Here are 5 common reasons why a guy will find that his ex girlfriend gives him anxiety:
1. The pain of the breakup and the reality of not having her in your life comes flooding back whenever you think of her
It’s only normal for a guy to feel pain when thinking about his ex girl, especially if he believed that she was the one for him and that they were going to be together for life.
So, when things don’t work out and he’s left with a vision of his future that is totally different from what he originally imagined (e.g. he saw himself married to her, living together and possibly having a family), it’s understandable that he might feel a bit anxious, distraught, tense or stressed over the loss.
Here’s the thing…
It’s fine to be sad and to go through a period of mourning the loss of your relationship, but getting stuck at that point isn’t going to help you.
Not only does continuous mourning create anxiety that can negatively affect other areas of your life (e.g. your health, work, studies), but it can also prevent you from making positive steps towards a better future for yourself (e.g. move on and find a new woman or get your ex back if you want to).
So, what should you do?
Stop focusing on the problem (i.e. the pain of her) and start concentrating on finding a solution (i.e. re-attract her and get her back, or attract a new, pretty woman).
You can also begin strongly focusing on other areas of your life, to take your mind off her and the breakup.
For example: You can begin…
- Taking some real steps towards achieving your big goals and dreams in life that have nothing to do with your ex (e.g. starting your own business vs. getting married to your ex, joining a sports team vs. hanging out with your ex, going out to party and meet new women vs. having drinks with your ex).
- Taking up a new hobby that involves interacting with other people (e.g. playing a sport such as tennis, volleyball, football or martial arts, joining a meetup group in your area, taking cooking classes or dancing classes, joining a photography club that meets up on the weekends).
- Hanging out with old friends that you may have neglected while in a relationship with your ex, or focus on making new friends (e.g. at work or university, people you meet doing your new hobby).
Basically, you need to get to the point where you honestly feel that you will be happy and fulfilled in your life, even if you never get your ex girlfriend back.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with caring about her and wanting her back, but you just have to sincerely know that you don’t need her back to feel good about yourself.
You can get on with your life without her, find another woman and you will be okay.
Of course, wanting her back is totally fine as well.
Millions of couples breakup and get back together every day, all over the world.
You can get her back if you want to.
However, to overcome the anxiety she makes you feel, it’s important to get to the point where you don’t need her to feel like your life is successful and happy, or that you’re good enough as a man.
Another possible reason why your ex girlfriend gives you anxiety is…
2. You know that she was the right girl for you, but you screwed it up and now have to try to find a suitable replacement
When a guy gets into a relationship with a woman he perceives as being perfect for him, only to ruin things with her along the way (i.e. he acts and behaves in ways that make her disconnect from her feelings of respect, attraction and love for him), it’s only natural that it will be hard for him to move on.
In fact, it might even make him feel anxious and uncomfortable and he may think things like, “I don’t want to move on. My ex was my ideal woman and I don’t want anyone else. Besides, what we had was unique and I will never be able to replicate that with anyone else.”
Here’s the thing though…
All relationships are unique and the love you shared with your ex will always be special.
However, that doesn’t mean you can’t find another woman to love and build a different, but equally amazing relationship with her.
No, it won’t be the same as what you had with your ex, but it can be better.
Of course, you might not want to hear that right now if you want your ex girlfriend back.
Either way, you have to realize that letting your ex girlfriend give you anxiety isn’t going to help you move on, or get her back.
So, if you made mistakes with your ex that you regret now and feel that you want her back, the main thing you need to focus on is using interactions with her to re-spark her sexual and romantic feelings for you.
For example: Some of the ways you can do that are by…
- Maintaining your confidence with her regardless of how she talks to you or behaves around you (e.g. she’s cold, aloof or mean).
- Using humor to make her smile and laugh and feel happy and relaxed to be around you again.
- Believing in yourself and in your value to her, rather than thinking negative thoughts such as, “I feel anxious around her because she’s just too good for me,” which she can pick up on via your attitude and body language and turning her off as a result.
- Being a good man, but also being confident and assertive when talking to her, so she can see that she can’t dominate you during conversations with her confident personality.
- Showing her that you’ve leveled up as a man and that she can now truly look up to you, respect you, feel attracted to you and love you, rather than continuing to make the same old attraction mistakes as before.
- Being more of a challenge to her rather than always being nice, so she feels as though she needs to put in the effort to impress you.
- Flirting with her to create sexual tension, rather than being too neutral or friendly with her.
The more that you give her the kind of attraction experience she always wanted from you, but never got, the more her resistance to you crumbles and she becomes open to at least spending more time with you to see how things go.
Additionally, if you decide that you don’t want to get back with your ex, by behaving in the ways mentioned above, you will easily be able to attract another, high quality woman if you want to.
3. It kills you that she could be happy with another man now
It’s true that imagining the woman you love in another man’s arms can be heart-wrenching.
Yet, thinking about that isn’t going to solve anything.
It’s not going to make you stop feeling anxious.
It’s not going to help you move on and most importantly, it’s not going to get your ex girlfriend back.
The only thing that can do that is if you reactivate her sexual and romantic feelings for you and make her feel that you’re the only man for her.
Of course, right now you might be wondering something along the lines of, “Yes, but how can I do that if she’s already got another man in her life?”
The answer is pretty simple.
What you likely don’t realize is that just because she might be with a new man right now, it doesn’t mean he is better than you.
Instead, he will likely be the opposite of you.
