1. Don’t try to get her back just via text
Trying to text an ex back is probably one of the biggest mistakes guys make after a break up.
A guy will assume, “She’s not going to want to talk to me on the phone or in person right now. So, rather than annoy her by calling her, I’ll just text her and let things play out from there. She’ll probably appreciate it that I’m not being pushy and she will then open up to me again so that we can work things out.”
Yet, while that is fine initially, it’s not fine if it turns into a huge, ongoing conversation via text.
A few texts that then lead to a phone call are ideal, but just don’t try to get her back via text.
You’ve got to have the balls to call when the moment is right…
Some women are okay with a few initial texts, but some women just hate that their ex is trying to get them back by messaging and expecting decent replies from her.
Why?
Firstly, getting texts from an ex that she doesn’t have feelings for anymore is usually quite annoying to a woman, because it’s time consuming for her (i.e. she keeps having to stop doing whatever doing to respond to a guy that she no longer fully respects, feels attracted to or loves), so it can easily turn her off and make her want to block her ex and free herself up to move on in peace.
Secondly, most women feel turned off when a guy is putting way too much effort into typing long, detailed texts and trying to work through relationship problems via messages.
Even young women who prefer texts see that as a half-assed effort to get her back, which makes her feel irritated and insulted.
So, rather than think, “He’s being so sweet. I love that he’s trying to work things out with me via text first before he calls me on the phone or meets up with me in person!” she instead thinks things like, “If this is his idea of re-attracting me and getting me back, he’s in for a big surprise! Doesn’t he realize that it’s going to take a lot more than a bunch of words on a screen to convince me that he’s changed? Nothing about his little texts are giving me confidence that things would be different this time around. Instead, all I can sense is a guy who doesn’t have the balls or the confidence to pick up the phone and talk to me like a man, or call me and arrange to catch up and say hello in person. Instead, he’s just hiding behind text messages and waiting for me to make it easy for him by telling him that I want him back. Well that’s not going to happen. I’m not going to make this easy for him if he’s just texting me and doesn’t have the balls to call and face me. I’m also not going to waste any more time texting back and forth with him. I’m done with him! He’ll see that when I start moving on and posting photos on social media. He’ll get it then.”
She then either blocks his number, stops responding to him altogether, or strings him along for a bit longer, while she actively focuses on finding herself a replacement guy or tries to go out and post photos of herself having fun with friends and guys.
So, if you don’t want that to happen to you, don’t hide behind texts thinking that it’s good break up etiquette in today’s world, or the best way to get an ex woman back.
Instead, start reactivating your ex’s feelings of respect and attraction for you on a phone call and then follow through with a meet up, where she can see for herself that you really are a new and improved man now.
That’s the real, fast, manly way to get a woman back, regardless of how young or old she is.
When you make her have feelings for you again in person and she feels rushes of love and attraction for you, she naturally wants to get back with you.
Yet, when you hide behind texts, even if you’re ‘great at texting’ it just doesn’t make a woman feel the same kind of way that she’d feel on a phone call or in person.
The next break up etiquette example of what not to do is…
2. Don’t leave it too long until you start the ex back process
Some guys wait 30 or 60 days before they make a move to get their ex back.
This is referred to as the No Contact Rule and what most guys don’t realize is that it rarely works on women…
Many times, a guy will hope that the longer he waits, the more his ex woman will miss him.
Then, when she just can’t stand not hearing from him anymore, she will give him a sign that she’s open to working things out and they can get back together again.
Unfortunately though, it almost never works out that way.
Why?
To begin with, when a woman breaks up with a guy, she’s usually disconnected from her feelings of respect, attraction and love for him and is instead filled with negative emotions such as anger, annoyance and indifference.
So, when her ex guy doesn’t do anything to get her back, or even worse, he ignores her for weeks or months, it usually just helps her get over him faster and move on.
Alternatively, a woman might be waiting around and hoping that her ex will do something to re-spark her feelings for him, so that they can work things out.
Yet, the longer she waits for him to eventually call and make a move, the more disappointed she feels that he’s not following through with getting her back.
She may then begin thinking things like, “I guess he never loved me after all. He’s not even trying to get me back. Instead, he’s playing it cool and ignoring me. Well, I’m done waiting about for him. There are so many guys who find me attractive and want to go out with me and I’m not going to discourage them any longer. I’m going to move on and find myself a new man who does want to be with me, rather than wait around for him. It’s over. It’s time to move on.”
She then focuses on fully getting over him and moving on, by having sex with a new man or a number of new men.
Then, by the time her ex realizes that she’s not chasing after him, it’s usually too late because she will have hooked up with someone else and possibly even have fallen in love with him as well.
So, if your intention is to get your ex back, don’t waste time playing mind games with her and hoping she will come running back to you one day, if you just give her enough time.
