5 common reasons why that happens and how to get her back:
1. She was initially attracted to you, but your approach to the relationship set off alarm bells for her
This can often happen when a woman has had a fair bit of experience with relationships, or has had one bad relationship with a guy who displayed qualities early on that she overlooked, only to realize when it was already too late (i.e. she had fallen in love with him) that his approach was unattractive to her.
Initially, she might have tried to make excuses for his behavior and convince herself that he’s still the same guy she initially felt attracted to.
Yet, over time, it became clear to her that his attitude, thinking and behavior were turning her off at a deep instinctive level, so she then broke up with him.
For example: Some of the things that can erode a woman’s feelings when in a relationship with a guy are…
- He started off being nice and laid back and enjoyed letting her do her own thing from time to time (e.g. hang out with her friends, pursue her own interests or hobbies), but gradually he became overly domineering and controlling and insisted on doing things his way.
- Initially, he came across as being honest and reliable, but slowly she started to notice how he constantly broke his promises to her, lied to her and was generally untrustworthy.
- At the start of the relationship he was always nice and sweet to her and treated her like a princess, but once he felt more comfortable with her (e.g. after a few weeks or so), he became mean and disrespectful towards her.
- Initially, the sex between them was tender and loving, but gradually became hard and aggressive.
- When she met him he seemed confident and emotionally independent, but once she became his girl, he revealed to her how insecure and unsure of himself her really was by being clingy and needy to the point where she felt smothered by him.
- Initially, when he got angry or annoyed with her she wrote it off to him being an emotionally strong, volatile man (i.e. a bad boy) and it seemed sexy to her, but once in the relationship, the anger turned to aggression and violence and made her feel stressed out and unsafe.
This then led to her breaking up with him.
Of course, if she then got into a relationship with a new guy and after the initial thrill of excitement started to wear off, she began to notice the same, or similar, patterns of behavior as her ex, it set off alarm bells for her.
She may then have started thinking things like, “I know I shouldn’t compare him to my ex, but there are too many warning signs for me to ignore them. He’s acting and behaving in ways that indicate to me that he’s going to change into the kind of guy I don’t want to be in a relationship with (e.g. too jealous and controlling, needy and clingy, boring and predictable). I just don’t think I can handle falling in love again and having everything come crashing down like it did with my ex. I need to break up with him now while I’m still not that emotionally involved with him. It will hurt a little bit, but if I wait too long, it will hurt a lot more.”
This might then have led to her breaking up with him to avoid falling in love and then having to go through the disappointment and pain of a breakup when he started displaying characteristics and behaviors that turned her off.
Here’s the thing…
If your ex dumped you after a month of dating, it may be because certain aspects of your thinking and behavior made her worry that you would turn into the kind of man she’s trying to avoid (e.g. jealous, controlling, clingy, needy, untrustworthy, neglectful, boring).
Of course, that might not be the truth about you as a person, but in her eyes, your approach to attraction made her believe that it was a possibility and that’s not a risk she was willing to take.
So, if you want to get her back, you have to change how she perceives you.
In other words, you need to show her that you’re at a different level now, every time you interact with her on the phone or in person (e.g. by using humor to make her feel relaxed and happy to be talking to you again, being confident and emotionally independent, being more of a challenge).
When she sees for herself that you have transformed yourself into the type of man she always wanted you to be, she will start feeling attracted to you in the ways that have always been secretly important to her.
Her guard then comes down and the idea of giving you another chance starts to feel good to her.
Another common reason why a guy will get dumped after a month of dating is…
2. It felt more like a friendship because there wasn’t much of a sexual spark between you and her
Sometimes, a woman might get into a relationship with a man she perceives as being a good guy.
This is often the case when a woman has been dating bad boys who have hurt her and she then thinks to herself something along the lines of, “I’ve had it with dating jerks. The next man I get into a relationship with is going to be a nice guy who is going to treat me like a princess and make me feel special and cared for.”