In other words, he will be ‘strong’ where she felt you were ‘weak.’
Note: This isn’t about physical strength but rather about emotional strength.
For example:
- If she felt that you were too needy and insecure, her new man will usually be more confident and sure of himself.
- If she thought you were too nice and sweet, the new guy will be more of a ‘bad boy’ who is a challenge to her and makes her feel like she has to chase him rather than the other way around (i.e. he chases her).
- If she felt that you treated her too much like a neutral friend or a roommate, her new man will likely treat her like a sexy, desirable woman.
- If she believed that you were just drifting through life without a clear purpose or direction, the new guy will usually be goal-oriented and focused on moving through the levels of life.
As you can see, your ex will likely be looking for someone to fill in the gaps that were missing in her relationship with you.
Of course, that doesn’t mean the new man won’t have gaps and weaknesses of his own.
This is why you can get her back if you want to.
However, to do that, you need to improve on your weaknesses and then make your strengths even stronger so that compared to any new man she’s with, you seem like the better option to her.
For example: Imagine she’s with a guy because he seems more confident than you.
However, over time she realizes that his confidence is actually arrogance and she begins to feel turned off by him.
If you then interact with her and show her that you are genuinely more confident and self-assured than you were before, while also still being the good guy she remembers, she will almost certainly begin to feel turned off by her new guy and attracted to you.
The more she realizes that you’ve leveled up and have become the man she always wanted you to be, while at the same time, she begins to notice the flaws in her new guy, the more drawn to you she will feel.
Then, dumping her new guy (if she hasn’t done that already) and getting back with you will happen very quickly and easily.
Another possible reason why your ex girlfriend gives you anxiety is…
4. You regret the way you behaved in the relationship, or how you treated her
Sometimes, a guy falls into the trap of believing that his relationship with his woman will last forever, because it was so good at the start and because they promised to love each other for life.
As a result, he might begin to say and do the kind of things that turn her off, without even realizing it.
For example: Some of the things a guy might unintentionally do that would cause his woman to disconnect from her feelings for him are…
- He starts out being confident and self-assured and then ends up becoming insecure, needy and clingy.
- Initially, he takes the lead in the relationship, only to fall into the habit of letting her make all the decisions and be the boss (e.g. because he believed that is what she wanted).
- Initially, he makes her feel loved and appreciated, yet over time, he begins to take her for granted.
- At the start of the relationship, he is supportive and encouraging of her dreams and aspirations, but eventually, he becomes critical and patronizing.
- He starts off making her feel feminine and girly in his presence and ends up making her feel more like a neutral friend or even turned off.
- Initially, he has his own goals, interests and friends, but gradually he drops all that and begins to smother her with all of his attention.
- He starts off being sure of himself and his value to her, but ends up worrying about her leaving him which causes him to become jealous and controlling.
The question you need to ask yourself is: “Did I say or do things in my relationship with my ex girlfriend that I now regret?”
If the answer is “Yes,” it’s understandable why you might now feel anxious every time you’re around your ex.
It’s quite possible that you’re feeling bad about it and probably even a little bit guilty.
Yet, here’s the thing…
Beating yourself up about your past mistakes isn’t going to get you your ex back.
What will?
Reactivating her feelings of respect and attraction for you, by showing her that you’re now at a different level than you were when she broke up with you.
You’ve learned from your mistakes and have become a better, more emotionally strong and mature man as a result.
Consequently, she doesn’t have to keep her guard up so high with you anymore.
She can relax, smile, laugh and start to feel good around you again.
When she does that, she then becomes open to forgiving your mistakes and giving the relationship another chance.
Another possible reason why your ex girlfriend gives you anxiety is…
5. You still feel like she was too good for you
Sometimes a guy will get into a relationship with a woman who he feels is out of his league.
For example: She’s a lot more beautiful, interesting and intelligent than any other woman he has ever dated.
This can lead to him thinking things like, “She’s so amazing! I don’t know what I did to get this lucky, but I hope my luck doesn’t run out and she realizes that she can do so much better than me if she wants to.”
Of course, if the woman then does eventually break up with him, a guy like that will take it as a sign that he was right all along and that he wasn’t good enough for her.
Unfortunately, this belief only makes it so much harder for him to get her back, because deep down, he doesn’t believe he deserves her.
So, if he then makes a move to get her back and she rejects him (usually because he’s using the wrong approach and is being anxious and nervous around her), it just reinforces what he believes about himself (i.e. that he’s not good enough for her).
Here’s the thing though…
He is good enough for her.
However, because he’s giving her the impression that she was too good for him and that he was lucky to be with her the first time around, it has now given her a false sense of superiority over him.
So, rather than want to get back with him, she feels as though she will be trading down if she does, so she rejects him.
This is why, if you want to stop feeling anxious around your ex and get her back, you need to believe in yourself and your value to her.
When you can sincerely project the kind of confidence and self-assurance that is naturally attractive to women, you ex will automatically feel drawn to you again, even if she initially tries to fight it.
She will then open back up to the idea of being your girl.
However, you’ve got to get to the point where you honestly believe that you are good enough for her and then interact with her, re-spark her sexual and romantic feelings for you and get her back.
If you continue to doubt yourself and your value to her, she will pick up on it via your attitude, actions and behavior and she will feel turned off as a result.
So, believe in yourself and in your value to her and go ahead and get her back.
You can do it, but you have to believe that you can.
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