Here are 5 things that you should aim to do on Day 2 of No Contact:
1. Come up with a list of her good and bad qualities
Only two days after breaking up, a guy will often be thinking of his ex as though she’s the most wonderful, perfect woman in the world.
Rather than remember that she made some mistakes too (e.g. she lied sometimes, she liked to cause drama for no reason, she was easily influenced by her friends and family, she was a bit lazy, she was selfish), he focuses about her great qualities and feels sad about missing out on being with such a great girl.
He might then make the mistake of texting her to tell her how he feels, or seeming hurt and lost without her if he talks to her on the phone or in person.
It doesn’t help your chances of getting her back, so I highly recommend that you don’t fall into the trap of idolizing your ex and only focusing on the good things about her.
Yes, she definitely has some great qualities (e.g. she is beautiful, you and her had amazing sex, she is a kind person, she gets on well with your family and friends, she is unique and special).
However, she must also have some bad qualities, right?
I know, it’s not easy to think about that only two days after being dumped by the love of your life, but you have to.
This is about you regaining control of your emotions and making sure that when you interact with her, you don’t come across as needy, desperate or insecure in any way.
So, start by making a list of Pros and Cons (Positives and Negatives) about her.
Try to focus on her bad qualities as much as possible, to help you realize that she isn’t way more valuable than you and isn’t completely, 100% perfect.
Of course, no woman is 100% perfect, but that’s not the point.
You need to focus on the negatives about her to help you avoid idolizing her in your mind.
For example: Here are some questions you can ask yourself to come up with the list of positive and negative qualities:
- Is she a fully trustworthy woman, or did she often break her word to you or give you reasons to doubt her?
- Did she have habits that seemed cute at first, but then started to get on your nerves (e.g. She likes to keep the house clean, but it became obsessive after a while. She loves to update her social media pages all the time, even when you and her are supposed to be hanging out and spending time together. She always misplaces the TV remote. She is clumsy or forgetful. She snores when she sleeps)?
- Did she always treat you with respect, or was she often disrespectful or rude towards you?
- Did she always make you feel like you were her man, or did she sometimes play mind games to make you doubt your place in her life and in her heart?
- Did you and her want the same things in the relationship, or were you very different (e.g. you wanted to settle down and be serious with each other, but she still wanted to go out and party with her single friends)?
- Did she pull her weight in the relationship (e.g. pay her share, do some or most of the housework, meet you half way with things), or did she lean on you too much and take you for granted?
- Did she make you feel like a priority in her life, or did she put friends, family or coworkers in front of you (in terms of importance) all the time?
While reading through the list above, you most likely found some positive and negative qualities that relate to your ex, right?
Good.
Just make sure that you focus on the negatives, rather than clinging onto the positives.
When you switch your focus away from all the positives about her, you will likely realize that she had her faults too.
You weren’t perfect in the relationship, but neither was she.
By focusing on her bad qualities, you won’t get stuck thinking about the “good old days” and reimagining everything as being perfect.
Don’t get me wrong though…
I’m not suggesting that you focus on the negatives and then decide not to get back with her.
Not at all.
My aim here is for you to get her back.
You can get her back and you can enjoy an even better relationship with her this time around.
However, part of getting her back is getting rid of your neediness of her.
You need to ensure that you aren’t idolizing her in your mind and making her out to be a perfect little snowflake who could never do anything wrong.
Look at her positive qualities, but focus on the negatives so you don’t end up making yourself feel unworthy of her.
You are worthy of her.
You can get her back.
The next thing to do on Day 2 of No Contact is…
2. Continue learning about how to re-attract her
As discussed in Day 1 of No Contact, you need to get a clear idea on your ex’s reasons for breaking up with you and then focus on improving those things about yourself, so you can properly re-attract her.
Unfortunately, when a guy focuses on his past mistakes, he might begin doubting himself and feeling unworthy of his ex.
For example: He might start thinking, “I’ve really messed things up with her. I just don’t know if I’m good enough for her anymore. I made so many mistakes. Maybe I have to accept that it’s really over between us. Maybe she has higher standards now, which I just won’t be able to live up to.”
Not knowing what else to do, he might decide to improve his physical appearance (e.g. go to the gym and build some muscle, get a new wardrobe of clothes, change his hairstyle) to hopefully impress her and trigger her feelings of attraction for him again.
Yet, here’s the thing…
Most women are more attracted to a man’s ability to attract them emotionally during a conversation and interaction, than they are to big muscles, looks or expensive clothes.
