Even if your ex wife said that she doesn’t want you back and is happy with a new man, the reality is that you do still have a chance with her.
Likewise, if she says that she just wants to be alone, or focus on the kids and doesn’t want you back, it still doesn’t mean you have no chance.
There is always a chance to get an ex back.
Here’s why:
1. Decisions change when feelings change
A common reaction that some men have in a situation like this, is to take whatever their ex wife says to heart.
For example: If she says, “Look. Please accept that I don’t want to get back with you. It’s over and I won’t change my mind. You need to move on,” a man might misinterpret that to mean, “Nothing you can say or do will make me change my mind. So give up right now and go away. We will never, ever be a couple again and my decision is set in stone.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
Feelings change all the time and when they do, decisions also change.
So, even though your ex wife may have currently decided that she doesn’t want you back because she no longer feels enough respect, attraction and love for you to justify being together anymore, it doesn’t mean she will feel the same way a week from now, after you have reactivated some of her feelings.
Get it?
You can literally change how she feels and as a result, change her decision making process regarding you.
How?
Well, you’ve already done it many times before.
Do you remember how when you first met her and she didn’t have feelings for you at all?
You were just some guy who was hitting on her and she may have even decided in that moment that she wasn’t 100% interested in you.
Yet, after talking to you further, she may have begun thinking, “Hmmm…he’s not so bad after all. In fact, he’s kind of cute and sexy in a way.”
In that moment, she decided to give you a chance.
From there, you likely got her to go on a date with you and then be your girlfriend, even though she may not have initially been very interested.
You then made her fall in love with you, which resulted in her deciding that she wanted to be your wife and spend the rest of her life with you.
You did that.
You did it by building positive feelings of love, respect and attraction inside of her as you began dating her.
Unfortunately, over time, you also made some mistakes that decreased and maybe even killed some of her feelings, which resulted in her feeling a lot of anger, disappointment or resentment towards you.
Then, she decided that she didn’t want to stick with you for life anymore.
Now, you can literally make her want you back again, because her feelings for you really can change like they have in the past.
So, if you want your wife back, don’t give up yet.
The solution is to re-attract her so she wants to get back with you.
You can do that by interacting with her and actively creating new sparks of attraction inside of her, by displaying traits that are going to be attractive to her at this time (i.e. emotional strength, emotional independence, confidence, the ability to flirt with her and create sexual tension).
When she feels new sparks, her thought process about you changes, which leads to her being more open to getting back with you.
2. Forgiveness usually happens when the other person feels motivated to forgive for their own reasons
Maybe you’ve already tried to get your ex wife to forgive you and she said, “No. You had your chance. You hurt me too much and I will never be able to forget it. I can’t forgive you for what you did.”
The reason why is because she may feel that you were asking her to forgive you so you can feel better about what happened, or to get her back, rather than having to live with the shame of ruining your marriage for the rest of your life.
So, letting you off the hook by taking away the guilt you feel regarding your mistakes didn’t seem like it was beneficial to her.
Instead, she might have wanted to make you suffer for a while, for putting her through the pain she went through.
If that’s the response you’ve been creating inside of her, then she naturally won’t want you back.
This is why, you need to get her to understand that forgiving you is for her own benefit.
Explain to her that if she doesn’t forgive you, she will go through life feeling bitter and angry about your failed marriage and it will cause problems with future relationships for her.
She has an opportunity to do the mature thing now by forgiving you, which will then get rid of any emotional baggage she has about relationships (i.e. secretly believing they can’t work, worrying that she will experience it again with someone else).
That way, she has a reason to want to genuinely forgive you.
Of course, when she does forgive you for her own benefit, it also benefits you because it automatically causes her stop looking at you in a negative way.
She recognizes that who you are now and who you were when she divorced you, are two completely different people.
You really have changed as a man by learning from the experience of the divorce (or separation).
Her being able to see that, instantly makes you more emotionally attractive to her, whether she wants to admit it or not.
When she sees you as being attractive again, it stops her from feeling as though it would be impossible to give you another chance.
After all, her feelings for you aren’t dead and in fact, are coming back in new and interesting ways.
3. Almost all new relationships fail, so the chances of her finding a perfect man are slim
Most statistics don’t look favorably on new relationships.
For example:
Experts indicate that 90% of rebound relationships (the relationship a man or woman has right after breaking up a signification relationship) fail within the first 3 months.
Likewise, in terms of dating relationships, 60% of unmarried relationships break up within 2 months and 70% end within 1 year, according to Social Science Data Collection at Stanford University, California.
So, when a woman starts dating a new guy after her divorce or separation, the chances of them making it past 3 months is pretty slim.
The reason why, is because she’s almost certainly dating a guy who is the opposite, or as close to the opposite of her ex (e.g. if her ex was too serious and focused on his career and the future, she will date a guy who is carefree and easygoing. If her ex was insecure, she will be attracted to a confident guy).
Yet, that doesn’t mean he is her ideal match and within 3 months, a woman will usually realize it and the relationship will begin to end.
However, in a case where a woman makes it past the first 3 months of a rebound relationship, the chances of the relationship lasting longer than a year is only 30%.
So, even if your ex wife doesn’t want you back because she’s dating a new guy (or has her eye on a new guy), the chances of things working aren’t very high for her.
If you want to speed up the process of her losing interest in dating and just wanting to be back with you, then you need to interact with her and attract her in new ways.
If you just avoid her and hope she wants you back, she might worry that you’ve lost interest and she will be then be afraid to show interest, in case you reject her.
So, don’t play games with her.
Just begin re-attracting her and get her back.
