The best approach with a woman is to respect her freedom to experience feelings, but not focus on her randomly changing feelings or moods.
If you follow along with a woman’s change in mood or feelings moment by moment, hour by hour or even day by day, it will cause all sorts of problems between you and her.
For example:
1. It stops the love from flowing naturally in the relationship
Sometimes, when a guy wants to get his ex back after a break up, he will constantly look for cues from her to guide him along the process.
That means, every time he notices something about her attitude, behavior or actions that seems ‘off’ to him, he will instantly try to understand it.
For example: If he calls her on the phone and she sounds a bit distant while talking to him, he may take that as a sign that there’s something bothering her.
He may then say something along the lines of, “What’s wrong? What are you feeling right now? I can tell that you’re not 100% yourself. Tell me what is bothering you so that we can work through it. The more we discuss things the more likely it is that we can work things out between us. Don’t hold back. I can take whatever you throw at me. I want to be here for you.”
Although the guy is being sincere, saying those kind of things to an ex woman is usually a turn off.
Why?
Firstly, it puts a lot of pressure on her to analyze every detail of how she’s feeling.
Yet, a woman doesn’t always want to do that.
In some instances that might be because she’s not ready to discuss her feelings with her ex in that moment and other times she’s just had a bad day and is tired, but she doesn’t want to talk to him about it.
Additionally, explaining her feelings moment by moment doesn’t allow her to actually ‘feel’ them.
Instead, it’s essentially a stop-start process the whole time.
For example: Just as she starts to relax and begins to feel some surges of respect and attraction for him again, he stops the flow of their interaction to ask how she’s feeling.
She then has to stop experiencing her feelings and begin to think about them instead.
That constant on/off process is stressful and exhausting for a woman.
As a result, she becomes closed off and uncooperative, mainly because she can’t handle the strain of having to think about how she’s feeling every moment she interacts with him.
So, if you want your ex to open up to you, you’re going to have to do it by focusing on making her feel respect and sexual attraction for you again.
You can do that by behaving and talking in ways that display confidence, emotional strength, masculinity, charisma and wit.
Don’t try to force her into it by constantly trying to understand her feelings moment by moment.
In most cases, when a guy does that, it’s usually because he’s been dumped for being too emotionally sensitive (i.e. liked to talk about his feelings like a woman) to begin with.
So, don’t become even softer and turn her off even more as a result.
Instead, build on her sexual and romantic feelings for you and then you won’t have to worry about what she’s feelings, because she will be showing it to you via her body language and the way she touches and responds to you.
Another reason why your ex hates it when you try to understand her feelings moment by moment is…
2. She knows that a man who understands what women really want, doesn’t waste time trying to discuss his way into their heart
Sometimes a guy will make the mistake of thinking that the path to reconciliation with his ex can only happen if he gets into her mind and starts to monitor her feelings every inch of the way.
He assumes that if he can pinpoint how she’s feeling moment by moment, he can then adjust his behavior and actions accordingly to make her feel heard and understood.
She will then see that he’s putting in the effort to make things right between them and that will hopefully make her want him back.
However, even though his intentions are good, discussing a woman’s feelings in detail, only causes her to look at getting the relationship back together again as being too much hard work (i.e. because he’s not man enough to figure it out on his own).
Instead, he needs her to guide him and explain to him what does and does not make her feel attracted.
Yet, if she has to tell him how to be the man she needs, she will lose even more respect for him, because he’s not his own man.
He is simply following her instructions, which takes the romance out of it.
Here’s the thing…
For a woman to want to be in a relationship, she has to feel respect and sexual and romantic attraction for a guy based on how makes her feel when she’s with him (e.g. happy, attracted, excited or stressed, annoyed, turned off).
This is why, your approach to getting your ex back needs to be about how you make her feel when you talk to her on the phone or in person, not ask her how she feels.
You can’t just talk a woman into having feelings for you.
You have to make her experience them.
For example: Some of the ways you can spark her feelings for you during interactions and make her feel drawn to you again in a way that feels good to her are by…
- Flirting with her to create sexual tension, rather than acting like her therapist and causing her to close herself off from you instead.
- Making her smile and laugh and feel relaxed to be around you again, rather than trying to get into her mind by asking her how she’s feeling moment by moment.
- Maintaining your confidence with her when she tries to make you doubt yourself around her.
- Being a good man who cares about her and how she feels, but not being so emotionally sensitive all the time (i.e. behaving like a woman or a girl would and always talking about feelings) that she perceives you as being emotionally weak or wimpy.
- Believing in yourself and in your value to her, rather than doubting yourself, which then makes you try to suck up to her (e.g. by trying to understand her feelings moment by moment) and turning her off as a result.
