Here are 10 of the most common reasons why a dumper will send mixed signals, or appear to be sending mixed signals:
1. She sometimes feels drawn to you again, but then loses interest
For example: After getting dumped, a guy might realize that he was too insecure in the relationship.
So, to convince her that he’s changed and is no longer the insecure guy she dumped, he might pretend to be more confident, self-assured and emotionally independent when interacting with her.
When she sees that he’s less insecure than he used to be, she naturally feels drawn to him again.
Yet, at some point, his true (insecure) self starts to come through.
She then realizes that he hasn’t really changed and has only been pretending.
As a result, she assumes that a relationship with him would be the same and she’d just end up having to dump him again.
So, she then loses interest and stops sending positive signals.
2. She is stringing you along to keep you showing interest in her
In many cases, a woman isn’t as confident as she appears.
Even if she is the dumper, it doesn’t mean she won’t ever feel insecure, lonely or worry about being left behind (i.e. if her ex moves on before she does).
So, if your ex is sending mixed signals (i.e. showing interest one day, but not the next, or showing interest in some ways, but showing a lack of interest in other ways), it could be because…
- She doesn’t want to feel alone. She wants to see that you still care about her and feel like she could get you back any time if she wants to.
- She wants to maintain her position as the dumper (i.e. she is in control and will decide whether you and her can get back together or not).
- She wants to punish you for hurting her, or for wasting her time in a relationship that didn’t work out.
- She wants to have you as a safety net, or backup plan if she can’t find herself a new man to move on with.
3. She is testing to see how you react
For Example:
- Will you lose control of your emotions (e.g. get angry, upset or even cry to her for messing you around by sending mixed signals)? If yes, then she’ll feel turned off by your lack of manliness.
- Will you lose interest because you’re not that interested in her anyway? If yes, then she will push herself to move on, rather than wasting more time with a guy who doesn’t really want to be with her anyway.
- Will you become needy and plead with her (e.g. ask her why she is doing that to you, tell her you’ll do anything to make the relationship work)? If yes, she will feel turned off by your emotional weakness, lack of awareness of what women really want and lack of emotional manliness.
- Will you give up because you don’t feel confident in your value to her anymore? If yes, she will feel turned off by your insecurity and emotional weakness.
- Will you try to discuss the relationship with her via text because you’re too afraid to call her? If yes, then she will become annoyed, frustrated and tired of discussing things with you via text.
- Will you ask her how she feels? If yes, then she will almost certainly say that she doesn’t feel attracted and in love. Why? Simply by asking a woman that question you are displaying a lack of confidence, which is unattractive to women. So, in that moment, she will feel turned off by you and voice what she is feeling. Women go with how they feel, which is why you need to focus on re-attracting her and guiding her through the ex back process, rather than discussing things with her or hoping that she takes pity on you.
4. She doesn’t want to hurt your feelings with a clear lack of interest
Sometimes a woman feels bad for breaking up with a guy.
It’s not that she regrets her decision.
Instead, she just doesn’t like seeing him go through the pain of being dumped.
So, rather than hurting him even more by cutting off contact completely, or by being cold or distant during interactions, she will continue being nice to him from time to time.
It’s her way of letting him down gently as she moves on.
Unfortunately though, in some cases, a guy misinterprets her being nice, or adding in a smiley or love heart emoji, or an xxx when texting him, as a sign that she’s still interested, or that he is ‘almost there’ in his quest to get her back.
So, when he starts dropping hints about them getting back together, she automatically closes herself off or shows disinterest because she doesn’t want to lead him on and give him false hope.
From his point of view, it seems as though she’s sending mixed signals.
From her point of view, she’s no longer attracted to him and was just being nice.
How can he get her back in a situation like that?
Focus on re-attracting her, rather than just being her nice, texting buddy.
Get her on a phone call (video or audio) and attract her and then get her to meet up in person.
Then, fully re-attract her and get her back.
Don’t make the mistake of being her texting buddy and hoping that one day, she will suddenly develop feelings for you.
So many guys do that and end up disappointed and heartbroken (once again) when their ex girlfriend says that she’s met a new guy, is in a relationship with him, is happy and no longer wants to communicate.
5. She is trying to show you that she is interested, but you just keep texting her
Some guys need a woman to make it 100% clear that she is interested before they’ll feel confident enough to make a move to get her back.
So, when a woman only shows a bit of interest, a guy like that doesn’t know what to do.
As a result, he sticks to texting back and forth in the hope that she will make her feelings 100% clear to him.
Yet, even if a woman still has feelings for her ex and is actually hoping that they’ll get back together, she will rarely make it obvious.
Why?
Some common reasons:
- She wants him to show her that he is confident and manly enough to take action and go after what he wants, rather than needing her to hold his hand through the process and encourage him along.
- She doesn’t want to show a lot of interest and then get rejected by him, if he eventually changes his mind.
- She doesn’t want him to think that he can get her back without actually changing anything about himself.
As a result, she ends up sending mixed signals, rather than making it obvious that she is keen to get back together.
So, if all you’ve really been doing is texting back and forth in the hope that she will give you clearer signs before you make a move, you need to take things to the next level.
The point of sending any text to your ex should be to get her on a phone call (audio or video), so you can then properly attract her (i.e. by letting her experience your new and improved confidence, or ability to flirt with her and create sexual tension).
