Walking away from a woman might seem like the solution to making your ex come running back, but here are 5 reasons why it usually doesn’t work…
1. She Doesn’t Have Enough Feelings at the Point of the Break Up to Care
By the time a woman breaks up with a guy, she has usually reached the point where all of her positive feelings and emotions for him (e.g. respect, attraction, love) have been replaced by negative feelings such as anger, disillusionment and indifference.
So, when he decides to walk away in the hope that it makes her come running back, it just doesn’t work on her.
Rather than cause her to panic and think, “Oh no! My ex is gone! I’m going to lose him forever if I don’t act quickly. I better call him up and do whatever it takes to get him back before it’s too late,” she’s usually thinking, “Cool. He’s actually making it easy for me. At least I don’t have to deal with him trying to get me back and all of the begging, pleading and whining that usually comes with that. I’m now free to move on without having to worry about him making things more difficult for me. This is great. I will find myself a new guy and move on.”
This why I don’t recommend that guys ignore their woman (i.e. walk away and don’t look back) as a way to get her.
It can work on some women, but not all.
Here’s why…
When a woman doesn’t feel much (or any) respect, attraction and love for a guy, him walking away isn’t going to be that much of a big deal to her.
She’s just not going to care.
Instead, she’s going to use the time apart as a way to quickly get over him, move on and find a replacement guy.
So, if you want to get your ex back, don’t bother walking away as a way of making her come running back to you if she currently doesn’t have strong feelings for you.
In the 100s of ex back cases that I’ve personally worked on with clients (where the woman had no more feelings for him when she dumped him), the woman only became interested again when he actively made her have feelings.
I’ve lost count of the amount of times a guy has said something like this to me, “Dan – I gave her plenty of space and tried to show her that I wasn’t needy by not contacting her for months, but she just moved on. Now, she doesn’t want anything to do with me. I thought walking away was the right thing to do. Why didn’t it work?”
Simple.
He didn’t do anything to actively make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for him.
So, while he was giving her space, she was thinking about how much of a turn off he was near the end of the relationship and when she dumped him.
He either didn’t put in the effort to transform himself and be able to re-attract her, or he thought it would make him look less needy if he didn’t contact her.
Either way, she continued on with a negative perception of him.
So, what should you do instead if you actually want to get your ex woman back for real?
Focus on actively making her have feelings of respect and attraction for you again by interacting with her by text, e-mail, on social media and especially over the phone and in person.
When you spark her feelings for you again, everything changes.
Then, if you stop contacting her for a few days (i.e. 3 to 7 days) after you’ve sparked her feelings for you again, your chances of her coming running back become a lot higher.
Why?
Mainly because she now cares about you again.
She feels something for you.
She feels respect and attraction for you again and this makes the thought of losing you forever seem like a bad thing for once.
She starts feeling regret, loss and anxiety that she has made the wrong decision by breaking up with you and then all of a sudden, you get a text message on your phone, she calls you or she turns up at your home.
Why?
She feels something for you now.
She feels like she is losing you, rather than you just feeling like you’re losing her.
On the other hand, if you don’t spark her feelings for you first and you just walk away, she’s just going to be thinking, “Good riddance. I’m a free woman at last. I can finally do all the things I’ve been putting off because of him. This is going to be great,” and she will then move on.
In many cases, she will try to move on quickly to get revenge on you for walking away and trying to hurt her in the process.
She will think, “Yeah? You don’t care about me? Really? Okay, I’ll show you! I’ll hook up with a new guy and make sure that you find out about it.”
You don’t want her feeling like she needs to get revenge on you.
Instead, just focus on making her feel like it would be a good thing to get back with you again.
Another reason why walking away after a break up doesn’t always make a woman come running back is…
2. She is Experienced With Break Ups and Knows That the Pain Will Pass
If a woman is very young or the relationship with you was her first serious relationship, then she will find it difficult to deal with the pain of the break up.
However, if she’s had plenty of experience with relationships, she will know that the pain she is feeling will pass and she will be okay.
So, when a woman breaks up with a guy, she usually knows that even though she might be currently feeling a lot of sadness and disappointment over the break up, the pain will eventually pass.
This is why walking away isn’t the magic solution to get an ex back.
When a guy walks away, a woman can simply to herself, “I know that it hurts right now and it doesn’t feel good to think that my ex can easily walk away from what we had. Yet, I’ve been through this kind of thing before and I know these negative feelings won’t last forever. I just need to focus on doing the things that I enjoy doing, like hanging out with my friends and doing some of the things I’ve been putting off. Soon enough, I will be feeling better and I will forget all about him. I might even hook up with a guy this weekend to remind myself that there are other guys in this world and I don’t need to be hung up on him.”
As you would know, it’s easy for a woman to get laid.