- Not giving her too much power over you (e.g. by being too nice and understanding all the time) and instead, letting her see that you are now even more masculine in the way you think, talk, behave and react when interacting with her.
- This allows her to feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you for being your own man, rather than feeling as though she has to help you become the man you should be, which then makes it hard for her to relax and just be a feminine woman around you.
She then becomes open to talking to you, hanging out with you and seeing where things go from there.
On the other hand, if you continue talking about her feelings rather than focus on making her have feelings, she will likely close herself off from you even more and then getting her back will become a lot more difficult for you.
Another reason why your ex hates it when you try to understand her feelings moment by moment is…
3. Instinctively, it just feels weird and annoying to her
For most women, talking about their feelings all the time is something they prefer to do with their girlfriends, not their ex guy.
So, when a guy is constantly asking things like, “How are you feeling now?” or, “Are you okay? What is bothering you?” or, “Is something I’m doing upsetting you right now?” rather than make her think, “This is so sweet. He’s really trying to get into my head and understand how I’m feeling. He’s putting in so much effort to make things right. I love that he’s so emotionally sensitive. It’s so attractive to me. It actually makes me want to give him another chance,” it makes her feel annoyed instead.
She may then think something along the lines of, “Why is he trying to be my therapist? That’s just so weird. I don’t want to discuss my feelings with him. He’s my ex after all! This is just so creepy.”
She will then likely shut him out of her life, rather than have to deal with him anymore.
Although the guy might feel frustrated and hurt by this, the only way for him to make her stop giving him the cold shoulder and open herself up to loving him again is by rebuilding her feelings of respect and attraction for him.
How can he do that?
By thinking, talking and behaving in some of the ways that are naturally attractive to women (e.g. being confident around her and making her smile and laugh when they’re together rather than trying to psychoanalyze her).
So, if you really want your ex to open back up to you, focus on sparking her sexual and romantic feelings for you again.
When she’s feeling attracted to you again, reconnecting with her original feelings of love for you will happen automatically because it now feels good to her.
Another reason why your ex hates it when you try to understand her feelings moment by moment is…
4. She wants a guy who is more of a challenge
The internet, TV, women’s magazines and relationship books have really played a big part in confusing guys on how women like to be treated by their men.
As a result, after a break up a guy might find himself thinking something along the lines of, “According to what I’ve seen on TV and overheard women saying; a man being sensitive to a woman’s feelings is what’s required of me to make her feel as though I’m taking this break up seriously and that she’s being heard and understood. She will then want to give me another chance because of my dedication to make things right with her.”
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that although a woman does like it when a man is considerate of her feelings and puts in the effort to improve himself after a break up, she doesn’t want to feel like he’s sucking up to her and being an emotional wimp, just to get another chance with her.
Instead, she wants him to be more of a challenge, so that she can be the one who spends a lot of time thinking about him and trying to understand what he is thinking and feeling.
Likewise, there is a big difference between what women say makes them feel attracted to a man and what actually does.
Warning: The above video might be a bit shocking if you’re a guy who is used to sucking up to women and hoping they’ll like you for it.
Unfortunately, some guys assume that being a challenge to a woman is disrespectful, or is playing unnecessary mind games.
A guy like that might think, “Why should I waste time doing that and possibly risk her feeling as though I’m messing with her? Then she may decide not to give me another chance and I will have lost her forever. I believe it’s much better to be open and show her that I’m willing to do what it takes to understand how she’s feeling so we can fix things and get back together again.”
Yet, that’s not how a woman thinks.
Additionally, he has been using the nice guy/suck up guy approach with her for a long time and it has NOT being working.
It’s not going to suddenly start working.
What works is what makes women feel attracted.
If a guy is unwilling to do that, he will struggle with women for his ENTIRE life.
So, here’s the thing…
Although a woman does want a man to make her feel loved, appreciated and heard, she also wants to feel as though she needs to understand him and then do what it takes to impress him, otherwise he will lose interest in her.
If a guy can’t make her feel attracted in that way, she will get bored of always feeling like she’s the more valuable one in the relationship.
This is why, if your intention is to get your ex back, you need to stop trying to understand her feelings moment by moment and begin acting like the emotionally strong, emotionally masculine man she wants you to be.
In other words, be a good man to her, but also don’t make her feel as though she has you wrapped around her little finger.
Instead, be a bit more of a challenge to her during interactions, rather than being a good little boy who’s always talking about her feelings (e.g. laugh at her in a loving way if she complains about how you hurt her in the relationship, rather than being submissive and ask her to talk about her feelings).
You may be pleasantly surprised to see how effective standing up to a woman can be in making her reconnect to her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you again.
Another reason why your ex hates it when you try to understand her feelings moment by moment is…
5. It seems very needy to her
When a guy constantly tries to understand his ex’s feelings moment by moment, he automatically makes her feel as though he needs her reassurance and her guidance to be able to handle the break up.
