Giving your ex up to a week of space after a breakup can work to your advantage if you do it right.
Doing it right means that you interact with her, make her feel attracted and then give her up to a week of space.
When you approach it that way, she misses you and is thinking about you when you’re not contacting her.
However, if you just cut off contact when she’s no longer attracted to you (almost all ex back cases), then she will most likely begin moving on without you (i.e. dating new men, getting over you).
So, here are 7 tips for dealing with the first week of No Contact after a breakup.
1. Understand that in most cases, you don’t need to cut off contact for more than a week
Sometimes when a breakup has been particularly bad and a woman is feeling a lot of anger and resentment, a bit longer than a week of no contact may be required to allow for things to calm down.
Yet, in most cases, more than 7 days is usually a waste of time and can even backfire on a guy.
Some reasons why might be:
- If she’s not in love with him and doesn’t feel attracted to him, more time isn’t going to make any difference to her, because she’s going to be using that time to move on and find a replacement man.
- If one of the reasons why she broke up with him was because she felt a little bit neglected, taken for granted or unloved, not hearing from him for longer than a week may convince her that he just doesn’t care about her and possibly never did. She may then decide to make herself feel better (and possibly to spite him) by hooking up with another man.
- If she meets another man who sparks her feelings of sexual and romantic attraction in that time, she will pursue a relationship with him, rather than wait around for an ex boyfriend who is ignoring her.
- If she’s unsure about the breakup, being ignored for so long will make up her mind for her (i.e. by convincing her that he’s not the right guy after all). She will then focus on getting over him and moving on with another man.
- If she regrets the breakup, but notices that he’s not contacting her, she may worry that he will reject her if she contacts him. If that happens, she will then feel like the one who got dumped. So, rather than risk putting herself in that position, she focuses on dating and sleeping with new men.
As you can see, a lot more can go wrong by waiting for 30 or 60 days of No Contact, compared to just giving her a week of space after the breakup.
2. Use the time apart to improve your ability to attract her emotionally
Don’t make the mistake that so many guys make and contact her and offer her the same old attraction experience that she got bored of, or turned off by, in the relationship.
You have to prepare yourself to make her feel attracted in new and interesting ways, so she feels compelled to give you another chance.
Some examples of things that can be emotionally attractive to an ex woman are:
- When a man is loving and attentive towards her, but also enough of a bad boy (e.g. not always agreeable, a bit challenging in the way he talks to her and interacts with her), so she feels the urge to charm him to maintain his interest.
- When a guy doesn’t lose confidence around her, regardless of what she says or does to make him feel insecure (e.g. she pretends not to be interested anymore, is distant, bitchy, or puts him down).
- When a man doesn’t make a woman his main purpose in life. Instead, he continues to make progress on his goals and dreams and has his own hobbies, interests and friends separate from his relationship with her.
- When a man makes her feel wanted, sexy and desirable no matter how long they have been together (e.g. a few weeks or many years).
On the other hand, some examples of things that can be emotionally unattractive to an ex woman are:
A guy who is so insecure that he’s worried about saying or doing the wrong thing around her and as a result, is always sucking up to her.
A guy who she never feels the need to impress, because she knows he’s desperate for another chance with her.
A guy who treats her like his best friend, so she never feels a spark of attraction with him.
3. Don’t just spend all your time alone waiting to contact her
It’s very important for you to be around other people while you’re in the first week of No Contact and get photos of yourself looking confident, happy and included to post on social media.
Why?
Some reasons why are:
- Women are attracted to men who are confident in themselves and can get on with life and enjoy it, especially after a breakup. As a result, your ex will almost certainly feel more attracted to you when she sees that you’re not being a lonely, sad guy without her.
- It helps you to feel good about yourself and not feel as lonely, left out or left behind (i.e. because you’re too busy having fun and being included by other people).
- It stops you from obsessing about what she’s doing (e.g. going out on dates and hooking up with another man) and prevents you from doing something stupid (e.g. stalking her).
- It gives you a confidence boost knowing that you don’t need your ex in order to feel good about yourself and your life.
- It shows her that you’re handling the breakup in an emotionally strong, emotionally mature way, rather than being a needy, desperate ex boyfriend.
So, make sure that you focus on genuinely having fun with other people and then posting photos of those good times on social media, so she can see them if she happens to look.
Don’t take too long to do it though.
Get it done over the next few days so it’s there before you contact her when the week is up.
4. Don’t waste too much time on unproductive distractions
Sometimes a guy might decide that the best approach to getting through the No Contact period is to make himself so busy, that he doesn’t even have time to think about his ex.
