A lot of men believe that once a woman breaks up with a guy, there’s nothing he can do to get her back.
Fortunately, that’s just not true because every day, all across the world, millions of women come back to their man.
To help you understand how it happens and why, here are 3 stories of ex girlfriends coming back to their boyfriend.
1. After one break up
Our first story is about a girl who met a guy and felt an initial spark of attraction for him.
For example:
- He used humor to make her laugh and feel happy when she was in his company.
- He was a loving, attentive and made her feel special.
- He put an effort into getting to know her, making her feel good and getting along with each other really well.
They then began a relationship together as boyfriend and girlfriend.
In the beginning, it was fun because it was a new relationship and they were kissing, having sex and getting to know each other.
Yet, over time, she began to notice that rather than building on her feelings for him (by continuing to display the kind of behavior that she found attractive), he started behaving in unattractive ways, which then caused her feelings for him to erode.
For example:
• He was initially loving and attentive, but gradually fell into the habit of taking her for granted and beginning to care way more about himself than her.
• She began to notice that he was only confident about his sense of humor if she laughed along with him. If she didn’t support his jokes, he became insecure, upset or even angry at her.
• He was so nice to her all the time that he became predictable, so it the relationship began to feel boring (i.e. no matter how badly she treated him, he was always being really nice to her and treating her like a princess).
• She started to feel more like a neutral friend than a desirable woman around him because he stopped trying to make her feel attracted to him and started treating her like one of his buddies.
Naturally, she then started to ask herself, “Is this something that I want to put up with for life, or is it a deal breaker? Is it possible for him to change, or is he more likely to remain stuck behaving in those ways and maybe even get worse?”
To get him to notice that she was unhappy with his approach, she may have then started to say like, “This isn’t working out. I’m just not sure if we should keep trying, or just give up. It’s not like it used to be. I’m not happy anymore.”
She was hoping that he would realize that the relationship was beginning to fall apart and then do something to re-attract her, before it was too late.
Yet, he didn’t.
Unfortunately, he reacted like a lot of guys do in a situation like that and he assumed she was being dramatic, or that she was just going through a phase.
He may have then though to himself, “Oh, here we go again. I know that she doesn’t really mean it. She’s threatened to leave me a few times before and never does. It’s just her way of getting attention. I know she really loves me and wouldn’t actually break up with me. I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing and she will stop complaining and start being a good girlfriend to me again.”
In the meantime, the woman was thinking something along the lines of, “Does he think that it’s the 1800’s where women were forced to stick with a man for life no matter what because of pressure from society? The world doesn’t work that way anymore. I can leave him if I want to. There are plenty of other guys out there who can give me what I want. I don’t have to stick around and be miserable with him.”
Naturally, when she broke up with him, he was shocked and he may even have thought to himself, “I can’t believe this is happening! I love her so much. How could she do this to me? It’s over forever. I’ve lost her and can’t get her back.”
After the initial shock of being dumped wore off, he then realized that a break up doesn’t mean that he can’t ever get her back.
So, rather than wallow in his unhappiness, or try to get her back in all the wrong ways (e.g. beg and plead with her, ask her to tell him what he did wrong so that he can change, pour his heart out to her and tell her that he’s lost without her), he instead focused on discovering her real reasons for breaking up with him.
He asked himself questions like…
- Did I make her feel loved and appreciated, or did I take her for granted?
- Did I believe in my value to her as a man, or did I feel like she was too good for me and then start acting insecure, needy and clingy?
- Did I make her feel like a beautiful, desirable woman, or did I treat her more like one of my male friends or a roommate?
- Was she able to depend on me as her man, or did she feel like she had to be the emotionally stronger one in the relationship?
- Did I take the lead in the relationship and focus on building her feelings of respect, attraction and love for me, or did I sit back and assume the love would take care of itself?
- Was our relationship fun and exciting, or did it become too boring and predictable?
By asking himself those questions, the guy finally started to understand his ex girlfriend’s real, secret reasons for breaking up with him.
Confronted by the truth, he decided that he wanted her back, that he could change and he then quickly took definite steps to make some attractive changes to his way of thinking and behavior.
Within a few days he got his ex on a phone call.
