Here are 6 reasons why a relationship will break up due to common circumstances and how you can get her back:
1. Breaking up because one of you is moving away
Sometimes, life can be unpredictable and moving away is a common reason for a relationship to come to an end.
This can be due to studying at a new college or university, because of a great job opportunity, or to be back in the same city as friends or family.
Yet, here’s the thing…
Even though breaking up because of moving sucks, it doesn’t actually have to spell the end of your relationship.
In fact, according to recent research, long distance relationships have a 58% chance of succeeding.
That means, there are hundreds of thousands of couples worldwide who are making a relationship work, even though they live at least 132 miles or 200 kilometers away from each other.
So, if you and your ex really love each other and are prepared to give a long distance relationship a shot, your chances of making it work are actually pretty high.
However, you do have to maintain her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
If you start behaving in unattractive ways, rather than want to keep things going with you, she may end up feeling relieved that you’re moving away from each other.
She will then focus on getting over you, by quickly hooking up with and dating new men. [See: How to Get an Ex Back Long Distance].
So, if you don’t want that to happen, make sure you leave her with very positive feelings about you, so she ends up missing you and wants to make the relationship with you work, long distance or not.
How can you do that?
Some examples are…
- Get control of your emotions. If you don’t do that and instead start behaving in unattractive ways (e.g. being sad and depressed around her all the time, refusing to do fun things with her anymore and saying things like, “What’s the point? You/I will be gone soon anyway,”) you’re going to end up crushing her feelings for you and make it easier for her to move on and make a fresh start without you.
- Maintain your confidence around her no matter what. Regardless of how happy she seems to be moving, or how many attractive guys there are at her new job/university, or how now that you’re leaving there are guys in the neighborhood who are interested in her, you need to continue to believe in yourself and in your value and attractiveness to her.
- Use ballsy humor to lighten the mood between you and her and make her feel safe and relaxed to be around you, especially when she’s feeling sad, depressed or overwhelmed by all the changes in her life.
If she’s the one moving, make sure that you’re there for her during this transition, but still focus on getting on with your own life without her (e.g. going out with friends, pursuing your own hobbies and interests, focusing on your goals and dreams).
- Be more manly in how you think, talk, act and behave around her so she feels totally feminine and girly when she’s with you. Then, when she interacts with other guys, at the back of her mind she will be comparing how she feels with them, compared to how she feels with you and she will miss you more.
- Be more assertive in the bedroom with her than you were before. After all, you have nothing to lose and the more sexually aroused you make her feel, the more unforgettable you will be to her when you’re apart.
The more attracted you make her feel in new and interesting ways before she (or you) moves away, the more convinced she’ll become that holding on to the relationship is something she’s willing to do.
Even though long distance relationships can be difficult, she’s now willing to put in the effort to make it work, because what she has with you is worth holding on to.
Another common reason why a relationship will break up due to certain circumstances and how you can get her back is…
2. Breaking up because of pressure from parents
Most women put a lot of importance on what their parents, family and friends think about their guy.
So, if a woman’s parents don’t approve of the guy she’s with and put a lot of pressure on her to break up with him, it can lead to her ending the relationship.
Of course, if a guy is able to make a woman feel strong surges of sexual and romantic feelings for him, she will likely stick with him regardless of what her parents say about him.
However, if she secretly feels that her parents are right about their opinion of him, she might buckle under the pressure and dump him.
For example: Some common reasons why a woman’s parents might disapprove of her guy and she secretly agrees with them, are…
She’s really young and they feel that he’s too old for her and is taking advantage of her innocence.
- He lacks purpose and direction in life and is essentially making his whole life about his relationship with their daughter. Alternatively, he is depending on her to take care of him and support him rather than the other way around.
- He constantly fails at what he’s trying to achieve in life, never learns from his failures and doesn’t show enough progress and improvement.
- He treats them with disrespect, or simply doesn’t put much, or any effort into getting to know them.
- He’s selfish and self-absorbed and they worry about their daughter’s well being.
- He doesn’t seem committed to their daughter and they feel that he’s just using her until he finds another woman that interests him more.
- He’s not someone they can feel proud to introduce to friends and family (e.g. because he’s a slob, lazy, doesn’t have any ambition in life and is happy to be stuck in a dead end job).
- He argues and fights with their daughter in front of them.
- He is overly jealous and controlling.
Of course, in some cases, a woman’s parents might just be the kind of people who like to meddle in their daughter’s life and don’t approve of anyone she dates unless they pick the guy for her.
