1. She likes you as a person, but doesn’t feel a sexual or romantic spark with you anymore
If your ex doesn’t want to get back with you and is using the excuse that she doesn’t know what she wants anymore, the reality is that she just doesn’t feel drawn to you enough in a sexual and romantic way.
She’s almost certainly not going to tell you that though.
Why?
Well, she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings by telling you that you just haven’t been manly enough for her, so she’s not feeling attracted to like she knows she should be.
She also doesn’t want to tell you, “I’m not attracted to you because your behavior isn’t manly enough,” only to then hear you, “I promise to be more manly from now on.”
She just wants you to get it and re-attract her, or if you can’t get it, just give and let her get on with trying to find a man who does.
So, do you get it?
If not, this should clear things up for you…
For a guy to maintain a woman’s feelings of attraction and love and to make her feel like a real woman in the relationship with him, he needs to be able to make her feel girly and feminine in comparison to his masculinity.
Making her feel girly in comparison to your masculinity comes down to how differently you think, talk, feel, behave and act in comparison to her.
So many guys make the mistake of suppressing their masculinity around their girlfriend (or wife) and end up being too cute, boyish or even a little feminine for her liking.
She stops feeling the natural, raw attraction that females feel to masculine males and when that happens, she begins to wonder if you and her are actually a good match after all.
Unfortunately, where many guys go wrong, is in thinking that being a nice, supportive guy to a woman in a relationship will be the right approach to keep her happy, attracted and in love for life.
A guy may think, “As long as I treat her well, take care of her and be a good man, she will be happy and want to stay with me.”
He is then shocked when his woman suddenly breaks up with him and says something along the lines of, “I’m sorry, I think we need to take a break. You’re a good man and I really to appreciate everything you’ve done for me, but something isn’t right. I have to follow my heart. It’s confusing for me. I don’t know why I’m feeling this way. I just don’t know what I want anymore. I think I need to be alone for a while.”
In some cases, a guy will then cry and plead with her to not leave him.
In other cases, he will get angry at her for being so selfish.
In other cases, he will try to get answers from her as to why she is feeling that way.
Yet, she won’t be able to tell him because she doesn’t understand it herself, or she won’t want to tell him because she doesn’t want him to put on an act of being manly around her when that’s not who he is.
Here’s the thing…
Even though a woman definitely appreciates it when her man is a good guy to her, it’s not the main thing that makes her want to have sex with him and stick with him for life.
What is?
His ability to create a relationship dynamic that makes her feel the way she wants to feel when she’s with him (e.g. feminine, girly, free to be an emotional woman).
Being a good man to her is definitely something that helps the relationship stay together, but without the fundamental feeling of sexual and romantic attraction based on her feeling girly and feminine in comparison to you, the relationship will go stale.
The reality is that the less feminine and girly a woman feels in her man’s presence, the more she will disconnect from her feelings of sexual attraction for him.
When that happens, she will begin thinking things like, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Why am I feeling so unhappy in this relationship? He’s a really good guy and he treats me well. He’s better than other boyfriends I’ve had. Yet, he feels more like a friend to me than anything else. I like him as a person, but I just don’t feel drawn to him the way that a woman is supposed to be drawn to her man. There’s just no spark between us. I feel so confused. I just don’t know what I want anymore. There was a spark at the beginning, but I just don’t feel it with him anymore. He seems to feel it with me. What is wrong with me? Maybe I just need some time on my own to figure things out, or maybe I need to try to give him another chance for a while. Either way, I know one thing for sure…I am unhappy in this relationship and I don’t know how much longer I can put up with it.”
She may then find herself becoming increasingly cold, snappy or argumentative towards him, until she eventually gets fed up and decides to break up with him.
He is then left thinking, “What the heck just happened? I thought we were good together? The relationship was working. How could she just leave me like that?”
It’s simple.
A lack of fundamental attraction based on the fact that the relationship was too neutral (i.e. felt more like a friendship, than a relationship where she was able to feel girly in comparison to his masculinity).
Here’s the thing…
If you want your ex girlfriend back, you have to understand that she’s almost certainly not going to change her mind about you unless you begin making her feel like a feminine, girly and sexually attractive woman when she’s with you.
When you make her feel that way around you, her feelings about you will automatically change, even if she wasn’t intending on that happening.
She suddenly starts to think things like, “Why am I feeling so attracted to him again? I don’t get it, but I like it. I want to kiss him now. I want to have sex with him. I should just do it and see how I feel afterwards.”
They then hook up and if the guy is able to continue being masculine around her, she will want him back.