On the call, he maintained his confidence with her (even though she initially tried to put him off by being cold and unfriendly) and focused on making her laugh, smile and feel good to be talking to him again.
She then began to wonder, “What is going on here? He’s so different from the way he was before. I feel so drawn to him again.”
When he asked her to meet up with him to say hello as friends, she jumped at the chance and said, “Yes” because she was feeling attracted to him and didn’t want to miss out on the opportunity to experience more of that in person.
At the meet up, he continued to re-attract her by behaving in some of the ways that she always wanted from him but didn’t get (e.g. he’s now confident and self-assured, he’s a good guy but he doesn’t let her dominate him emotionally, he flirts with her to create sexual tension and makes her feel like a desirable woman around him).
She could see that he really had changed and was now the man she always wanted him to be.
As a result, she naturally began to feel more respect and attraction for him.
He then asked her to get back together again and she agreed.
Here’s another story of an ex girlfriend coming back to her boyfriend, but this time…
2. After two break ups
Our second story is about a couple who have broken up twice before, because the guy failed to realize that he was making the same mistakes again the second time around.
So, after their first break up the guy pleaded with his ex to give him another chance by saying things like, “I give you my word that this time will be different,” and “I promise I’ll change and be more of the man you want me to be,” as a way of convincing her.
She then thought to herself, “Okay. I’ll give him one more chance,” but after a few days, she realized that nothing had really changed about him and he was still stuck at the same level he was at before, so she broke up with him again.
To get her back the second time, the guy realized that he had to do things differently.
This time, rather than beg and plead and make promises to change if she gave him another chance, he instead quickly made some attractive changes himself (e.g. He stopped being insecure about his value to her, which in turn made him feel less jealous and controlling. He understood that he needed to stop taking her tantrums so seriously and instead, needed to start using humor to get her out of her bad moods).
He also knew that he needed to get her to forgive him for his past mistakes first, before the relationship could move forward with a clean slate.
So, the next time he spoke to her on the phone (because he knew that apologizing to a woman via text almost never works) he said, “I’m really sorry about what happened between us. I now see that I broke my word to you after I’d promised to change the first time we spilt up. That was immature of me and it was wrong. I now totally understand why you needed to break up with me again and I don’t blame you for it. If the situation was reversed and you did to me what I did to you, I probably would’ve done the same thing. It was a big reality check for me, but the positive thing about it is that it allowed me see things about myself that I needed to improve. I accept that you might not be able to believe me right away, but I just want you to know that I’m not that kind of guy anymore. Right now, you’re likely thinking that I’m just saying this to get you back, but I’m not. Sure, I’d like us to get back together again, but I’m not asking you for that. Instead, I’m asking you to forgive me for who I was before. Can you do that?”
By saying that to her, he was showing her that he really had changed and was now at a different level than he was before.
She then dropped her guard and allowed herself to forgive him.
When she forgave him, it broke down her walls and she stopped thinking about him in such a negative way and she became more open to him.
She saw the difference between the old version of him and the new version of him and realized that it would be immature and unnecessary to hold a grudge against him for who he used to be.
As a result, she started to look forward to seeing him in person again.
When they met up in person again, he continued to trigger her feelings of respect and attraction for him by saying and doing the kind of the things that are naturally attractive to women (e.g. being confident and charismatic, making her laugh and smile, being emotionally masculine).
She realized that he really was a new and improved man and decided that she didn’t want to lose him now that he was finally giving her the kind of attraction experience she always wanted from him.
Then, it was only natural that they got back together again.
Our final story of an ex girlfriend coming back to her boyfriend is what happened…
3. After three or more break ups
The guy made promises to change and the woman gave him several more chances, only to then discover that he was still the same guy as before, so she broke up with him again and again.
She realized that even though she cared for him deeply, her expectations of the relationship weren’t being fulfilled and she could no longer see herself in his future.
So, to get her back, he decided to give her a week of space to allow for things to cool down between them.
He knew that ignoring her for anything longer than 7 days was a waste of time because when a woman has lost respect, attraction and love for a guy, she won’t really care that she’s not hearing from him.
Instead, she will simply use the time apart to move on and then when he finally calls her up she’ll say something like, “I’m sorry, but you’ve been gone for too long. I’ve met someone else now.”
So, he gave her a week of space and in that time, he focused on making some attractive changes to himself before contacting her again.
