It depends.
Sometimes threatening divorce is just a ploy to get you to treat her better, or to gain some power over you in the relationship.
Other times, it’s a way to hopefully get you off her back about her bad behavior, so she doesn’t have to change anything.
Yet, sometimes it is serious and she is honestly planning on going through with a divorce at this stage.
So, here are 6 ways to know if she is being serious:
1. She has threatened you with divorce many times before and is now trying to get the process started for real
Most relationships go through ups and downs and arguments may sometimes seem very serious (e.g. a wife goes to stay with friends or family for a weekend, she moves out of the master bedroom into a spare room for a little while, she gets so angry that she says she’s had enough, she threatens to get a divorce, etc).
Yet, in most cases, these difficulties get worked out and the relationship becomes even more solid than before if the man approaches it correctly.
If the man approaches it correctly and is able to make the relationship better than before, then her threat of divorce becomes a distant and sometimes even forgotten memory.
As far as she is concerned, they simply went through a bad patch, fixed things up and are now happy, more in love and more connected to each other than ever before.
Yet, for other couples, the arguments and disagreements don’t ever get resolved properly.
Instead, after every quarrel or argument, the woman becomes more and more distant and withdrawn.
She loves her husband and wants to be with him, but she feels increasingly open to the idea of divorcing him, so she doesn’t have to put up with all the stress and arguments anymore.
As a result, she starts trying to get the divorce process happening.
For example:
- She begins to divide things that they’ve usually handled together (e.g. she splits the bills, gets a separate bank account).
- She starts cleaning out her closets, putting things into bags and eventually some of her things seem to be disappearing (i.e. she has moved them to a friend’s house, to her parent’s place, into storage).
- She makes plans for future events without including him (e.g. going to a school event with the children, attending a friend’s wedding/birthday party).
- She starts talking about them as though they are no longer married.
- She brings up quotes she has read about divorce, information she has found out or references articles about divorce when talking to her husband.
- She has an initial consultation with a lawyer, or reaches out for help with a local counseling service that helps women go through the divorce process.
- She begins talking about how to handle life after divorced (e.g. visiting the children, selling your home, splitting any additional assets).
If your wife has been behaving in any of those ways or something similar, then it’s highly likely that she really does want a divorce this time.
Yet, that doesn’t mean she will go through with it.
You can still change how she feels.
You can change how she feels by reactivating her feelings of respect, attraction and love and then building on it.
When you change her feelings for you, her thoughts about getting a divorce automatically begin to change as well.
Suddenly, the idea of a divorce seems too drastic and unnecessary, especially since things are going well between you and her again.
Another sign that your wife really wants a divorce this time is…
2. She no longer feels like she would be embarrassed to admit to family, friends and coworkers that you and her are divorcing
Even though divorce is quite common these days, many women still feel embarrassed to become a divorcee.
In most cases, a woman had her family and friends at the wedding and you and her seemed so in love.
So, she most likely doesn’t want to ruin that perception for her family and friends by getting divorced.
She will want to maintain an image that things are fine, or at least okay between you and her, rather than seeming like a failure to her friends and family.
This is why, if your wife has been telling her family and friends that she wants to divorce you, then it’s a strong sign that she is serious about it this time.
Of course, nothing is set in stone until the divorce papers are signed.
This means you still have plenty of time to change her mind and make her want to make the marriage work.
Another sign that your wife really wants a divorce is…
3. She has somewhere else to live and is making plans to move there
An unhappy wife can talk about getting a divorce for years and years, without ever following through on it.
I know that from seeing my parent’s marriage, where my mother has been unhappy and complaining about my father for over a decade.
She has never left him though.
In my marriage to my beautiful wife, I don’t experience that because I’ve know how to have a happy, in love relationship that is full of mutual respect, attraction and love.
Yet, I’ve seen my mother complain about my father for so long and she has even talked to me about wanting to get a divorce from him.
One of the main reasons she hasn’t done it is that she doesn’t have a job, doesn’t have a license and has essentially relied on my father do take care of everything the entire marriage.
So, even though feels stuck and unhappy, I doubt that she would ever leave him.
How about your marriage though?
Do you think your wife is capable of leaving you?
If your wife begins to pack up her stuff or is making plans to move out, it’s definitely is a strong sign that she’s serious about the divorce this time.
