Sometimes a guy will feel as though the relationship he has with his girlfriend is good and there’s essentially nothing wrong.
Yet, from her perspective, there are a number of issues that never get resolved.
The ongoing problems end up making her unhappy enough to go through with a break up, which often comes as quite a surprise to the guy because he thinks that everything is fine, or that the issues really aren’t a big deal.
Here’s what a guy usually isn’t aware of, or had been overlooking prior to the break up:
1. She didn’t feel enough of a spark
A woman caring about a guy and seeing him as a good guy, usually isn’t enough to make her want to stay in a relationship.
Instead, she needs to feel a strong sexual and romantic spark that lasts, otherwise it goes from being a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship to a friendship.
She’s not looking for a friendship.
She wants a romantic, loving, sexual relationship that lasts.
So, she will have felt attracted to him in a sexual and romantic way in the beginning, but over time, she started feeling more like a neutral friend.
The sexual spark fizzled out and it never seemed to come back.
Even though they continued to get along and may have even looked happy together to others, she wasn’t feeling enough of a spark.
Some women will put up with that kind of relationship dynamic for a long time, whereas others will only put up with it for weeks or months before they end things.
When the break up happens, it’s usually a huge surprise to the guy because he will have been assuming that everything was fine, or that the problems they had been experiencing weren’t something she’d leave him over.
Yet, the reality is that a relationship between a man and a woman will almost always break up if there isn’t enough of a spark.
It doesn’t matter how well the guy treats a woman; without a spark, it turns into a friendship, or an annoying relationship that causes a woman to regularly think about leaving, or cheating to find a replacement guy before she leaves.
2. She wants a guy who is more of a challenge
Being a challenge to a woman is about motivating her to want to impress you to maintain your interest, rather than taking you for granted.
A guy can achieve that by being good to her and treating her well, but also standing up to her in a dominant, but loving way if she is being disrespectful.
He can also achieve that by letting her see that he’s not 100% won over by her at all times, but feels more attraction and love if she is good to him and treats him well.
So, if a guy is being the opposite of a challenge (i.e. being a pushover) and giving her all of his time and attention, showering her with romantic gestures (e.g. buying her flowers, gifts, love letters, taking her out to restaurants) no matter how badly she treats him, then she stops feeling attracted to him.
From his perspective, he truly believes he is being the ideal boyfriend to her.
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that although a woman does like it when a man loves her and makes her feel appreciated, she doesn’t want to feel like she is the boss, the leader, or the most valuable one in the relationship at all times, or in many cases, at all.
Instead, she wants him to make her feel as though she’s lucky to have him, while also being treated well by him.
By using that approach, a woman knows that she will have to be a good girl and treat him well because he could easily attract other women if he wanted to.
She knows that because she knows that most pretty women struggle to find a guy who is a challenge and if they find one, they will go to great lengths (including seducing him to get him to cheat on his girlfriend and leave to be with her instead) to be with him.
So, it’s important to understand that women do want to be in a relationship where they feel loved and appreciated.
Yet, they also want to feel the need to impress their man to ensure that he doesn’t lose interest and select another woman instead.
If a guy can’t offer her that kind of attraction experience, a pretty woman will eventually get bored of always feeling like she’s more valuable than him.
She will then break up with him, even though there aren’t any obvious (to him) problems in the relationship.
3. She wasn’t ready to settle down yet
Sometimes, a woman might get into a relationship with a guy because she gets along with him really well, the sex is great, they have fun together and enjoy being with each other.
She might occasionally imagine being with him for life, but getting engaged or married is not at the top of her list of things to do in life (e.g. because she wants to focus on her studies or career, wants to go traveling, party and enjoy being carefree, she feels like she’s too young to settle down).
So, if she notices that the relationship is becoming too serious and she’s no longer having fun like she used to, or begins to feel very jealous of her single friends and of how carefree they seem to be, she may start to feel the need to end the relationship while she still can (i.e. before she gets engaged, married or pregnant).
Additionally, if her guy seems ready to settle down and puts pressure on her to commit to him, she may decide to end things now, rather than getting further involved in something that doesn’t appeal to her deeper desires.
Here’s the thing though…
Many women get into a relationship and initially don’t plan on marrying the guy.
Yet, if the guy is able to make her fall more and more in love throughout the relationship, she changes her mind, commits to him and they remain together for life.
On the other hand, if the guy makes relationships mistakes that turn her off over time (e.g. he becomes insecure, too jealous, stops being as manly, becomes needy), then it will cause her to want to end the relationship, even though he feels like it’s a good relationship that is working fine.
4. She felt as though he and her just weren’t on the same level
For example: That can happen when…
- A guy is confident, but his woman feels more confident than him. She notices that he can only feel truly confident if she is nice, friendly and easygoing with him. Yet, if she is being difficult, pushing him away, wanting to do things without him, or not being emotionally supportive towards him, then he immediately becomes insecure, emotionally sensitive and insecure. She also notices that he just doesn’t have the same level of confidence as her, in terms of how he expresses himself during a conversation, how he reacts to things in life and how comfortable his body language is when they are holding eye contact during an interaction. She feels stronger than him and it turns her off.
- He is a cool guy and knows that a lot of women like him, but senses that he doesn’t feel that way with her (e.g. he feels like she is slightly out of his league, he feels very lucky to have her, he worries that she might lose interest in him at any moment and go for another guy, he seems uncomfortable if she looks at another guy, or talks to another guy and seems to be enjoying the conversation).