A woman’s emotional attraction to a guy is mostly based on how he makes her feel when she’s interacting with him, not on the more superficial things such as his appearance or what he’s wearing.
Of course, some women are very impressed by a man’s appearance, money and social status.
However, when it comes to relationships, most women fall in love and stay in love with a guy based on how he makes her feel by the way he interacts with her, the way he behaves around her and the way he thinks and takes action in life.
So, don’t make the mistake of focusing on superficial things (e.g. your appearance) as your main way of re-attracting her.
Here are some questions that will help you understand how to re-attract her in the ways that count…
- Do I make my ex feel like a real woman when I’m around her (e.g. does she feel feminine, girly and sexually desirable), or do I make her feel emotionally more dominant than me because I’m too insecure, self-doubting and lack confidence in my value to her?
- Am I the kind of guy that she can look up to and respect, or does she feel like I’m not living up to my full potential as a man (e.g. because I’m not moving through the levels of life, I’m too irresponsible, I’m lost and don’t know what my purpose is)?
- Do I have the confidence to make her smile, laugh and enjoy being around me (especially when she tests me by throwing a tantrum over nothing), or do I crumble and give in to her demands at the first sign of drama from her?
- Do I have a plan for my life (and by association hers) that I’m actively pursuing, or am I just drifting through life and hoping for the best.
- Do I believe in my value and attractiveness to her, or do I think she’s too good for me?
- Is my relationship intelligence at the same level as hers, or do I still need to learn a fair bit about what it takes to maintain a relationship and keep it together for life?
If you want her to feel the desire to get back into a relationship with you, it’s essential that you are prepared to make her feel as though you are ready for it.
It’s not about explaining to her that you are ready.
No.
That doesn’t work in almost all cases.
What you’ve got to do is make her feel as though you are ready.
She will feel that way if she can sense the changes in you as she interacts with you.
For example: She notices that you are much more confident around her now, are more emotionally independent and can make her smile and laugh when she is trying to be cold and bitchy.
When that happens, she naturally opens back up to you and wants to give you another chance.
On the other hand, if you try to get her back by offering her the wrong things (e.g. changing your physical appearance, buying her expensive gifts, promising to do whatever she wants, being nicer, trying to suck up to her, trying to explain to her that you’ve changed), you will just turn her off even more.
Her guard will go up and she will think something like, “He still doesn’t get it. He just doesn’t know what I, or other women, want in a man. He’s not ready for a woman like me.”
If she’s like most women, she will then focus on getting over you and moving on as quickly as she can.
3. Get outside and clear your mind
Right now, the idea of getting out and doing anything fun without your ex might seem impossible, or just like something you don’t want to do.
You want to spend time with her and not be on your own anymore.
I understand.
However, it’s very important that you don’t sit around at home worrying and feeling down about what has happened between you and her.
If you stay home, you will most likely begin to focus on the possible reasons why you might not be able to get her back (e.g. she seems totally fine about the break up, she will enjoy being single, she’s too beautiful for you, you’re not financially stable enough to give her what she really wants, you live too far apart, you made too many mistakes in the relationship).
That kind of thinking will make you needy and insecure, which isn’t going to be attractive to her.
For example: If she interacts with you and senses that you need her back to feel better about yourself again, or that you lack confidence in yourself and in your value to her, she will feel turned off by your neediness and insecurity.
So, if you want to get her back, you first have to get yourself to the point where you accept that you did made some mistakes, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be forgiven and be loved even more deeply the second time around with her.
You can.
You can make her love you, respect you and feel more attracted to you than she ever did before.
You can level up as a man (in terms of your ability to be attractive to her) and let her experience that.
You can improve your ability to keep a relationship together and deepen a woman’s feelings over time.
When you do those things, she will naturally feel a deeper respect, attraction and love as you are getting back together and remain together from then on.
So, how can you do it?
If you haven’t done so already, go ahead and push yourself to go outside and clear your mind.
Head to the beach, park or nature reserve alone or with a friend.
Just walk and breathe in the fresh air.
Focus on the fact that you are already becoming a better man by ensuring that you aren’t needy of her.
You’re not the sort of guy who is panicking and feeling lost and lonely without his ex woman.
You want her back, but you are starting to feel fine without her.
This is a good thing.
It’s going to make you appear so much more attractive to her when you interact with her.
So, get outside and clear your mind.
