In many cases, a guy will be ready to contact his ex woman on the 3rd day of no contact after a break up.
Giving her that amount of space proves the point to her that you’re not being needy and desperate.
So, just go ahead and contact her if you feel ready to do so.
This is one of the alternatives to the 30 day No Contact Rule that I provide in this video…
Not every guy will be ready to contact his ex woman after 3 days and that is okay.
If you need a little more time, or if you think she will need it because of how badly you behaved when she broke up with you, then go ahead and wait the full 7 days before contacting her.
In the meantime…
1. Force yourself to be very confident as you talk to people (including women) to remind yourself that you are a cool guy and that people do like you
After a break up, it’s very easy for a man to start feeling insecure about himself and his value.
He may even start thinking things like, “I just can’t do anything right. No wonder my ex broke up with me. I’m such a loser.”
Obviously, that kind of thinking isn’t going to help him at all.
Why?
The less belief a guy has in himself, the more unattractive he becomes as a man (to his ex and to people in general).
Remember: While confidence and self-belief is automatically attractive to women, insecurity and self-doubt has the opposite effect.
So, if you interact with your ex and in the back of your mind you’re thinking things like, “I don’t deserve her,” or “What if she doesn’t want to talk to me again?” or “What if she’s already found another guy who is better than me?” she will pick up on your lack of confidence and it will turn her off.
For example: She will hear the nervousness in your voice, notice your uncomfortable body language, hear it in the questions you ask and sense it based on your vibe.
Rather than make her think, “Oh, my poor ex! He’s taken our break up so hard. What can I do to convince him that he’s actually not such a bad guy after all?” a woman will usually think, “Phew! I made the right decision to break up with him. He’s just not the guy for me. He’s too much of an emotional wimp.”
Your confidence is so important right now.
This is why it’s so important to actually force yourself to be confident when you talk to other people from now on.
You’ve got to use every opportunity to remind yourself that you actually are a cool guy that other people like.
People will automatically like you when they sense your high self-esteem and confidence, so just go ahead and interact with people to get that feedback.
Let them show you that you really are a cool, valuable guy.
Yes, you made some mistakes, but it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or that you should put yourself down from now on.
Everyone makes mistakes, not just you.
The difference between a winner and a loser is that a winner doesn’t allow a mistake to define him and take away his self-belief.
He just learns from the mistake and becomes an even greater man than before, which gives him even more self-belief.
So, make sure that you don’t allow the mistakes you made in the relationship to erode your belief in your value as a man.
Of course, you might be thinking, “I don’t know how to be confident. I just feel so bad after what happened with my ex. It’s a feeling I can’t seem to get rid of. When I interact with other people (and women in particular) I can’t stop myself from thinking that they won’t like me. What can I do? How can I change that?”
To begin with, understand that confidence is something that is self-built and self-maintained.
Very few guys are born confident and always feel comfortable around women, or even other people for their entire life.
In fact, most guys start off feeling just as nervous and insecure as everyone else.
The difference between a guy who is confident and one who struggles to feel comfortable around women comes down to one simple thing – practice.
A guy who is confident around women in particular and people in general and somehow always seems to know what to say and do, has spent a lot of time practicing to be confident.
What does that mean?
For your confidence to grow, you must work on it daily until it becomes a habit that happens naturally and automatically.
It needs to be so natural and automatic for you to feel confident, that you don’t even have to think about it anymore.
That’s when you have natural, easy and consistent confidence.
Here are some ways to make yourself feel more confident when talking to other people and other women:
- Stand tall, smile, hold your head up high and maintain eye contact (without staring).
- Think positively.
Rather than allow yourself to dwell on the mistakes you made with your ex, focus on some of the good things that people automatically like about you (e.g. you’re a man of your word, you treat everyone with respect, you have a great sense of humor, you’re intelligent).
- Notice of your self-talk.
For example: “I can’t do this,” “What if these people don’t like me?” “What if I say the wrong thing and everyone laughs at me?” and make sure that it’s positive, rather than negative.
