Here are the 5 most common reasons why a woman will say that to her ex man:
1. She saw him as a nice guy, but always knew the relationship would end if he didn’t change and become more manly
Sometimes, a woman will date a guy she perceives as being good enough for right now, but she doesn’t foresee herself being with him in the long-term.
Basically, she likes him and thinks of him as being a nice guy, but he’s not her ideal man and she knows that.
He is too soft, gentle, sweet and nice for her.
However, either because she’s just coming out of a bad relationship and wants to just be with a good guy for a little while who will treat her well and give her the nurturing she needs to heal, or because she doesn’t want to be single when all her friends are dating, she accepts him for now.
Secretly though, she’s likely hoping that he’ll eventually change and become the man she wants him to be.
She wants him to man up.
Yet, when that doesn’t happen, she may then decide to break up with him and find herself a new man who is emotionally strong enough for a woman like her.
Of course, that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have any feelings for him and she might feel really bad about hurting him.
However, she knows that if she sticks with him, she will probably end up having to change her personality too much (e.g. take the lead in the relationship and be the more dominant one because he won’t, become a nagging girlfriend) and she doesn’t want that.
She might then say something along the lines of, “I’m sorry about all of this. I never meant to hurt you. I really do care for you, but I think it’s best if we don’t see each other anymore,” to try and ease the blow.
If this is the case between you and your ex, the good news is that it’s not too late to get her back.
If you can quickly transform yourself into a more emotionally strong, emotionally masculine man, you can then easily re-attract her and get her back.
When she can see for herself that you’re no longer going to submit to her and allow her to walk all over you, she will be able to reconnect with her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
When that happens, her guard comes down and she becomes open to interacting with you more and more over the phone and in person, to see where things go from there.
Another common reason why a woman will say that to her ex is…
2. She cheated on him in the heat of the moment
A woman might sometimes get caught in a bad situation where she ends up doing something against her better judgment (i.e. cheat on her man).
For example: A woman might go out for a girls night out to a club or bar.
There she will inevitably interact with all kinds of people and that may include guys who are there looking to pick up a woman for a one night stand.
Ordinarily, she wouldn’t give any of these guys the time of day, but after a drink or two she might start feeling attracted to one of these guys if he gives her the right kind of attraction experience (e.g. he’s confident, charming, charismatic, emotionally masculine, funny).
She may then drop her guard and in the heat of the moment, end up kissing him and then hooking up with him sexually.
However, that doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s a bad, disloyal woman (although there are some untrustworthy women out there who get a thrill out of cheating on their guy).
Instead, it simply means that she got carried away and most likely feels shocked about what happened.
Of course, if her guy finds out and breaks up with her as a result, it’s only natural that she will feel guilty and she may then say something along the lines of, “I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. This just happened and I couldn’t stop myself. I hope one day you will be able to forgive me.”
Here’s the thing though…
When a woman is truly in love and attracted to her man, she won’t easily be seduced by another man, even when she’s drunk.
So, if your ex cheated on you, maybe it’s because somewhere deep down she felt that something was missing from her relationship with you.
For example: Ask yourself…
- Did I make her feel like a sexy, desirable woman or did I treat her more like a friend or one of the guys?
- Was our relationship still interesting, fun and exciting, or did it become a bit boring and dull?
- Did I pay attention to her needs and desires in the relationship, or did I become neglectful and started taking her for granted?
- Was I the kind of man she could look up to, respect, feel attracted to and love, or did I behave in ways that eroded her feelings for me over time (e.g. became insecure, needy, clingy, possessive, untrustworthy)?
Depending on your answers, you may discover that there were certain aspects of your thinking and behavior that may have pushed your ex into doing what she did.
That’s not to say that cheating is excusable.
It’s not.
However, if you’re willing to forgive your ex and get her back (after you’ve made sure that she’s not a serial cheater), you need to understand what aspect of the attraction experience was missing in her relationship with you.
Then, you need to quickly change and improve in some of the ways that are important to her and re-spark her feelings for you again, until she’s the one begging you to get back together, because she can’t bear the thought of losing you.
Another common reason why a woman will say that to her ex is…
3. She cared about him, but couldn’t stop herself from feeling attracted to another guy
In some cases, a woman might find herself in a relationship that’s become too boring and predictable.
Yes, she still cares about her man, but she no longer feels strong sparks of sexual and romantic attraction for him.
Basically, he’s become more of a friend or roommate to her than a boyfriend or husband.
