The first thing you need to realize is that, if she cuts off contact, it’s not final and you do still have a chance.
There is always a chance to re-attract a woman and make her have a change of heart about you.
Unfortunately, most guys don’t realize that and don’t ever find out what you’re about to learn, so they make one or more of the following mistakes and end up decreasing the chances of getting their ex girlfriend back…
1. Waiting for a month and not hearing from her, so he decides to wait even longer
When a woman breaks up with a guy, it’s usually because she no longer feels enough respect, attraction or love to want to be with him.
In other words, she’s done.
She’s over it, she doesn’t have enough feelings for him anymore and wants to start moving on.
So, if he doesn’t contact her after the break up, a woman usually won’t suddenly feel attracted and in love with him again and then call him, or desperately chase him and try to get him back.
Of course, sometimes a woman will feel curious about why her ex boyfriend isn’t contacting her, because he seemed so upset when she broke up with him and in cases like that, she might reach out to him via text.
Yet, all she really wants to find out is if he is still missing her, still interested or hasn’t moved on yet.
She can pick up on those details during a text conversation by what he is saying or suggesting, or she can fake interest in him to see if he shows interest back (e.g. “You know…sometimes I miss you. Sometimes I regret the break up in a way”) or directly ask him (e.g. “So, do you miss me?”).
Alternatively, she can show some initial interest, get his hopes up and then start talking about her new boyfriend to assess how he reacts.
If he seems upset via text, or suddenly appears to be feeling rejected if she’s talking to him on the phone or in person, she can then assume that he was still interested in her and hoping to get her back.
Whatever way she goes about it, she will try to find out whether or not he’s still missing her and wanting her back.
Once she gets those details, she can then continue moving on with her life knowing that he still wants her back, but she doesn’t want him back.
That way, she doesn’t have to feel rejected by the fact that he didn’t contact her.
She gets to continue feeling like the dumper and the one who has walked away from the relationship, rather than than the dumped one who was rejected and left behind.
At that point, her texts will suddenly come to a stop and she’ll go cold.
Her ex is then left wondering, “Why she did stop contacting me?” because she did seem kind of interested initially.
If he then asks her why she has gone cold or won’t reply to his texts anymore, she might tell him that she was just reaching out to say hi, or if she had given him the impression that she was possibly interested in him again, she might say something like, “After we texted, I realized that it’s best if we just continue going out separate ways. Thank you for helping me realize that. You’re a great guy and I’m sure you will find the right woman for you one day. I wish you all the best.”
He is then left wondering if, “you’re a great guy” means that she does like him and see him as a great guy, if she’s just being nice or if she just sees him as a friend.
Essentially, she leaves him hanging and wondering.
In other cases though (I’d estimate about 80% of cases, based on the 1,000s I’ve worked on over the years), the woman won’t EVER contact her ex again.
So, when the guy finally works up the courage to contact her, he finds that she’s been seeing a new guy and is happy with him.
Alternatively, she’s been enjoying the single life and says that she doesn’t want a relationship right now because she’s just having fun (i.e. in other words, enjoying having casual sex with different men).
This is why I always recommend that guys stop making the classic mistake of waiting and waiting for a woman to make all the moves.
Women rarely try to get an ex back that they have dumped!
You’ve got to realize that.
So, if you actually want your ex girlfriend back, don’t just sit around waiting and hoping for her to suddenly change her mind about being in contact with you.
She might change her mind and contact you, but there’s a high chance she won’t and you will never hear from her again, unless you contact her and she actually replies.
This is why, if you want her back, you will need to build up the courage to make it happen, rather than just waiting and hoping that she does it for you.
Another mistake that other guys make in situations like yours is…
2. Using the last remaining way to contact her (e.g. email) to ask her why she has cut off contact
Women hate it when guys send emotional emails, or try to ask questions after a break up via email.
These days, email is more associated with work, rather than play for most people, so when a woman gets an email, it feels more like work to her than anything else.
That aside, asking a woman why she has cut off contact will rarely, if ever, get you a truthful answer.
Why?
