5 things you should do to get your wife back when she wants a divorce:
1. Change your communication style with her
When a wife is saying things like, “I want a divorce. This marriage is over!” it’s only natural that it will create some negative tension between her and her husband.
They might find themselves getting into arguments and fights and treating each other in a cold, distant, or even hostile manner.
Gone are the days when they were in love and everything was happy, free flowing and enjoyable.
Now, it’s just stressful and annoying.
If that sounds a bit like what is happening between you and your wife at the moment, it’s time for you to change the way you communicate with her.
For example: Start turning awkward, stressful, uncomfortable or neutral conversations into something to laugh about together.
Get her smiling and feeling good when she talks to you.
She asks, “So, how was your day?” and rather than replying in a neutral way and remaining distant, use some humor to get her smiling and laughing.
You might reply with something like, “Bad” and she then asks, “Why?” and you then laugh and say, “Just kidding! I had a great day. How about you?” and smile as she answers.
Alternatively, if she asks, “How was your day?” you might reply with, “Great, but it’s even better now that I am looking at your pretty. Hello beautiful” and smile and have a laugh with her.
Essentially, bring some feel good emotions back into the mix, rather than continuing on with the negative tension between you and her, or being neutral so as not to annoy her or step on her toes.
Take the reigns back and control the dynamic of the relationship.
Turn back into a relationship that is full of feel good emotions, egged on by laughter and playfulness at times.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that you should act like a clown 24/7 and never take anything she’s saying seriously because that will create even more anger and hostility.
Instead, it simply means you should focus on finding something to laugh about together, rather than taking everything so seriously and allowing negative feelings and arguments to tear you even further apart.
Here’s the thing…
When you change the way you communicate and interact with your wife (e.g. you remain calm when she’s shouting or throwing a tantrum, you use humor to bring her out of a bad mood, you maintain your composure around her even when she’s insulting you and trying to make you angry), it will automatically change the dynamic between you and her.
Suddenly, she’ll find herself being the only one who is angry, shouting and looking for an argument and it will begin to feel a bit silly.
Don’t accuse her of being the angry or argumentative one though.
Just let her realize it on her own, at her own pace.
When she sees that you’re not biting back and are able to remain confident and composed, while also steering you and her towards smiling and laughter very often (not all the time), it will take the fight out of her.
She will realize that she’s over-reacting to the situation and ignoring what is really happening between you and her (i.e. you are starting to reconnect and really enjoy being around each other).
As a result her guard comes down and she finds it difficult to remain stuck on the idea of getting a divorce.
She begins thinking things like, “I can’t believe that we’re actually talking to each other again like normal human beings. We’re even smiling and laughing again, instead of fighting and arguing. Maybe getting a divorce isn’t the right thing to do after all. Maybe we can work things out between us.”
The next thing you can do to get your wife back when she wants a divorce is…
2. Start attracting her in new ways
If you want your wife to change her mind about getting a divorce, you have to start attracting her in ways that truly matter to her.
To do it correctly, you first need to understand the real reasons why she wants to leave you and then begin to change those things about yourself.
For example:
If you’re too emotionally dependent on your wife and rely on her to help you with too many things in life, show her that you’ve changed by being more emotionally independent from now on (e.g. make your own decisions, start or continue to pursue your own goals and dreams without her input, pick up on a hobby you’ve neglected, take control of things that you should have been managing, but had left on her plate because it was easier for you).
If you’ve been too relaxed about your future (e.g. you’re stuck in a dead-end job and haven’t made a move to change that, you haven’t been saving any money for a rainy day), take positive steps to change that.
Show your wife that you’re now more driven and goal oriented by planning for your future together.
If all the fighting and arguing has caused the sexual spark to die between you and your wife and you now feel like two strangers rather than lovers, change that by flirting with her and creating some sparks of attraction between you and her again.
By changing and improving in the ways that really matter to your wife, you will be showing her that you’re now the kind of man she can look up to, respect and feel attracted to.
As a result, her walls will automatically start to come down and then the thought of getting a divorce will begin to seem like a bad idea, rather than being the solution to all her problems.
From there, you just need to continue building on her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you to let her see that things really are different now.
The next thing you can do to get your wife back when she wants a divorce is…
3. Imagine that the divorce isn’t happening and she still loves you the way she used to
If you keep worrying about her wanting a divorce and you potentially losing her forever, your body language and behavior will reflect that and it will turn her off even more.
Why?
Women are attracted to confidence in a man and turned off by insecurity, self-doubt and other emotional weaknesses.
So, you need to be emotionally strong, rather than losing confidence and becoming depressed or dejected about what might happen.