On the other hand, if you attempt to get her back by trying to prove to her what a good guy you are (e.g. by being extra nice to her, offering to do whatever she wants to make her happy, running errands for her, helping her with her bills, being extra supportive and sensitive), don’t be surprised if she says something along the lines of, “I’m sorry, but I don’t know what I want anymore… I feel so confused. Maybe we’re better off just being friends for now. I don’t know. I need time to think about this.”
Another possible reason why your ex girlfriend says she doesn’t know what she wants anymore is…
2. She feels like a relationship with you is too much work
In some cases, a woman might find herself in a relationship that has just become too stressful for her to deal with anymore.
For example:
He always needs her to reassure him that she loves him and if she doesn’t, he becomes insecure, clingy or controlling.
He texts her too much every day and she doesn’t have much time for anything else.
She feels like she’s always the one trying to improve the relationship and fix any issues they have, while her guy likes to act as though nothing is wrong or he refuses to acknowledge that he may be making some mistakes.
He keeps making promises to change (e.g. stop being so jealous and controlling, stop expecting her to make most of the decisions for them), but once things calm down between them again, he always goes back to his old patterns of behavior.
He makes her feel like nothing she does is good enough for him (e.g. he belittles her, mocks her, is never happy with anything she does for him).
She feels as though they have to put in a lot of effort into the relationship to make it feel like a normal relationship, because they aren’t really in love.
So, rather than continue to deal with the stress of being in a relationship with a guy like that, a woman will often say something along the lines of, “I don’t know what I want anymore. I need some space to think things through,” as a way of distancing herself from him.
She will then focus on finding herself a new man who doesn’t make being with him feel like hard work.
Another possible reason why your ex girlfriend says she doesn’t know what she wants anymore is…
3. She wants to break up with you, but doesn’t know how to say it directly
Sometimes, a woman might realize that although she initially felt attracted to her man and wanted to be with him, over time her feelings for him began to fade.
This can happen when:
- He started off being confident and emotionally strong, but became insecure and unsure of himself over time.
- He treated her like a sexy woman in the beginning of the relationship, but ended up treating her like a friend.
- He took the lead in the beginning of the relationship to seem manly, but eventually handed over power to her and expected her to call the shots.
When a woman notices things like that, her feelings of respect, attraction and love for him begin to fade and eventually she may decide to break up with him.
However, she might not know how to go about it (e.g. because it’s her first break up, she doesn’t want to hurt his feelings, she doesn’t want him to talk her out of her decision, she’s worried he might react badly and cry or get angry, she’s had a previous boyfriend become very angry when she was too honest about her reasons for ending the relationship).
So, rather than risk things getting out of control, she may simply say something like, “I don’t know what I want anymore,” in the hopes that her boyfriend will back off and give her some space.
She will then try to quickly move on and find a new man, rather than having to deal with an ex who is trying to convince her to change her mind.
Another possible reason why your ex girlfriend says she doesn’t know what she wants anymore is…
4. You have made her your main purpose in life and now she feels confused about how she should be approaching her life
Part of what it means to be the man in a relationship with a woman, is about taking on the role as the one who is mostly responsible for guiding you and her to a better future together.
She play some part in that, but if you want you and her to be happy and not end up going around in circles (i.e. because most women change their mind like the weather), you need to embrace your masculinity and lead the way.
You need to make a decision on what you and her want for the future, make plans to make it happen and then keep going and never give up.
You don’t have to achieve massive things in life to be happy.
Just set your purpose and goals based on what would make you and her happy and then work towards that, without allowing her changing moods to affect your motivation to achieve the goals.
If you can do that, you and her will have something to aim for together, make great progress in life and most likely achieve a lot more than you intended.
Why?
Simple.
Most guys do not set big goals, follow through on them and never give up.
Most guys have vague dreams that they wish they could achieve, but they never follow through until completion.
As a result, their girlfriend becomes their purpose in life and they cling to her and their distractions (e.g. watching sports, hanging out with friends, getting intoxicated, playing video games) to make them feel as though they are living a purposeful life.
Yet, as time goes by, a guy like that will eventually notice that he has wasted so much time avoiding his real dreams, while a few other men that he is aware of in his life, have followed through on their dreams and achieved success and a feeling of fulfillment in life.
The fact is, when you can be one of the rare men who has the determination and confidence to never give up on your goals, you will be amazed at how happy you are with yourself and how respectful your woman is towards you.
It’s a completely different life compared to a man who hides from his potential behind his woman and distractions.
Some women are aware of this, whereas most women just sense it instinctively.