All she has to do is say, “Yes” to one of the many guys who want to have sex with her when she’s at a bar or nightclub.
Alternatively, she can get on an app like Tinder or an online dating site and immediately have 100s of horny guys willing to meet her for a date.
So, walking away isn’t always the best strategy to get an ex back.
What I’ve found by successfully helping men to get their woman back is that you only need to give a woman a little bit of space before contacting her.
In most cases, a guy should give his ex 3 to 7 days of space and then contact her, re-spark her feelings of respect and attraction and then guide her back into a relationship with him.
If he waits too long to go through the ex back process, she will usually get over the pain and not want him back, or hook up with another guy and want to pursue that relationship instead.
Another reason why walking away from a woman after a break up doesn’t always work is that…
3. Most Modern Women Are Emotionally Independent
In today’s world, most women no longer feel that they need to be in a relationship with a man to feel fulfilled as a woman.
Unlike in the past where a woman was considered worthless if she didn’t get married and have children, many modern women actually prefer to be single or to break up with guys who just aren’t yet ready to be what women refer to as a real man (i.e. confident, emotionally masculine, making progress in life, loving, supportive, balanced).
So, if a woman breaks up with a guy and he then walks away, she’s usually not going to think, “Oh no! What have I done? I’ve lost my only chance to get married and have a family! What am I going to do? I need to run after him and try and get him to take me back or else my life will be ruined. I will be so embarrassed because I don’t have a guy anymore! Oh no! My life is over!”
Instead, she will just focus on her friends, her career, her hobbies and whatever else she has going on in her life.
We’re living in a different time now where women can be physically independent (e.g. she can make her own money, own her own home, do her her own DIY projects) and emotionally independent (e.g. she can have her own life purpose, goals, dreams and interests).
So, even though a woman may want to be in a relationship with a guy, she doesn’t need him to be happy and feel fulfilled.
A woman will only stay with a man for life if the relationship gets better over time.
She is no longer required by society to stick around because “it’s the right thing to do.”
These days, you have to know what you’re doing, otherwise you end up as another break up or divorce statistic.
As you may have noticed, it even happens to male celebrities, rich guys, handsome men and sport stars.
Women want a real man and aren’t eternally amazed by a guy because he’s famous, good looking or has money.
To keep a relationship together for life, you’ve simply got to be one of the rare men who can deepen a woman’s feelings of love, respect and attraction for you over time.
This comes down to you.
It’s about who you are as a man, not what you buy her, give to her or do for her.
What a woman wants is a man who makes her feel respect, attraction and love based on how he interacts with her and who he is as a man.
So, if a guy isn’t able to give that type of relationship experience to a woman, she’s not going to feel like she’s missing out on much if he walks away and doesn’t look back.
Instead, she will simply shrug it off and get on with her life because a relationship with him doesn’t matter enough to her.
Yet, if he were to interact with her and let her sense (not tell her) that he is now the kind of man who can give her the relationship experience that women yearn for, she will then pay attention.
He doesn’t have to tell her that he’s that kind of man now because she will pick up on it based on how he talks, behaves and reacts to her.
Women can sense it and they know it when they come across a man who has what it takes to make a relationship last for life.
Another reason why walking away usually doesn’t work is that…
4. She Can Easily Fall in Love With Another Guy
If a woman is confident in herself and in her ability to get another guy, she’s not going to feel too worried when her ex walks away.
Instead, she’s likely just going to use the time where he’s not contacting her, or trying to get her back, to hook up with a replacement guy and allow herself to fall in love with him.
So, if you want to get your ex back and she’s the type of woman who can easily meet a new guy (e.g. she is pretty, she’s a quality woman, she’s bubbly and easily gets along with people), then walking away is probably not going to make her come running back to you.
On the other hand, if you’re pretty sure that it’s unlikely for her to meet another guy very quickly (e.g. because she’s a bit insecure, she’s shy, doesn’t like to go out and party), then it is possible that she might change her mind and come back to you if you walk away.
However, there’s no guarantee that even if your ex can’t easily find a new guy, she’s going to come running back to you.
Instead she might say to herself, “Well I guess that’s it then. If he’s moving on then I’m going to have to do the same.”
She will then open herself up to be hit on by guys (e.g. get on an online dating site, agree to go out with her girlfriends, agree to a date with her coworker who has always had a crush on her).
So, if you don’t want to risk losing her, just focus on getting her back by actively making her feel respect and attraction for you again.
When you re-spark a woman’s feelings for you, it becomes so much easier to get her back because she wants it too.
On the other hand, if you walk away and she doesn’t have feelings for you anymore, she will likely just shrug it off and focus on moving on without you.
