There’s nothing wrong with asking an ex how she’s doing.
However, the kind of reaction you get will depend on things like what kind of girl she is, why you and her broke up and how she feels about her life without you.
So, here are 9 possible reactions if you do reach out to your ex to ask how she’s doing:
1. She says that she’s happy and enjoying being single again
A woman will sometimes say that to an ex boyfriend to make him feel jealous and further regret losing her.
However, in some cases, a woman will genuinely enjoy the freedom of not being in a stable, committed relationship anymore.
For example: When single she can…
- Stay out late and party with her friends.
- Have sex with a new guy if she feels like it.
- Fully focus on her goals and dreams without distractions from a boyfriend who wants or needs a lot of her time.
- Hang out with whomever she wants, whenever she wants.
- Focus on having fun and being reckless, rather than being responsible and making progress in life, or in her career.
So, rather than missing her ex and regretting the breakup, she just gets on with enjoying life without him.
If he then calls to ask how she’s doing, she will tell him the truth (i.e. that she’s happy being single), rather than lie to him and string him along.
Another possible reaction…
2. She doesn’t reply (if you text her, message or email her)
Some possible reasons why:
- She’s hurting from the breakup, missing you and doesn’t want you to find out.
- She worries that you’re only interested in how she’s doing, so you can then feel good about yourself if she has been struggling to deal with the breakup.
- She doesn’t care about you anymore and doesn’t want to pretend to care by texting back and forth, or replying and being polite. She hopes you will get the message that it’s over and she’s not interested.
- She doesn’t want anything to do with you, so she doesn’t want to open up a text conversation that could lead her to feeling attracted again.
- She doesn’t want to seem too eager to hear from you, so she ignores you to seem less keen.
- She doesn’t want to show interest the first time you contact her, to see how interested you really are. If you contact her again, she will answer, but not the first time.
- She has already moved on with a guy she really likes, so she doesn’t feel motivated to answer your question, or tell you about her new relationship.
- She’s still angry with you about the breakup and what you did leading up to it that caused her to want to leave you.
- She’s confused about why you’re asking (e.g. are you just being curious, do you genuinely care? Why do you want to know?).
Another possible reaction of asking an ex how she’s doing is…
3. She blocks you
This can be due to one of the following:
- She was just getting over you, had started to heal and you then contacted her. So, to stop herself from being seduced back into a relationship with you, she blocks you and quickly starts trying to date new men.
- From her perspective, it’s over between you and her, so there’s no reason to discuss how she is doing.
- She is still angry for investing so much time into a relationship with you, only to end up having to dump you. Unlike men, most women lose attractiveness as they age, because men are attracted to a woman’s youthful attractiveness and signs of fertility (even if the guy doesn’t want to ever get her pregnant). So, when a woman feels like she has wasted time (i.e. wasted her youthful attractiveness) on a guy who wasn’t the one, she can end up feeling angry and bitter towards him.
- She is seeing a new guy and doesn’t want you to interfere.
- She is annoyed that asking how she’s doing is the best you could come up with. She broke up with you due to not feeling attracted to you romantically, but you’re now asking a question that a friend would ask. In other words, to her, you’ve just placed yourself in the friend zone, which isn’t attractive to her. She wants a guy with more daring, courage and balls, rather than a guy who wants to talk about feelings all the time.
4. She says that she’s doing fine, but secretly isn’t
In a case like that, the woman won’t want to give you the satisfaction of knowing that she’s struggling to cope, move on or function without you.
This happens in cases where the guy broke up with her, or she broke up with him and now regrets it.
5. She tells you that she’s met a new guy
That might be a lie to further hurt you and make her seem more valuable in your eyes, or it could be the truth.
Either way, if you want her back, you need to interact with her on a phone call (audio or video) or in person, so she can sense your confidence and pick up on the improvements you’ve made to yourself since the break up (e.g. you’re more manly in the way you interact with her now, you are better at flirting to create sexual tension between you and her, you don’t become emotionally sensitive when she is being difficult).
When she notices the changes, she will automatically feel attracted to you and when that happens, she will begin to realize that her feelings for you aren’t dead.
In her mind, you then become a real option for her and she will either want to leave the new guy to get back with you, or will open up to meeting up with you, hooking up and seeing how she feels afterward.
6. She says that she’s doing fine and then turns the question back on you
When a woman does that, she may be hoping that you’ll tell her how much you’ve been struggling without her.
She can then feel good about herself, by knowing that you’re not coping as well as her.
She can also continue to feel like the one who is in control (i.e. the one who ended the relationship and doesn’t want it) and see you as the one who is in need of her, rather than the other way around.
Alternatively, if a woman discovers that you still have some feelings for her and she has secretly been missing you, she can then drop her guard and admit that she misses you too.
Most women will avoid admitting it first because they don’t want to get rejected and end up feeling like the one who got dumped and left behind.
So, if you sense that your ex does miss you and still might want you back, don’t be afraid to say something like, “I’m fine. Life is good. I’ve been focusing on (whatever you have been focusing on). I still miss you of course, but I accept the breakup.”
She can then see that you’re not being needy and haven’t been sitting at home alone, feeling sad and avoiding life since the breakup.
Instead, you’re confident, making progress and are doing fine, but are manly and confident enough to admit that do still love her and miss her.
7. She asks why you’re asking that question
Possible reasons why she will respond in that way, include:
- She’s worried that you’re going to use her answer as a way of trying to get her back.
- She doesn’t want you to know that she’s been feeling sad, lonely, regretful and disappointed about the breakup.
- She doesn’t want to make it easy for you to get her back because she wants to see how you will perform under pressure (i.e. will you give up easily if she’s not being nice, open and warm?).
- She doesn’t want you thinking that you can just ask how she’s doing and everything will be okay between you and her again.
- She just doesn’t understand why you feel the need to ask that question. It doesn’t really make sense to her because she has broken up with you. So, she wonders why you care, or feel the need to know how she’s doing.
8. She says that she would prefer not to say and wishes you the best
In a case like that, a woman often still has some feelings for her ex and doesn’t want him to find out.
If she admits that she misses him, it could make him feel confident about his chances of getting her back, which would then mean she’d be hearing from him non-stop until she gives him another chance.
Alternatively, she just doesn’t want to lie to you and say she’s okay when she isn’t.
In other cases, she doesn’t want to admit that she misses you and then get rejected if you say something like, “Oh, that’s nice to hear. Thanks. I should tell you though that I’ve met someone else. I’m very happy with her. I wish you all the best. I’m sure you will find a great guy who deserves you.”
9. She is happy to hear from you and opens back up to talking to you again
In some cases, a guy will then easily get his ex girlfriend back.
Yet, he can also stuff it up by making common ex back mistakes.
Here are some mistakes to avoid:
- Second-guessing yourself by wondering if she’s just being friendly. You then don’t make a move to get her back (i.e. arrange a meet up) and she gets bored with all the texting back and forth, or ends up playing hard to get because she sees that you’re not moving things forward, so you might not truly be interested and she could end up getting rejected by you.
- Acting like you only want to be her nice, neutral friend from now on. She then assumes that you’re not interested and hooks up with another man, or she assumes that there’s no sexual spark or romantic between you and her anymore, so there’s no point getting back into a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship.
- Trying to have detailed discussions via text, which end up making her feel exhausted and turned off the idea of hearing from you via text.
So, remember: If your ex seems happy to hear from you, it doesn’t mean she will remain that way forever.
Always take things to the next level, rather than remaining stuck at one step of the ex back process.
Keep going through the process and get her back.
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