What you need to do is maintain your composure and avoid saying and doing things that you will regret later on (e.g. begging and pleading with her to change her mind, insulting her, accusing her of cheating on you, saying things like, “If you leave now, don’t ever come back!” or crying to her).
Instead, just accept her decision, so she feels like she is losing you now.
For example: You can say something along the lines of, “Even though I don’t want you to go, I won’t make this any more difficult for you than it already is. So, if you want to move out, then I accept your decision. If you want to go through with a divorce, then I will have to accept that as well. However, all I ask is for you to maintain an open mind and not rush into anything right away.”
By handling her decision to leave in such an emotionally strong and mature way, you will automatically spark new feelings of respect for you.
When a woman feels respect for, she can then feel attracted to you so much more easily.
So, when she feels sparks of respect and attraction, she will naturally begin to doubt her decision to leave.
As a result, she may begin thinking things like, “Well, maybe we can make our marriage work after all. Maybe divorce is just too drastic. There’s no harm in giving him another chance.”
From that point, you just need to focus on using interactions that you have with her to fully reawaken her feelings for you, so she falls back in love with you and no longer wants a divorce.
Another sign that your wife really wants a divorce this time is…
4. She no longer wants to be married because she just wants to be free to do whatever she wants
Sometimes a woman will get married fairly young, or she marry her first love and initially feel happy about it.
At the time, she might feel 100% certain that she has made the right decision to marry and have no desire to get out there and live the single life (i.e. hooking up with random men, have fun, sexual relationships that last weeks or months, crushing on a guy and getting him to fall for her, experiencing the drama and excitement of dating multiple men at once).
Yet, if her marriage stops living up to her expectations and gradually becomes boring and stale, her 100% certainty might change to 50% and then less.
As a result, she may begin to think, “Maybe I settled down too early. I never got to experience enough of my life on my own. I’ve always just followed my husband, but I don’t respect him anymore to follow him. I want to do things that I want. I want to be free to be myself and make my own decisions.”
In some cases, a wife might then begin to behave in a more selfish manner (e.g. she goes out to bars or parties with her friends even though she knows her husband doesn’t approve of it, she accepts a promotion at work that involves a lot of traveling without discussing it with him first, she takes up a new hobby that requires her to meet new people).
She doesn’t care how it makes her husband feel because she is already beginning to move on without him and is happy about it.
If her husband then tries to stop her by saying things like, “Why are you behaving like this? We’re married, or have you forgotten? This is not how a good wife behaves” she might feel a bit guilty about it.
Yet, if she has lost too much respect, attraction and love for him to really care anymore, or if she has been having a great time without him and feels more alive than ever before, she might decide to ignore his attempts to control her and start moving towards a divorce, so she can enjoy her freedom without him.
Another sign that your wife really wants a divorce this time is…
5. She hasn’t been in love with you for a long time and has fallen in love with another man
When a woman is happily married and in love with her husband, she won’t want to ruin that by cheating on her husband, or leaving him for another man.
It doesn’t matter how many men try to hit on her; she will simply reject them or ignore them because she has no interest in pursuing another relationship, when she is already so happy and content in the relationship she has with her husband.
Yet, if a woman falls out of love with her husband, then she might decide to open herself up to being seduced by another man, or falling in love with another man and pursuing a relationship with him instead.
So, if she then happens to meet a new man who makes her feel the way she wants to feel (e.g. attracted, in love, excited, respected, appreciated), she will naturally feel drawn to him.
She might then begin to seriously consider divorcing her husband and starting a new relationship with the new man.
Of course, if her husband reacts quickly and begins giving her the attraction experience she wanted all along, she won’t want to risk ruining her marriage for a relationship that might not even work out.
So, if you don’t want to lose your wife and go through the horrors of a divorce, I recommend that you focus on allowing her to experience a new type of attraction with you.
Understand the parts of the attraction experience that have been missing and which she has most likely been seeking or wanting to experience with a new man.
When you understand what has been missing, begin letting her experience it with you.
Don’t tell her all about it.
Just do it.
Women don’t like it when a man says, “I’m going to try to attract you in this way” or, “I’ve been learning about attraction and I’ve realized that I’ve been too soft with you” and so on.
