How can you get out of the friend zone with your ex girlfriend or ex wife?
How can you make her stop looking at you as just a friend or her ex guy that she no longer has sexual or romantic feelings for?
Here are my 5 tips on how to do it…
1. Understand that you have placed yourself in the friend zone
In most ex back cases that I’ve worked on where a guy is in the friend zone with his ex woman, he has placed himself there.
She hasn’t actually decided that he is in the friend zone.
It’s based on his thinking and behavior.
To help you understand how that works, think about an example where a guy is trying to pick up a woman.
He has a crush on a girl that he likes and he doesn’t really know how to get her to like him in the same way.
So, he hangs around with her, tries to build up a friendship and hopes that eventually she might like him in a sexual and romantic way.
Then all of a sudden, another guy comes along who isn’t necessarily any better looking than him or anything like that.
Instead, the new guy doesn’t place himself in the friend zone.
He feels worthy of her.
His confidence in himself around her allows him to be a bit more bold in the way that he uses humor and the way that he interacts with her and as a result, she ends up hooking up with him sexually and getting into a relationship with him.
Meanwhile, the guy in the friend zone is thinking, “What just happened? I was talking to her for weeks or months. We really got along. I was always there for her. I was very understanding. I was helpful. I was essentially what women are asking for. They’re asking for a nice guy who cares for them and listens and looks out for them and treats them really well. I was doing all of that and then she goes and hooks up with another guy who didn’t do any of that for her.”
So, what is the main thing that made her hook up with the guy?
It’s very simple…
Sexual attraction.
A woman’s feelings of sexual attraction for you can be created.
It’s based on how you interact with her, how you talk to her.
For example, if you’re talking to your ex and you’re doubting yourself, giving her too much power and being way too nice to her in the hopes that she eventually caves in and gives you another chance, then she’s not going to be feeling sexually attracted to you because of that.
Women don’t feel sexually attracted and turned on by a guy’s self-doubt and insecurity around her.
What a woman feels turned on by is a guy’s confidence and belief in himself around her.
So, when it comes to getting your ex back, you need to absolutely believe in yourself and your value.
You have to absolutely believe that she could feel sexually attracted to you, that she could feel romantically attracted to you and that she would want to be in a relationship with you.
Don’t doubt it for a second.
If you doubt it, you will naturally start to end up in the friend zone.
Why?
She will not feel attracted to you.
Women are not attracted to self-doubt and insecurity.
2. Don’t give her an ultimatum of a relationship or nothing
When a guy doesn’t know what to do to make his ex woman feel attracted to him again, he’ll often get to the point where he gives her an ultimatum.
He says something like, “Well, look. I can’t just be friends with you. It has to be more than that. I have too much feelings for you. It will be too difficult for me to be friends with you because I love you so much. You either want to be with me or nothing.”
In most ex back cases, the woman then chooses nothing and she walks away.
Why?
She’s not attracted to him.
Therefore, she doesn’t feel motivated to want to get back into a sexual relationship with him.
She doesn’t have those feelings for him because he’s not creating them.
He’s essentially just hanging around her, texting her like a friend, being nice to her, giving her all the power and hoping that eventually she caves in and gives him another chance.
He’s wasting so much time and energy using that approach.
All it will take for her to hook up with another guy is for another guy to come along, focus on making her feel sexually attracted and have the confidence to then hook up with her sexually.
Another problem with the ultimatum of it’s a relationship or nothing is that when a guy says it to a woman, he’s usually coming across in a bit of an emotionally weak way.
His body language appears a little bit desperate and he is showing her that he is in pain.
He can’t deal with the fact that she doesn’t want to have a sexual and romantic relationship with him. She just sees him as a friend.
The reason why it’s a problem is that a woman does not want to feel responsible for your emotional state.
She doesn’t want to feel responsible for your confidence, happiness and self-esteem.
A woman wants a man who is confident, happy and forward moving in life regardless of what she says or does, regardless of whether she is approving of him, giving him attention, affection and making him feel good about himself.
