5 common reasons why a woman will say that:
1. She doesn’t believe that you’ve changed enough yet to attract her more than he does
When a woman gets into a relationship after a break up, it’s usually because the new guy is making her feel attracted in ways that her ex couldn’t.
For example: If her ex was too much of a nice guy, which then caused him to be submissive around other people (especially other men), then her new man might be more assertive and emotionally strong.
This allows her to fully relax when she’s with him, knowing that he is an emotionally powerful man she can look up to, respect and feel attracted to.
Alternatively, if she felt that her and her ex wanted different things in life, (e.g. a career vs. a family), then her new man will be more in line with her way of thinking.
Even if he’s not her ideal man, because he makes her feel attracted in a way that she’d been missing for a long time with her ex, she will usually stick with him.
So, if her ex then tries to get her back, before she lets go of her new guy, she’s going to want to see that he’s changed in the ways that are important to her (e.g. he’s emotionally stronger and less submissive around her and other people, his direction in life is more in line with hers).
However, if she interacts with him (over the phone and in person) and she notices that no matter how much he tries to hide it, he always falls back to his old way of thinking and behaving, she will likely think things like, “I know he means well, and he’s a pretty decent guy, but he’s just wasting my time. The truth is, he simply can’t change those things about him that turn me off. I don’t believe he even knows how to change and become the kind of man I want. It’s just that he doesn’t have anyone in his life that can help him, so he’s lost. Unfortunately, I’m just not willing to risk getting hurt by him again if I give him another chance. So, if he wants me to listen to him, he needs to show me that he’s really changed. Until he can do that, I’d rather play it safe and stick with my new guy for now.”
So, if you want your ex to give up her new man for you, you’re going to have to show her via the way you talk, think, behave and respond to her that you truly have changed.
Not sort of changed, not “I’m going to change if she gives me another chance,” but really change here and now.
Remember: Actions speak louder than words.
When she can see for herself that you’re a new man now, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you again.
When that happens, she’ll automatically stop needing to play it safe by sticking with her new guy anymore.
She will then naturally let down her guard and allow herself to open back up to the idea of being your girl again.
However, if you continue trying to get her back without changing the things that matter to her and instead you offer her things she doesn’t want (e.g. you buy her flowers instead of being more assertive, you pour your heart out to her in a long letter or e-mail, rather than setting yourself some goals and going after them), she’s just going to keep pushing you away and saying, “I’m sorry, but I just can’t risk it with you. I’m going to play it safe and stick with my new guy for now.”
Another reason why a woman might say that to you is…
2. She feels like you took her for granted for a long time, so she wants to look out for herself for a while now
Sometimes a guy makes the mistake of believing that the love between him and his woman will last for ever, because it was so great at the start of their relationship.
Yet, that’s not how a relationship between a man and a woman works.
For a woman’s feelings of respect, attraction and love to expand, develop and flourish over time, she needs to know that she is loved and appreciated all the time, not just at the beginning of the relationship.
If he can make her feel that way, she will then automatically feel motivated to contribute to the relationship and be a good, loving, supportive woman to him.
However, if he falls into the habit of taking her for granted (e.g. he stops noticing her efforts to look good for him, breaks his promises to her more and more, doesn’t pull his weight with chores or errands), she will start pulling away, being closed off, treating him with less and less respect over time and finally she will break up with him.
If she then hooks up with a new guy who treats her the way she wants to be treated (e.g. he spoils her, makes her feel loved and appreciated), she won’t be eager to give her ex another chance when he tries to get her back.
Instead, she will likely say something along the lines of, “I had to put up with being taken for granted for such a long time that I never want to feel that way in a relationship again. That’s why I don’t care that you are sorry and want me back. For now, I’m going to look out for myself and enjoy being treated like a princess by my new guy.”
Another reason why a woman will play it safe and stick with her new guy is…
3. She wants to have the best of both worlds
Sometimes, a woman wants to savor the thrill of being in a new relationship, while also keeping her ex around to make herself feel good about herself.
Essentially, she can then have fun being with her new guy, while at the same time having the certainty of knowing that her ex is waiting in the wings for her.
Not only does this boost her confidence, it also provides her with a safety net (i.e. her ex) to catch her if things don’t work out with her new man.