4. When you are able to make her feel a new kind of attraction and love, she realizes that her feelings for you aren’t dead
This is so important for you to grasp and begin to put into action.
It’s the solution for you to get her back.
The reality is that when your wife realizes that her feelings for you aren’t dead and in fact, are back in new and interesting ways, she becomes curious about exploring her new feelings for you.
She feels as though it would be interesting to get back with you, because it wouldn’t be the same as it was before.
You have changed and are now able to make her feel attracted in ways she wished you would in the past.
It’s a new start for you and her, rather than having to continue along the path of throwing away all that you and have her have built and been through together.
This is why, you must focus on giving her an upgraded attraction experience every time you interact with her from now.
Remember: If you think, talk, act, behave and treat her the same way you did before, she’s not going to see the point of getting back with you because it will feel the same.
It has to feel different to her now.
For example: From now on…
Rather than always getting into long discussions about the marriage, the divorce and what you did wrong, focus on making her laugh and smile when she’s with you, so the idea of losing you (and the happiness she experiences with you) starts to worry her.
Make flirtatious banter a main feature of all of your interactions with her, rather than just talking to her in a neutral way like a friend, or a bored, sexually uninteresting or uninterested ex husband. When you use flirting, it builds sexual tension, which means that you’re on her mind whenever she starts to feel horny.
If she creates drama and tries to blame you for the divorce, use laughter and playful teasing to stand up to her, rather than caving in, getting defensive, arguing or being emotionless.
The more you awaken her feelings of respect and attraction for you in new ways, the more open she will become to giving you another chance.
5. Sometimes, married couples split up, grow as individuals, get back together and are then happier than before
According to research conducted by Nancy Kalish, Ph.D., professor emeritus of psychology at California State University, Sacramento, married couples that reunite after divorce have a 72% chance of staying together for life.
One of the main reasons why is because having a history together, falling in love, then going through a rough patch, working things out and then getting back together again, is one of the most amazing feelings a couple can experience in life.
It’s a deep, bonding experience and millions of couples do it every year.
You can be one of the men who successfully guides your wife back into a relationship with you, rather than just giving up due to the split, separation or divorce.
You will be surprised at how easy it is when you focus on making her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you and then guiding her back into feelings of love and passion again.
It really does work.
You will only know that though if you try it.
If you give up, or think that you can’t because of things she’s said (e.g. “I’ll never change my mind”) then you won’t get her back.
You have to be strong and get this done for your sake and hers.
4 Mistakes Men Often Make When Their Ex Wife Doesn’t Want Them Back
1. Hoping that if he just gives her more space, she will eventually come back
Yet, years then pass and she ends up fully getting over him and moves on with a new man, often after dating and sleeping with a number of new men first.
He then ends up regretting his decision when she’s happily married again to her next husband, or in love with another man and living a good life without him.
Honestly ask yourself: Is that how you want things to turn out with her?
Do you really want to be the sad, ex husband looking on and missing her, regretting not making a move while you still had a chance?
If you don’t want to be in that position, then let me make one thing very clear: Giving her more space is not the answer.
What is?
Using every interaction you have with her from now on, to actively re-spark her sexual and romantic feelings for you.
That is what works.
Rather than ignoring her and hoping she comes back on her own, you have to be bold enough to flirt with her, be playful with her and make her feel like a sexy, desirable woman in your presence.
If you don’t do that, she will begin to consider that what you and her had is totally and completely dead now.
She will then try to find romantic happiness, lust, sex and desire with another man.
2. Never truly understanding the power of attraction and how it changes a woman’s mind
Some men simply don’t know how much power and control they have over how much attraction a woman feels for them.
Women literally feel attracted to you in reaction to the personality traits and behaviors you display or don’t display (e.g. confidence vs. insecurity, emotional strength vs. insecurity, masculinity vs. timidity, flirtatiousness vs. neutrality).
How much attraction your wife feels is based on how you approach interactions with her.
When you interact with your wife and make her feel attracted, she begins to look at you in a positive light.
She realizes that you aren’t so bad after all and her feelings for you aren’t dead.
This then causes her to rethink her decision about leaving you.
She feels as though if she doesn’t give you another chance, she is going to miss you and regret it.
As a result, she feels compelled to open up, give you a chance and see how it goes.
So, regardless of what your ex is saying now (e.g. she doesn’t want you back), you need to understand that she won’t want to stick to that decision when she’s feeling attracted to you again.
It’s almost impossible, because it would mean going against what feels good and right to her.
That’s why, it’s so important for you to focus on making her feel attracted to you during interactions.
The more you change how she feels, the more she can’t resist giving you another chance.
However, if you keep talking about how you want her back but don’t do anything to make her feel sexually and romantically attracted again, she’s going to continue not being interested.
3. Trying to win her back by being a nice, helpful or generous ex husband
Although a woman might appreciate it when her ex is being sweet and generous, it’s not what will change her feelings for him or make her want him back, especially if she senses that he’s doing it to suck up to her and make her feel pity for him.
Women don’t feel attracted to a guy out of pity.
Attraction is a reaction to a man’s strength (i.e. confidence, emotional strength), not weakness (i.e. insecurity, emotional weakness).
4. Feeling unworthy to guide her through the ex back process and get back into a relationship with her
When a man doesn’t feel worthy of his ex wife anymore, she will sense it and feel turned off.
She will pick up on his self-doubt via his attitude, body language and the way he talks and behaves around her, which will then result in her feeling as though she could do better than him (even if that’s not true).
So, if you want your ex back, you must begin to absolutely believe that you are good enough for her and then take action to re-attract her and get her back.
If you don’t feel worthy, she will look for a new man who does.
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