Instead, women love it when a man figures out what he needs to do to attract her and then does it, without having to get into a discussion about it.
If he discusses it all with her, his efforts can seem forced or fake, which takes the romance out of it.
Yet, if he suddenly changes and is able to make her feel new sparks of attraction, she feels amazed and excited about the new dynamic between them.
As a result, the new man that she has been opening herself up to emotionally suddenly feels like an imposter in your marriage and she wants to distance herself from him.
When she feels that way, she turns back to you and you can then guide both of you into deeper feelings of respect, attraction and love that keep you together for life.
As her feelings come back to life and deepen, the thought of being with another man feels wrong to her.
It feels like she would be losing out because she knows that there’s no guarantee the new man would be able to make her feel the way you do.
Another sign that your wife really wants a divorce this time is…
6. She is speaking to lawyers about it
If your wife has been speaking to lawyers, or if you have received a lawyer’s letter stating her intent to divorce you, then she’s probably serious about following through with it.
Of course, that doesn’t mean she will completely go through with it because everyone knows how expensive and emotionally stressful a divorce can be.
So, just because she is currently talking to lawyers, it doesn’t mean that you should give up on saving your marriage.
You can still change her mind.
Feelings change all the time.
Think about it…
There was a time when you were a complete stranger to her and she felt nothing for you because she didn’t know you.
Then, when you start dating, she was thinking things like, “I think I’m falling for him. I wonder if he’s the one. Maybe we’ll get married one day.”
As your relationship progressed, she then got to the point where she wanted to be your wife, start a family and spend the rest of her life with you.
Then, there were times where you and her had a serious argument and she disconnected from her feelings of love for you, only to then forgive you and love you again.
As you can see, your wife’s feelings have always changed for better or worse and back again, which means they can change once again.
The fact is, when you reawaken her feelings of respect and attraction for you, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling drawn to you again in a way that feels good to her.
Even if she tries to resist the feeling or hide it from you, it will be there in the background of her mind.
If you continue to make her new sparks of respect, attraction and love, something inside of her will switch back on.
She will realize that the relationship between you and her isn’t over.
As a result, her heart will open back up to you.
Then, the idea of divorcing you and losing you forever will be something that scares her and fills her with feelings of regret, rather than something she’s looking forward to.
Avoid These Mistakes While Trying to Change Her Mind About the Divorce
1. Panicking and beginning to promise the world to her if she changes her mind
When a man suddenly realizes that his wife is on the verge of leaving him, he might start promising her all sorts of things in a desperate attempt to make her change her mind.
For example: He might…
- Promise that she can get her way and he will do whatever she wants without argument from now on.
- Promise to spend more time at home with her and stop pursuing his goals and ambitions.
- Offer to take on more chores around the house so she can relax or go hang out with her friends.
- Offer to work longer hours to earn extra money, so that they don’t always have to feel like they’re living from paycheck to paycheck.
- Promise to be more available to drive the children to school or to drive them to their hobby classes, or extracurricular learning.
- Offer to take her on regular romantic vacations and weekends away, even if they can’t really afford it.
Although a wife might be surprised to see how willing her husband is to save the marriage, his actions will almost certainly seem desperate, which will cause her to lose respect and attraction for him.
Here’s the thing…
A wife doesn’t want her husband saying things he doesn’t really mean and promising to do things he doesn’t really want to do, just so she stays married to him.
That seems fake, forced and desperate, which isn’t attractive to a woman.
Instead, what a wife wants to see is that her husband understands the real problems in the relationship and is calmly, confidently and genuinely making adjustments and improvements because he cares.
She doesn’t want to see him offering her the world because he’s feeling desperate, or being willing to hand over all of his power to her to make her stay.
So, rather than making big promises to your wife about things that probably don’t matter much to her (e.g. promising to take her out more or take her on regular vacations, when what she actually wants is for you to just genuinely appreciate her), focus on making her feel differently based on how you interact with her.
For example: Rather than getting frustrated when she isn’t seeing things your way, try to ask more questions so you can understood her point of view first.
Then, talk about some of the things you agree with regarding her point of view, so she feels understood.
Then, ask her what she understands about your point of view and praise her when she is on the right track, rather than just pointing out what she doesn’t understand about your point of view.
