When you still live with your ex, you have something almost most guys don’t have after a break up.
That is, you have a chance to interact with her in person on a regular basis and make her have strong, compelling feelings for you again.
Unfortunately, on the down side, you can also end up saying or doing things that turn her off and make her want to continue going through with the break up or divorce.
So, if you want to make her feel attracted and in love with you again, be sure to avoid the following common mistakes that a lot of men make when in a situation like yours:
1. Taking on more of the household chores to hopefully score brownie points with her
While it’s fine to help around the house and make her life feel a little easier, it isn’t going to make her fall in love with you again and want to be with you sexually and romantically.
She might appreciate it, but if she is currently feeling turned off by you, she will also be suspicious about why you’re doing it.
For example: She might suspect that you’re only doing it to suck up to her, to get her to take pity on you, or because you don’t know what else to do to make her happy.
So, while you might feel as though you’re a great man and are worth sticking with based on the extra work that you’re putting in around the house, she isn’t feeling the same way.
Instead, she will start to completely overlook how much effort you’re putting into the housework and focus on the fact that no matter what you do, she doesn’t feel the kind of respect, attraction and love that is needed for her to want to stay with you.
As a result, she will naturally start to feel as though she should go through with the break up and be with new man, or date new men and enjoy herself for a while until she finds a man who makes her feel the way she wants to feel in a relationship (i.e. attracted, in love, respectful and appreciative of him, girly in comparison to his masculine approach to her).
So, if you want her back, don’t suck up to her by doing extra housework or chores and hope that it will be the thing that changes her mind and makes her want to stick with you.
It’s fine to chip in and help out, but being a doormat for her to walk all over, is not the way to make her want to be with you again.
If you want her back, you’ve got to make her feel attracted to you based on how you make her feel when you interact with her and talk to her face-to-face.
She’s got to be able to feel a spark based on how you approach conversations with her (i.e. with confidence, not afraid to flirt with her) and how you behave when around her (i.e. you don’t seem intimidated or as though you’ve lost confidence in yourself, she feels appreciated, but also feels like she should be showing appreciation towards you as well).
It’s only when you can make her feel attracted during interactions will she then start to realize that going through with a break up or divorce, is something that she is going to regret.
Another mistake to avoid is…
2. Acting neutral and nice around her, but then hoping that she feels a sexual and romantic spark anyway
As you may know, nice guys don’t do very well when trying to attract new women in the dating scene.
A guy being too nice (i.e. going along with whatever she wants, being afraid to truly express his masculinity around her, being extra polite or careful with what he says) or neutral (i.e. just acting like a friend with no sexual attraction for her) just isn’t sexy or attractive to a woman.
The same applies when in a long term relationship or marriage.
If you want your woman to feel a spark for you, then you need to display behaviors and traits that make her feel that spark (e.g. being playfully challenging, being assertive while still being a good guy to her, expressing your raw masculinity during interactions with her while still being loving and considerate of her, never feeling intimidated by her, but still being loving towards her, using humor to break her out of her bad mood and not feeling afraid of any initial, negative reaction that she might have to you using humor in a moment like that).
Unfortunately, a lot of men end up not knowing how to handle the changes in their woman’s behavior, mood and treatment of them.
As a result, a man will often resign to just being nice, neutral and putting up with her disrespectful, unloving and unappreciative treatment of him, to avoid getting into arguments with her, or worse, having her threaten to break up with him.
Yet, when a man falls into that trap, his woman can no longer feel respect for him and when a woman doesn’t respect a man, she can’t feel attracted to him.
If that goes on for long enough, she will fall out of love with him.
Now, in your case, you and her have broken up, but are still living together.
So, you need to be totally clear on the fact that if she no longer feels enough respect, attraction and love to want to be in a relationship with you, then she’s almost certainly not going to suddenly fall back in love with you because you’re being nice or neutral.
Instead, by using a default nice and neutral approach to her, she is going to feel unsatisfied by the relationship, uninspired (i.e. not feeling the need to impress you, make you feel appreciated) and restless.
As a result, she will want to move out as soon as possible, so she can start dating new men who will actually give her the feeling that she wants to have in a relationship (i.e. to be in love).
Another mistake to avoid is…
3. Worrying that if you enjoy your life outside of the home, she will want to hook up with a new man to make herself feel better
When a man is totally committed to a woman, he will often want to let her see that he is 100% loyal to her and only wants to spend time with her.
