5 possible reasons why she seems to think that and how to get her back:
1. She’s just saying that to be overly dramatic
Sometimes a woman might create drama when she interacts with her ex after a breakup, for a number of reasons.
Firstly, she might do that to make herself out to be the victim in the situation.
In other words, she was totally blameless and he was the asshole who ruined everything and hurt her in the process.
She then gets all the sympathy from her family, coworkers and friends, while he’s looked down on and badmouthed.
In some cases, she also uses it as a weapon to make mutual friends pick sides – usually hers.
At the same time, she gets the satisfaction of making her ex feel really guilty about what happened and she can feel good about making him feel some pain.
Another reason why a woman might create drama by calling her ex an asshole, is to test his confidence.
In most instances, she doesn’t actually want him to take her drama so seriously and in fact, she’s only testing him to see how he will respond.
For example:
- Will he put up with her name-calling and accusations just because he’s desperate to get her back, or will he stand up to her and point out that she’s not as blameless as she’s pretending to be?
- Will he lose control of his emotions and resort to begging, pleading and crying as a way of trying to get her to forgive him, or will he remain confident, emotionally strong and apologize to her in an emotionally mature way?
- Will he lose confidence in himself and in his value and attractiveness to her, or will he continue to believe in himself and in his ability to re-attract her if he wants to?
- Will he start sucking up to her and treating her even nicer than before, or will he just laugh at her (in a loving way) for being such a little drama queen?
Unfortunately though, most guys don’t pass a woman’s confidence tests.
Instead, they end up feeling upset, hurt and may even resort to asking her things like, “What do you want from me? Tell me what I did that was so bad, so that I can make it up to you. Tell me what you want and I’ll do it.”
Yet, that just plays into the woman’s hands of dragging him into her fake drama.
The result of that is, she loses respect for him for not being an emotionally strong man and closes herself off to him even more.
However, if a guy doesn’t fall victim to her unnecessary emotional drama, she will naturally begin to look up to him and respect him again.
When she respects him, she will also begin feeling attracted to him again and then getting her back becomes a lot easier for him, because she’s open to the idea.
So, the next time your ex girlfriend says that she thinks you’re an asshole, the best way to react is to just laugh at her and the situation, rather than getting sucked into the fake drama she is creating.
Note: Don’t be rude or obnoxious towards her.
Simply use some humor to diffuse the situation and show her that you’re not going to fall victim to her drama anymore.
Initially, she might act shocked that you’re not reacting the way she’s expecting you to (e.g. you’re not getting upset with her and apologizing to her over and over again).
She may even say something along the lines of, “How dare you laugh at me! You’re just proving my point that you’re an asshole.”
However, deep down, she will actually be feeling a tremendous amount of respect and sexual attraction for you for having the balls to guide the interaction back to laughter and love, rather than getting sucked into her fake drama.
From there you just need to continue making her laugh and smile so that you can build on her initial feelings for you.
The more respect and attraction for you she feels, the less she will be able to stop herself from opening back up to the idea of getting back with you.
Another possible reason why your ex girlfriend seems to think that you’re an asshole is…
2. She’s just saying that to hopefully soften you up and make you hand over your power to her
It’s only natural that if a woman says to her ex something along the lines of, “You’re an asshole! I gave you my love and you just stomped all over it like it was nothing!” he’s going to feel bad and he will want to apologize to her to make it right.
He’s also likely going to start being extra nice to her and do whatever she wants him to do to show her how sorry he is and hopefully get her to forgive him.
Yet, by doing that, rather than fix the situation, it actually makes things worse.
Why?
By constantly apologizing to her and putting up with whatever treatment she wants to dish out to him (e.g. she is rude and mean, she insults him), a woman sees her ex guy’s behavior as desperate.
She then begins to feel like he needs her more than she needs him, so she feels like she’s now in the position of power.
Essentially, she gets a false sense of superiority over him and begins thinking that she’s better than him, when she’s not.
She then has the upper hand and can call the shots regarding the relationship and the possibility of them getting back together again.
Yet, here’s the thing…
That decision (i.e. whether you and your ex get back together again) is not up to the woman.
As the man, you actually have a lot of control over the ex back process.