Instead, interact with her and actively reawaken her sexual and romantic feelings for you, so she naturally wants to give your relationship another try now.
The more you spark her feelings for you now, the more she wants to hug you, kiss you, have sex with you and get back together now.
The next break up etiquette example of what not to do is…
3. Don’t try to get her back if you’re offering her the same attraction experience
Sometimes when a guy gets broken up with, he gets so caught up thinking about how badly he wants his ex back, that he forgets to prepare himself to re-attract her sexually and romantically.
So, rather than quickly learning from his mistakes and making some attractive changes to his thinking, behavior and the way he interacts and responds to what his ex says and does, he basically just remains the same.
He might think back to what attracted her the first time around (e.g. he sent her flowers, wrote her long soppy love letters, bought her thoughtful gifts, was extra nice and sweet to her and agreed with whatever she decided) and assume that his original approach worked, so it will work on her again.
Yet, she rejects him when he does that because it’s now an ex back situation, not a new, dating relationship where she is romantically interested in him and therefore, appreciative of things like flowers or sweet behavior.
So, if her ex tries to use old, outdated approaches to re-attract her, it makes her realize that he has absolutely no idea what is attractive to a woman when in a relationship and when considering getting back with an ex.
As a result, she will continue to reject him by saying things like, “Sorry, but I’m not interested. You need to accept that. I mean, why won’t you stop bothering me? I thought I made myself clear when I said I don’t want to be with you anymore. What do I have to say or do to convince you that it’s over between us and that nothing is going to change my mind? It’s over!”
This is why it’s very important that when you try to get your ex back, you offer her a new and improved attraction experience.
For example: Some of the ways you can do that are…
- Instead of putting up with her bad behavior like you used to (e.g. when she sulks or throws a tantrum, when she demands that you do things her way), you stand up to her and put her back in her place in a loving, but assertive manner.
- Instead of being needy and clingy in the way that you think, behave and talk, you start being a truly confident man around her who loves her and wants her, but who doesn’t need her.
- Instead of copying her way of being (e.g. being too emotional and wanting to discuss your feelings with her all the time), you start being more emotionally masculine.
- Instead of feeling insecure and unsure of yourself around her, you are now more confident and self-assured.
- Instead of being a nice guy who doesn’t do anything without her say-so, you start being more assertive, in a loving, respectful manner.
- Instead of just talking to her in a neutral way like a friend, you now flirt with her and make her feel like a sexy desirable woman.
The more that you give her the kind of attraction experience she always wanted from you, but never got, the more she feels like she just has to give you another chance, or else she might end up regretting it and missing you.
When make her feel that way, her sexual and romantic feelings for you begin flooding back and you can then get her back and enjoy a new relationship.
The next break up etiquette example of what not to do is…
4. Don’t promise that things will be better this time if she gives you a chance
As tempting as it might be to say something along the lines of, “I know I stuffed up, but I promise you that this time things will be better. I won’t make the same mistakes again. I give you my word,” your ex probably won’t believe you, because she’s likely heard it or something similar from you at least once or twice before.
So, what should you do instead?
Let her pick up on the changes in you when she interacts with you.
Let her decide for herself if you have changed.
Don’t tell her.
Let her pick up on it.
Women are very good at noticing the subtle changes in the behavior of men, which indicate a man’s confidence, emotional masculinity and self-esteem.
When you’re talking to her on the phone or in person, she will be able to sense that you’re now a different man to the one she broke up with (e.g. more confident and self-assured, more emotionally masculine, more ballsy).
It will naturally come through in how you talk to her, what you say and how you react to what she says and does, without you having to say anything to her about it.
So, don’t bother making promises to your ex about how things will be different this time, or try to detail all the little things you’ve changed about yourself to hopefully hear her say, “Okay, good boy. You can have another chance now.”
Instead, just be the new, improved, more confident and emotionally strong version of yourself when you talk to her and she will pick up on it.
However, even when she gets to the point where she can see that you really have changed, you shouldn’t be asking her for a relationship or commitment.
Always remember: A relationship is the final step of the ex back process, not the first or second.
That means, before even getting to the point where you suggest having a relationship again, you have to first re-attract her and get to a kiss or sex.
Focus on getting to kissing and sex again and a relationship will naturally begin to be discussed or considered after that.
By the way…
If you’re not sure how to go about re-attracting her, here are a few examples to help you get started:
- Make sure that you believe in yourself and in your value to her, rather than feeling as though you’re not good enough for her, which she will pick up on and feel turned off about.
- Be aware that she’s going to test you (e.g. by being cold, mean or catty towards you), so make sure that you maintain your confidence with her, rather than needing her to be nice, gentle and friendly in order for you to feel confident.
- Use humor to snap her out of her defensive shell and make her smile, laugh and feel relaxed to be around you again, rather than stressing her out by getting into deep, emotional, drawn out discussions about the relationship.