Rather than saying to yourself, “It’s over. I’m losing her and there’s nothing I can do about it. Divorce is final and there’s not coming back from that. My life is over. I’ll never be able to get over this,” start by thinking things like, “This is just a bump in the road. Yes, we’re having some problems now, but we’re going to fix them and as a result our marriage is going to be even better than before. The divorce is never going to happen because my wife still loves me and I still love her. Everything is going to work out fine.”
When you are comfortable thinking like that, take it up a level.
Start looking at her as though she is still in love with you and everything is fine.
When you do, she will naturally feel attracted to your confidence and self-belief.
She will also feel attracted to your fearlessness when it comes to loving her and being confident and in control of your emotions during a very challenging time.
Feeling attracted to you in that way will melt some of her iciness and she will begin realize that you aren’t so bad after all.
She will then become more open to working things out, rather than being stuck on her decision to get a divorce.
Another thing you can do to get your wife back when she wants a divorce is…
4. Don’t try to get her to commit to stopping the divorce yet
It might be tempting to try and convince your wife to stop the divorce, but it’s not an effective approach to use.
For example: A man who is facing a potential divorce with his wife might think, “If I don’t put a stop to it right away, it will be too late. There’s no turning back from a divorce once the process has begun. I have to sit her down and try to talk her out of this.”
Yet, approaching it in the way isn’t effective.
What should you do instead?
Spend most of your time and energy (in a relaxed, confident manner) focused on making her feel a renewed sense of respect, attraction and love for you.
That is what really counts.
If you are trying to get her to discuss it all with you and change her mind, she isn’t going to feeling respect, attraction and love for you.
Instead, she will be feeling tense and stressed out by constantly having to justify her feelings to you (i.e. that she’s not happy and wants a divorce).
At the same time, by trying to persuade her to change her mind, you may cause her to think things like, “He’s not listening to me! All he’s focusing on is what he wants, but he’s not thinking about what I want and how I feel at all. He’s just highlighting to me that divorce is the only solution here, because he’s not open to changing or even listening to me. I’m sick and tired of being in this position and always having to give him what he wants.”
Making her feel that way will cause her to be more determined to go through with a divorce.
So, rather than turning every interaction you have with her into something stressful and negative, try to focus on making her feel sparks of sexual and romantic attraction for you instead.
Let her see that she really does feel good when she interacts with you now.
Don’t tell her that though, because she will likely put her guard up.
Just let her feel good around you and she will realize it herself.
The more she enjoys being around you, the less motivated she will feel to go through with the divorce because she will begin to feel as though would regret it.
Another thing you can do to get your wife back when she wants a divorce is…
5. Use any opportunities you have to interact with her as a chance to re-attract her even more
Even if your wife has already moved out and is currently saying things like, “Leave me alone. We have nothing more to discuss. It’s over between us and I’m not interested in fixing our marriage. I want a divorce,” you need to remain confident in yourself and focus on changing how she feels.
Changing how she feels isn’t about changing her mind with logical arguments (e.g. think about the children, we have a lot of good memories together, it will be hard to survive on your own).
That doesn’t work.
What works is focusing on making her feel a renewed sense of respect, attraction and love for the new you.
No matter what she is saying or doing to push you away, stay in touch with her by calling her on the phone from time to time, or by seeing her in person.
The purpose of that is so you can properly re-attract her and make her want you and the relationship again.
The more she can see that you’re not reacting in the ways she’s expecting you to (e.g. not getting angry or annoyed with her, not panicking or seeming dejected when she talks about divorce, always maintaining your confidence around her regardless of how cold she is being), the more attracted she will feel.
From there, you can quickly build on her feelings and she will naturally begin to change her mind about the divorce.
4 Mistakes That Can Make Your Wife Feel Even More Determined to Go Through With the Divorce
To get a wife back when she wants a divorce, you need to first change how she feels about you, rather than trying to change her mind with logical arguments or worse, pleading and begging.
When you change how she feels, she will then change her mind.
Unfortunately, a lot of men don’t realize that until it’s too late and end up making some or all of the following mistakes…
1. Sucking up to her
When a wife is talking about divorce, a man might decide that the only way to make her change her mind is by being on his best behavior around her.
He will start being extra nice to her (even when she’s being cold, mean or treating him badly), doing whatever she wants, listening, caring, being generous and basically sucking up to her, in the hope that it will prove to her that he still loves her and wants to fix the marriage.
Yet, in most cases, rather than make a woman think, “Oh, how amazing! My husband is being so sweet now. He’s really trying. I need to go easy on him and give our marriage a chance,” she will instead feel turned off by what she perceives as his wimpy, needy behavior.
Here’s the thing…
Even though a woman might give the impression that she wants to be the one in control in the relationship (i.e. make all the decisions, while her man heeds her every beck and call), the truth is women don’t respect guys who believe the fake demands that women make.