If their man is a hider, they will naturally feel restless and unhappy in the relationship and will nag and complain about how he spends his time.
Eventually, it can be one of the things that leads to a breakdown of the relationship.
It’s just how things work.
If a man doesn’t provide direction for him and his woman and instead clings to her to feel safe as he hides from his potential as a man, a woman’s natural instincts kick in and she begins to feel as though something isn’t right.
Progress needs to be made.
There has to be clear goals, ambitions and progress together as a couple, not just a relationship based on hanging out and going around in circles.
When a woman finds herself in a relationship with a man who lacks purpose or the ability to follow through and achieve his set goals, she begins to feel unsafe around her future.
She then begins to feel as though she is going to have to step up and be a more masculine woman, by becoming determined to achieve goals to ensure a safer future.
Yet, if she does that and notices that her man is now looking at her as the leader and feeling like he can just let her make all the decisions and do all the work for them, she begins to resent him.
Not because she is lazy and doesn’t want to do some of the work.
It’s not about that.
It’s about sexual and romantic attraction.
In order for a woman to remain sexually and romantically attracted to her man, he has to be able to make her feel feminine and girly in comparison to his masculinity.
Part of being a masculine man is not hiding behind a woman, like a boy who needs his mother.
You have to be able to stand up on your own and make things happen and when you do that, you will see your woman standing right next to you, feeling sexually attracted to you, respecting you, supporting you and loving you.
She will do some of the work too, but she has to see that you’re not hiding behind her.
So, if you made your ex girlfriend your purpose in life so you could hide behind her and avoid rising through the levels of your true potential as a man, you need to show her that you are completely different now.
You are now beginning through the levels of life and reaching for your true potential, with or without her.
You don’t have to achieve big things to show her that.
You just have to start being like that for real.
When you focus on making progress in your life and begin making steps towards achieving your goals and ambitions, she automatically starts looking at you as being much more attractive relationship option than you were before.
She stops looking at you as her emotionally dependent ex who made her feel unsure about her future and begins to feel like she could be safe with you, respectful of you and attracted to you once again.
She then starts to feel clearer about what she wants (i.e. to be with you).
Her guard comes down and she opens back up to the idea of being your girl again.
Another possible reason why your ex girlfriend says she doesn’t know what she wants anymore is…
5. She’s been feeling more and more attracted to other men lately and doesn’t know why
When a guy begins to think, act and behave in unattractive ways in his relationship with a woman, it’s usually only a matter of time before she begins to feel attracted to other guys, even if she doesn’t want to.
For example: Imagine a guy who is always getting jealous of his woman in a relationship.
He constantly reads her e-mails, texts and social media messages and gets into arguments with her if he notices that she’s communicating with other guys, even if it’s purely platonic (i.e. the guy is just a friend or a co-worker).
This turns her off because women aren’t attracted to insecurity and emotional weakness in men.
So, if she then happens to interact with another guy who is confident in himself and seems relaxed and easy-going around her, she may begin feeling attracted to him instead.
She may then begin thinking things like, “I’m not the kind of woman who would cheat on her boyfriend, but I can’t hide the fact that lately, I’ve been feeling attracted to other men. I know I shouldn’t just leave him because he is insecure, but it’s really annoying to me. Sometimes I have to ask myself why I’m putting up with his jealousy, when I could find myself a more confident man.”
When she gets to the point where’s she had enough of feeling turned off by him, she will decide to end the relationship and try to find a guy who has the trait that her ex lacked.
For example:
If her ex was clingy, a woman will usually go for a guy who is emotionally independent and focused on achieving his goals and dreams in life, regardless of whether she sticks with him or not.
If her ex was too emotionally sensitive and often got upset or worked up about every little problem in his life, a woman will usually go for a guy who is emotionally strong and faces the challenges in his life head on, rather than whining about them.
If her ex was too submissive and timid around her, the next guy a woman feels a lot of attraction for and wants to date, will usually be much more masculine in his thinking, behavior and actions.
If her ex treated her more like a neutral friend in the relationship, a woman will usually then look for a guy who makes her feel like an attractive, desirable woman when she’s with him.
So, if you want to get your ex girlfriend back before she moves on with another guy, it’s essential that you understand what has been attracting her to other men lately.
Then, you need to quickly make some attractive changes to yourself, so you can re-spark her feelings for you.
Essentially, you’ve got to learn from your past mistakes (e.g. you’re no longer insecure and needy, you’re so much more emotionally masculine in the way that you think, act and behave now, you’re more relaxed and easy-going than you were before, you are willing to do what it takes to achieve your goals) and bounce back with an improved ability to make her feel respect, attraction and love for you.