For example: A reason why she broke with him was that he made her feel as though she had to take care of him emotionally.
She felt as though he was too needy and dependent on her, so he used the time apart to become more emotionally independent.
For instance, some of the ways he did that was…
- He decided to stop being such a loner and made contact with some of his old friends.
- He made some new friends by attending group activities in his city or town (e.g. group exercise, salsa dancing, hiking, martial arts).
- He began working towards achieving his big goals, dreams and ambitions in life.
- He learned more about what it means to be a man in a relationship with a woman.
After a week, he contacted her, apologized for his previous behavior and got her to forgive him by explaining that the mature way to handle a break up is to forgive each other, rather than holding onto grudges and feeling bitter and negative about relationships in general.
He then got her to agree to meet up with him for a quick catch up.
At the meet up, he actively sparked her feelings of respect and attraction for him by being confident and charming and making her laugh and smile, even though she was trying to make him feel nervous and unsure of himself by being cold and distant.
He also let her experience the changes he made to himself since the break up, by casually bringing it up in conversation.
She then realized that he really had changed this time and was now the kind of man she could see herself being with in the long term, so they got back together again.
Do You Feel Like Your Ex Back Situation is Worse or More Difficult Than Everyone Else’s?
If yes, don’t worry – most guys feel that way initially.
To you, it seems as though it’s going to be very difficult to get her back based on what she said to you when breaking up with you and how she has behaved since.
It can seem like others might have it easy, but you have it really hard when it comes to her.
That’s just not true.
Every ex back case is complicated and unique in it’s own way, but thankfully, the solution is the same.
If you want to get her back, you absolutely must get her to experience strong feelings for you again when you interact with her.
When you do that, she naturally opens back up to you and wants to give you another chance because it feels like a good thing to do for herself.
Not every guy realizes that though.
Many guys trick themselves into thinking that their case is unfixable and as a result, he loses his girlfriend and never gets her back.
For example: A guy might think something like, “Maybe some couples do get back together again after a break up, or even multiple break ups, but me and my ex are different. Our problems are too serious/ unfixable compared to other guys’. It just won’t be that easy for me to get her back. She’s not like other women.”
Pretty much every guy that I’ve helped to get an ex woman back has said that last line.
Even my friends that I’ve helped to get a girlfriend or wife back said the same thing about their woman when I began to help them.
“She’s different. She’s not like other women.”
Yes, she is different.
Every woman is.
Yet, she responds to the same feelings other women (i.e. respect, attraction and love).
Regardless of how complicated a break up might seem, the fundamentals always remain the same.
What are those fundamentals?
- Does she respect him?
- Does she feel attracted to him?
- Are those two emotions in place so she can then love him and confidently give him another chance?
That is what matters in every case that I’ve ever worked on.
If a woman can feel respect for you, she can then feel attracted to you.
With those two emotions in place, she can then love you and as a result, want to be in a relationship with you.
So, if your ex girlfriend has been saying, “It’s over between us. I just don’t have feelings for you anymore,” or “I’ve given you enough chances. This time I’m not going to be persuaded by anything you say,” it simply means that the way you are talking to her and interacting with her now isn’t making her feel enough respect and attraction for you.
When you make some attractive adjustments to the way that you are talking to her, she starts to drop her guard a little.
If you also change the way you react when she’s being cold, distant or telling you to leave her alone (e.g. by maintaining your confidence and using humor to break down her defenses, rather than getting upset or insecure), she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling respect for you.
When you get her respect back, everything changes.
She begins to feel attracted to you and drawn to you again.
Then, rather than try to avoid you (e.g. by ignoring your texts, not answering calls, refusing to meet up with you) she now wants to interact with you more and more.
When you get her back, your relationship will also become one of the millions of daily stories of ex girlfriends coming back to their boyfriend.
Other guys do it and you can too.
If you don’t want to lose your girlfriend, make a decision now that you’re not going to give up on her.
You’re going to do whatever it takes to get her back.
Thankfully, it’s very easy to do.
I know, I know…
You might be thinking, “My ex is different. She’s not like other women.”
I know.
Yet, she responds and reacts to the same fundamental emotions as other women.
You can make her want you again.
You can get her back.
It’s within your control.
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