Finally, another reason why walking away from a woman after a break up doesn’t always make her come running back is that…
5. Many Women Won’t Get Back With a Guy Unless He Makes it Happen
Even if a woman still has feelings for her ex and fears losing him, she won’t always want to be the one who does the chasing.
In most cases, a woman wants to know that the guy is man enough to take responsibility and do what he needs to do to get her back.
She wants to know that he is confident and emotionally strong enough to go after what he truly wants in life (in this case it’s her), without fear of rejection or hesitation.
If he can be the man and guide her through the ex back process, she will naturally be able to look up to him and respect him.
Then, falling back in love with him becomes easier and makes more sense to her because he clearly is a strong, capable man.
On the other hand, if he is insecure and just waits for her to come running back to him, she will perceive him as being too emotionally weak for her and feel turned off at a deep, instinctive level.
She will then automatically start to find to find confident guys attractive and will realize that her ex probably wasn’t all she made him out to be in her mind.
So, if you want your ex back for real, you just have to make it happen by re-attracting her now, rather than waiting around for her to take the lead and come running after you one day.
You need to show her that you have the balls to be the man by calling her and making her feel happy to be interacting with you again.
The happier she feels interacting with you, the more open and willing she becomes to the idea of getting back with you again.
Walking Away Might Hurt You More Than it Hurts Her
Sometimes, a guy might feel so hurt about being dumped by his woman that he might decide to hurt her by walking away and not looking back (i.e. accepting the break up and then cutting off all communication).
A guy like that is secretly hoping that walking away will teach her a lesson and make her feel so much pain that she comes running back to him.
Yet, when she doesn’t, it’s not uncommon for a guy to gradually begin losing confidence in himself and in his value to her and other women.
He may start thinking things like, “I was hoping to teach my ex a lesson by making her miss me, but it has been months since I walked away and she hasn’t even called me once to even say hello. Maybe it’s because she’s decided that I’m not good enough for her. Maybe being apart made her realize that she can do better than me. Maybe I wasn’t good enough for her.”
Then, when he thinks about moving on and dating again, he may begin to feel nervous and unsure of himself and his value to women.
He might say to himself, “If my ex won’t even bother giving me a call after all this time even though she used to really loved me, what chance do I stand of getting another woman to truly want me? I don’t see why a hot woman would be interested in me now. I’m just a loser who got dumped. My ex made that pretty clear when she forgot all about me so quickly.”
He then spirals into a cycle of negativity and self-doubt, which eats away at whatever remaining confidence he has in himself.
He might then think that he will have to settle for an unattractive woman, or just being single and lonely for the rest of his life.
As you may know, it’s easy for a woman to find a new guy just by saying yes to the many guys who would love to sleep with her.
On the other hand, a guy needs to be very confident in himself to attract a high quality woman.
Women are instinctively attracted to emotionally strong, confident men who believe in themselves and in their value to her and are turned off by men who are emotionally weak, insecure and self-doubting.
So, when a guy ruins his confidence by walking away and seeing that his ex doesn’t care enough to come running back, most women (including her) will instinctively feel turned off by him and will usually reject him.
Don’t let this happen to you.
You may have heard the expression, “Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face”?
In other words, “Don’t cut off your nose to get back at your face/get revenge against your face because it will end up being worse off for you.”
In terms of getting your ex back, essentially what this means is that while you’re playing games and trying to make her come running back, you could actually be eroding your own self-confidence and making more difficult for yourself.
Why do that to yourself when there’s a much easier way to get your ex back?
The fastest way to get your ex back is by actively sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for you and showing her (by the way you talk, think and behave) that you’re no longer the same guy she broke up with.
How you make her feel right now is what really matters.
For example:
- Does she feel feminine and girly in your presence, or does she feel more neutral or even turned off?
- Are you ballsy enough to stand up to her, or are you too nice and let her push you around?
- Are you the kind of man she can look up to and respect, or does she feel a little embarrassed to be seen with you based on who you’ve become?
- Are you confident and self-assured around her, or are you nervous and insecure?
- Can she fully relax into being a feminine woman around you, or does she feel more emotionally dominant than you?
- Are you emotionally strong and stable, or have you become emotionally sensitive and insecure?
Those are the things that really matter to a woman.
Women are instinctively attracted to confident men who believe in themselves and turned off by insecure men who doubt themselves.
So, rather than waste a lot of time walking away from your ex in the hopes that she will come running back, focus instead on becoming the kind of man that she can truly look up to, respect, feel attracted to and love.
Then, when you interact with her (e.g. on a phone call or in person) she will sense your new level of confidence, maturity and emotional strength and it will change how she thinks about you.
Suddenly, she will begin to feel lucky that a man like you actually still wants her and is calmly, confidently and lovingly pursuing her.
Her guard will then come down and it’s up to you to take her in your arms and make her yours once again.
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