Whatever the reasons, if you want to get your ex back, you need to win her parents over and get them on your side.
You can do that by…
- Making sure that you follow through on your biggest ambitions in life, while still being a good, loving, devoted man to their daughter.
- Always treating her parents with respect and kindness, regardless of what they say or do to make you feel like you’re not good enough for their daughter. That doesn’t mean you suck up to them or put up with bad behavior. Just be a good man to them without letting them dominate you or control you (i.e. having power over you because they know you want their daughter).
- Showing her parents that you are continually taking steps to become a better man in ways that you’ve been lacking up to this point in the relationship.
At the same time, make sure you don’t neglect your ex.
Use every interaction you have with her to continue making her feel strong surges of respect, attraction and love for you, so she wants to fight to keep you.
When your ex’s parents can see that you’re consistently becoming a better man and that their daughter is happy with you, they will likely begin to forgive you for your past mistakes.
Alternatively, they might realize that their daughter loves you and for her sake, be nice to you and accept you.
3. Breaking up because your children don’t like her, or her children don’t like you
It’s very difficult for a parent to find themselves stuck having to choose sides between their children and the person they love.
Yet, here’s the thing…
Children eventually do grow up and go away and the parent is the one left alone and thinking about the one that got away.
So, if you don’t want that to happen, you need to think about what you really want.
For example: Ask yourself…
- Do your children really hate your ex or are they just trying to be loyal to their mother by not liking her?
- Is she the kind of woman you want around your children or do you secretly believe that she wouldn’t be a good influence on them?
- Did she make an effort to get to know your children, or was she distant and self absorbed?
- Would you be willing to put up with your children’s anger and sulking to be with this woman, or do you feel as though she’s not really worth that?
- Are your children afraid that if you stay with her they will end up losing you?
Depending on your answers, you will know how to proceed.
If you don’t feel that she’s worth it, then you should forget about her, move on and find another high quality woman to be with (i.e. someone both you and your children will be happy with).
On the other hand, if you really feel that this woman is the one for you, you need to create a relationship dynamic where she feels loved, appreciated and supported by you, while at the same time, making your kids feel that way too.
When your kids realize that you’re not going to leave them for your girl and that she can be a part of your life and you will still love them, they will almost certainly feel less resentful of her.
Then, if she’s a good woman, she will likely be able to win them over by showing them that the only thing she wants is to love their dad too.
On the other hand, if it’s her children who don’t like you, then the only thing you can do is continue to make your ex feel so much respect, attraction and love for you, that she doesn’t want to lose you.
Then, be a good guy to her children, but be firm (i.e. don’t suck up to them,) regardless of how badly they treat you.
When she can see that you’re good to her and you treat her children well, she will want to be with you, regardless of what they say.
Then, together you can build the kind of relationship dynamic where her children begin to feel respect for you too for being a loving man to their mother and being a nice person to them, even though they haven’t been nice back to you.
Another common reason why a relationship will break up due to certain circumstances and how you can get her back is…
4. One of you wants to travel for many months, or during a gap year and the other doesn’t
The only reason this will cause a couple to break up is if the guy hasn’t made the woman feel the way she wants to feel in the relationship with him (e.g. loved, attracted, turned on, appreciated).
As a result, she might use wanting to travel as an excuse to get out of a relationship that has become boring, stale or doesn’t make her feel attracted.
Then, by the time she gets back, she can say something along the lines of, “I’m sorry, but we’re two different people now. I’ve changed so much in the past few months/year that I no longer feel that you and I have anything in common. I think it’s best if we accept that what we had before is over and move on.”
On the other hand, if he’s created enough respect, attraction and love inside of his woman during the relationship, she won’t want to leave him, or she will want to find a compromise that works for both of them.
For example: She might…
- Take shorter trips that don’t require months of separation.
- Convince him to join her for some parts of her journey, or meet up with her for a weekend or a bit longer at various destinations (e.g. for a romantic weekend in Paris, a week on the beach in Bali).
- Stay in touch with him via video calls throughout her travels.
- Change her mind about going and decide to stay with him because she doesn’t want to lose him.
Additionally, even if a woman does decide to break up with her guy and go traveling, if he’s made her feel a lot of attraction and love for him, she will be more likely to stay in touch, stay faithful and want to try again when she gets back.
On the other hand, if he’s built up her feelings for him and she’s the one left behind, she is more likely to wait for him to come back to her, rather than move on with a new man.
Here’s the thing…
If you feel that your ex is the one for you, taking a gap year or dreams of traveling the world doesn’t have to spell the end of your relationship.
