If your relationship was complicated and your situation is unique, it doesn’t mean that it’s unfixable.
Regardless of all the details that make up your particular situation, the ways to fix it and get her back remain the same.
Here’s what you need to do:
1. Forget about all the details, or problems between you and her and just focus on making her feel attracted to you
When a woman feels very attracted to you, she will naturally want to ignore the problems between you and her, so she can continue being with you.
She will still want you and her to fix them, but due to her attraction, she will be willing to overlook the problems or give you and her time to fix them, rather than just walking away from you.
So what you need to do is forget about the complications, or finer details of your relationship problems with her and just focus on re-attracting her.
How?
- Use humor in your interactions with her
Laughter dissolves a lot of the anger, resentment and frustration people feel and replaces it with more positive emotions (e.g. relaxation, happiness, respect, forgiveness, hope).
So, for example, if you’re talking to your ex and she keeps bringing up mistakes you made, or is blaming you for everything, you can laugh and jokingly say, “I think I deserve a trophy or an award or something for being the World’s Worst Boyfriend” and have a laugh with her.
Alternatively, if the conversation between you and her is becoming stressful, you can laugh and jokingly say, “Okay, well enough of this fun, relaxing conversation. Why don’t we talk about something more stressful instead?” and have a laugh with her.
Essentially, you need to help both you and her relax and be more easygoing about the whole thing, rather than making the relationship problems or breakup out to be the most stressful, difficult thing in the world.
Get both you and her back to smiling, laughing and feeling good around each other, rather than being so focused on all the problems, or how complicated your breakup or relationship has been.
When you approach the interaction in that way, she will naturally feel sparks of respect and attraction for you, for having the courage, confidence and ability to snap both you and her out of being so stressed, or serious about everything.
- Flirt with her
Flirting is one of the fastest ways to make your ex have sexual and romantic feelings for you again.
Unfortunately, some guys feel that flirting with an ex woman is wrong, or is not his place anymore because she has broken up with him.
So, a guy like that will often just be polite, neutral and friendly when talking to his ex woman.
Yet, by doing that, she will begin to only see him in a friendly way, or will assume that there’s no longer a sexual spark between them and they could only be friends now.
As a result, she will begin to push him away and open up to being with a new man who can actually make her feel attracted in a sexual and romantic way.
So, if you want to get your ex back after a complicated breakup, then don’t be afraid to flirt with her.
For example: If she arrives at a cafe to meet up with you, don’t say, “Oh, you look nice” like a nice, non-sexual friend.
Instead, have the courage to say something like, “Wow, someone looks pretty today” in a confident, easygoing and complimentary tone of voice.
Alternatively, if you and her are having a good laugh when talking in person, you can say something like, “You look cute when you laugh” and then smile and add on, “…but, you look cuter when you laugh when naked” and have a laugh with her.
Essentially, flirting is about showing sexual interest or attraction for a woman in a subtle way, without being too serious about it.
You’re not saying, “Wow, you look pretty today. I’m so sad that we’re broken up, or that you don’t want me” or, “You look cute when you laugh. I miss that.”
That’s what a desperate, sad, ‘pity me’ kind of guy would say, which isn’t attractive to women.
Instead, you are simply flirting with her by confidently and subtly showing some interest, without trying to get her back purely based on what you’ve just said.
It’s just flirting; it’s not serious.
Flirt (verb): To behave as though you’re attracted to or trying to attract someone, but for amusement, rather than with serious intentions.
Women understand flirting, feel turned on and excited by it and also appreciate it.
Women appreciate the subtlety of it and how it leaves room for interpretation.
For example: When you say, “Wow, someone looks pretty today” it could just mean that you think she’s pretty, but aren’t actually interested in getting back together.
She then has to flirt back with you during the interaction to see how interested you really are.
If you remain cool, calm and collected and don’t suddenly seem very keen if she shows interest, she then has to turn on her charms and flirt to make you feel more attracted and interested.
Then, in the process of trying to get you to want her more, she feels attracted, excited and turned on by the challenge, which then results in her feeling drawn to you.
It can seem a little complicated, but it’s simple and easy once you get it.
Men who understand flirting are always able to easily attract women for sex, or relationships.
On the other hand, guys who overlook flirting, or think that it’s weird, or is ‘mind games’ will usually end up feeling awkward around women they find attractive because those women won’t feel very excited or turned on by them.