When you approach interactions in a way that causes her to feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you, she naturally starts to feel like a divorce is unnecessary.
Yet, if you panic and offer her the world so she will hopefully stay, it will make her lose respect and attraction for you due to most likely appearing a bit desperate.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
2. Crying and pleading with her to not go through with it
Even though divorce is common in today’s world, it’s still a horrible thing for a couple to go through personally.
It can be extremely stressful, emotionally draining, embarrassing and soul destroying to say the least.
So, it’s understandable that if a wife threatens her husband with divorce, he might feel a bit emotional about it.
Yet, if he wants to maintain what is left of her respect and attraction for him and build some more of it back, then he needs to maintain control of his emotions like a real man.
That doesn’t mean he can’t or shouldn’t feel anything.
That’s impossible and it’s unnecessary, of course.
Instead, maintaining control of your emotions like a real man, means feeling the emotions, but not breaking down into tears like a woman does.
Although it’s politically correct these days to say, “Oh, it’s okay for men to cry. Men should be able to cry like women do,” the fact is that women do not feel attracted to men who break down and cry when under pressure.
So, if a husband breaks down, cries and begs and pleads with his wife to change her mind, rather than make her think, “Wow! He must really love me if he’s crying! I can’t leave him now. I have to make our marriage work now,” she will instinctively feel turned off by him.
She might be nice to him and give him a hug, but secretly she will be feeling turned off.
Why?
A woman’s attraction to a guy is based mostly on his ability to make her feel as though she can look up to him and respect him.
Breaking down into tears and begging and pleading simply doesn’t make a woman look up to a man.
Instead, she looks down on him and in many cases, feels deeply disappointed with the man she married.
Women yearn to feel safe and protected by a man who doesn’t crumble under pressure and if a woman’s husband can’t offer her that feeling, it’s more of a turn off that most men will ever realize.
So, when a husband is pleading, crying and being emotionally weak and needy, he isn’t going to accomplish his goal of making her love him and never want to leave him.
Instead, she will feel compelled to try to go through with the divorce, so she can set herself free from the weak man that he has become.
It may seem harsh, especially after all he has done for her and all they have been through, but attraction is attraction.
Women simply aren’t attracted to emotional weakness and if a woman is on the verge of wanting a divorce, crying to her and pleading with her simply makes her feel more motivated to want to go through with it.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
3. Trying to make her feel guilty about how it will affect your children or extended family
Sometimes, when a man doesn’t know how else to convince his wife not to divorce him, he might try to guilt trip her into staying.
For example: He might say something like, “What will we say to our family? You know how much my parents love you. You will break their heart. Do you really want to put them through a divorce? Think about them. It’s not fair to them.”
If they also happen to have children, he might say, “What will happen to our children? Do you really want them being forced to grow up in a broken home? They’re still so young and they need both of their parents. Do you want to be responsible for tearing us all apart like that?”
Yet, regardless of whether or not his arguments are valid, a modern woman doesn’t want to feel like she’s being forced into sticking with a man out of a sense of duty to others.
She has seen way too many examples on TV of women divorcing men and being happy afterwards, or has heard from coworkers who’ve gone through it and they have still managed to continue on in life without their husband.
So, if you don’t want your wife to go through with a divorce, don’t try to make her feel bad (i.e. guilty, selfish, careless) about it all.
Instead, focus on making her feel good again (i.e. happy, attracted, in love), so she naturally wants to forget all about the divorce and just stick with you.
Only when her feelings change will she happily change her mind, because it’s something that she wants to do, rather a favor that she is doing for you, or a duty that she is being guilt-tripped into feeling like she needs to uphold.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
4. Not changing your approach to attraction, but then expecting her to feel sexual and romantic love for you
If your recent approach to making your wife want to stay married to you hasn’t been working, don’t keep doing it.
Try something new.
Something that has been proven to work by men all over the world who have found themselves in a situation like yours.
If you keep using the same old approach with her and expecting her to suddenly like it, she’s just going to feel determined to go through with the divorce.
You can make her fall in love with you again and never want to even talk about divorce again, but you have to be willing to give her a new attraction experience.
Let her see that if she lost you, she would lose the love of her life and may never find another man quite like you again.
Of course, don’t tell her that.
Make her feel it.
That is what works.
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