If you approach it correctly, apologizing to your ex girlfriend does help to get her back.
However, if you make one or more of the following mistakes when apologizing, it can actually backfire, push her away further and even cause her to reject you and say that she’s no longer interested.
So, be sure to avoid these mistakes when apologizing to her:
1. Apologizing in detail via email, message or text
Some of the reasons why:
- Women don’t like seeing a huge wall of text, or a long email or message from a guy. It seems needy, desperate and overly emotional.
If she isn’t interested in you anymore, she’s going to feel annoyed that you’re expecting her to care when reading your detailed apology. - She can see it as you not understanding your place in her life right now (i.e. an ex boyfriend, not her boyfriend).
- She can see it as you trying to manipulate her into giving you another chance by trying to make her feel guilty.
- She can see it as you lacking the courage, or balls to say it on a phone call or in person. It doesn’t matter if she’s not answering your calls right now. You shouldn’t send her a wall of text, or a huge email to apologize. It should be done on a phone call or in person when you are able to. If you are going to text her an apology, then keep it very brief.
- She can read the detail of the apology, be reminded of mistakes you made, find new things that she feels turned off by and lose even more interest.
- Many women see detailed texts, messages or emails as being something that a rejected woman would do. It’s not something that a manly man does if a woman rejects him, or breaks up with him.
So, don’t text, email or message her a whole bunch of details in your apology.
It might seem like an easy option, but texting a big apology almost always causes a woman to feel more turned off and more motivated to move on without you.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
2. Giving her a sense that you only want to apologize so she forgives you right away and then gives you another chance
If she gets the sense that the only reason you’re apologizing is to get her back into a relationship, then her guard will go up.
She will see it as manipulative, selfish and will feel annoyed that you’re trying to do that to her.
So, here’s the thing…
Right now, a relationship is what you want, but it’s almost certainly not what she wants.
Why?
You have strong feelings for her, but she doesn’t have strong feelings for you.
How do you change that?
By interacting with her and creating sparks of attraction.
When you do that, she suddenly begins to experience sexual and romantic feelings for you again.
When that happens, she feels willing to forgive you, appreciates your apology and wants to open up further so she can experience more of the enjoyable attraction that you’re now making her feel.
So, it’s fine to apologize to her, but make sure that you don’t give her the sense that the apology is your big move, or main technique to get her back into a relationship.
Instead, let her see that you are simply apologizing because you want to, it feels like the right thing to do and because she deserves it.
Then, focus on making her feel attracted as you interact with her, so she naturally wants to forgive you and give you another chance for her own reasons (i.e. because she likes the attraction she now feels for you, worries that you might attract another woman and move on, which would then make her feel like the rejected or dumped one).
If you don’t re-attract her, she will most likely close herself off even more and push you away by saying something like, “Okay, fine. You’ve apologized. It doesn’t change how I feel about you or us though. So, look – I accept your apology and now we need to go our separate ways okay. Goodbye.”
Why?
Without attraction, she’s simply not going to feel the way you do.
You’ve got to re-attract her if you actually want her to care and want you back.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
3. Asking for another chance right after the apology
Even if a woman seems happy that her ex boyfriend has apologized and responds positively (e.g. she says, “Thank you for saying sorry. It takes a big man to admit his mistakes and I really appreciate that. I want you to know that I really do forgive you,”) it doesn’t mean she wants him back.
So, if he takes her friendly reaction to his apology as meaning that he can now get her back and then asks for another chance, she will almost certainly reject him.
If you read the previous section, you will know why.
It’s because she’s not actually attracted to him.
An apology can cause a woman to feel some sparks of respect and attraction, but not always and in most cases, not enough to make her want the guy back.
After apologizing, you should switch into another mode of conversation where you are using humor and flirting with her to make her feel sparks of attraction and feel good when talking to you.
You should also be aware that when getting an ex woman back, the most important thing is about how she feels and what she wants.
Your feelings don’t matter to her, until they do.
When will your feelings matter to her?
When she is attracted and in love with you again.
Prior to that, all she will care about is herself, how she feels and what she wants.
If you can make her feel enough attraction, she will want you and will open up to hugging, kissing, having sex and considering a relationship with you again.
4. Seeking pity when apologizing
For example: A guy might say, “Please forgive me. I’m sorry. I need you back. I haven’t been able to eat or sleep properly since the breakup. All I do is think about how I hurt you and how differently I would treat you if you’d just give me another chance. I’m so sorry for what happened. I don’t know how I will survive if you can’t forgive me. Please just forgive me and give me another chance. I love you more than anything and I will do whatever it takes to make it up to you. Please.”