Guys like that also end up getting friend-zoned when meeting women for the first time, on dates and even in relationships because the woman doesn’t enjoy the dynamic (i.e. it’s too neutral like a friend dynamic, it’s awkward, it’s too basic, it’s too predictable).
So, if you are serious about getting her back, don’t be afraid to flirt with her.
Flirting is one of the fastest, easiest ways to get some sparks flying back and forth between you and her, so she then wants to be with you.
- Show her your new level of confidence
Women are naturally attracted to confidence and turned off by insecurity, self-doubt and fear in men.
So, make sure that you let her experience your new, improved level of confidence when talking to her in person, or on the phone.
It’s not possible to show a lot of confidence via typed texts, but you can do it via voice texts (audio texts) because she can hear the confidence in your voice.
An example of showing a new level of confidence: A guy used to become upset, insecure, or emotionally sensitive when his woman would be cold, distant, rude or moody when around him.
In other words, he had what I call Dependent Confidence, where he could only feel confident and remain in control of his emotional state if his woman was being nice, warm, friendly or supportive.
Women are attracted to men who have Independent Confidence (i.e. you feel confident no matter what a woman says or does around you).
So, when a guy like that is able to maintain his confidence during interactions with his ex, no matter what she says or does (e.g. she acts cold, distant or rude to make him doubt yourself), she will naturally feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for him.
She will then realize that he really is different now.
More importantly (to her), she will then realize that she would feel differently and the relationship would most likely be better and more enjoyable if she gave him another chance now.
As a result, she becomes open to talking to him, hanging out and seeing where things go from there.
How about you?
Have you leveled up your confidence since the breakup?
If not, then strengthen your confidence and prepare to naturally re-attract her into a relationship with you again.
2. Start creating new, positive feelings inside of her whenever you interact
In many ex back cases, all it takes for a woman to lighten up and warm back up to her ex, is a few, positive moments where she honestly feels good to be around him again.
He says or does something that makes her smile, laugh and feel relaxed and all of a sudden, she begins to feel that maybe there is hope.
Maybe you and her can work things out after all.
On the other hand, if you are unable to create new, positive feelings inside of her and are hoping that she’ll want you back based on how good things used to be, then you will almost certainly lose her.
Additionally, if your approach to her now only really makes her feel stressed, tense, irritated or exhausted, then she’s going to want to keep pushing you away and moving on without you.
3. Let her sense that things really could be different from now on
For example: Imagine a relationship where the guy always gives in to his woman, or allows her to be the boss of the relationship.
That approach will naturally make her look down on him and struggle to respect him as ‘the man.’
She also won’t be able to think, talk, feel and behave like a truly feminine woman (i.e. girly, soft, vulnerable, focused on love, warm), because she has to take on a role as the tougher, stronger one in order to lead the relationship.
If a guy like that wants to get his ex woman back, he needs to let her see that he can now take on the role as the leader.
He shouldn’t tell her that though because saying it would make it seem like he’s trying to sell himself to her, or get her approval, which then makes her feel like the boss or the chooser.
Instead, he should let her sense it, or see it based on how he now thinks, behaves, talks and acts around her.
If he can do that, she will automatically start to feel respect for him again.
When she respects him, she also starts to feel attracted again and then getting back with him will feel like something she is willing to do.
Another example is when a guy treats his woman more like his friend or buddy, which kills the boyfriend-girlfriend (or husband-wife) spark between them.
They end up feeling more like friends, which then leads to her rejecting his attempts to have sex with her.
In a situation like that, the guy needs to be willing and prepared to flirt with her to create sexual tension, so the spark comes back.
If he’s not willing to do that, or doesn’t prepare himself to do it properly, then she won’t feel the spark required to make her want him back.
Then, no matter how much he tries to discuss the relationship or ‘figure things out’ with her, she will just keep pushing him away.
4. Let her see that you love her and don’t expect anything from her
Allow interactions with her to feel fun, relaxed and non-committal (i.e. don’t come across as though you’re trying to secure a relationship with her).
Instead, just focus on making her feel attracted without any pressure to fix your complicated relationship and get back together.
When she doesn’t feel pressured to show interest in a relationship, she can drop her guard and enjoy exploring her new feelings for you.
The more attracted she feels when interacting with you, the more willing she will be to give the relationship another chance, rather than walking away because it’s all too complicated.
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