5 Things to Consider Before Jumping Back Into a Relationship With Your Ex

Jumping back in a relationship can work for some couples, but will it work for you and her?

Here are 5 things to consider before you give you and her another chance:

1. Are you going to be able to attract her in a way that she won’t become bored of this time around? 

If you attempt to get back into a relationship with your ex using the same approach that led to her breaking up with you in the first place, she’s not going to feel motivated to give you another chance.

Instead, she’s likely going to focus on getting over you and finding herself a new man to be in a relationship with.

Someone who can make her feel excited, attracted and turned on in ways that you can’t.

So, don’t bore your ex by saying and doing the same things you’ve always done and expect her to want to jump back into a relationship with you.

What should you do instead?

The most effective approach is to make the attraction experience you’re giving your ex different and more interesting than what she’s had with you before, so she wants to get back with you for her own reasons (e.g. she feels good when she’s with you, she doesn’t want to walk away and regret it later on).

By the way…

If you’re unsure of what to do to reactivate your ex’s sexual and romantic feelings for you again, here are some examples to help you get started…

• If you’ve always acted like a perfect gentleman around her (e.g. nice, sweet, predictable), it’s now time to be more challenging and lovingly assertive when you interact with her, so she feels like she has to work hard to impress you and maintain your interest, as well as respect you as the man.

• If you’ve always taken a back seat to her and allowed her to call all the shots in the relationship which made her feel more emotionally dominant than you, you now take the lead like a real man, thereby allowing her to fully relax into being a feminine woman around you.

• If you’ve been making her feel more like a neutral friend when she’s around you (e.g. by treating her like one of the guys), you now make her feel like a sexy, desirable woman when she’s with you.

• If you’ve been insecure and unsure of yourself around her (e.g. because you’ve been worrying about losing her), you now feel more confident and self-assured.

• If you have fallen victim to her moods and tantrums one time too many in the past which caused you to feel anxious, stressed out or annoyed, you now just use humor to snap her out of her funk and make her laugh, smile and feel good to be around you. 

The more you begin to attract her in ways that she doesn’t expect, the less likely it is that she will think things like, “Why should I even bother with him when I know that things will be just as boring as they were before?”

Instead, she will want to interact with you over the phone and in person to experience more of the new you.

It’s then pretty easy for you to fully reactivate her sexual and romantic feelings for you and get her back.

Another thing to consider before jumping back into a relationship with your ex is…

2. Will the underlying relationship problems between you continue to exist, but just in a different way? 

When a guy is eager to jump back into a relationship with his ex, it’s usually because he thinks that he already knows what he did wrong to cause her to break up with him and that he can easily fix that.

Yet, in almost all ex back cases, a guy will only know some of his ex’s reasons for breaking up with him, but not all of her reasons.

So, even if he does fix some of the more obvious issues that were there before, he won’t necessarily fix the deeper, more subtle things that were turning her off.

This is why you need to understand what actually caused your ex to break up with you and adjust your approach accordingly.

In that way, when you get back together again, the problems won’t still be there, just in a different way.

For example: Imagine that a guy was lacking direction and focus in his life.

He didn’t have any goals that he was working towards.

Instead, he liked to waste his time watching TV, playing video games, getting drunk with his friends and generally messing around, rather than taking life seriously.

As a result, his woman got fed up with him not having a solid plan for their future, so she broke up with him. 

So, he decided to stop doing those things and get himself a better job to prove that he had changed.

When she noticed that he had made some attractive changes, she agreed to get back into a relationship with him.

Yet, since he was no longer wasting time hanging out with friends and doing whatever, he spent all of his spare time with her and turned into a clingy kind of boyfriend.

From his perspective, he thought he was now being a more responsible, devoted boyfriend/husband to her and therefore, everything should be fine now.

However, from her perspective, he was now being attractive in a different way, which turned her off just as much as before.

What he should have done is gotten a better job and maintained a more balanced lifestyle (i.e. still catch up with friends), rather than turning all of his spare attention on her.

Since he just went from being unattractive in one way, to unattractive in another, she then broke up with him again.

So, if you want to successfully re-attract your ex and get her back into a relationship with you, you first need to understand the hidden, underlying reasons she broke up with you (e.g. you weren’t enough of a challenge to her, you weren’t able to give her the kind of attraction experience she really wanted because you were afraid of fearlessly expressing yourself, you were too emotionally docile around her).

When you understand what actually matters to her, you can change your approach in a way that will quickly reactivate her sexual and romantic feelings for you.

She will then feel understood, making it possible for you to get her back into a relationship with you right away or very quickly.

Another thing to consider before jumping back into a relationship with your ex is…

3. Do you know what is missing to make you more emotionally attractive to your ex? 

If you want to be desirable to your ex again, you need to be able to attract her in the ways that she wants, but never got from you before.

So, if you’re unsure about what was missing in the relationship between your ex and you, here are some questions to help you figure it out.

For example: Ask yourself…

• Are you a confident, emotionally strong guy she can look up to and respect, or are you insecure and unsure of yourself and turn her off as a result?

