When a guy gets broken up with by the woman he loves, he might begin to think, “My life is over now,” or “She means everything to me and without her I am nothing.”
Here’s the thing…
There’s nothing wrong with feeling sad and even depressed when a break up happens, but if you want to get her back, you have to get past that level of emotional response.
You have to quickly get yourself to the point where you love her, but you love yourself more and you know that you would be fine even if you didn’t get her back.
Why?
A woman wants to be loved, appreciated and wanted, but she doesn’t want to be your sole purpose for living.
Women hate that!
Even though some women might SAY that they want a guy to make them his sole purpose for living, they do not actually want that.
A woman wants a man who loves her, appreciates her and wants her, but she does not want to be your “everything” and without her you are “nothing.”
Women are turned off by guys who think less of themselves compared to her and are turned on by men who have high levels of confidence, self-esteem and self-love.
A woman wants a man who feels worthy of her, not a guy who makes her feel like she’s doing him a favor by staying with him.
If a woman feels like she can’t look up to and respect her man, then no matter what he tries to say to convince her to give him another chance (e.g. “You’re my everything” or “I love you more than I love myself”), she just won’t listen because she will be turned off by the fact that he thinks less of himself compared to her.
So, don’t try to convince your ex to give you another chance if you don’t know how to love yourself first.
To love yourself, you need to start focusing on your good qualities AND you also need to reestablish your belief in your attractiveness and value to her.
Watch this video for some examples on how to do that…
When you can reach the point in your life where you want her back but don’t need her back in order to be happy, fulfilled and exited about life again, something amazing happens…
You instantly become more attractive to her and she then begins to doubt her decision to break up with you, even if she doesn’t openly admit it to you.
Yet, if you continue to mope around and spend your time thinking things like, “I hate my life without her,” or “I need her. My life is pointless without her,” she will pick up on your weakness when you interact with her and will just keep saying, “It’s over between us. Please leave me alone.”
Your Relationship With Yourself Sets the Tone For Your Life
It’s a law of nature that you attract what you give out to the world.
For example: Have you ever woken up in a bad mood only to discover that everything else in your day just kept going wrong (e.g. you missed the bus, you were late for a meeting, you spilled spaghetti sauce on your favorite shirt, your coworkers were extra mean or cold that day)?
Alternatively, have you noticed that when you’re feeling happy and positive, everything seems to go right (e.g. you get an unexpected bonus at work, a friend you haven’t seen in a long time invites you out, people are nicer to you)?
Maybe you’ve experienced that while on a holiday or vacation and the reason why is that people can pick up on your good mood and expectation that things will go well.
Your good mood rubs off on them and everyone wins.
So, when you give out feelings of love, self-confidence, emotional strength and a passion for life, you will attract more of those things back to you.
On the other hand, if you give out feelings self-doubt, lack of self-worth and desperation, you will attract those things back to you too.
The same people who would have been nice to you, will doubt you, ignore you and overlook you.
In most cases, the only difference between a guy who is confident, successful and enjoys a great relationship with a woman and a guy who is insecure, unsuccessful and alone, is simply a matter of mindset.
For example:
1. Some guys don’t have much purpose in life, so they doubt their value to women and the world.
When a guy doesn’t have much purpose in life (i.e. he doesn’t have big dreams, goals and ambitions), he might then make his main focus in life all about his relationship with a woman.
He may tell himself, “That’s how a great relationship should be. A guy needs to make his girlfriend/wife the centre of his world and focus all his love, attention and time on her. Nothing else is as important as she is. Who cares about goals and ambitions? All I care about is her!”
What a lot of guys don’t realize is that being emotionally dependant on a woman and making her his purpose in life is the fastest way to lose her respect.
Why?
Although a woman wants to be with a man who is caring, loving and devoted to her, she also wants him to be his own man and have his own purpose in life that is not about her at all.
If a guy focuses all his attention on his woman and cannot function without her, she will begin to think, “Why is he being so clingy? Initially I thought it was because he loves me so much, but now I wonder if it’s simply because he has nothing else going on in his life other than me. He never goes out unless we go out together, he has no friends of his own and he doesn’t even have any big goals or dreams that he is actively following through on. All he ever does is hang around me and if I ever ask him for some alone time, or go out with my friends, he sulks for days. I really thought he was a loving, caring guy in the beginning, but now I can see that he’s an insecure, needy, immature guy who needs me because he has nothing else going on for him. I don’t know if I can stick around for much longer. I need a man, not a boy. He doesn’t make me feel safe because he is basically hiding from his potential behind me and the relationship. I am protecting him…it should be the other way around.”