Another possible reason why your ex girlfriend says she doesn’t know what she wants anymore is…
6. Her girlfriends are enjoying the single life and she feels like her relationship with you is boring
Sometimes, a woman will get into a relationship with a guy because she’s bored of the single life and feels like she wants to settle down.
Yet, if the relationship feels boring, she may begin to envy the freedom and excitement her single girlfriends are experiencing.
For example: Imagine a woman is sitting at home when one of her single girlfriends calls her on the phone and tells her that she went to the new trendy club in town over the weekend.
She then goes into detail about how great the music was, how her and the other girls danced until dawn, how they flirted and possibly even hooked up for a one night stand.
If a woman is happy and in love with her man, then she’s not going to feel like she is missing out, because she has what she wants.
Yet, if she is bored in the relationship and isn’t in love, she will naturally feel a bit jealous of her single girlfriends.
She may then begin wondering things like, “Maybe I settled into a relationship too soon. Maybe I should have enjoyed being single for a little while longer. I don’t feel like I’m in love and happy. I’m bored with him. I just don’t know what I want anymore.”
She might decide to break up with her boyfriend and join her single friends on the party circuit.
Yet, to avoid a nasty break up with her boyfriend, she will say something like, “I don’t know what I want anymore. I need some time to be on my own.”
This will ensure that she has enough time to get out there, meet new guys and move on.
She can then tell her boyfriend, “Sorry, it’s over between us now. I’ve met another guy and I’m happy with him, so please respect that. I wish you all the best.”
So, if your ex girlfriend is saying that she doesn’t know what she wants anymore, it may be because somewhere along the line she started feeling bored in her relationship with you (e.g. because you stopped making her feel attracted, excited, turned on).
If that’s the case, she is almost certainly going to try to make herself feel better by hooking up with new guys, until she can find a guy who gives her the kind of attraction and love experience she really wants in a relationship.
This is why, if you want her back, you have to understand what to change or adjust about your approach to her, so she wants that with you.
2 Common Mistakes to Be Aware of With an Ex Girlfriend Who Says That She Doesn’t Know What She Wants Anymore
1. Trying to make her want the relationship by telling her how much she means to you
Sometimes a guy will pour his heart out to his ex as a way of hopefully convincing her to give him another chance.
Yet, it usually doesn’t have the effect he’s looking for.
Rather than making her think, “OMG! He really does love me. That clears everything up in my mind and makes me want to be with him too,” she usually pulls away even more and thinks something along the lines of, “I know that he cares a lot for me. I’ve never doubted that. It’s just that I’m not sure about him. I don’t feel the same way that he does about me. I like him, but I don’t love him right now. I appreciate what we had, but I’m not feeling drawn to him anymore. The spark just isn’t there.”
This is why, telling your ex how much she means to you is usually a complete waste of time.
You are telling her how much you love her and want her, which then makes her realize that she doesn’t feel the same way about you.
If you want her back, you have to understand that what matters most right now are her feelings for you, not your feelings for her.
So, focus on using interactions to reactivate her sexual and romantic feelings to make her want you back.
When you do that, she won’t be confused about what she wants.
She will want you.
You will then give her another chance with you and build on her feelings, so she becomes worried about potentially losing you.
That’s how a man should approach it.
That is what works.
On the other hand, here’s an example of what doesn’t work…
2. Being extra nice and supportive towards her, when what is really missing is a sexual spark
Sometimes a guy thinks that if he is very nice, sweet and supportive to his ex girlfriend, she will eventually snap out of her confused state and want to get back with him.
She will realize that no other guy will treat her as well as him and then give him another chance.
Unfortunately, sexual attraction doesn’t work that way.
Here’s the thing…
When there’s no sexual spark, a woman just won’t feel motivated to give her ex another chance because she can see that it won’t work.
She will see that he’s trying to get her back based on a friendship, on being supportive and on being there for her.
Yet, the reality is that, while it’s totally fine to be supportive and good to a woman, it’s not the thing that makes her feel sexually attracted and turned on in a relationship.
So, whatever you do, just make sure you’re not pretending to be an innocent friend who isn’t interested in her in a sexual or romantic way anymore.
If you act like a friend, you will end up in the friend zone with her.
Before you know it, she will tell you that she’s met another guy and will ask you to respect that.
So, if you want her back, don’t waste time being Mr. Friendly towards her.
Make the feelings sexual, initiate a kiss and sex and then enjoy the great times ahead with her.
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