So, when a good man comes along and makes her feel the way she wants (e.g. spoiled, pampered, indulged), she will decide to get into a relationship with him, even though she doesn’t really feel a strong sexual attraction for him at the onset.
Of course, initially, she might overlook that by telling herself things like, “Lust and sexual excitement are not that important in a relationship. However, loyalty, kindness and respect are. So, it doesn’t matter that there are no sparks between us. We care about each other and that is more than enough.”
Yet, over time, she will usually realize that without that all-important sexual spark, the relationship is a friendship, not a romantic relationship.
As a result, even though she may really like the guy, she just doesn’t feel attracted to him and so staying in the relationship doesn’t appeal to her anymore.
She will then dump him and try to find herself a man who is a good guy, but who also makes her feel strong surges of sexual and romantic attraction for him.
The good news is, you can be that guy.
You just need to make sure that every time you interact with her from now on, you’re sparking her feelings of attraction for you by making her feel feminine and girly, rather than behaving like a nice, neutral friend to her.
Even though you’re broken up, you can still talk to her in a way that makes her feel sexy and wanted.
Don’t be afraid to talk to her in that way.
If she senses that you are afraid to own your attraction for her in an emotionally masculine way and are instead feeling like you’re not allowed to flirt with her and show interest, she will lose respect for you for being intimidated by her.
Remember: A woman does not want to feel more emotionally dominant than you.
So, don’t be afraid to flirt with her and create some sexual tension between you again.
The more you build up her feelings of attraction and respect inside of her, the more drawn to you she will feel in a new and exciting way.
She may then hook up with you one more time to see how she feels.
You then just need to blow her mind and show her that not only are you a good guy who cares for her and treats her well, there’s also definitely a strong spark of sexual attraction between you and her.
When you do that, she will want to get back with you as quickly as possible to make sure no other woman realizes how amazing you really are.
Another common reason why you got dumped after a month of dating is…
3. She felt bored by the lack of challenge
This is not something that most women will admit, but being with a guy who is too easy to be around (e.g. he is nice and sweet and always agrees with her and lets her have her way) is actually not attractive to her.
Yet, many guys are confused by what they see on the TV or internet and end up thinking that being very nice, agreeable, stable and predictable is something a woman will look for and appreciate in a man.
As a result, a guy like that will do everything ‘by the book’ to keep his woman happy in the relationship.
For example: He will usually…
- Avoid confrontations with her and just agree to whatever she wants regardless of how unreasonable she’s being or how badly she treats him.
- Give up things that mean a lot to him (e.g. hanging out with his friends, his hobbies and interests) just to be available to her and give her his undivided attention.
- Allow her to always get her way, even if it means giving up things he really wants to do
- Commit to her all too easily. Yet, she doesn’t want that dynamic to then turn into one where she is the more valuable one in the relationship and doesn’t feel motivated to impress you anymore.
- Shower her with tokens of his affection (e.g. gifts, flowers, romantic nights out).
Yet, rather than make a woman feel happy and loved in the relationship, she usually just feels bored and unchallenged.
She may then dump him and look for a guy who will make her feel like she needs to work hard to impress him and make him want her, rather than it being so easy that she loses interest right away or within a month of dating.
Here’s the thing…
For your ex to dump you so quickly, it could be because it was all too easy to get you to commit to her (e.g. you were so eager to make her your girl that you did everything her way just to keep her).
Of course, initially, she will likely have felt flattered by all the attention, but soon your devotion became uncomfortable to her.
Why?
She didn’t want that dynamic to then turn into one where she felt like the more valuable one in the relationship and as a result, no longer felt motivated to impress you anymore.
So, even though you were likely treating her well and being loving and attentive, she still lost interest and dumped you.
The fact is, regardless of how nice you may have been to your ex, if you haven’t been making her feel the way she really wants to feel (e.g. respectful towards you, attracted and excited to have you as her man, eager to continue pleasing and impressing you), she’s not going to care.
A woman wants to feel that her man is a catch, not like she’s doing him a favor by being with him.
