It depends on the following:
1. Is the man able to regain his wife’s respect and cause her to feel a renewed sense of attraction for him?
For a marriage to last a lifetime, a woman needs to be able to feel increasing levels of respect, attraction and love for her man.
She wants to feel motivated to contribute to the relationship and be a good woman to him, while at the same time, he reciprocates by being a good, loving, devoted man to her.
However, if the man can’t establish that kind of relationship dynamic between himself and his wife, over time her feelings for him will start to change (not in a good way).
She will feel like pulling away, being closed off and treating him with less and less respect, because he’s not maintaining the balance in the relationship anymore.
Of course, if a woman gets to the point where she no longer feels much (or any) respect and attraction for her man, she will naturally start to disconnect from her feelings of love for him as well.
Then, when she no longer respects him, feels attracted to him or loves him, her motivation to stick with the marriage fades away and she will usually decide to divorce him and move on.
Here’s the thing…
For a couple to reconcile after going through with a divorce, the feelings of sexual and romantic attraction have to be reawakened between them.
It can’t be about how much the guy misses his wife and wants her back, while still using the same old approach that turned her off in the marriage (e.g. his negative attitude, insecurities, nit-picking, emotional weakness).
That won’t work.
If a woman doesn’t feel a renewed sense of respect for her ex husband and doesn’t feel sexually attracted to him, then she’s usually not going to feel motivated to reconcile with him either.
The good news is that, even though you’ve gone through with the divorce, you can still get her back and remain together for life.
In fact, according to a study conducted by Dr. Nancy Kalish, about 6% of couples remarried after a divorce.
That might not seem like a lot, but of the couples who remarried after divorce, 72% of them stayed together for life.
That means, if you reconcile with your wife and do it the right way (i.e. create a relationship dynamic between that is balanced and causes her to want to be good to you, treat you well, be affectionate and be loving towards you, while you also treat her well at the same time), the marriage will not only last, it will be so much happier than it was before.
So, don’t give up just because you and your wife have gone through a divorce already.
It might seem hopeless, but it’s not.
In fact, the can actually be one of the best things that ever happened to your relationship.
Why?
You now have the chance to build a brand new, even better marriage together because you will now be able to make her feel respect, attraction and love for you in new ways.
No more arguments about the past.
No blaming each other for the divorce.
No more anger, bitterness and disappointment.
Just a lot of laughter, smiling, feeling in love again and feeling fulfilled, safe and happy when you and her are together.
Another thing that will determine whether a couple will reconcile after going through with a divorce is…
2. Is her life way better off after the divorce, the same or worse?
In some cases, a woman will divorce her husband and begin living what seems like a wonderful new life.
For example: She might have more time to focus on her job, so she gets a promotion at work.
This leads to her moving into a nicer house in a good neighborhood.
Alternatively, she might pack up and go traveling around the world and post about her adventures on a personal blog.
She could change careers and do something she always dreamed of (e.g. open her own restaurant, become a dancer, join a band).
In some instances, a woman might begin going out more with her single friends and partying at clubs or bars.
She could also be joining online dating sites or apps such as Tinder to meet new men.
By all accounts, she seems so much happier than she was in her marriage.
Then, there’s the woman who gets divorced, but nothing really changed in her life.
She stays at the same job, sticks to hanging out at the same places she did before the divorce and continues with the same routine.
Finally, a woman might discover that her life is so much worse off now that she’s divorced.
For example: She’s really lonely and doesn’t have many (or any) friends to turn to.
She might also struggle financially or with the responsibility of taking care of their children on her own.
Maybe the children are also rebelling because of the divorce, causing her to have to deal with disciplinary issues by herself.
However, because she was the more gentle one in the marriage while her husband was the more dominant one, she may struggle to get the children to listen to her and respect her now that she’s on her own.
In this scenario, it seems that she’s by far worse off without her ex husband than she was when married to him.
Yet, here’s the catch.
Regardless of whether a woman is the same, better or worse off since the divorce, a man still has a chance of getting her back.
Think about it this way…
A woman might seem to be enjoying a wonderful life now that she’s divorced, but secretly, she could be missing her ex hubsand and what they had together (especially when things were good between them).
She may be thinking things like, “I would give all this up in an instant if I could have my family back together again.”