So, when another man comes along and makes her feel strong surges of sexual and romantic attraction for him, she may end up feeling drawn to him and wanting to be with him, more than she wants to be with her guy.
In a case like that, to get her back, the guy needs to make her feel such strong sexual and romantic feelings for him, that the idea of losing him forever because of a casual attraction she may have felt for another guy will make her feel sick to her stomach.
He’s got to get her to the point where she wants him back for her own selfish reasons (i.e. she’s worried she will never find another man who makes her feel the way that he does).
This is why, you can’t sit back and let some other man walk off with your woman.
If you want her back, you need to do what it takes to get her back.
That means, you need to reactivate her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you during interactions, so that she only has eyes for you.
Some of the ways you can do that are by…
- Believing in yourself and in your value to her, rather than doubting yourself and thinking that the other guy is better than you, just because she felt attracted to him.
- Showing her that you’re a new and improved man that she can now truly look up to, respect, feel attracted to and love, rather than continuing to turn her off by making the same mistakes as before.
- Being a good man to her, but also being confident and assertive when interacting with her, rather than agreeing with everything she says or does to please her and turning her off instead.
- Maintaining your confidence with her when she tries to test you by talking about other guys that she finds attractive.
- Flirting with her to create sexual tension, rather than being friendly, neutral or distant.
- Making her smile and laugh and feel relaxed to be around you again, rather than trying to get into intense, deep discussions about why she felt attracted to another guy.
Once she is feeling respect and attraction for you again, you can then progress to giving her a hug, a kiss and then hook up with her sexually.
Blow her mind and make her realize once and for all, that no man makes her feel the way you do.
Another common reason why a woman will say that to her ex is…
4. She was hoping that the relationship could end without either person getting hurt
If a woman discovers that her and her guy have grown apart (e.g. because she’s ready to be more serious and focused on achieving her goals while he’s still partying with his friends, sitting around playing video games, or stuck in a dead-end job, she wants to settle down and have a serious relationship which includes starting a family while he wants to go traveling for a few years instead), she may start feeling restless in the relationship with him.
She might say to herself, “We no longer want the same things in life. Everything that initially drew us together is now what is pulling us apart. I just don’t want those things anymore, but I can see that he’s not ready to change and I don’t want to waste years waiting around in the hope that it might happen someday. However, I don’t want to hurt him. I just think we’ll both be better off with other people.”
Initially, she might try to stick around and try to make it work, even though she doesn’t feel fully committed to the relationship with him.
However, if she realizes that he’s not going to change and mature in the same ways that she has, she will break up with him and say, “I’m sorry to do this to you. I never meant to hurt you, but I think this is for the best for both of us.”
Another common reason why a woman will say that to her ex is…
5. She’s just saying that to make herself seem innocent, so you don’t get angry at her for dumping you
Women often turn on the tears for this as well.
A woman will act as though she is totally heartbroken and it will seem real, even though she always knew that you and her would break up, if you weren’t able to change your ways.
To protect herself from a guy becoming angry (or even violent), a woman will usually try to make it seem as though she didn’t see the break up coming and always thought he was the one.
This gives a guy a better send off, rather than saying, “Hey, deal with it. It’s over. I never truly loved you because you weren’t manly enough for me. You were too soft. Goodbye.”
Alternatively, sometimes a woman is just the kind of person who likes to get into relationships with guys, use them and then move on to the next guy.
Basically, she never fully commits herself to one man and she always intends to cheat on him, or dump him when she feels like it.
Why?
- Maybe it’s because she’s a cold-hearted person who enjoys seeing other people hurting.
- Maybe she was badly hurt by a guy in the past (e.g. an old boyfriend, her father left her when she was young) and now she’s vowed to never let a man get the better of her again.
- Maybe she’s insecure about herself and her value to a man so she fears a guy will never truly love her for her, which is why she never fully opens up and allows herself to fall in love.
Whatever her reasons though, she usually makes sure that she’s the one who ends the relationship and leaves the guy feeling brokenhearted.
However, she also doesn’t want to be the ‘bad guy’ in the situation, so to avoid that, she says something along the lines of, “I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I hope you will forgive me and be able to move forward with a new woman. You’re a great guy and you deserve to be happy.”
In most cases, the guy will then feel protective towards her and he may try to make her feel better by saying things like, “I know you didn’t intend for this to happen. I love you and I hope you’ll be okay.”
She can then move on and go ahead and do this to the next guy who falls into her trap, while her ex spends months and even years pining over her and thinking about how sweet and innocent she is.