If she then says that she wants to play it safe and stick with her new guy for now, it might simply be her way of stopping her ex from moving on by causing him to think things like, “What does that mean? If I stick around long enough, will I eventually be able to convince her that I won’t hurt her again so she can give me another chance?”
So, here’s the thing…
If you don’t want your ex to continue messing you around, you need to use every chance you get to interact with her (e.g. via text, social media, over the phone and in person), to create feelings of sexual and romantic attraction inside her.
Make her really want you in that way so that she starts thinking things like, “I thought I was the one in control of the situation but suddenly I feel so confused. I can’t stop thinking about my ex and how it would feel to be his girl again. What should I do?”
She will then naturally start to want to talk to you more on the phone and meet up with you in person to try and decide what to do.
You can then fully re-attract her, kiss her, hook up with her sexually and get her back.
Another reason why a woman will play it safe and stick with her new guy is…
4. You haven’t re-attracted her yet, but you’re asking for a relationship
You still have feelings for your ex, so the only thing on your mind is getting her back, right?
You might even be saying and doing all sorts of things to try and convince her to forget about her new guy and give you another chance (e.g. begging and pleading, promising to change whatever she wants, sending her flowers or romantic letters/e-mails/texts).
Yet, if you don’t first spark her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you, she will usually just keep pushing you away and saying things like, “I know you mean well and I accept that you still have feelings for me, but I just don’t feel the same way about you. There’s nothing I can do about that. I can’t change how I feel, so please stop asking for a relationship, because it’s just not going to happen. We gave it a shot and it didn’t work out and for now, I’m just going to play it safe and stick with my new guy.”
So, don’t make the mistake of asking for a relationship with your ex if you haven’t done anything else to re-attract her first.
You need to spark her feelings of respect and attraction if you want her to open back up to the idea of being with you.
So, focus on interacting with her whenever you can (e.g. call her on the phone or meet up with her in person) and pay particular attention to saying and doing the kind of things that will make her feel drawn to you again.
For example:
- Stay calm, relaxed and confident no matter what she says or does to put you off.
- Use humor to lighten the mood between you and her and get her to drop her guard.
- Flirt with her to make her feel sexually attracted to you again.
- Make her feel feminine and girly in your presence by being emotionally masculine and strong.
- Feel sure of yourself and of your attractiveness to her.
When you have that kind of confidence and self-belief, you will naturally talk, behave and take action in a way that is attractive to your ex (and to other women).
She then stops putting up walls every time you interact with her and saying that she wants to play it safe and stick with her new guy for now, and she allows herself to open back up to the idea of being in a relationship with you again.
On the other hand if you just try to convince her to forget about her new guy without first reawakening her feelings for you, she’s just going to keep saying, “No.”
Another reason why a woman will play it safe and stick with her new guy is…
5. You have given her a false sense of power over you
After potentially begging and pleading with your ex for another chance when she broke up with you and chasing her desperately after that, she now feels like she’s much more valuable than you, which by the way, isn’t actually the case.
She might then start thinking things like, “What did I ever see in him? He’s just so desperate to get me back that he allows me to treat him any way I want and he never stands up to me, even when I’m intentionally being bitchy to him. He’s such a wimp. There’s no way I would leave the safety of my new relationship to be with him again. I just couldn’t respect a guy that I can so easily push around and dominate. ”
Here’s the thing…
If you hand your power over to a woman, she won’t be able to respect you anymore.
If she can’t respect you, she won’t be able to feel sexually attracted to you and without those two things, she has no reason to want to be in a relationship with you again.
So, don’t give your ex one more reason to feel like she has power over you.
You need to reclaim your power from her by not falling for her games anymore.
For example: The next time she says that she wants to play it safe and stick with her new guy for now, rather than get upset about it, or try to argue with her and convince her to change her mind, simply laugh and say, “That’s a great idea. I think you should definitely play it safe. I’m way too much man for you anyway. However, your new guy seems perfect for you.”
Of course you don’t really mean that, but by saying something like that to her you’re showing her that you’re not going to allow her to push you around anymore.
Initially she might be a bit shocked that you’re talking to her like that.