On the other hand, a woman might appear sad and dejected and seem as though her life is falling apart without her ex, but she may be thinking things like, “I’m so glad to be out of that marriage. Regardless of how bad things seem now, I’m still better off than I was with him.”
As you can see, appearances can be deceiving.
This is why the only thing that will guarantee a reconciliation between a husband and wife, is not how happy or sad she seems to be without him, but how he makes her feel during interactions from now on.
For example:
- Does he make her feel like a sexy desirable woman or does he make her feel more like a neutral friend, or worse, turned off when she’s around him?
- Can she look up to him, respect him and feel proud of him (e.g. because he’s confident, emotionally strong, ballsy and going places in his life), or does she look down on him a little bit and feel embarrassed to admit that she used to be married to him?
- Does he make her feel relaxed and happy, or does he make her feel tense, stressed out or annoyed?
- Does he make her feel surges of sexual attraction when they talk and interact, or does he always seem to say and do things that turn her off?
- Does he have the confidence to make her smile, laugh and enjoy being around him (especially when she tests him by being cold and aloof towards him and telling him that she would never give him another chance), or does he crumble at the first sign of resistance from her?
These are the types of things that matter the most to a woman.
So, if you want to reconcile with your wife, focus on making her feel the way she wants to feel when she’s with you (i.e. feminine, girly, free to be emotional like a woman, turned on, aroused), rather than worrying about how good or bad her life seems now without you in it.
Another thing that will determine whether a couple will reconcile after going through with a divorce is…
3. Did they once have a happy family life that she then misses and wants back?
If a woman sits around thinking about all the good times she shared with her ex husband and how happy they used to be and how she misses him, chances are pretty high that she will be open to interacting with him to see how she feels.
Of course, that doesn’t mean a guy should assume that if she misses him and the family life they once had, it will be enough to get her back and that he doesn’t have to do anything to reactivate her sexual and romantic feelings for him.
That’s not how it works.
If a guy doesn’t take action and show his ex wife that he truly has changed and become a better man since the breakup (e.g. more confident and emotionally courageous, more assertive and ballsy, more relaxed and easy-going) he may lose his chance to get her back.
Why?
She will start to realize that she’s just wasting her time with him and that he’s still stuck at the same level he was at when they got divorced and she will then focus on truly getting over him and moving on for real.
So, if you don’t want that to happen to you, don’t waste opportunities to interact with your ex wife and re-spark her feelings for you.
For example: One of the ways you can do that is by using humor to make her laugh and smile and feel more relaxed when she’s interacting with you.
The happier she starts to feel while talking to you, the more likely it is she will feel optimistic about replicating the happy family life you and her once shared together.
On the other hand, if you make her feel tense by getting into long, deep discussions about the relationship, or even by bringing up all the good times you used to have, she will likely get defensive and then the only thing she’ll say is something along the lines of, “Yes, we did have some good times together and we were even happy for a while. However, that was then and a lot happened to ruin all that, otherwise we wouldn’t be divorced now, right? So, let’s accept that what we had is over and try to move forward, rather than hold on to what’s past.”
Remember: How you make her feel right now and from now on is what really counts.
So, focus on building new, happy memories with her based on the people you have become now, rather than who you were in the past.
Start re-attracting her in the ways that she always wanted you to, so that her guard comes down and she opens back up to kissing, sex and a relationship with you once again.
By the way…
If a woman doesn’t have any feelings for a man and is trying to move on, she will usually avoid thinking of her failed marriage as being anything but a big mistake.
For example: She might think things like, “I can’t believe I married him. It was so obvious that we were totally wrong for each other right from the start. I feel sick thinking about all the time I wasted in that relationship. I probably was in love and happy at some point, but I honestly can’t remember that. All I remember is the anguish that followed and the pain of getting divorced.”
Yet, even in a case like that, reconciling with her will happen in the same way.
When you re-spark her sexual and romantic feelings for you again and replace her negative memories with new, more positive ones, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling drawn to you again.
She might pretend not to be interested, but deep down she will wonder if walking away from you for good will be something she will end up regretting later on.
As a result, she will likely drop her defenses and little bit and open up to seeing how things unfold.
You can then fully reactivate her feelings for you and show her that you and her can be happy as a family again.