4 Common Mistakes to Be Aware of If You Want Her Back
If you want your ex back, don’t spend a lot of time dwelling on why she said that she never meant to hurt you and focus instead on saying and doing the types of things that will make her want to be your girl again.
This is why, it’s important that you avoid making the following mistakes as you try to get her back:
1. Seeking additional pity from her in the hope that it gets you another chance
Seeing as your ex has already apologized to you for hurting you, going on and on about how terrible you feel and how you’re struggling to cope is unlikely to score you any more points with her.
So, rather than make her think something along the lines of, “I really did a number on him, didn’t I? He doesn’t deserve to be suffering this way; he’s too much of a nice guy. I owe it to him to at least try and work things out,” she’s instead going to feel resentful towards you for trying to make her feel even worse than she already does.
As a result, she will lose even more respect for you for trying o manipulate her in that way and she will then likely decide that she’s better off without you after all.
So, if you really want to get your ex woman back, don’t bother trying to make her feel more pity for you.
Instead, focus on reactivating her feelings of respect and sexual attraction for you, so she naturally feels drawn to you and becomes open to giving the relationship another chance for her own reasons.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
2. Assuming that talking about your feelings will make her have feelings and want you back
Although you still care a lot for your ex, she likely doesn’t feel the same way about you, otherwise she wouldn’t have broken up with you and hurt you in the first place.
So, if you then try to influence her decision by saying things like, “You do realize that I still love you, don’t you? It doesn’t matter to me what happened, as long as we can work things out between us and get back together again. You mean the world to me and I can’t imagine my life without you,” rather than respond with something along the lines of, “That’s wonderful! I was hoping all along that you would say that. Now we can forget about everything in the past and start over,” she will instead pull away from you even more.
Here’s the thing…
When a woman has lost touch with her feelings of respect, attraction and love for a guy, hearing about his feelings for her isn’t going to suddenly make her feel the same way about him.
So, if you want your ex to want you back, don’t waste time discussing your feelings with her.
Instead, focus on using every interaction you have with her from now on to make her feel respect and sexual attraction for the new, improved version of you.
The more attracted she feels to the man you have become, the more she will start to feel drawn to you again.
When you approach it that way, you don’t have to try to force an answer out of her that she doesn’t want to give.
Instead, you allow her to fall in love with you again because it feels right to her to do that.
Another mistake to avoid making is…
3. Not realizing the real, more subtle reasons why she felt turned off by you
In most cases, a guy likely knows what aspects of his thinking and behavior turned his ex off in the relationship with him (e.g. he spent too much time working and she felt neglected, his friends or family didn’t like her, she complained about him being too irresponsible).
Yet, there are also many, more subtle things that turn a woman off and lead to a break up that a guy often doesn’t even know about.
For example: Some of those things might be…
- How he is too needy and clingy and always wants to spend time with her, because he’s too afraid to follow through and make progress on his big goals, dreams and ambitions in life.
- How he struggles to make decisions and leaves everything up to her.
- How he seems so confident when he’s at home with her, but when he’s out in social situations he becomes submissive and meek.
- How he tends to spend more time working than he does with her and when he does spend time with her, he is emotionally unavailable.
These are just a few of the things that a woman will find unattractive in her man but will rarely tell him about it, because it’s either too complicated to explain, it’s too personal and would hurt him, or he would start making promises to change as a way of stopping her from leaving him.
So, rather than getting into all the subtle details, she instead just breaks up with him and tries to move on.
This is why, if you want to get her back, it’s essential that you first understand her real, secret reasons for breaking up with you.
When she experiences your new, attractive behavior, she will naturally begin to feel more respect for you as a man.
She will then drop her guard and allow herself to open back up to the idea of hanging out with you more to see where things go from there.
4. Not leveling up as a guy to re-attract her in ways that will get her attention
For a woman to want to be with a man, she needs to know that she will be able to grow and become a better person, because he’s at a level where he makes her strive to be her best self (and visa versa).
So, when she breaks up with a guy, it’s usually because his level and her level are no longer in sync (e.g. she’s become more emotionally mature than him, she’s more emotionally independent while he’s clingy and needy, she’s focused on making progress on her goals while he’s still messing around playing video game or watching TV).
This is why, if you want your ex to give you another chance, you need to make sure that you level up as a man and not try to get her back by giving her the same attraction experience as before.
You’ve got to be ready to give her the kind of attraction experience that will cause her to feel like she just has to give you another chance, or else she will regret it for the rest of her life.
When you can do that, it’s becomes easy to get her back, because she wants it too.
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