Here are 5 ways to calm down the anxiety and start feeling better right now:
1. Know that there is hope
Right now, the main reason you’re feeling separation anxiety after your breakup is because you’re likely thinking things like, “I’m all alone now. I’ve lost her forever and nothing I’ve said or done so far has made a dent in her resolve. She doesn’t want anything to do with me. It’s hopeless!”
Yet, just because things look bleak right now, it doesn’t mean your situation is irreversible.
You can get your ex woman back.
Most guys are able to get another chance with their woman by focusing on the simple art of re-attracting her.
Remember: In most cases, even when a woman has completely disconnected from her feelings of love, respect and attraction for a guy, it doesn’t mean those feelings are dead and will never return again.
Instead, they are buried under anger and emotional pain.
However, you can reawaken them and bring them back to life.
How can you do that?
By interacting with your ex (e.g. via text, social media and especially over the phone and in person) and making her feel attracted to the new and improved you.
For example: Some of the ways you can do that are by…
- Making her laugh, smile and feel good to be in your company again, or to be talking to you over the phone.
- Staying confident with her, even if she’s saying that she’s over you or is being offish towards you in an attempt to make you feel nervous or insecure about yourself.
- Flirting with her to create a sexual spark between you, rather than being too nice or neutral around her.
- Being more emotionally dominant with her, rather than letting her walk all over you with her confident personality.
The more she experiences the new you in ways that feel good to her, the more she will begin to reconnect with her feelings of respect and attraction for you again.
When that happens, her defenses come down and she becomes open to talking to you, hanging out with you and seeing where things go from there.
As you can see, no matter how bad things might seem right now, there’s always hope.
So, focus on that.
Another thing you need to know to help you deal with your separation anxiety after your breakup is…
2. Know that calming down your separation anxiety makes you attractive to her faster
If you allow yourself to wallow in your anxiety, then when you interact with your ex, you will likely say or do the kind of things around her that will actually turn her off even more (e.g. beg and plead with her for another chance or say things like, “I can’t live without you!” and appear lost and depressed).
Then, rather than make her think things like, “Maybe I made a mistake by breaking up with him,” she instead thinks something along the lines of, “I’m so relieved that are finished. I see now that he’s just not man enough for a woman like me, because he’s too emotionally weak and sensitive. I need a real man who can stand on his own two feet without my support and encouragement and can deal with whatever life throws at him without losing it and becoming helpless.”
That’s why, calming down and regaining control of your emotions is a very important step to re-attracting your ex and making her want you back.
Remember: Whatever you say and do from now on is either going to be attracting your ex back to you or turning her off even further.
Don’t make the assumption of thinking that it’s okay to stay stuck feeling separation anxiety after your breakup and that your ex won’t notice if you put on a brave front around her.
Women are very perceptive and can easily pick up when a guy is faking that he’s coping without her.
On the other hand, if a woman interacts with her ex after a breakup and notices that he’s being confident, emotionally strong and getting on with his life with or without her, she can’t stop herself from feeling drawn to him again.
So, before you attempt to contact your ex again, make sure that you calm down and regain control of your emotions first.
You will be grateful to yourself that you did when you see how your ex responds to you (e.g. she opens up to you, is more willing to talk over the phone and see you in person).
Another thing you need to know to help you deal with your separation anxiety after your breakup is…
3. Know that you’ve always been an individual and still are
If you and your ex had an amazing connection (e.g. you enjoyed the same things, the sex was awesome, you finished each other’s sentences), it’s only natural that you will now be feeling a void in your life.
Yet, here’s the thing…
Even though you and her shared a unique bond, it doesn’t mean that she is connected to you at the hip.
In other words, she’s not you and you’re not her.
You’re an individual who has had his own interests, tastes and social networks in life before you met her and hopefully, you still do.
Of course, if you mistakenly thought that to make your woman feel loved and appreciated, you had to make her the centre of your world and gave up all your dreams, interests, hobbies and friends to spend more time with her, now is the time to quickly change that and become an individual once again.
Why?
Firstly, by being your own man and focusing on the things in your life that are important to you (i.e. your goals and dreams, your interests and hobbies, your friends), you will automatically stop feelings overwhelmed by the separation.
Secondly, when your ex notices that you’re not sitting around feeling sad, lonely and lost without her and are instead emotionally independent and feel good about yourself and your life without her, something amazing happens.
She automatically feels a surge of respect for you again, because you’re not being a needy, emotionally weak man.
Instead, you are confident in yourself with or without her approval or love and that’s attractive to her.
As a result, she starts to feel drawn to you again, because women (including ex’s) are attracted to good men who are confident, happy and forward moving in life, regardless of whether he’s in a relationship or not.
You can then easily build on her feelings of respect and attraction for you and get her back.
However, if you stay stuck in your feelings of separation anxiety and thinking things like, “I can’t live without her,” your ex will pick up on that during interactions and feel even more turned off by what she perceives as your neediness and emotional dependence on her.
Another thing you need to know to help you deal with your separation anxiety after your breakup is…
4. Know that life gets better when you take the right actions
Newton’s third law of physics states: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
In other words, your actions determine your results.
For example: If you take a weak (i.e. wrong) action, you will get a weak result and if you take a strong (i.e. right) action, you will get a strong result.
How does this relate to you dealing with your separation anxiety after a breakup?
Essentially, if you take the right action, by quickly changing some of the things that caused your ex to break up with you and then interacting with her and actively re-spark her feelings for you, the reaction you will most likely receive is to get her back.
On the other hand, if you take the wrong action and sit around feeling sad, depressed and unsure of yourself and you avoid interacting with your ex, or when you do, you behave in ways that are unattractive to her, the results will most certainly be that you lose her forever.