• Do you make her feel sexy and desirable in your presence, or does she feel friendly feelings, or even worse, nothing at all when she’s with you?

• Do you believe in yourself and in your value to her, or do you feel that she’s out of your league, thereby allowing her to dominate you with her confident personality?

• Do you make her feel safe and protected because you’re pursuing your goals and dreams and rising through the levels of life like a real man, or does she feel like she has to take care of you because you’re afraid to live up to your true potential as a man?

• Are you a bit of a challenge to her, thereby motivating her to work hard to impress you and maintain your interest, or are you repetitive and predictable in your actions and behavior, causing her to feel bored with you?

• Are you emotionally independent and have your own goals, dreams, interests, hobbies and friends outside of the relationship with her, or are you clingy, needy and insecure?

These are the kinds of attraction skills that a woman looks for and finds most attractive in a man.

So, if you want to make your ex jump back into a relationship with you, then you need to focus on improving your ability to make her feel good when she’s with you, so that she wants to give you another chance.

When she experiences you at the new level you are at now (e.g. you’re more confident and self-assured, you’re more ballsy so she no longer feels like she has power over you, you’re more challenging so she has to try hard to impress you) she will naturally begin to feel surges of sexual and romantic attraction for you again.

When that happens, it becomes easier for her to imagine herself being in a relationship with you again.

However, if you don’t figure out what was missing in your relationship with her the first time around, you will most likely continue offering her the same attraction experience as before.

As a result, she just won’t be interested in getting back into a relationship with you and she will almost certainly try to move on with a new man. 

Another thing to consider before jumping back into a relationship with your ex is…

4. Is she just going to string you along until she is ready to break up with you again for real? 

Sometimes, a woman might break up with a guy, only to realize that she’s struggling to find a new man to move on with.

So, when her ex comes along and wants to jump back into a relationship with her, she might go along with that, simply because she doesn’t want to be single.

However, at the back of her mind, she may be thinking things like, “He’s not my ideal but he will have to do for now. At least I’m not alone anymore. I can now focus on finding a new man, without the pressure of being single while all my friends and coworkers have guys. Then, when I find the right guy for me, it will be easy for me to dump him and move on.”

Then, when a new guy comes along and sparks her sexual and romantic feelings for him, she will quickly dump her guy again, without giving him a second thought.

He’s then left feeling hurt and betrayed and wondering what went wrong.

Here’s the thing though…

If you want to get back into a relationship with your ex, make sure that you’re at a new level now.

If you try to get her back by giving her the same love experience as before, she’s not going to feel very motivated to put in the effort to make things work this time.

Instead, she will likely bide her time until she finds a new man to give her love to.

So, take control of your interactions with her and begin sparking some of her feelings of respect and attraction for you again (e.g. by making her laugh and smile and feel good to be around you again, flirting with her to create sexual tension between you so she wants to release it with kissing and sex).

When she can see for herself that you really are at a different level now, she will automatically stop wanting to string you along, because it will no longer feel right to her.

Instead, she will want to talk to you on the phone and meet up with you in person, so she can experience the new you for herself and see where things go from there.

You can then build on her feelings for you and get her back, without her even realizing she’s falling in love with you all over again.

Another thing to consider before jumping back into a relationship with your ex is…

5. What will make the relationship better this time around and will it be enough?

Making promises to change, or offering to do anything your ex wants you to do is not going to make your relationship better.

Instead, it will almost certainly just delay the inevitable (i.e. another, more serious break up).

So, if you want to jump back into a relationship with your ex, you need to get clear on what will make the relationship work this time around.

In other words, you need to make sure you’re not repeating the same mistakes from before.

For example:

• If you became insecure, needy and clingy in the relationship with your ex, will you now be ready to be more confident and emotionally strong?

• If you allowed her to wear the pants in the relationship and make all the decisions because you believed that is what she wanted, will you now be ready to take the lead in the relationship and be the boss?

• If you treated her more like your neutral friend or roommate before, will you be able to make her feel like a sexy, desirable woman this time around?

• If you made her feel smothered by your emotional dependence on her before, have you made sure that you now have goals, dreams, friends and interests outside of the relationship with her?
   
• If you took her for granted before, can you make her feel loved and appreciated from now on?

The less you stay stuck at the same level you were at before, the greater the chances that your relationship will last and even flourish this time around.

When you give your ex the kind of attraction experience she always wanted with you (e.g. you’re so much more confident now and won’t be insecure like you were before, or you’re so much more loving and attentive now and won’t be the jerk you eventually became in the relationship), getting back into a relationship with you becomes something she wants to do.

She feels excited about the idea because finding a man who knows how to create the right relationship dynamic (i.e. where he is good to her and makes her feel loved and appreciated while at the same time motivates her to be good to him too) is rare.

She will then want to jump back into a relationship with you and hold on to you, because she doesn’t want to lose you to another woman.

You can then get her back and enjoy the thrill of building a new and improved relationship with her that is happy and long-lasting.

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