So, if you want to reactivate your ex’s sexual and romantic feelings for you and make her feel motivated to hold on to you, treat you well and be a good woman to you, then be a bit more of a challenge to her during interactions.
That doesn’t mean you should be a jerk who treats her without respect or bullies her.
Instead, you just need to stand up to her in a loving, but assertive way and make her want to please you, rather than being a good little boy who never says or does anything to upset her.
Another common reason why you got dumped after a month of dating is…
4. She used you as a rebound to get over an ex
If your ex girl got into a relationship with you immediately or shortly after breaking up with another man, then chances are high that you were her rebound guy.
That means, she could have been using you to make herself feel better (e.g. by proving that she is still attractive enough to attract other men), so that she can then get over her ex and move on.
Of course, some rebound relationships do last and can even turn into a lifelong commitment (i.e. if the guy is able to make her feel more respect, attraction and love than her ex), but the majority don’t.
Why?
In most rebound cases, the new guy (i.e. the rebound) isn’t everything a woman is looking for in a man.
Instead, he’s usually the opposite of what her ex was, which helps her calm down and recover from the stress of her broken relationship.
For example:
- If her ex became overbearing and controlling, her rebound guy might be more relaxed and easygoing.
- If her ex was too assertive and a control freak, her rebound will likely be more timid and submissive around her.
- If her ex had a wandering eye and made her feel insecure and worried that he would cheat on her, she might go for a rebound guy who is unsure of himself and is a bit more clingy and needy.
- However, that doesn’t mean she wants these qualities in a man in the long term.
It’s just a way for her to make herself feel appreciated, safe and loved for a little while, after the bad experience with her ex.
Yet, when her self-esteem is boosted back up by all the nice treatment from her rebound, she realizes that although he’s a nice guy, he doesn’t give her the attraction experience she really wants from a man (e.g. because he’s too much of a pushover, he’s not manly enough, she feels more emotionally dominant than him).
So, if your ex dumped you after a month of dating, it may be because you didn’t quite fill the role of her ideal man.
However, that doesn’t mean you can’t become that man.
When you change your approach to romance with her and begin making her feel attracted in the ways that she wants (e.g. by maintaining your confidence with her no matter what she says or does to upset you, you use humor to change her mood from angry or sad to happy and relaxed, you flirt with her to create sexual tension, you show her via your attitude, actions and behavior that you’ve leveled up as man), she won’t be able to walk away like she originally intended to.
Suddenly, she looks at you and realizes that you have everything she has been looking for.
As a result, she wants to get back together again or risk regretting her decision to dump you, for the rest of her life.
Another common reason why you got dumped after a month of dating is…
5. The relationship felt awkward
This can happen when a guy is emotionally guarded and doesn’t open up or express his emotions in a way that makes a woman feel as though the relationship is making progress (i.e. they’re moving through the levels of the relationship from initial attraction, to deep liking, to being in love).
Instead, she gets a sense that she wants more from him than he’s willing to give, so the relationship feels unbalanced and awkward to her.
So, rather than continue to put in the effort and get a sense that she’s bumping her head against a closed door (i.e. his inability to open up to her emotionally), she may decide to just move on and find a man who is able to express his emotions in a manly, yet open way.
Alternatively, the relationship might begin feeling awkward if a woman senses that the guy is putting on an act of being nicer and more reserved than he actually is, or wants to be.
Instead, he’s basically not being himself in order to impress her and get her to want to be with him.
Then, when in the relationship, she realizes that the guy she initially felt attracted to is not really the guy she’s with now.
For example:
- He’s not as confident as he pretended to be and is instead quite insecure, and that causes him to be clingy, needy or jealous and controlling.
- He’s not as nice and sweet as he was at the beginning and is actually more of a selfish, egotistical bully.
- He’s not really interested in the same things as her (e.g. music, art, movies, books) and he just said he was to make her like him.
- This naturally makes her feel uncomfortable in the relationship with him, because he’s not the guy she was initially attracted to.
So, rather than sticking around and trying to make it work, she breaks up with him and attempts to move on.
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