She wants a man who stands on his own two feet and is confident, happy and forward moving regardless of what she is thinking, feeling, saying or doing in any given moment.
When a guy has the confidence to be that type of guy, a woman naturally feels attracted and drawn to him.
So, rather than giving her an ultimatum of it’s a relationship or nothing, what you need to do is interact with her and make her feel sexually and romantically attracted to you again.
While you’re doing that, you also need to be subtly pulling away emotionally.
In other words, you’re not chasing a relationship and you’re not chasing her.
What you’re doing is making her feel attracted to you, she’s feeling it, but she can also feel that she’s losing you.
She can also feel that if she doesn’t make a move and accept a relationship with you, another woman is going to find you attractive.
What happens is that she realizes that she is feeling attracted to the new and improved you.
She knows that other women are going to find that attractive and if you go ahead and interact with another woman, she is most likely going to find you attractive.
If you then hook up with that woman and get into a relationship with her, it might end up causing your ex to feel like she has been rejected, she has been left behind.
So, rather than her feeling brokenhearted, she starts to open back up to you again and you can get her back.
Using that approach is so much more effective than giving a woman an ultimatum of it’s a relationship or nothing.
One of the reasons why is that if your ex currently doesn’t feel attracted to you and you give her an ultimatum of it’s a relationship or nothing, then she’s not really going to care about the fact that she’s losing you.
She doesn’t feel attracted to you.
You feel attracted to her, you want her back, you want to have a better relationship with her, but she’s not even feeling the fundamental feeling of attraction.
The sexual and romantic attraction between you and her isn’t mutual.
You’re feeling it, but she’s not.
So, if you give her the ultimatum of a relationship or nothing, she’s almost certainly just going to walk away and then move on without you.
3. Don’t be her comfort friend
A lot of guys who are in the friend zone with their ex girlfriend or wife make this mistake.
They are always there to listen with her, text her as much as she wants, whenever she wants and essentially help her out and be there for her.
That’s being a comfort friend.
It’s not what makes a woman feel sexually and romantically turned on by a man.
What you need to be aware of is that some women keep their ex guy around for their own comfort after the break up.
She might tell him things like, “I’m not interested in dating anyone else right now. I’m just spending a lot of time on my own. I don’t want to be in a relationship at the moment. I need some more time to find myself and find out what I want.”
Yet, behind his back, she is flirting with other guys.
She might be on Tinder or online dating.
She might be going out with her girlfriends and meeting guys.
She might be opening herself up to be set up on blind dates or she might actually be going on dates with guys who have an interest in her.
So many guys end up in a situation where they’re being that comfort friend to their ex woman and being there whenever she wants to talk and reach out, but the guy isn’t making her feel sexually and romantically attracted again.
She knows that she doesn’t have those type of feelings for him because he hasn’t really changed.
He’s essentially using the same type of approach to attraction that got him dumped in the first place.
For example, giving her too much power, being too nice to her, not being able to put her back in her place in a dominant, but loving way and not really knowing how to make her feel like a feminine sexy girl around him.
She feels more neutral around him, more like a friend or more like a big sister to him.
As a result, she doesn’t feel that draw.
She doesn’t feel like she has to be with him in a sexual and romantic way.
In many cases, the woman also doesn’t feel like she has to be loyal to him in any way.
She might say to her ex that she’s not interested in dating anyone else at the moment and just wants to be alone, but that doesn’t mean she is being 100% truthful to him.
After all, she might not want to tell him about her plans to start dating again or the guys that she’s interested in because she doesn’t want to hurt her ex’s feelings.
Alternatively, she doesn’t want him to potentially get angry or start begging and pleading for her to not go and hook up with another guy and to give him another chance.
So, she just says to him that she’s not interested in dating anyone else and just wants to be on her own at the moment.
That’s a case where she isn’t being truthful.
If she is actually being truthful and doesn’t want to date anyone at the moment, all it usually takes is for her to meet a guy who makes her feel sexually and romantically attracted and her thoughts about dating suddenly change.
She suddenly goes from not wanting to date, not wanting to have sex, not wanting to be in a relationship to hooking up with a new guy and then her ex gets left behind.