Which is why, if you want to get your ex back, you need to change your approach (i.e. stop thinking negative things like, “I can’t deal with the separation anxiety after my breakup”) and do what actually works (i.e. actively making her have strong feelings for you again and then guiding her back into a relationship).
Don’t waste time focusing on the breakup and how it’s making you feel.
That’s not important now.
What is important is that you change your ex’s perception of you so she thinks of you in a more positive way.
Only then can you get her back and get on with enjoying a great relationship together again.
Another thing you need to know to help you deal with your separation anxiety after your breakup is…
5. Know that anxiety is self created and therefore, can be self deleted
If you continue to think negative thoughts about yourself and how you feel now that you and your ex are broken up, it’s only natural that you will feel anxious and tense.
Anxiety and tension, like confidence, is self created.
It’s based on how you think.
When you think things like, “I can’t get over my ex. I’m feeling so lost without her,” you will inevitably feel separation anxiety.
On the other hand, when you think confident, self-assured thoughts like, “I know it sucks to be broken up, but I’m emotionally strong and I can have a happy, fulfilling life with or without her,” or “I know we’re currently broken up, but I can quickly get her back when I re-attract her in the ways that are important to her,” you will automatically start to feel less anxious and more in control of your life.
The more you think that way, the less the anxiety of the breakup can get to you.
In fact, it will totally be deleted and you will realize that you feel a lot more positive, optimistic and happier than ever before and as a bonus, you will automatically become more attractive to your ex too.
You can then quickly reactivate her feelings for you and get her back.
Except this time the relationship will be even better than before, because you’re now a more confident, emotionally strong and independent man than ever before.
Where Some Men Go Wrong When Trying to Deal With Separation Anxiety After a Breakup
If you’re serious about getting over your separation anxiety and getting your ex back, you need to make sure that you avoid making the following mistakes:
1. Focusing on the pain, rather than working towards a solution
If you spend most of your time thinking about how terrible your life is without you ex, it’s inevitable that you will struggle to move forward and get her back.
The fact is, when you’re thinking about your separation anxiety, you’re just focusing on the problem, rather than looking for a solution.
So, whatever energy you’ve already invested in feeling anxious and stressed since you and your ex broke up, it’s now time to stop and you need to start focusing on what it will take to get her back.
For example: Some of the ways you can begin regaining your ex’s respect and attraction for you are…
- Being confident and sure of yourself around her from now on, rather than sad, insecure and self-doubting.
- Using humor to lighten your interactions with her and make her feel good to be around you, rather than always being too serious and making her feel tense, closed off and strained.
- Focusing on having fun with her, rather than always trying to get her to commit to a relationship with you.
- Believing in your value to her, rather than thinking that she’s too good for you.
- Making her feel feminine and girly in your presence, rather than treating her like a neutral friend.
- Standing up to her in a loving way when she’s creating drama, rather than giving in to her and allowing her to feel more emotionally dominant than you.
When your ex can see for herself that you’re handling the breakup in a confident, emotionally strong way (rather than being an emotional mess and drowning in separation anxiety), she will automatically start to feel some respect for you.
When that happens, she will also begin to feel attracted to you again and with those two things in place, her guard will naturally begin to come down.
She then opens herself up to interacting with you more over the phone and especially in person, which then opens up the door for you to fully re-attract her and make her fall back in love with you again.
Another mistake to avoid is…
2. Contacting her when in pain and turning her off even more
Sometimes a guy thinks that if he contacts his ex and shows her how lost and depressed he feels without her (e.g. he cries about how he can’t function without her, begs her for another chance), she will feel flattered by his devotion and then give him another chance.
Yet, in almost all cases, when a woman sees that her ex is sad, dejected and emotionally broken without her, rather than make her think, “I never realized he loved me so much. It’s so romantic to have a man who cannot live without me. I’d be crazy not to give him another chance,” she instead feels turned off by his emotional neediness.
She then becomes even colder towards him and in some instances, even treats him with contempt and disdain (the opposite of what he was hoping for).
This is why, if you want your ex back, you have to make sure that you approach this properly.
So, the first thing you need to do is to take 3 to 7 days to calm down and regain control of your emotions.
Get rid of your feelings of neediness and desperation by knowing that you can re-attract her and get her back.
Then, when you do contact her, you will be feeling emotionally strong and confident, rather than anxious, needy and clingy and she will naturally feel drawn to you again in a way that feels good to her.
Her defenses come down and you can then gently and confidently get her back over the next few days to a week.
Another mistake not to make is…
3. Avoiding the ex back process out of fear of being rejected by her
Sometimes a guy will get it in his head that getting his ex back is impossible, simply because she said so (i.e. when she broke up with him she said something like, “It’s over between us and nothing you can do will make me change my mind and give you another chance”).
So, rather than quickly make some changes and improvements to himself and then go ahead and get her back, the guy sits around dwelling on his feelings of separation anxiety because he fears being rejected by her.
Yet, what a guy like that doesn’t realize is that the longer he waits to reactivate his ex’s feelings for him, the greater the risk of losing her completely.
So, while he debates with himself about his chances of getting her back, his ex is usually moving on (often by hooking up with another guy).
This is why, if you don’t want to lose your ex, you need to make a move now.
Call her on the phone, spark some of her feelings for you and then get to a meet up with her where you can fully reactivate her feelings for you.
The truth is, more time isn’t the answer to healing your separation anxiety.
Getting her back right now, or at least in the next week or two, is the answer.
That is possible for you.
All you have to do is begin to take the first step in the direction of getting her back and you are on your way to being back together with her again.
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