- Don’t be afraid to flirt with her and create some sexual tension between you, rather acting like just a friend.
- Show her (via your actions, behavior and conversation style) that you’re now a new and improved man that she can truly look up to, respect, feel attracted to and love, rather than continuing to make the same old attraction mistakes as you did before.
Once you’ve reawakened her feelings of respect and attraction for you again, you can then progress to hugging, kissing, sex and a new and improved relationship.
3 Common Problems You Might Experience Now That You and Her Have Broken Up
Getting an ex back is easier than most guys think it is.
It’s all about the approach you take.
Say and do things that are attractive to your ex (e.g. be ballsy, make her laugh and smile) and her defenses will naturally come down.
On the other hand, say and do things that are unattractive to her and she will close up further and possibly double her efforts to get over you and move on.
So, to make sure that things go smoothly for you and you are able to interact with her in an attractive way, it’s important that you are aware of the following common problems that guys experience after a break up with a woman…
1. She makes all sorts of unreasonable demands and you accept it
Sometimes, a woman will try to get rid of her ex by giving him unreasonable demands in the hope that he will eventually get fed up and leave her alone.
Example: She might tell him not to call her for 30 days because she needs time to figure out how she really feels about him.
Alternatively, she might say something like, “You can only reply if I text you, but I don’t want you to initiate contact with me first, or I will get annoyed and stop responding to you altogether.”
Another example is when a woman tells her ex that he can only call her on a specific day of the week at a pre-arranged time, or she won’t answer his call.
However, if he just does what she tells him and never stands up to her in a loving, but assertive way or laughs at her for being so silly and unreasonable, then she will perceive him as being too emotionally weak and wimpy for her and will feel convinced that she has made the right decision to break up with him.
So, whatever you do, don’t become a doormat to your ex, just because you want her back.
Contrary to what you might believe, she actually wants you to stand up to her, as long as you do it in a loving, but assertive manner.
If you don’t stand up to her in moments like that, she will feel more emotionally dominant than you and won’t be able to respect you.
If she doesn’t respect you, she won’t be able to feel sexually attracted to you and without those two all-important feelings, she won’t be motivated to give you another chance.
Another problem you might experience when trying to get your ex back is…
2. You feel unwelcome to get her back because she seemed so certain of her decision when she left you
Some guys make the mistake of thinking that because a woman said, “My feelings for you are dead and nothing will ever change that,” it really means that is final.
He then worries that if he tries to get her back, she will get angry, close herself off even more and then he won’t even be able to keep her in his life as a friend.
So, rather than risking losing her as a potential friend, he does nothing.
Yet, here’s the thing…
If you don’t actively re-attract your ex, it’s highly unlikely that she will change how she feels on her own and want you back.
Instead, she will almost certainly end up feeling nothing for you or not much, which will cause her to move on by finding herself a man who makes her feel attracted and in love.
Don’t let that happen to you.
If you want to get your ex back, it’s best to actively make her have sexual and romantic feelings for you again by interacting with her.
So, don’t be afraid to call her on the phone and meet up with her in person and do whatever it takes to reawaken her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you (e.g. flirt with her, make her laugh and smile, show her that you’re a new man now).
When you make her feel attracted to you again in a way that feels good to her, she naturally drops her guard and no longer feels sure about her decision to break up with you.
As a result, it becomes so much easier for you to get her back, or at least sleep with her again (and do a great job of it) to make her feel even more unsure about her decision to leave you.
Another problem you might experience when trying to get your ex back is…
3. You don’t understand the power of attraction
After a breakup, a guy will usually do all sorts of things to try and convince his ex to give him another chance.
For example: He might…
- Beg and plead with her.
- Promise to change.
- Write a long letter, e-mail or series of text messages to tell her how he feels.
- Send her flowers.
- Buy her special gifts.
- Remind her of all the good times they had together.
- Be extra nice and sweet to her and do whatever she asks him to do.
- Use the No Contact Rule (i.e. ignore her for 30 or 60 days) to make her miss him.
Yet, in almost all cases, none of those things make a woman change her mind about being broken up.
So, what will?
Attraction.
Sexual and romantic attraction.
When you can make your ex feel strong surges of sexual and romantic attraction for you again, she will automatically begin to feel drawn to you once more for her own reasons.
Focus on that and you will easily get her back.
That is what really works with women.
On the other hand, if you continue to do random things that she doesn’t care about (e.g. send her texts as a friend, go to the gym for months to try and build some muscle, wear new clothes), you’ll likely end up feeling frustrated and hopeless about your chances of getting her back because you will see that she just doesn’t care.
Don’t let that happen to you.
If you want her back, focus on sexual and romantic attraction and make her feel that by interacting with her.
When she feels attracted again, her thoughts, behavior and actions will naturally change.
She will open back up to you and want to be with you again, even if just temporarily to see how she feels.
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