If you do that, she will be very keen to meet up with you and will be looking forward to the possibility that you and her will hug, kiss and have sex again.
On the other hand, if you just stick to text, she will almost certainly end up getting bored, annoyed or thinking that she’s wasting her time with you.
When that happens, she will push herself to move on by dating, sleeping with and opening herself up to falling in love with new men.
6. She’s keeping you around as a backup plan, for now
In some cases, a woman hates the idea of being single and not having a man desiring her and wanting to be with her.
So, she will keep an ex around until she finds a replacement man.
Yet, she won’t show too much interest, in case it makes her ex feel confident enough to pursue her for real.
Instead, she’ll send him mixed signals to keep him feeling uncertain about what she wants and hopefully prevent him from being able to move on before she does.
If she struggles to find a good enough replacement man, she might open back up to her ex, but if he hasn’t changed, she will plan to dump him again when she’s ready.
Alternatively, if she is able to move on, she will suddenly stop communicating with her ex, or will tell him to leave her alone.
So, if your ex is currently open to communicating with you, don’t just be her Plan B.
Be her Plan A by attracting her in new, exciting and interesting ways that compel her to get back with you and stay with you.
7. She honestly does feel like she still loves you, but wants to keep trying to move on without you
Sometimes a woman will start dating a new guy after a breakup, but still secretly be missing her ex and struggling to get over him.
Despite that, she will keep pushing herself to move on.
Why?
In many cases, it’s because she tried to fix the relationship with her ex while they were together, but he could never figure out, or truly understand what she wanted, or he wasn’t able to change and level up (e.g. stop being so insecure, be more manly in his behavior and actions, be more emotionally attractive to her).
Alternatively, they might have gone through several breakups and gotten back together, but nothing really ever changed and the same kind of problems remained.
So, even though she does still love him, she doesn’t want to waste more time and go through another breakup (e.g. 2-3 years from now) when she’s older, less attractive and less fertile.
The older women get, the more difficult it is for them to find quality men who are honestly attracted to them and genuinely want to settle down.
For example: A woman who is 21 will be attractive to most men, but when she is 31, fewer and fewer men will find her attractive.
Then, if she stuffs up at 31 and gets into a relationship that breaks up when she is 35, she will be even less attractive to men after that.
So, women feel more of an urgency to find the right man to settle down with as early on as possible, whereas men don’t really have to worry about that because men usually become more attractive to women as they age (i.e. between 25 to 45).
BTW: If your ex still does feel some love for you, but is pushing herself to move on, it doesn’t mean you have no chance with her now.
You simply need to understand how to attract her in ways that compel her to get back with you and stick with you from now on.
8. She still feels guilty for leaving you so easily or suddenly
In most cases, a woman will slowly disconnect from her feelings for a guy, weeks, months or even years before breaking up with him.
So, when she finally does leave, it’s not that big of a deal for her.
She doesn’t experience much or any pain, feels quite happy and relieved, is excited to move on and doesn’t feel any need to get back with him.
Yet, for the guy, it’s usually a huge shock, which results in him experiencing a lot of emotional pain, anxiety and stress.
When a woman sees her ex guy going through all that, she can sometimes feel a little guilty.
So, she then tries to reduce her feelings of guilt by being nice to him.
At the same time, she also tries to send him signals that suggest she isn’t interested in getting back together.
He is then left wondering why she is sending him mixed signals and in many cases, he won’t know what to do about it.
What should you do about it?
If you’ve read the other sections in this article, you will know that you need to re-attract her.
Re-attracting her makes her suddenly feel like getting back with you for her own reasons (i.e. so she can experience more enjoyable feelings of attraction for you, so she doesn’t end up feeling left behind or rejected by a new, improved version of you), rather than feeling annoyed that you’re trying to get her back to make yourself feel better (i.e. to stop feeling rejected).
9. She wants to see how much control she still has over you
Some women like having power over an ex boyfriend, just for the fun of it.
A woman like that will often act jealous, or upset if her ex seems to be doing okay without her.
He will think it means that she wants him back, but she’s checking to see how much control she still has over him.
For example: If he desperately tries to reassure her that he still cares, she will know that she has power over him.
She will essentially feel like a cat playing with a helpless mouse, who she can kill at any moment.
That’s not what a woman wants though.
She wants a guy to rise up and be a challenge to her, rather than being a helpless little mouse that she can toy with.
For example: If she gets upset when she notices that he’s doing well without her, he can simply laugh and say (in a confident, playful manner), “Hey, you obviously still have a crush on me or you wouldn’t care. You miss me, but don’t want to admit it. That’s fine” and then have a laugh with her.
He is essentially showing her that he isn’t a little, helpless mouse that she can toy with.
He’s now able to toy with her and take back control, which is very attractive to a woman.
10. She loves you and misses you, but not enough to get back together
This can happen if she cares for you as a person and misses having you around (e.g. because you had fun together, she enjoys your sense of humor, feels comfortable just hanging out together), but doesn’t feel enough sexual and romantic attraction to actually want to get back together.
So, she will give you mixed signals to reduce your confidence and make you put off trying to get her back.
In the meantime, she will focus on moving on without you.
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