So, don’t fall into the trap of being her comfort friend who is essentially being there for her in a nice, supportive way and not making her feel sexually and romantically attracted.
You need to use the so-called friendship to be turning her on sexually.
You need to be making her feel attracted to you in new and interesting ways, so she feels drawn to you and doesn’t want to lose what she’s now feeling with you.
If you don’t level up your ability to attract her and are using the same old approach, then she’s most likely going to continue to just feel a friendly type of emotion towards you.
She’s not going to have that sexual and romantic draw, that sexual and romantic pull towards you.
4. Understand why maintaining a friendship with your ex is a good idea
Don’t worry about the term ‘friendship.’
It’s not actually going to be a friendship.
It’s going to be a courtship because you are going to use the friendship to seduce her back into a sexual romantic relationship with you.
Being friends with your ex is also a good idea because it keeps communication open between you and her.
When the communication is open, you can use that to re-attract her.
Being friends with her is not about accepting whatever you can get with her.
It’s not a desperate move.
Instead, it’s about you being in control of the process rather than leaving it all up to her and hoping that she comes back to you one day, hoping that she eventually misses you and realizes that you’re the one for her.
You don’t want to put yourself in that position where you’re constantly trying to impress her and be nice to her and jump through all of her hopes in order to hopefully get a chance with her.
What you need to do is fast track the process.
Make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you, get the feelings of sexual and romantic attraction flowing again and make her fall back in love with you.
When you do that, she’ll naturally want to be back with you now rather than just being friends with you.
5. Regain your position of power
So, how can you regain the position of power?
What you need to do is make her feel more attracted to you than you feel attracted to her.
At the same time, you need to make sure that you’re not giving her the impression that you hope she will give you another chance or that you hope she will select you.
You have to give her the impression based on your vibe and behavior that you already know that you’re good enough for her.
You already know that she feels attracted to you and she is thinking of giving you another chance.
Give her the impression that you know she is feeling a lot of attraction for the new and improved you.
What you need to understand is that women love being in the position where they are feeling so attracted and in love with a guy that they can’t stop thinking about him and wanting to be around him.
You can make a woman feel that way if you stop giving her the power of being the selector.
Stop looking to her for a decision of whether she wants to be with you in a sexual relationship or not.
Just make her feel turned on by the new and improved you and she will naturally want to be with you in a sexual and romantic way.
The thing is, women actually prefer it that way.
A woman wants to be in the position where she is subtly chasing the relationship, where she feels the need to constantly impress her man.
The man is being good to her.
He is respecting her and he’s treating her well, but he is in the position of power.
She wants to be with him even more than he wants to be with her.
He loves her.
He feels attracted to her and wants to be with her, but she feels that need to chase him a little bit.
She feels the need to impress him a little bit.
That’s the type of approach that will absolutely work when you are in the friend zone with your ex.
Learn More?
Okay, I hope you’ve enjoyed this video and learned something from it.
If you’d like to learn more, I recommend that you watch my program, Get Your Ex Back Super System
When you use the techniques from the program, she will feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
She will fall back in love with you and want to be with you in a sexual and romantic relationship.
The Man Leads the Dynamic
One final point that I want to make for you in this video is just to remind you that in most situations, it’s the guy who places himself in the friend zone.
He hands over his power to the woman as being the selector.
He hopes to get chosen by her, rather than being in the power position and knowing that he is good enough for her and simply focusing on making her feel sexually and romantically attracted to him.
So, rather than hoping that your ex selects you one day and gives you a chance, take control of the situation.
Be in the position of power.
Focus on making her feel so attracted to you that she just has to be with you sexually and romantically.
She wants to be back in your arms again.
She wants to kiss you.
She wants to be in a sexual relationship with you.
She doesn’t want some other woman feeling attracted to the new and improved you and stealing you away from her.
She wants to claim you as her own.
You can make her feel that way.
So, stop placing yourself in the friend zone and regain your position of power.
Be the one who is making her feel so attracted to you that she wants to have another chance with you and doesn’t want to lose you.
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