Another thing that will determine whether a couple will reconcile after going through with a divorce is…
4. Does the man end up acting like a neutral friend, or does he seduce her back into a sexual, romantic relationship?
A mistake that a guy sometimes makes with an ex wife, is to pretend that he is no longer interested in her in a sexual and romantic way.
Instead, he is either really polite and formal when he interacts with her, or he pretends that he’s now just a good friend.
In his mind, he may justify his actions by thinking things like, “The divorce was bad enough. I don’t want to end up having her cut me out of her life completely just because I won’t behave myself around her. I’m sure if she feels drawn to me again she’ll let me know and we can take it from there. In the meantime, I have to be on my best behavior so as not to scare her off and lose her permanently this time.”
Yet, what a guy like that doesn’t realize is that if he acts friendly or neutral around his ex, she will probably only ever have friendly, neutral, non-sexual feelings for him.
She will then easily open herself up to meeting, hooking up with, dating and getting into a relationship with another man.
Then, by the time her ex husband realizes what’s happening, it may already be too late because she’s in love with someone else.
This is why, it’s very important that if you want to reconcile with your ex wife, you don’t hang around pretending you only want to be her friend now.
That doesn’t mean you should come on too strong and scare her off either.
Instead, you should do the things that almost always work in sparking a woman’s sexual and romantic feelings for a guy.
What are those things?
- Using humor to make her laugh and smile and feel relaxed to be around you.
- Flirting with her to create sexual tension between you and her.
- Being more of a challenge to her than you were before, so she feels as though she needs to impress you, rather than feeling like she can walk all over you and you’ll put up with it because you’re desperate to spend time with her.
- Taking the lead in the ex back process, rather than waiting for her to give you a sign and losing out on the chance of getting her back.
- Showing her via your attitude, actions, behavior and the way you respond to her that you have leveled up as a man and are now the guy she always wanted you to be.
The more you actively spark your ex wife’s feelings of sexual and romantic attraction for you, rather than pretending that you just want to be her friend, the more she will start to feel drawn to you in a way that feels good to her.
Of course, it’s totally fine to be friendly with her, but just make sure you’re that not pretending to be an innocent friend who isn’t interested in her in a sexual or romantic way.
Make her want you again sexually and romantically and when you do, the reconciliation will naturally begin to happen.
On the other hand, pretend you only want to be friends with her now and risk watching her move on with a new man.
Another thing that will determine whether a couple will reconcile after going through with a divorce is…
5. Were the reasons for the divorce something that could have been fixed, but they only realized that after going through with it?
Sometimes, a divorce can happen through a series of misunderstandings.
For example: Imagine a guy and a woman have just gotten married.
They are in love with each other and they each want to make the other person happy.
The guy might then secretly think something along the lines of, “My wife is a modern woman. She’s emotionally strong and independent and I don’t want to stifle that in her. I’m sure she will be happy if I just let her make all the decisions about our family life. She can pick the furniture for the house, decide on which contractor to use for repairs, decide what we should do on the weekends and generally take care of all the household responsibilities. I won’t interfere with her and whatever she says goes.”
Basically, from his point of view, he’s being a good, loving, supportive husband to her.
In the meantime, his wife might be thinking things like, “Finally I can just relax and be a feminine woman, rather than having to make all the decisions and be the boss all the time.”
This imbalance between their approach to the marriage can then grow into a big issue where he’s thinking things like, “She’s never happy! Regardless of how much I let her have her way. She’s always whining and complaining about something! I’m so sick of her nagging and complaining. What more does she want from me?” and she’s thinking something along the lines of, “I’m so fed up of having to call all the shots. I thought I married a man, not a wuss. I just wish he would grow a backbone and take the lead for once. I’m tired of always being the boss. Why can’t he just man up for once and take care of things rather than always dumping the responsibilities on me?”
These feelings can then fester and grow into unresolved anger, resentment and bitterness.
Then, rather than get to the bottom of the problem, they just give up and decide to get a divorce.
Yet, what they don’t realize is that this issue was something they could easily have fixed.
All that was needed was for the guy to stop trying to make his woman happy by letting her call all the shots and for him to take the lead.
She would then naturally relax into thinking, talking, acting, feeling and behaving like a feminine woman, which is what she wanted all along.