Feel good about life, even though she isn’t a part of it at the moment.
Another thing you need to do on Day 2 of No Contact is to…
4. Focus on building a strong belief in your value and attractiveness to her
A break up can really put a dent in a guy’s self-confidence and belief in himself.
Even though he might be a successful guy in many ways (e.g. he has a good job and make lots of money, lives in a nice apartment or house, is responsible, is kind and generous, has friends who love him), he can still fall into the trap of feeling unworthy of his ex woman.
Then, when she finally interacts with him again (e.g. over the phone or in person), his lack of confidence will come across in how he talks to her and behaves around her.
She will get the sense that he doesn’t believe he is good enough for her anymore, which will turn her off even further.
Women aren’t attracted to guys who don’t feel worthy of them.
Women are attracted to guys with high self esteem, confidence and self-assuredness.
That’s not about being obnoxious or arrogant.
Instead, it’s about having a calm, confident and unwavering belief in yourself.
Women want that in a man.
So, make sure that you use Day 2 of No Contact to build up your confidence and belief in yourself and your worthiness of her.
How?
To begin with, decide that you are a valuable, amazing, unique man who so many women would be lucky to be with.
You’re a good guy.
You really are.
Sure, you made some mistakes in the relationship, but that doesn’t take away from all the other great qualities you possess as a man.
For example: You might have made the mistake of allowing her to dominate you emotionally, but you’re also a loving and caring man, which is much better than you being a hateful, selfish man.
You might have been jealous and controlling, but you’re also dependable and a go-getter in life, which is much better than you being unreliable and lazy.
So, focus on the good things about yourself to boost your feelings of self-belief and self-worth.
The more you believe in yourself and in your value as a man, the more your ex will believe it too.
Why?
Well, have you ever interacted with a person who had high self-esteem and belief in him or herself?
What happened?
You most likely believed that they deserved to have that level of self-esteem and believe in themselves.
You looked at that person as being someone special.
That’s what happens when you exude confidence and high self-esteem in this world.
Most people look at you and just accept that you are one of the special ones who are a little better than everyone else.
It’s a natural instinct of which also applies to your ex’s feelings and perception of you.
When you interact with your ex, she will sense your calm, confident and unwavering belief in yourself.
She will instinctively begin to question why you have such belief in yourself and if she’s like 99% of the women on this planet, her feelings will cause her to decide that it’s because you ARE good enough for her.
It might sound too good to be true to you now, but just let her sense that type of confidence in you and see what happens.
Another thing to do on Day 2 of No Contact is…
5. Try to relax your mind to regain control of your emotions
If you don’t keep a cool head at this very crucial time, you give in to the urge to contact your ex before you are fully ready to re-attract her.
You might then make a silly mistake like drinking a little too much alcohol and text or call her at 2AM to beg for her forgiveness, or to say things like, “I still love you. Why are you doing this to me? Please take me back! I can’t live without you.”
Alternatively, you might stick to your guns about not contacting her, only to constantly find yourself looking at your phone to see if she has texted you and wondering things like, “Is she missing me as much as I’m missing her, or has she already found another guy to replace me with? What if she doesn’t want to get back with me? What if not contacting her doesn’t work? ”
Don’t do that to yourself.
You have to be stronger than that.
Remember: Women are attracted to emotional strength in men, not weakness.
So, this isn’t a time for you to be displaying emotional weakness of any kind.
If you want to regain your ex’s respect, attraction and love, you must regain control over your emotions by relaxing your mind and preparing to re-attract her, before you interact with her again.
One example of how you can do that is by practicing a very simple breathing technique (used by the police and military to help calm the mind and counteract the effects of adrenaline during critical situations) called “tactical breathing.”
Here’s how you do it:
- Inhale through your nose, deeply, expanding your stomach for a count of four.
- Hold that breath in for a count of four.
- Slowly exhale through your mouth, completely, for a count of four.
- Hold your breath, with your lungs empty, for a count of four.
- Repeat the cycle, by starting again with an in-breath to the count of four.
Do this for a minute or two and you will notice yourself feeling calm and relaxed.
You will be regaining control of your emotions and preparing to re-attract her by displaying emotional strength, rather than weakness.
Continue
- Day 1 of No Contact
- Day 2 of No Contact
- Day 3 of No Contact
- Day 4 of No Contact
- Day 5 of No Contact
- Day 6 of No Contact
- Day 7 of No Contact
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