Yet, in order to have a balanced relationship, a man should get out and catch up with a friend or two every now and then, or at least occasionally do something enjoyable that doesn’t involve her.
Women actually prefer that because it gives them a chance to miss their man, worry about other women hitting on him and as a result, appreciate him more.
It’s not 100% necessary to do that, but it does help to make a woman appreciate you in a relationship.
Of course, you and her have broken up now, but are still living together, so the question is: Should you just sit around the house showing her how loyal you are to her, or should you make her feel a little worried by getting out and enjoying life without her every now and again?
Well, it might feel a little scary to do, but in a case where you are trying to make her want you again, you should get out and have some fun with other people.
You don’t have to hook up with any women of course, so you are still going to be loyal to her and the relationship.
However, you can simply catch up with friends and do some fun things, so she can see that you are happy, confident and enjoying life, rather than having her see you as being sad, insecure and lost now that she has broken up with you.
One of the reasons why that works is that women are naturally attracted to confident, emotionally strong and emotionally independent men.
In other words, confident men who don’t need a woman to be by their side 100% of the time, or even to be committed to them, in order to feel confident, happy and forward moving in life.
When you can let her sense that kind of confidence in you, she naturally feels drawn to you and realizes that if she leaves you and feels sad, depressed and lost without you, it’s going to hurt her to see you happy, enjoying life and potentially moving on with a new woman.
As a result, she opens up to getting back with you, rather than going through a painful experience like that, where she ends up feeling like the one who has been dumped and rejected.
So, although you might feel bad for going out and enjoying yourself without her, just know that it will have a positive effect on her.
Don’t make the mistake that other guys make, where they worry that going out to enjoy themselves with push her to start dating and hooking up with new men to make herself feel better.
Of course, there is always a chance that a woman will do that, no matter what her ex man does (i.e. if she already likes a new man and has been flirting with him for months, prior to announcing her decision to break up).
However, you will always have more of a chance of making her look at you in a new, positive light and feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you if you confidently get on with enjoying your life, versus curling up into a little ball of insecurity who sticks around the house and hopes that she changes her mind and wants to get back together for no reason.
If you want her back, you’ve got to make her feel like she wants to be back with you and that comes with her feeling a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you and also beginning to worry that it will be her who is losing you, not the other way around.
Another mistake to avoid is…
4. Letting her create an awkward dynamic between you and her
When a woman wants to make it clear that she has no intention of getting back with her ex, she will usually act cold, distant and tense around him, or when interacting with him.
If a guy falls for her hardened act, he may fall into the trap of being extra nice to her, seeming intimidated by her or just wanting to stay out of her way to avoid any trouble.
A guy like that might reason with himself and think something like, “If I’m nice and stay out of her way, she won’t have any reason to get annoyed with me. So, there won’t be any arguments and fights and then hopefully, over time she will open back up to me. When that happens, we can hopefully get back together.”
It seems like a good plan, but unfortunately it almost never works out.
Why?
The woman senses his fear and hesitation around her, which makes her feel as though she is the more dominant one in the relationship.
When a woman feels more dominant than a man, it doesn’t make her want to submit to him sexually, or fall into his arms and be held by him.
Instead, she naturally feels repelled by him because he clearly isn’t strong enough emotionally to be able to handle her in a situation like that.
A woman I know once told me, “A man that will stand up to me, will stand up for me…and that is a turn on.”
She mentioned that when the subject of nice guys and guys who are intimidated by women came up.
She was saying that she had trouble finding a boyfriend that she could truly respect, feel attracted to and love in the long run, because guys were so intimidated by her strong, independent personality.
With a woman like her, the only guy who she is going to be satisfied with is a man who can stand up to her (in a loving, but dominant way. Not in an angry, aggressive way).
If a guy is unable to do that, she will be turned off at her core because every woman, no matter how strong or independent she is, wants to feel as though she is with a man who would stand up for her and protect her if the situation called for it.
So, if you allow your woman to create an awkward vibe between you and her around the home, then she’s not going to be impressed by you or attracted to you.
Instead, she will secretly feel repulsed, disappointed and even angry at your lack of manliness in the situation.
As a result, she will feel determined to move out (or get you to move out) and move on as soon as possible.
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