If you take the lead and focus on making your ex girlfriend have sexual and romantic feelings for you again, she will naturally begin to want you back for her own reasons (e.g. she worries that if she doesn’t give you another chance she may end up regretting it later on, she feels attracted to you in new ways and wants to explore those feelings for you).
On the other hand, if you hand your power over to her, she won’t be able to respect you anymore.
If she can’t respect you, she won’t be able to feel sexually attracted to you and without those two things in place, being in a relationship with you doesn’t feel like something she wants anymore.
She then ends up pushing you around, messing with your head and generally making you feel like you can’t do anything right around her.
So, don’t give your ex power over you by accepting her insults.
Of course, you should apologize to her if you stuffed up.
However, you don’t have to grovel or let her bully you just because you made some mistakes.
From there, just maintain your confidence with her (especially when she tries to make you feel bad by saying things like, “You hurt me so much. You’re such an asshole”) and focus on re-sparking her sexual and romantic feelings for you every chance you get.
The more respect and attraction she feels for you again, the less she will be able to hold on to her negative feelings about what happened before.
She then naturally starts looking at you in a more positive light.
As a result, her walls begin to come down and then the idea of getting back together feels like something she’s open to.
3. You never wanted to commit to her in the way she believes she deserved
For a woman to be happy in a relationship with a man and want to stay with him and treat him well, she needs to feel like she can look up to him and respect him for being a real man (i.e. loving, attentive, dependable, trustworthy, caring).
If he can do that, she will strive to be a good, loving, devoted woman to him and make him feel like he’s the most important person in her life.
At the same time, she will also likely open herself up to the idea of a serious commitment and possibly even think about moving in together, getting married and starting a family with him at some point in the future.
Yet, if over time, she begins to notice that their feelings for each other aren’t really equal (i.e. she loves him and is devoted to him more than he is to her), she may begin to feel unhappy in the relationship with him.
Of course, initially she will probably make excuses for him in her mind and tell herself things like, “Don’t push him. He’ll commit to you when he’s ready. The more you try to force it, the more you’re going to end up scaring him off.”
She might also try to be on her best behavior around him and do nice things to spoil him and make him feel loved and appreciated as much as possible, in the hope that he will start feeling about her the same way she feels about him.
However, if he fails to put in enough effort in the relationship and instead does things that make her feel unloved, undervalued and unappreciated, she may get to the point where she feels that he’s been using her and that she’s been wasting her time.
Here’s the thing…
A woman’s natural instincts are usually focused on finding one man, get him to fall in love with her and stick with him for life.
So, when a guy doesn’t take the relationship as seriously as she does, a woman will naturally feel as though she made the wrong decision by choosing him.
This will usually result in her breaking up with him.
She may then find herself feeling really angry and bitter towards him and accuse him of being an asshole, because he has been wasting her time (i.e. she wanted to know that her relationship with him was eventually going to lead to more serious things like moving in together, getting married, having children, but he didn’t want to commit to her in that way).
If he then tries to get her back, she might say something like, “Forget it! I think you’re an asshole and I’ve already wasted enough of my life with you.”
Essentially, what she’s not saying is, “You never loved me the way I wanted you to love me. I gave you all of me, but you were always holding back. So what proof do I have that if I gave you a chance, you wouldn’t do the same thing all over again? I’d have to be stupid to trust you. Besides, I’m not getting any younger. I’m probably better off just moving on and finding another guy who will give me the love and commitment I really want and deserve.”
This is why, if you want to convince your ex girlfriend, to give you another chance, you have to offer what she really wants.
That doesn’t mean you should run off and buy a ring and propose to her just so that you can get her back.
In most cases, a woman will see that as a desperate attempt to get her back and not something you genuinely want to do.
Even if you swear to her that it’s something you really want, the proposal will still likely feel out of place and not right to her.
So, what should you do instead?
Simply focus on sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for you by making her smile, laugh and feel happy every time you interact with her from now on over the phone and in person.
Stop trying to get her to commit to a relationship and just make her have feelings for you again.
By reactivating some of her feelings, she lowers her guard and opens herself up to the idea of trusting you again.