In fact, being free to follow your individual dreams can actually be a good thing for you and your ex.
Then, when you get back together again, you will both feel fulfilled and happy as individuals and neither of you will feel dependent on the other.
Additionally, neither of you will feel resentful for not supporting each other to follow your dreams.
So, just focus on building your ex’s sexual and romantic feelings for you before she (or you) goes away, so that she misses you and thinks about you the whole time you’re apart.
Then, if you’re the one who is left behind, make sure that you don’t sit around waiting for her to come back and doing nothing.
Get on with your life (e.g. pursue your own goals and dreams, make progress on your purpose in life, have fun with friends), so when she comes back she can see that you’ve been moving on and living a happy, fulfilled life without her.
When you don’t act like a needy guy and instead, you let her see that you’re confident in yourself with or without her in your life, something interesting happens…
You become even more attractive to her.
Suddenly, she starts to see you as being more of a catch than you were before, so the idea of losing you isn’t something she’s willing to risk.
Then, getting back together again happens quickly and easily, because she wants it as much as you do.
Another common reason why a relationship will break up due to certain circumstances and how you can get her back is…
5. One of you is deployed with the military
Most women will happily wait for their man to come back from active duty overseas.
When a woman doesn’t want to wait, it usually happens for the following reasons…
- She’s afraid that something bad might happen to you and she doesn’t want to live with the idea that you might never come home.
- She feels jealous of her girlfriends who are single and are enjoying going out, partying and dating different guys.
- She feels lonely and left out when she notices that her friends are in relationships where the man is always around, especially during special occasions such as birthdays, Valentine’s Day, or anniversaries.
- She was never that attracted to you, so you being deployed was a good basis for a breakup.
- She was planning to break up with you all along, but she was too afraid to do it in case you got angry or violent, or tried to talk her out of her decision, but now she has a good enough reason that you can’t really argue about.
- She was attracted to another guy and this just gives her the excuse she wanted to pursue him.
- She doesn’t want to put in all the effort or deal with the stress that it takes to stay in touch with you while you’re away.
Here’s the thing though…
All of these reasons can fall away if you are able to make your ex feel enough sexual and romantic attraction for you.
In other words, if you’re going to be successful in getting her back, your focus needs to be on how you make her feel.
Your actions, your communication style and how you’re presenting yourself via social media or on Skype is going to make all of the difference.
If you’re making her laugh, smile, feel attracted and happy every time she hears from you, then she’s going to start feeling drawn to you again.
She’s going to miss you and your relationship.
She’s going to wish that you and her were in the same country or the same city so that you could be together, in each other’s arms again.
As a result, she feels more motivated to wait for you to come back and to be faithful to you while she’s waiting.
However, if your approach to attraction doesn’t spark her feelings for you, she’s going to be happy that you’re deployed, because it gives her all the time and distance she needs to move on and find a new man before you get back.
6. She needed time to find herself and heal from a previous breakup
In some cases, a guy will be a woman’s rebound.
Basically, she’ll use him to help her get over the pain of the breakup with her ex, who she really loved.
The rebound isn’t the sort of guy that she sees as her ideal.
Instead, he is just different from her ex (e.g. if her ex was too domineering, her rebound guy will usually be soft and easygoing. If her ex was too closed off, her rebound guy will usually be more emotional and open).
That doesn’t mean she will stick with him though.
Eventually, she will become bored of not truly feeling attracted or in love.
As a result, she will break up with him and say something along the lines of, “It’s not you, it’s me. I’m really messed up at the moment. I think I jumped into our relationship too fast and I still haven’t healed from my relationship with my ex. I need time to find myself and get over him before I think about being with anyone else. I want to make sure that when I’m with a man, it’s because he’s the one for me, rather than me just using him as my rebound guy. I hope you understand. I really never meant to hurt you, but I need to figure things out for myself first. Maybe someday when I’m less confused we can try again.”
Of course, that doesn’t have to be the end of your relationship.
In fact, if you change your approach to attraction with her, you can easily make her fall back in love with you, for real this time.
When you make her feel attracted in new and exciting ways (e.g. you use humor to bring down her walls and make her feel happy to be around you, you flirt with her to create sexual tension between you, you maintain your confidence with her regardless of how cold or off-putting she is, you make her feel like a desirable woman rather than a neutral friend around you), she will automatically feel a renewed sense of respect and sexual attraction for you.
Suddenly, you seem like the right guy for her and she wants to give you another chance because she feels that if she doesn’t, she may end up regretting it for the rest of her life.
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