Remember: The thoughts you have about yourself and what you’re doing will either make you feel better or worse about yourself.
Your thoughts will either make you more emotionally attractive to your ex and others, or they will make you seem awkward, strange and uncomfortable around others.
If you have negative thoughts running through your mind, you will likely stumble over your words due to nervousness, say something embarrassing that you later regret, or worse, avoid talking to other people altogether.
- Set a small social goal and achieve it.
The next time you go out with friends, make the effort to meet and talk to two new people.
This is important if the break up has caused you to lose social confidence, or feel like you have to avoid social situations because it’s too stressful or emotionally taxing on you.
If you want your ex back, you need to be stronger than that.
Don’t expect her to want you back if she can sense that you’ve become emotionally weaker since the break up.
Emotional strength is what attracts women to men, not emotional weakness.
So, force yourself to interact with other people and exude the kind of social confidence that automatically makes people feel drawn to you.
Not only will your relationships with other people become a lot more fun and rewarding, but you will also be much more attractive to your ex when you interact with her again.
The next thing you can do on Day 3 of No Contact is…
2. Have another read through the list of her good and bad qualities that you made on Day 2 of No Contact
If you haven’t already made a list of some of your ex’s bad qualities (you probably haven’t stopped thinking about her good qualities, right?), then do it now.
Even if she was a truly wonderful person who loved and adored you, there must be something about her that annoyed you in some way.
For example: A list of an ex woman’s bad qualities might look something like this:
- She didn’t know how to cook.
- She was untidy.
- She didn’t like the same music as me.
- She lied fairly often and enjoyed it.
- She wasn’t very loving or affectionate.
- She cared about her friends more than me.
- She always put her career first and didn’t give much or any time to me.
- She was too clingy, needy or jealous.
- She didn’t seem very loyal.
- She always forgot to put the cap back on the toothpaste, which I found disgusting.
- She didn’t get along well with my friends.
- She never contributed to our household expenses and expected me to pay for everything all the time.
- She enjoyed causing drama and getting into an argument over nothing.
- She didn’t take care of her physical appearance, but expected me to continue to find her as sexy as I once did.
Creating a list like that isn’t about making your ex out to be a bad person.
It’s simply a way of putting your relationship with her into a more balanced perspective, to avoid idolizing her and remembering her as being way better and more valuable than you.
You are good enough because she, like everyone else in this world, is not perfect.
3. Do an outdoor activity with friends
I know, I know.
You probably don’t want to do anything like that right now and just want her back in your arms.
I understand.
However, it’s important for your emotional attractiveness that you push yourself to feel happy without her.
It’s not about moving on and leaving her behind.
Instead, it’s about making yourself feel happy by doing things with other people.
Unfortunately, one of the most common reactions from a guy who gets dumped by his woman is to cut off all communication with his friends and isolate himself at home.
He may think something like, “If I’m out having fun and my ex tries to call me and I don’t hear my phone ring, she might get upset that I’m having fun without her. She might even think that I’m looking for another girlfriend and that may cause her to get angry and decide to move on too. I can’t take that risk! I need to be alone and just wait by the phone to show her that I’m serious about getting her back.”
Yet, that’s the worst thing that a guy can do because it looks needy and will cause him to become needy (i.e. he needs her to contact him to feel okay about himself again).
The more you put your life on hold during this period of No Contact, the more emotionally dependent you will appear to your ex when you finally interact with her again.
Rather than feeling impressed by the fact that all you’ve been doing is waiting around to get her back, she will question whether or not she wants to get back with a guy who has no other important purpose in life other than her.
If she is very young (i.e. in her teens), she might like that her ex guy is lost without her.
Yet, if she is a woman between 20-60, she’s going to be completely turned off by the fact that her man is acting like a teenage boy.
Note: This is site is for men 18-60. It’s not for young teens.
So, if you want your ex woman to feel some respect and attraction for you, make sure that you’re not sitting around at home alone hoping to impress her by showing her that you’re lost and lonely without her.