He may then focus all of his attention on distractions such as:
- Playing video games.
- Watching TV.
- Scrolling through social media.
- Spending more time exercising than usual.
- Staying late at work more often.
- Constantly following the news.
Here’s the thing though…
Although it’s fine to distract yourself here and there, it’s much more important to remain focused on the mission at hand.
What is that mission?
Re-attracting your ex, so she actually wants to get back with you again.
If you distract yourself too much, it simply prevents you from spending time on improving your ability to attract her during interactions.
Then, when the week is up, you are still at the same level as when she dumped you and therefore, aren’t any more emotionally attractive to her.
So, focus on what’s important and don’t get caught up in pointless distractions that steer you off course.
5. Honestly get to the point where you want her back, but don’t need her back
Some reasons why this is important for your chances of re-attracting her and getting her back are:
- It shows her that you’re not desperate. Even though you do care about her and want her back, you’re okay with that not happening. You’ll be able to move on and find a new high quality woman to be with and you will be fine with that too.
- In a case where a guy had made his ex his main purpose in life, this shows her that he’s more emotionally independent now.
- It shows her that you’re emotionally strong enough to cope with whatever life throws at you, including a breakup from the woman you want.
- It shows her that you don’t need a woman’s love, approval or acceptance to feel worthy and good about yourself or your life. You feel good no matter what happens around you because your happiness in life is dependent solely on you and no one else.
The reason wanting a woman back but not needing her is key to getting her back, is because knowing that you don’t crumble under pressure makes her feel as though she can relax and feel protected and safe in the relationship with you.
She doesn’t have to worry that you might always need her to be the emotionally stronger one who has to take care of you because you just can’t cope on your own.
Instead, she can relax and think, talk, act and behave like a feminine woman around you, which is how the majority of women want to feel in the relationship with their man.
You can’t pretend that you feel that way about her though.
You have to genuinely want her but not need her.
If you try to fake it, she will sense it via your body language, or by what you say and that will turn her off even more.
6. Don’t give up and just wait for her to hopefully contact you one day
Some guys will initially feel confident about not contacting their ex.
However, as the days pass by, he loses more and more confidence.
As a result, he may then conclude that it’s probably better to just let her contact him.
He tells himself, “This is the best approach because not only does it show her that I’m not being needy, it also guarantees that when she contacts me it’s because she’s interested. That’s so much better than me putting pressure on her by contacting her first.”
Yet, his reasoning is flawed, because that approach usually fails.
Some reasons why are:
- When a woman no longer has feelings for a guy, rather than contact him she usually just uses the time apart to move on and forget all about him.
- She just assumes that he is no longer interested and focuses on moving on herself, rather than chasing after him and potentially making a fool of herself if he’s moved on with someone else.
- She feels rejected and decides to find a new man to get into a relationship with so she can feel better about herself.
- She goes out with her friends, has fun, meets new men and decides that she prefers being single to being in a relationship.
- She has so much more time to think about all the ways she believes he messed up (e.g. he was too insecure, took her for granted, was too emotionally sensitive) and as a result, she ends up feeling even more turned off by him and convinced that the breakup was the best decision for her.
It gives her more time to get over any residual feelings she might still have for him.
Then, by the time he finally realizes that she is not contacting him and decides to get in touch, she has usually moved on and is already with someone else.
It then takes so much more work on his part to get her back because he has to seduce her away from her new boyfriend first.
So, if you don’t want any of those things to happen, you have to make sure that you don’t spend weeks, or even months waiting and hoping that she will make the first move by contacting you.
If you want her back, you have to take the lead and make it happen.
7. Build a strong belief in your attractiveness and value to her before getting in contact
In most cases, a woman won’t make it easy for a man to get her back.
For example: Some of the ways she might test his confidence are…
- She doesn’t show interest initially to see how he reacts (e.g. does he give up or continue pursuing her? Does he begin doubting his chances with her?)
- She is difficult initially (e.g. she’s moody, argumentative, bitchy) because she wants to see if he’ll make her feel enough attraction to care.
- She talks about dating other men or other men liking her to see if he gets jealous or becomes despondent (e.g. because he doesn’t believe he is good enough for her compared to other guys).
- She shows interest one day (e.g. she responds to all his texts, sounds happy to hear from him when he calls, agrees to see him in person) and then is closed off and distant the next (e.g. she ignores him, is cold over the phone, cancels the meetup).
This is why your belief in your attractiveness and value to her has to be rock solid, so you can pass her confidence tests and get her back.
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