how you make HER feel.
Your feelings are pretty much irrelevant and unimportant to her now.
She cares about herself and what she wants and will only start to care about you and what you want, if you first MAKE HER CARE by reactivating her feelings of sexual and romantic attraction for you.
So, while you’re thinking about how much you miss her and how bad it feels not to have her around anymore, she’s busy thinking about all the ways she feels you stuffed up and how that made her feel (e.g. angry, disappointed, frustrated, stuck).
She is using those negative feelings to help herself get over you and move on.
So, to convince your ex to give you another chance, you first have to close the gap and make the sexual and romantic feelings mutual, or at least close to mutual.
In other words, you need to make her feel the way that you feel about her, or at least get her to begin experiencing sparks of those kind of feelings.
You can’t achieve that by explaining things to her (e.g. “I’ve changed. I now know where I went wrong. I can make you happy now. Please, just give me another chance to prove that to you”) or having deep and meaningful discussions about life and relationships.
The most important thing at this point is how she feels, not how much you want her back, how much you need her or how sincere you are about making things right between you and her.
The next reason why you can’t seem to convince your ex to feel the same way that you do is…
3. Women aren’t attracted to desperation or neediness in a man
When a guy is going on and on about his feelings and how much he needs his ex back, rather than feel flattered by his desperation, a woman usually feels even more turned off.
She then starts thinking things like, “Doesn’t he realize that his behavior is unattractive to me? The more he tries to convince me to give him another chance, the less I want to be around him. He’s just highlighting to me that he can’t be an emotionally strong, independent man on his own without leaning on me for guidance and support. I have to be alone now and start moving on. Surely there will be other men out there who understand how to attract a woman and make her remain in love. Surely I don’t have to settle for a relationship that requires so much struggle and stress. Surely there is an easier way to be happy in a relationship. I’m certain that there are men out there who are confident, self-assured and know how to be an emotionally strong man for a woman to look up to, respect, feel attracted to and remain in love with. That’s what I’ve got to find.”
The fact is that women just don’t feel attracted to neediness and desperation in men.
It doesn’t work for them.
Some women try to stick with a guy who is needy and desperate, because many women don’t want to have to go through with a break up, but no matter how much they try, they just can’t feel attracted to it or accept it.
Women feel attracted to men who have the confidence and emotional strength to get on with enjoying life, with or without her around, or with or without her emotional support when in a relationship.
So, acting like you can’t live without her and as though your life is at a standstill until she gives you another chance, isn’t going to make her feel attracted to you and want you back.
To convince her that you’re an emotionally strong and independent man (which will make her feel some respect and attraction for you again), she needs to be able to see that you’re living a happy and fulfilling life without her.
That’s what really makes a difference and allows a woman to relax and open back up to her ex, rather than being afraid that he’s obsessing over her and unable to stand on his own two feet.
Just don’t waste months doing that to prove to her that you’re happy without her.
Get that done in the next few days to a week and then begin the ex back process.
If you leave it for too long, she will almost certainly just move on.
3 Mistakes Guys Make When Trying to Convince an Ex to Get Back Together Again
If you want her back for real, be sure to avoid the following common mistakes that guys make when in your situation:
1. Writing a long letter, e-mail or message on social media to explain how much she means to you
In situations where an ex woman is being closed off and refusing to listen to anything that her ex is saying to her, he might decide that the only way to get through to her is to explain everything in a long letter or e-mail.
He may think, “If she won’t meet up with me in person, or talk to me over the phone, then I will e-mail her. At least she won’t be able to ignore me then. She will be forced to read it and will then know how I feel about her. Maybe then she will be convinced to listen to me and give me another chance.”
He will then write to her and tell her how much he still loves her, how important she is in his life, how sorry he is for hurting her and how promises to do anything and everything to make it up to her.
Yet, he doesn’t realize that rather than making her think, “Oh, how sweet. He still loves me. Maybe I should at least give him a chance to explain,” she instead thinks something along the lines of, “Oh right! So, I’m supposed to forgive him and give him another chance with me based on the fact that he loves me and needs me. Well, what about how I feel? Doesn’t he care or even realize that I’m still not attracted to him? Doesn’t he have a clue that I won’t care unless he first re-attracts me? Nothing about his letter is making me feel like he’s changed and improved as a man and will now be able to make me feel attracted in the ways that actually matter to me.”
Here’s the thing…
A letter or e-mail doesn’t give a woman any first hand, real life evidence that you have changed.
So, in most cases, a woman will just assume that you’re still the same guy she broke up with.
For example: She can’t hear your confidence in the tonality of your voice, so as she reads your letter or e-mail, she imagines that you are feeling insecure, nervous and unsure of yourself.
She can’t see your confident body language, so she imagines that if you said those things to her in person, you would probably be nervous and unsure of yourself.
This is why it’s never a good idea to hide behind texts, letters or e-mails with an ex woman.
If you want to convince your ex to feel the same way you do about her, the best way to go about it is by letting her fully experience the new you in person.
When she can see your body language and the way you maintain your confidence around her regardless of what she is saying or doing to put you off, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling some respect for the new and improved you.
When that happens, she also starts to feel attracted again.
From there, her walls come down and her feelings for you begin flooding back, even if she tries to stop them or hide them.
Another mistake that guys make when in your situation is…
2. Trying to convince her to understand his point of view, rather than being so stubborn and sticking to hers
When a guy is pouring his heart out to his ex and she is saying things like, “Forget it! I don’t want to hear about how you feel about me. I just don’t care! Please get it into your head that it’s over between us and stop harassing me about your feelings for me,” it’s understandable that he might feel like she is being stubborn.
He may even say to himself, “Why won’t she listen to me? All I want is for her to see things from my point of view. After everything we’ve been through, she could at least make the effort to see things my way. She’s like a completely different person. She’s so damn stubborn now.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
She’s only being like that because he hasn’t been doing anything to spark her feelings of respect, sexual attraction and love for him.
All he has been doing is pleading, whining, convincing and going on and on about how he feels for her.
He’s not making her feel anything for him in return, other than annoyed and more turned off.
So, if you want to get her back, don’t waste time trying to convince her to see things from your point of view.
Instead, just focus on using every interaction you have with her (e.g. via text, on social media, over the phone, in person) to restore her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
The more you spark her feelings for you, the more interested she becomes in exploring a new, even better relationship with you now.
However, if you keep pushing her to listen to you and just give you a chance based on your explanations and promises, she will remain closed off.
The next mistake that other guys make in your situation is…
3. Thinking that she will love him if he can just get her to understand that they share a unique connection
Even if you and her once talked about being together forever, none of that matters anymore if she isn’t feeling respect, attraction and love for you now.
That was then and this is now.
If a woman no longer feels the same way anymore, she doesn’t have to stay with a guy just because they once shared a special connection.
So, rather than trying to convince your ex to try again based on the connection that you and her once shared, you have to allow her to experience new surges of respect and attraction for the new and improved version of you.
When you interact with her and she experiences the new, improved man that you have become, her feelings about you will automatically begin to change.
She will start to feel respect and attraction for you again and her will guard comes down.
Then, you won’t have to convince her to feel the same way you do because she already will.
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