As a result, the relationship dynamic would be in sync, thereby ensuring that neither one of them ever felt the need to break up.
The question you need to ask yourself is: “Were the reasons for our divorce something that could have been fixed?”
If so, it’s not too late to fix things now.
For example: Some of the problems that can arise in a marriage that can cause misunderstandings and then lead to divorce that are totally fixable are…
- A man gives up following through on his personal goals and ignores friends to spend all his time with his wife. As a result, he becomes clingy and needy and she feels smothered by him. However, he can easily fix that by becoming more emotionally independent and focusing more on his own dreams. Of course, that doesn’t mean he neglects his wife. Instead, he takes a more balanced, well-rounded approach to the relationship.
- A man falls into the habit of taking his wife for granted. It’s not that he doesn’t love her or appreciate her anymore, he just doesn’t show it to her via his actions and behavior. As a result, she feels neglected and unloved and decides to leave. To fix that, he needs to pay attention to all the things he used to notice about her when they first fell in love (e.g. her new dress, that she made him a special meal, that she does things to please him) and show her how much he values and appreciates her.
- A man begins treating his wife more like a friend or roommate than a sexy, desirable woman. As a result, the spark dies and she then feels more attracted to other men who make her feel attractive than to her husband. He can easily change that by reactivating her feelings of sexual attraction with flirting.
When you interact with your ex wife and she can see that you’ve become the kind of man she always wanted you to be, her reasons for not wanting you back will automatically fade away.
Her guard will come down and she will naturally begin to interact with you and open up to you more and more.
Reconcile Faster After a Divorce By Avoiding the Following 4 Mistakes
No matter what you may have heard or read, getting your ex wife back is not as impossible as it might seem, even if you’ve already gone through with the divorce.
All it takes is the right approach.
Remember: If she fell in love with you before, enough to make her want to be your wife and spend the rest of her life with you, then she can easily fall in love with you again.
Especially when she realizes that you’re an even better version of the man you were before.
So, don’t give up.
Take action and get your wife back.
Just make sure you don’t turn her off along the way by making these mistakes:
1. Trying to discuss your way back into a relationship
You may have heard the expression “Talk is cheap.”
Essentially what that means with regards to reconciling with your wife is this: You can discuss things as much as you want, but at the end of the day, only your actions will count.
So, if you want your wife back, don’t talk about getting back together.
Instead, make her feel sexually and romantically attracted during interactions so she wants it to happen for her own reasons (e.g. she’s feels good when she’s with you, she’s worried she will regret it if she doesn’t give you another chance).
2. Giving her a sense that you still haven’t fully changed, so the problems you experienced would happen again if you got back together
No one wants to be in a relationship where they feel unhappy, misunderstood or annoyed all the time.
Yet, that’s what your ex wife will experience if she decides to get back with you and you are still stuck at the same level you were at when she divorced you.
This is why, if you want her to open back up to giving you another chance, you have to show her via your attitude, actions, behavior and the way you respond to her that things really will be different this time.
When she can see that you’re now the man she always wanted you to be, getting back together with you will be something she will naturally want to do, because it feels right to her.
3. Failing to create a new story of your future for her to get on board with
Many couples who divorce get bored of their story.
Initially, they had mutual goals (e.g. to buy a house, start a family, go on vacations as a family) that excited them and became a great life story to tell themselves and others.
Yet, after achieving those goals, they didn’t really have much else to aim for that excited them.
So, if you want your ex wife to want to get back with you, you need to make her feel as though there’s still a big, exciting story waiting for you and her to discover together.
On the other hand, if she gets a sense that getting back together will be the equivalent of falling back in a rut, she won’t feel motivated at all.
Then getting her to open back up to you will be a lot more difficult for you.
4. Worrying what others will think of you if you reconcile with her
Maybe are be people (e.g. family or friends) who will say things like, “Why do you want to get back with her? Didn’t you learn your lesson the first time? Hasn’t she hurt you enough?”
Yet, what they say shouldn’t determine what you want.
They don’t know what is in your heart, or in your ex wife’s heart.
Only the two of you know.
So, if you believe that she’s the one for you, don’t let anyone stop you from getting her back.
It’s your decision and your choice.
Millions of men have gotten their ex wife back after a divorce and you can too.
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