Then, when she breaks up with him and says that he ruined their relationship with his neediness and insecurity, he might say to himself, “I gave her my all and it still wasn’t enough! What do women want?!!! Even though I loved her more than I loved myself, she still broke up with me. If my love is not enough then I have nothing. I’m such a loser with women and in life. No women is ever going to be love me like my ex. If I gave her all my love and it was worthless, then it shows that I am doomed to be rejected by her and other women for life. I’m just not good enough.”
Here’s the thing though…
It’s natural and normal that a guy might feel down about himself after being dumped by the woman he loves, but saying that he has nothing and that he has no value to women or the world is simply another example of his lack of confidence and self-belief.
So, if your woman has broken up with you and you’re currently feeling down and like life isn’t worth living, ask yourself the following questions:
- What is my purpose in life?
Do you have a big dream or goal in your life?
If not, now is a good time to think about what you really want in life and then take action to make it happen.
If you’re not sure what you want to do with your life, don’t worry, just think about the things that make you happy and that you feel passionate about (other than your ex) and focus on doing something every day that brings you closer to achieving that goal.
For example: You might enjoy practicing a martial art.
If you become a skilled martial artist, you might then discover that you want to be a martial art’s instructor and eventually open your own studio.
Alternatively, you might realize that you only like doing martial arts as exercise, but what you really care about is property investment or your local community or windsurfing or stock trading.
The possibilities are endless.
When you start to focus on the things that excite you and start making progress towards achieving some goals in your life, not only will you realize that you’re not reliant on your ex for your happiness, you will also discover that you have a place in the world and that you are valuable.
- What are the things that I’ve always wanted to see and do?
Again, think about all the things you might have always wanted to see or do but pushed it into the background because of your relationship with your ex.
For example: Have you wanted to go traveling or to visit a particular city or country?
Have you wanted to go after a promotion at work but never bothered?
Have you thought about furthering your education but always stopped yourself?
Whatever those things are for you, now is the time to make them happen.
Making progress in your life without your ex will show her that you’re not just sitting around sulking, feeling sad and rejected.
You are a man who making progress and moving forward in life, with or without her.
However, be warned: Making progress on your own is not the only thing you need to do to get an ex back.
What is MOST important is your ability to attract her when you interact with her again.
You can’t be making the same old mistakes that have turned her off (e.g. letting her push you around, being insecure, sulking, not knowing how to put her in her place when she is out of line) and expect her to want you back.
You have to move beyond the level you were at when she dumped you.
Watch this video for more info…
When your ex gets to experience the new and improved you, she will naturally drop her guard and begin to open up to having real feelings for you again.
It’s a natural, automatic process, so don’t worry about getting it wrong.
You will get it right as long as you have improved your ability to attract her when you interact with her.
- Have I been holding myself back from becoming a better man?
Have you allowed yourself to stagnate and become stuck at a certain level in life?
What could you do that would not only bring you pleasure and take your mind off your ex, but also make you a better man in the process?
For example: You might like to take a cooking or dance class (also a great way to meet new women to make your ex jealous. You don’t have to hook up with those women. Just being around them will make her jealous), or you might prefer to join a hiking club, or begin training for a marathon.
Now is the time to do those things.
When you start to love yourself as much as you love your ex, you will automatically become more attractive to her and to women in general, because women are attracted to a man who is confident about his place in the world and who has a big purpose in his life and isn’t afraid to go make it happen.
Then, when you interact with your ex and she experiences the new, confident, determined you, she will begin to think, “Wow! Now this is the kind of guy I can look up to, respect and feel proud to call my man. Why did I dump him before? I know that I thought I made the right decision before, but now I am second guessing when I said that it was completely over. Maybe it’s not completely over. Maybe there is a chance for us yet.”
2. Some guys think that women will be flattered and feel special if a guy loves her more than he loves himself.
It’s possible that you may have seen a movie or TV show where a guy professes his undying love for his woman by saying something like, “You mean everything to me. You are my reason for living. I love you more than I love myself and if anything had to happen to you, I would rather die than be without you.”
She will then likely burst into tears, fall into his arms and they would live happily ever after, or at least happily up to the end of the movie or TV show.
The same applies for pop songs and music videos.
It’s all fantasy and they keep doing it because millions of clueless people (usually teens and young adults) fall for it and dream about that happening to them.
However, in real life, when a guy puts a woman above himself in terms of value (i.e. he loves her more than he loves himself), rather than make her think, “That’s so sweet. This guy is a keeper,” it usually makes a woman feel more dominant than him, which turns her off.