For example: In the dating scene, women go around saying that they want a sweet, nice guy who listens, cares and is very patient with them.
Yet, when a guy does that, a woman doesn’t feel attracted to him and he ends up in the friend zone.
She then hooks up with a guy who doesn’t even live up to all of those fake demands she was making (e.g. he kisses her on the first date, he doesn’t suck up to her and instead behaves in a more natural way, expressing his real personality and not worrying if she likes it or not).
As you may know, women have to go around saying one thing and doing another because if they didn’t, people would look down on them.
It’s just how it works.
The same applies to relationships.
Women have to go around saying that they want a husband who does all the housework, treats them like a princess and is does whatever she wants.
Yet, in reality, a woman wants a good man who treats her well, but creates a dynamic in the relationship that causes her to treat him even better.
Women can’t admit that in public, but if you look at the relationships where the woman is the happiest and most in love with her man, that is exactly what you will find.
So, if you suddenly start sucking up to your wife to stop her from going through with the divorce and in the process, allow her to get away with treating you badly, rather than changing her mind, she will lose even more respect and attraction for you.
Remember: A woman wants to be with a man she can look up to, respect, feel attracted to and love, not a guy who is sucking up to her because he doesn’t know what else to do to make her want him.
The next mistake to avoid making is…
2. Seeking pity
Sometimes a guy might try to change his wife’s mind about getting divorced by making her feel sorry for the pain she is causing him.
For example: He might say to her, “Can’t you see I’m hurting here? I haven’t been able to sleep or eat properly since you asked me for a divorce. I’m a mess. Please just give me a chance to change and be the man you want me to be. I promise this time I’ll do whatever it takes to make our marriage work. For the sake of our wedding vows and the love we felt for each other, please don’t walk away.”
He’s hoping that if she sees how much he’s suffering, she will feel sorry for him and agree not to go through with the divorce.
Yet, making a woman feel pity for the emotional pain you’re experiencing only turns her off even more.
Why?
Emotional weakness isn’t attractive to women.
Women are attracted to emotional strength, especially when the man is in a challenging situation.
Additionally, when a woman has disconnected from her feelings of respect, love and attraction for her husband and wants a divorce, she usually stops caring about how he feels or what he wants.
All that really matters to her at this point is how she feels, so focus on making her have feelings for you again.
When you do that, she naturally begins to change her mind about the divorce.
The next mistake to avoid making is…
3. Being neutral
A common mistake that some guys make is being neutral and boring around their wife and expecting her to somehow feel a spark and want to stick with him.
In other words, he’s not putting in the effort to create a spark by being very confident, using ballsy humor (not nice, polite humor or dad jokes) or using flirting to create a sexual vibe.
Here’s the thing…
If you’re not actively making your wife feel sexually and romantically attracted to you, it’s just going to make her feel even more determined to go through with the divorce.
She will say to herself, “The spark just isn’t there anymore. I don’t feel it. I’m right about wanting this divorce.”
On the other hand, when you are actively re-attracting her, she then starts to think things like, “Things are good between us now. I don’t actually want to leave him. If I did, I would miss him. Maybe we just need to give it another shot for a while and see how things go.”
She then stops wanting a divorce and starts wanting you.
The next mistake to avoid making is…
4. Feeling unworthy of her
When a woman is saying that she wants a divorce, it’s easy for a husband to blame himself for everything that went wrong in their marriage.
For example: He might start thinking, “She was pretty much the perfect woman and I ruined everything with my [insecurity, controlling behavior, apathy, anger, etc]. I destroyed our marriage and made her hate me in the process. I’m such a jerk! I can’t believe I did this to her. I was lucky to get a woman like her to marry me in the first place. Now, I guess my luck has run out. It’s over.”
Thinking that way about himself only makes him seem less attractive to her because she can sense it in his vibe, attitude, behavior and body language.
As I’ve mentioned a few times so far, women aren’t attracted to emotional weakness and self-doubt in a man.
So, when a husband doesn’t believe in himself and his worth to his wife, it actually turns her off even more.
She starts to think things like, “I’ve made the right decision to leave him. I made a mistake when I married him. He’s just too wimpy and weak-minded for me. I need a man that I can look up to and respect, rather than hanging sticking with this marriage because I feel sorry for him.”
As a result, she begins to close herself off to him even more and push for the divorce.
If her husband reacts by being more emotionally sensitive and weak, she will feel even more turned off and compelled to finalize the divorce.
Don’t let that happen to you.
How?
Start by believing that you are good enough for her.
Then, use that confidence to begin re-attracting her in new and interesting ways as you interact with her.
Before you know it, she’ll be back in your arms and telling you how much she loves you and how sorry she is for wanting a divorce.
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