However, deep down she will be feeling strong bursts of respect and attraction for you again.
She’s also going to be wondering about how and why you’ve changed so much and she’s going to be curious to find out more.
You can then use that to your advantage, fully reactivate her feelings and get her back into a relationship with you where she now feels motivated to be good to you, treat you well and make you feel loved and appreciated.
Where Guys Go Wrong When Trying to Get an Ex Back Who is With a New Guy
If you want your ex to break up with her new guy and come back to you, you’re going to have to show her (via your actions, behavior and the way you make her feel), that you’re a much better catch than he is.
That is why you need to avoid making any of the following mistakes:
1. Waiting patiently in the hope that she comes back, but she doesn’t
When a woman is saying, “I want to play it safe and stick with my new guy for now,” it’s very easy for a guy to feel disheartened.
He might then decide that the only option left for him is to give her some space and allow her to miss him.
Then, when she realizes that he’s no longer chasing after her, she might fear losing him and come running back.
He then waits around for weeks, months and in some cases even years, hoping that his ex will come to her senses and choose him, only to feel devastated when he discovers that she’s fully moved on and either married her new guy, or happily in love with someone else.
So, if you want your ex back, don’t waste time waiting for her and hoping that she will come back on her own.
If she hasn’t come back on her own by now, she probably won’t ever come back.
If you want her back, you have to step up and make it happen.
Another mistake to avoid is…
2. Becoming needy for your ex because you keep comparing other women to her and no-one compares
After a break, a guy might sometimes forget about his ex’s bad points and remember only her good points.
He may then make her out to be so much more perfect than she really was, that he struggles to meet another woman who can ever match up to her.
He then starts thinking things like, “I’m doomed to be single for the rest of my life because no other woman is as amazing as my ex. She was perfect in every way and I can’t live without her. I need to get her back,” which prevents him from being able to move on.
He then stays stuck in a loop where no other woman can match up to his ex, but she doesn’t want him back, so he remains single and alone.
Here’s the thing…
No one is perfect; not even your ex.
However, if you continue to compare her to every other woman you meet, you’ll never be able to move forward with your life.
That doesn’t mean you have to give up on her and settle for another woman.
It simply means you have to get to the point in your life where you can be happy with, or without your ex.
When you can do that, something amazing happens…
You suddenly become more attractive to your ex. Why?
Even though she won’t admit this, she likes the idea of being with a man who can have any woman he wants, but chooses to be with her.
She realizes that you’re not a lonely, depressed guy who has been sitting at home alone pining for her, which automatically makes her begin to feel some respect and attraction for you again.
Another mistake to avoid is…
3. Pretending to be happy for her when you’re not
If your ex can see that you’re happy without her and having a great time, then it will definitely make her feel drawn to you again on some level and you can then build on her feelings and get her back.
However, if you only pretend to be happy and she sees through it (i.e. because she tests you by acting hurt that you’re happy without her and you then fall for it and tell her you’re not) she will just lose even more respect for you for not having the backbone to be honest about how you feel in a calm, confident, non-needy way.
Another mistake to avoid is…
4. Being neutral and friendly with her, which doesn’t interrupt the process of her moving on
If a woman is pushing her ex away and saying that she wants to play it safe and stick with her new guy for now, he might decide to pretend that he’s only interested in being her friend now (e.g. he’s nice and polite towards her, doesn’t flirt to create sexual tension, doesn’t make her feel attracted).
Essentially he’s hoping that by being her friend, she will eventually realize that he’s a good guy (e.g. because he’s not pushing her to get back together again, he’s indispensable to her) and she will then choose him over her new guy.
Unfortunately though, that approach doesn’t work if the woman isn’t attracted to him anymore.
Instead, she will enjoy having him around as her nice, sweet friend and then enjoy having sex, falling in love and moving on with her new guy (or another guy who ignites her sexual and romantic feelings for him).
So, if your goal is to get your ex back, don’t pretend that you don’t by being too neutral or friendly around her.
Instead, focus on making her feel sexually attracted and turned on every time you interact with her, so she will naturally begin to want more of that from you.
Make her want you and when you do, things will begin to unfold more naturally and easily.
Before you know it, she will be breaking up with her new guy and you and her will be a couple again.
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