She doesn’t want to explain things like, “Oh, it’s because I’m no longer attracted to you and have dumped you. You became too insecure in the relationship and turned me off.”
Why would she want to say those sort of things?
If she did, the guy might get angry at her, annoyed or plead with her to give him a chance, by promising her to be more confident, or by saying that he has realized his mistakes and is already more confident.
She’s just not going to want to open that type of conversation with him.
Additionally, if a guy asks a woman why she has cut off contact, she can feel as though he’s trying to make her feel guilty for cutting him off.
He’s seeking pity and trying to make her feel sorry for him, or feel as though she is going overboard by cutting off all communication.
If she’s feeling pissed off with his approach to getting her back, she might even go on to think something like, “How dare he ask me why I’ve cut off all contact with him! He doesn’t own me! After everything he did to ruin the relationship with all of his insecurity and unattractive behavior, he should already know why I don’t want anything to do with him anymore. It’s just so typical of him to act like he’s the victim and try to make me feel as though I’m being a bad person for not wanting to talk to him. Well, I’m not going to let him make me feel guilty for putting myself and my needs first for a change. He had his chance with me and he blew it. I don’t owe him anything. I’m not reply to this crap. I’m moving on.”
She then continues to ignore him and focuses on finding herself a replacement guy as quickly as possible, so she can have an extra barrier between herself and her ex.
That’s women for you.
They can get pretty emotional and angry, especially if they feel as though a man feels entitled to them after being dumped.
Also, as you would know, it’s pretty easy for a woman to get laid, or line up a bunch of dates, which is what women usually do to make themselves feel better after a break up, or to create an additional barrier between themselves and their ex.
That way, if she does talk to her ex, she can say, “I’ve already met someone else and we’re seeing each other” or, “I went out recently with the girls and ended up sleeping with a new guy. I can’t believe I did it. It was so unlike me. I like being single though. It’s a lot of fun” to break her ex’s heart and hopefully stop him from seducing her back into a relationship.
This is why, if you don’t want to push your ex even further away than she already is, don’t make the mistake of asking her why she has cut off contact with you.
Another mistake that other guys make in a situation like yours is…
3. Trying to get mutual friends to pass on messages to her
Putting friends, family or coworkers in the uncomfortable, awkward situation where they have to pick sides (i.e. be on his side and help him) to get messages to his ex, is one of the fastest way to convince her that she has to continue cutting him out of her life and moving on.
Unfortunately, some guys just don’t care at that point.
They are in such pain from the break up, so heartbroken, so stressed and panicked that they are willing to do anything to get through to her.
Usually, this comes from a fear that she might date, sleep with or get into a relationship with a new guy, before he has the chance to get her back.
Women know this.
So, when an ex guy is trying to get mutual friends (family or coworkers) to pass messages onto her, it not only becomes an uncomfortable situation for the person or people involved, it makes him look desperate.
Women aren’t attracted to desperation, so it simply pushes his ex away even more.
Another mistake that other guys make in situations like yours is…
4. Assuming that there’s no way he can get her back now
There is always another way to do something that you haven’t tried yet.
I can tell you (from my many years of helping new men get women back, in all sorts of difficult, challenging situations) that getting her back comes down to your mindset and the approach you use with her.
If your mindset is one of feeling hopeless, or assuming that you’ve tried everything and nothing can work for you because your situation is so different, then you’ll get stuck.
Likewise, if feel unworthy of her and your mindset is essentially, “I messed up too badly. She will never forgive me or want me back,” then she will pick up on that insecurity and self doubt if you interact with her and she will feel even turned off by you.
This is why, if you are serious about getting her back, then you need to get your mindset and approach right.
The right mindset is one of confidence, worthiness and readiness and the right approach is to focus on attraction.
When you make her feel attracted to you again, everything changes.
She goes from not wanting to communicate with you, to wanting to be around you, hug you, kiss you, have sex with you again and love you.
So, you really have to ask yourself, “Has the approach that you have been using working?”
If not, it’s time for a new approach.
It’s time for a new way.
It’s time to get her back, while you still can.
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