Women aren’t impressed with that boyish approach to life.
So, force yourself to get out and spend some time with friends.
For example: Play a sport of some kind, go for a walk, go to the beach, or go for a drive somewhere nice to chill out, swim in a lake, go bike riding, toss a Frisbee, punch and kick punching bags or go for a run together.
Doing outdoor activities can help you avoid constantly thinking about your ex and wondering who she’s with and what she’s doing.
It can also give you a chance to catch up with old friends and hobbies that you may have neglected during your relationship.
When you feel genuinely content in your life without your ex, you will also automatically become more attractive to her and other women.
Why?
Women are attracted to men who are emotionally independent (i.e. they don’t need a woman to be nice to them or support them emotionally to feel good about themselves).
Men who are happy, confident and forward moving in life with or without the support and encouragement of women, always attract the highest quality women.
So, make sure that you don’t give your ex the impression that you need her to be nice to you and show you interest, so you can then feel good about yourself.
Another thing you can do on Day 3 of No Contact is…
4. Make a list of all of your good qualities and use that to feel worthy of your ex
For example:
- You are honest and trustworthy.
- You always keep your word.
- You have a great sense of humor.
- You are intelligent.
- You are driven and determined.
- You have big goals and dreams in life that you’re actively working towards.
- You get on well with her friends and family.
- You have a good job, or are working towards having a better job.
- You know how to make a woman feel loved and appreciated.
- You’re a man who takes action and finds solutions to his problems (e.g. at the moment you’re busy working on improving yourself to get her back, rather than sitting around feeling sorry for yourself).
By creating a list like that, it helps you realize that you really do have a lot to offer your ex.
Note: Don’t try to sell yourself to her by listing off your good qualities!
No, no, no!
That’s not how to re-attract her.
You just need to focus on a list of your good qualities, so you can then attract her with your confidence.
Another thing you can do on Day 3 of No Contact is…
5. Do some power poses with your body language to feel good about yourself
Research conducted by various universities (including Harvard University, The University of Oregon, The University of Texas and many others) has concluded that the main thing that confident, charismatic people have in common is not only a similar mindset, but also similar hormone levels.
More specifically, these people tend to have higher levels of testosterone and lower levels of cortisol.
As a result, both men and women with higher levels of testosterone tend to feel more confident than people with lower levels.
At the same time, lower levels of cortisol lead to decreased feelings of anxiety, nervousness and insecurity and a better ability to cope with stress.
“So, what has this got to do with doing power poses?” you may ask.
Quite a lot actually.
As it turns out, something that directly impacts these two hormone levels is body language.
In other words, the way you stand, hold your arms or fold your legs and move, makes a big difference to how you feel.
You can literally increase the amount of testosterone that is flowing through your veins by changing your body language.
If you’re doing it right, your cortisol will also decrease and you will suddenly start feeling a lot more confident and self-assured.
Here are two power poses that work…
- Stand up, raise your arms and stretch them out like you’ve just won something. Feel the emotion of being a winner. You’ve won. You’re the best.
- Stand with your feet apart in a confident, alpha way and clench your fists with your hands on either side of your body. You are a powerful man. You rule the world. You are invincible.
Do you notice the change in how you feel?
It works.
Of course, just doing a power pose right now isn’t what will make you feel confident around your ex when you and her next interact.
However, add the power poses to all of the other things you’re doing and soon enough, you will begin to think, talk, walk and behave in a much more confident way.
You won’t have to pretend to be 100% confident and self-approving anymore, because it will be real for you.
As a result, your ex will automatically feel respect and attraction for you when you interact with her.
Her change in feelings towards you will be what convinces her to open up and give you another chance.
Continue
- Day 1 of No Contact
- Day 2 of No Contact
- Day 3 of No Contact
- Day 4 of No Contact
- Day 5 of No Contact
- Day 6 of No Contact
- Day 7 of No Contact
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