As a result, she begins to perceive him as being a needy, emotionally weak guy who doesn’t know how to cope with a break up and instead needs his woman to navigate him through the entire process and help him get her back.
She then instinctively feels turned off by him and rather than think, “It’s so sweet how he’s trying to understand my feelings,” she instead thinks something along the lines of, “I can’t do anything without him getting on my case about it and asking me how I’m feeling and what’s bothering me. I wish he would stop being so needy and clingy all the time. It’s driving me crazy! I can’t handle this. He’s smothering me! Maybe I should just cut him off so that I don’t have to deal with this anymore.”
Here’s the thing…
Women are attracted to men who are confident, self-assured and can remain calm and composed under pressure (e.g. can handle a break up without falling apart or needing her guidance and support to cope and get her back).
As a result, neediness and desperation are not attractive qualities and will simply turn a woman off when displayed.
This is why, if you want to get your ex back, you can’t make her feel as though you need her to explain her feelings to you and be open all the time so that you can feel confident again.
In other words, you can’t make her feel that you’re being needy.
How can you do that?
A man who isn’t needy doesn’t need to know what a woman is thinking or feeling from moment by moment, hour to hour, day to day.
His confidence in his value and attractiveness to her results in him being able to be happy and content in his life, without it being dependent on her emotional state.
In other words, even if she’s angry, sad, hysterical, blaming him for the break up or upset, he remains calm and confident and continues to believe in himself and in his value as a man.
He doesn’t take it personally and starts thinking things like, “What did I do wrong now? What can I do to fix this? How can I make her feel better if I don’t understand why she’s feeling this way?”
He understands that she’s an emotional woman and sometimes she’s happy and open and other times she’s not and he just needs to remain emotionally strong, laugh about it and not take her so seriously.
If he does that, rather than becoming needy and desperately trying to suck up to her as a way of getting her approval , she’ll know that he is man enough for her and she will feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for him as a man.
When that happens, her guard comes down and she becomes more open to interacting with him over the phone and in person to see if they can work things out and get back together again.
2 Common Mistakes to Avoid With an Emotional Ex Girlfriend
Re-attracting your ex is not as difficult as it might seem.
However, you do have to use the right approach if you want her to open back up to you again.
That means, you should avoid making the following mistakes which will only end up turning her off instead.
1. Assuming that she should be impressed and grateful for how concerned you are about her emotional state
Sometimes a guy will try to understand his ex’s feelings moment by moment, solely for the purpose of impressing her enough to give him another chance.
Essentially, he’s likely hoping that she will think something along the lines of, “Wow! He’s really being so caring and sensitive towards me. I’m so flattered that he loves me enough to be so concerned about my emotional health. So, based on his commitment and support for my wellbeing, I’m willing to give him another chance right away.”
Yet, in most cases, that approach usually leads to the woman losing respect for the guy, because she can see that he’s not being his real self.
Instead, he’s being extra nice, supportive and concerned for her as a way of sucking up to her.
That’s not what makes a woman feel respect for a guy.
She wants to see that he is being a good man, but he’s not desperately falling all over himself to show his concern for her in the hope that she will be impressed and give him another chance.
She wants to know that the man she is with is someone she can respect, look up to and feel proud of, rather than being a guy who is emotionally wimpy and lacks a backbone.
So, rather than putting all your energy into trying to understand your ex’s feelings moment by moment, focus instead on making her feel surges of respect and attraction for you by making her laugh and smile and feel good to be around you.
When you do that, it doesn’t matter what she feels every moment of every day, as long as her underlying feeling is that she feels drawn to you again and wants you back.
The next mistake to avoid making is…
2. Spending a lot of time expressing your feelings to her, rather than just re-attracting her
Sometimes a guy assumes that if he talks about his feelings to his ex, she will relax and open up about her feelings too.
They can then clear the air (i.e. discuss their problems) and that will lead to them getting back together again.
Yet, it doesn’t actually work that way and here’s why…
If a woman has disconnected from her feelings of respect, sexual attraction and love for a man, then him telling her about his feelings isn’t going to make her suddenly want to talk about her feelings too.
Additionally, she may even feel put off, because he’s basically putting her under pressure to say that she feels the same way he does when she doesn’t.
So, if you want your ex to tell you how she feels and want you back, don’t waste time expressing your feelings to her.
Instead, focus on making her feel respect and sexual attraction for the new, improved version of you, so that opening up to you happens because it feels like the right thing to do for her.
When you approach it that way, you don’t have to try to force emotions out of her that she doesn’t want to share.
Instead, you allow her to go with how she feels and that she feels drawn to you again.
As a result, getting her back becomes easy for you, because she wants it too.
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