You can then build on those feelings and show her (via your attitude, actions and behavior) that things really are different this time around.
4. You seemed to only be using her for sex, or to have someone to be with for a while
Sometimes a woman might get into a relationship with a guy because the sex between them is really great and she enjoys being with him.
Then, over time, she might start to realize that she wants the relationship to progress to the next level (i.e. go from just dating to getting serious, moving in together, getting engaged and married, starting a family together).
Of course, not all relationships follow the same pattern.
For example:
Some couples don’t move in together before they get married.
Others decide to live together without ever getting married.
Still others prefer to focus on their careers or on having fun together rather than getting bogged down by having a family.
However, for a relationship to last, it has to evolve in a mutually acceptable direction for both the man and the woman.
So, if a woman realizes that she’s the only one making plans for a future together, while he seems to just be drifting along, problems will begin to arise.
She might then begin to suspect that he’s just using her for the sex, or to have an available girlfriend who takes care of him and possibly contributes to expenses, rather than looking at her as the woman he wants to settle down with for life.
This can lead to her feeling used and she may then start feeling angry and resentful towards him, which can lead to her breaking up with him.
If he then tries to get her back, she might reject him by saying something like, “Are you crazy? Why would I want to do that? You’re such an asshole!”
He’s then left feeling confused and wondering what he did wrong.
Here’s the thing though…
For a relationship to last past the initial lust phase, there needs to be more than just a superficial attraction between the man and woman.
In other words, although they might be physically attracted to each other and enjoy each other’s company, that won’t be enough to keep the relationship together for life.
For a relationship to last past the initial phase, a couple needs to connect on a much deeper level (e.g. want the same things in life and be heading towards that, have a big goal or dream that they’re working towards achieving together).
Without that, most women won’t feel motivated to stick around, regardless of how great the sex might be.
In the end, she’s going to want more and if the guy can’t give that to her, she will move on and find another man who can.
Another possible reason why your ex girlfriend seems to think that you’re an asshole is…
5. You took her for granted in the relationship and still don’t really think you’ve done anything wrong
Sometimes, a guy falls into the trap of believing that the love between him and his woman will last for life because it was so good at the start of their relationship.
As a result, he doesn’t put in the effort to maintain and build on her feelings for him over time.
In fact, he might even think things like, “Guys who tell their girl how much they love her are wimps. Real love doesn’t need to be talked about. If I didn’t love her I wouldn’t be with her. It’s that simple.”
Yet, that’s not how a loving, committed relationship between a man and a woman actually works.
A woman needs to know that she is loved and appreciated, in order for her feelings of respect, attraction, love and trust to grow, develop and strengthen over time.
So, if her guy fails to make her feel that way through his words, actions and behavior, she will in turn, not feel motivated to be a good, loving, attentive woman to him.
The more he then takes her commitment to him for granted, the more resentful and angry she will become.
She then naturally begins to think of him as an asshole.
Here’s the thing…
Assuming that just because a woman cares for her man and loves him, she’s going to put up with anything forever, is a big mistake.
Yes, there are some women who will accept being treated that way in a relationship with a guy and accept that he’s just going to be emotionally closed off to her (e.g. a woman who is insecure about her attractiveness to other men and is worried that she won’t be able to find a replacement man), but most women won’t settle for a guy like that.
In most cases, if a woman realizes that her guy is taking her love for granted, she will start disconnecting from her feelings of love for him and in most cases, she will just break up with him.
If he doesn’t change, she will eventually break up with him and look for a replacement guy who isn’t afraid to love her for real.
So, if you want to make your ex girlfriend stop thinking of you as being an asshole, you need to show her via your actions, behavior and the way you respond to her and react to what she says and does, that you’ve leveled up as a man.
You also need to use every interaction you have with her to re-spark her sexual and romantic feelings for you (e.g. by making her laugh and smile and feel good to be around you, flirting with her to create sexual tension between you, maintaining your confidence with her even when she calls you an asshole and insults you in other ways).
The more she sees that you really are at a different level now than you were before, the more open she will become to talking to you over the phone and seeing you in person.
You can then build on her feelings and guide her back into a better, more loving, more balanced relationship that works.
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