She then begins to wonder, “Maybe I am too good for this guy. If he doesn’t believe in himself and thinks that I’m better than him, maybe he’s right. Maybe I can do better than him. I don’t want to be with a guy because I’m the only woman who ever gave him a chance. I want a man who I want to be with, not a guy who needs me because no one else wants him.”
Although some women might initially like the idea that a guy loves her so much that he puts her above himself in terms of value, she will eventually get tired of it and dump him.
For example: A guy might constantly ask his girlfriend or wife, “Do you still love me? You wouldn’t leave me would you? You know I wouldn’t be able to live without you? You mean everything to me. Please promise me that you will be faithful to me. I couldn’t bare to live without you. It would completely destroy me if you ever cheated on me.”
That kind of thing is nice in a movie, TV show or music video, but not in real life.
In real life, women hate wimpy, needy guys who essentially put their happiness and confidence in her hands.
If a woman has that much power over a guy, she will usually then begin to boss him around, act cold and indifferent towards him and treat him badly to see if he will stand up to her like a real man, or if he will just put up with it because he needs her so much.
If he just takes whatever she dishes out, she will lose respect and attraction for him and she begin to feel very annoyed by his clingy, needy behavior.
She will then either dump him, or cheat on him and then tell him about it and dump him.
3. Some guys make the mistake of thinking that a woman is all his life should be about.
Sometimes, a guy will feel so lucky to be in a relationship with a beautiful woman that he slowly becomes insecure about losing her.
The idea of being without her, or worse yet, having to go out and find another woman all over again, fills him with fear.
He might then begin to tell himself, “I feel so good with her that if I’m away from her, I just want to finish what I’m doing and be with her. Everything else in life like work, goals, friends or family are just annoying things that I don’t want to pay attention to. I only want to spend time with her because she makes me feel good when I’m with her. Screw the world! I don’t care about having goals. I just want to be with her.”
He might then slowly give up his hobbies and interests and possibly even stop hanging out with his friends, because being with his woman makes him feel safe, wanted and loved and he doesn’t want to risk losing that.
However, what he doesn’t realize is that rather than make a woman think, “Wow, I’m so lucky to have a guy who lives only for me. Women dream about having a guy who makes her his all and here I am living a fairytale,” she is instead thinking, “What is he hiding from? Yes, I love that he loves me and is so caring, considerate and appreciative of me, but I really don’t get a sense that he’s going anywhere in his life. It feels like he’s hiding from the world and is using his love for me as an excuse to become a bigger and better man. He’s afraid to go out and actually have a go at doing something with his life. Do I really want to be stuck with a guy who has no ambitions in his life? What kind of future will we have together? Will I have to mother him and take care of him forever? I don’t want that. I need a real man. A man that I can look up to, respect, depend on and be able to relax into being a feminine woman around him.”
Here’s the thing…
A woman needs her man to be emotionally strong enough to love her, yet at the same time to have the courage to face his life head on with or without her by his side.
If he can do that, she will respect him, feel attracted to him and love him for life.
On the other hand, if he can’t be the emotionally strong man that she needs, she will feel turned off by him at a deep instinctive level and want to get out of the relationship.
So, don’t try to convince your ex to give you another chance if you haven’t reached the point where you love yourself as much as you love her and are now tackling your life head on.
She wants you to be your own man, with or without her.
She wants you to love her and want her in your life, but to not need her anymore.
When You Love Yourself She Can Look Up to You and Respect You
What you think about yourself matters.
When you are full of love for yourself and for others (even if they don’t love you back), you automatically become much more attractive, charismatic and appealing.
You will strive to reach your true potential as a man and make your mark in the world, regardless of what anyone else has to say about it.
On the other hand, if you hide behind a woman and allow your fears and insecurities to dominate you life, not only will it be very difficult to get your ex back, but it will also be very difficult to find another woman.
Don’t do that to yourself.
Instead, focus on being a confident man who loves himself and is moving forward in life towards bigger and better success every day, every week and every month.
Every step you take towards achieving your goals is a step closer to unlocking the greatness inside you.
You don’t have to have achieved all of your goals to feel like you are good enough for your ex (or any other woman).
Feel as though you are good enough NOW, while also working hard to get to where you want to be in life.
Then, when you interact with your ex and she sees the man you have become, not only will her feelings of respect and attraction come flowing back, she will also start worrying that if she doesn’t get back with you, some other lucky woman will snag you.
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