- He isn’t able to get along with her in the way she really wants (e.g. she wants him to be in the position of power and lead in the relationship, but he lets her call the shots. She wants him to not take her tantrums so seriously, but he gets dragged into the drama she creates and starts arguing with her, or becoming upset. She wants to be able to chill and not be so emotional after sex, but he cuddles into her and wants to talk, be romantic and express his feelings).
- They started off enjoying the same things (e.g. partying, hanging out with friends, not wanting to ever settle down), but she matured and he didn’t. Alternatively, he matured too fast and seemed boring her to, or seemed to be trying to restrict her from enjoying her life and not being so serious about things for a while.
As a result, she started to feel like they were no longer compatible, so she broke up with him even though the relationship was good in a lot of ways.
A guy can still get a woman back in a case like that, but he has to change his approach to attraction and interact with her to let her experience it, so she can naturally realize that a relationship with him would feel so much better now.
5. The lack of arguments didn’t mean the relationship was going well
When a couple doesn’t ever have any arguments, it’s often because the guy is very agreeable or nice and as such, allows the woman get her way too much.
From his perspective, he may feel as though he’s being ‘the perfect boyfriend’ because he lets her get her way all the time.
From her perspective, she feels as though his approach is weak, wimpy and lacks manliness, which then kills her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for him.
As a result, she loses interest in putting in effort to be a good woman and treat him well, which results in her behaving in a way that she doesn’t want to (i.e. bitchy, selfish, mean, cruel, heartless, negative, angry).
To get back to how she used to be, she feels as though the best solution is to leave him and try to start afresh with a new guy.
In a case like that, a guy can get her back, but he has to stop being so agreeable and nice.
He has to quickly change and become the challenge that she is truly looking for.
He has to let her feel the need to impress him, treat him well and try to maintain his interest.
If he is unwilling to do that, she will move on and try to find it in another relationship.
6. She met another guy who made her feel more attraction
If a woman’s secret wants and desires in a relationship don’t match up to what she’s getting (e.g. she wants a man who is confident, assertive and emotionally independent, but her boyfriend is insecure, needy and clingy), then her feelings of respect, attraction and love will naturally begin to fade over time.
It won’t matter if her guy is a good man who treats her well, buys her things and tries to make her life as happy as possible; if she doesn’t feel sexual and romantic attraction for him, she will naturally start to feel drawn to other guys who do make her feel that kind of spark.
In most cases, a woman won’t ever admit that she met someone before breaking up with her current boyfriend.
Instead, she will end the relationship and begin dating the new man shortly after the break up.
7. She didn’t feel enough of an emotional connection
This often happens when the man suppressing his real personality (e.g. he feels intimidated by her, so he struggles to be his normal, confident self around her. He feels like she is out of his league, so he is always trying to say the right things around her, which results in him behaving in an awkward, or unusual way that doesn’t seem to match up to who he really is).
As a result, she doesn’t feel like she is interacting with the real version of him and they only ever achieve a superficial, or fake connection that just doesn’t feel right.
She feels a distance between them emotionally and doesn’t know how to fix it, so she assumes that it’s because they aren’t meant to be.
In other cases, a woman will have felt turned off by things such as the way he shared stories of his past (e.g. childhood issues, problems in previous relationships, hardships he had gone through, issues he has always struggled with).
From her perspective, he seemed to be seeking pity when sharing stories of his past, which showed that he hadn’t actually become stronger from it and had possibly even become weaker in certain ways.
That was unattractive to her because she felt as though he hadn’t yet grown up enough and would likely continue to feel like a victim of his past and use it as an excuse to behave in unattractive ways (e.g. being needy, overly jealous and protective, clingy), or not succeed in life.
Essentially, the way he expressed himself and came across to her created an awkward or unattractive emotional connection.
Nothing she said (e.g. “Stop acting weird” or, “Stop being like that”) or did (e.g. threatening a break up) could motivate him to change, so she eventually decided to just go through with a break up.
3 Mistakes a Guy Will Often Make if He Gets Broken Up With When the Relationship Was Good
1. Asking her to explain why
When asked, a woman will rarely give a productive, helpful answer that a guy can use to fix things and get her back.
Why?
Women hate it when they have to take on the role of teacher in a guy’s life and give him guidance on how to be the man she would want to be with.
If a woman has to do that now, she fears having to do it again and again in future.
The more she has to teach and guide him, the more she feels like his mother or big sister, which is a huge turn off.
So, if a guy asks his explain why she ended it even though the relationship was good, she instinctively feels turned off and wants to get away from him even more.
2. Not understanding why it felt good for him, but not her
A guy might say, “Why are you leaving me? Things have been going well between us. We don’t argue or fight,” and list other reasons why he thinks that she is making a mistake, or needs to understand his point of view.
What he doesn’t realize is that he was offering her a type of relationship experience that she wasn’t interested in (e.g. he was too nice and sweet to her, but she wanted him to be more of a challenge, or he treated her like his best friend, but she wanted to feel like a sexy woman around him).
So, no matter how good things were for him, she felt more motivated to break up and find a man who could give her the attraction experience she really wants.
He can get her back, but he has to stop using his old approach to attraction and be willing to give her the kind of attraction experience she wants.
If he interacts with her and she senses that he now gets it, she will naturally have feelings for him again and begin to worry that she will regret it if she doesn’t give him another chance.
He will go from being a guy she doesn’t want, to a guy that she worries will be the one who got away.
As a result, she opens up and gives him another chance while she still can.
3. Assuming that he has no other option other than cutting off contact and waiting
Cutting off contact and waiting can work if a woman still has feelings for her ex.
However, in most cases, a woman isn’t feeling attracted and in love with her a guy anymore when she dumps him.
So, when he cuts off contact with her she just assumes that he has accepted the break up and she focuses on moving on (usually by hooking up with and dating new men).
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