He’s hoping that she’ll think something like, “Wow! I never realized he loved me this much. Yes, he did make mistakes, but he’s suffered a lot since the breakup. I think the pain he’s been through is punishment enough. Clearly, he’s learned his lesson, so I just should forgive him and give him another chance.”
Yet, it almost never works out that way.
Women aren’t attracted to neediness, desperation or wimpy behavior.
So, when a guy tries to make his ex woman feel pity, she will not only feel angry with him for trying to manipulate her, but she’ll also feel turned off by his weak, wimpy approach to her.
In some cases, a woman might even respond by saying something mean, cold or unloving like, “Good. I’m glad you’re hurting. You deserve it after what I had to go through in the relationship with you.”
Alternatively, she will simply block his number, unfriend him on social media or refuse to see him or talk to him again, which then makes it more difficult for him to get her back.
So, don’t bother trying to make your ex girlfriend feel pity for you.
If your ex isn’t currently attracted to you, trying to make her feel pity will only push her away even further.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
5. Crying when apologizing
It doesn’t matter how much you love her, or how down you feel about getting dumped or about the destruction of the relationship; don’t cry!
Women are not impressed by or attracted to guys who cry to hopefully get their way, or to gain pity.
A woman wants to be able to look up to you as respect you as ‘the man,’ rather than having to look down on you, or feel like she has to mother you and say, “There, there. It’s okay.”
It also doesn’t matter if she cries; don’t cry with her.
I’ve heard from countless men who have told me that their ex girlfriend (or wife) was crying when they talked, so he then “had a good cry with her.”
These men then tell me that she seemed to lose more interest, or close up even more after it.
A woman will rarely admit it, but when she sees her ex man cry like that, she feels deeply disappointed in him for not being man enough to maintain control of his emotions.
Women don’t want a man who is like a girlfriend that they can cry with. She has her girlfriends for that.
A woman wants a man that she can look up to, respect and rely on to maintain control of his emotions and be the stronger one in the relationship.
If a man sheds some tears at a funeral, or when his children accomplish something amazing, that is fine.
However, when a man cries to hopefully gain pity from a woman to then get her back, she feels disappointed and sometimes even disgusted by his approach to her.
So, don’t cry when apologizing.
Just don’t do it.
It will not help you.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
6. Taking too long to reach out and apologize
The longer you wait to apologize, the more time you give her to move on and forget about you.
She’ll start sleeping with new guys, enjoying her life without you and when you eventually apologize, she may hear (or read) your apology and think something like:
- “What? Why is he apologizing now? I don’t care. We broke up ages ago. Why is he still holding on? What a loser.”
- “If he really was sorry, he would have apologized right away or shortly after we broke up. he’s probably just lonely, horny and looking for an easy option because he can’t get a new girlfriend.”
- “Maybe he’s apologizing now to make me show some interest, so he can then reject me by saying that he’s not interested in a relationship anymore. He could just be doing it to make himself feel better, so I’ll just ignore him.”
Of course, in some cases, taking a long time to apologize can work (i.e. if she has struggled to move on).
Yet, do you really think she will struggle to move on?
Additionally, are you willing to risk losing her forever by waiting a long time to apologize?
In my many years of experience helping men to get women back, I can tell you that what works best is when you get it done quickly.
Apologize, re-attract her and get her back.
Don’t hesitate.
Don’t be afraid.
Just get it done.
7. Not aiming to get her to catch up in person to say hi, so you can apologize in person
Sometimes a guy will make the mistake of getting into a texting conversation with his ex and will hope that it will eventually lead to a meetup in person.
Alternatively, he’ll talk to her on the phone, apologize, have a friendly chat and then end the call.
Both of those approaches almost always result in the guy missing out on getting his ex woman back.
If you want her back, you have to get to an in person meetup, so you can then attract her further and get to a hug, kiss and sex.
Don’t wait around in the background just texting back and forth.
Don’t just have a nice conversation on the phone and then walk away.
Go through the ex back process and get back.
Do it properly.
You have a chance with her now and if you do it right, you will get her back.
It will be one of the things that you’re most proud of accomplishing in life.
On the other hand, if you do it wrong and miss out on getting her back, you will almost certainly regret it for the rest of your life.
I know this because I’ve heard from thousands of men who still miss an ex woman years and even decades after being dumped by her.
So, do it right and get her back.
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