Here are 5 possible reasons why:
1. She is trying to create some distance between you, so she can move on
Sometimes, a woman is unsure how to go about distancing herself from her ex husband so that she can make a new start in her life without him.
For so long he has been a very crucial part of her life and in many ways she has likely been dependent on him (e.g. to take care of the finances for the both of them, to make her feel safe and protected, to contribute to the household expenses, to help out with the chores).
However, now that they are no longer together, she needs to take on all those responsibilities for herself and move on.
It’s not that she necessarily wants him back, but it also doesn’t mean it’s easy for her to let him go.
So, rather than continue keeping him in her life (i.e. by interacting with him over the phone and in person), she may just decide to cut him off completely to make it easier for herself to let him go and move on.
In that way, she hopes that if she creates some distance between them, she can find herself another man and start a new life.
Here’s the thing though…
If you don’t want that to happen, you need to change your approach to interactions with your ex wife, so she doesn’t want to shut you out.
How can you do that?
Rather than getting into serious discussions about the divorce or endless, pointless arguments about what happened with your ex wife, just focus on making her laugh and feel good to be interacting with you again.
For example: If she blames you for something that happened when you were married, rather than react in your usual way (e.g. by defending yourself, throwing all her mistakes in her face too) turn it instead into something you can both laugh about.
Note: That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take what she says seriously.
It simply means that you’re looking for something positive to laugh about together in stressful moments, rather than getting caught up in feelings of anger and disappointment and ending up arguing and feeling disconnected from each other as a result.
The fact is, if you can make your ex wife smile, laugh and drop her defenses around you, it will make it a lot more difficult for her to stay stuck on the idea of not talking to you anymore.
She may then begin thinking things like, “Okay, maybe cutting him out of my life completely is a harsh step. After all, he is still my ex husband and we have a shared history together.”
So, don’t waste time trying to convince your ex wife to reconsider her decision to not talk to you anymore.
Instead, make her change her mind by re-sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for you, so she wants to keep you in her life.
Another possible reason why your ex wife doesn’t want to talk to you is…
2. You are trying to talk to her via text
It’s understandable that if your ex wife is refusing to talk to you over the phone or meet up with you in person, you may have resorted to interacting with her via text, just to get through to her.
However, here’s the thing…
Although texting is fine if you have something quick to say to her, lengthy discussions shouldn’t happen via text, especially if they are about the marriage, the kids or other in depth topics.
Here’s why…
When a woman has lost touch with her feelings of respect, attraction and love for a guy, anything he says to her via text will likely annoy her, because she’s feeling closed off towards him.
So, rather than look at what he’s texting with an open mind, she instead ends up thinking things like, “This is so typical of him! He wants to talk about serious things via text, rather than man up and look me in the eye while he’s doing it. It’s just another sign that this divorce was the best decision I made.”
She then becomes more convinced that she doesn’t want to talk to him anymore.
She feels turned off because he’s putting way too much effort into typing long, detailed texts and trying to work through relationship problems via messages.
Basically, when a guy uses texting as his main method of communicating with his ex wife, it only highlights to her that he can’t handle the situation like a real man.
She then pushes him away and refuses to talk to him anymore.
So, if you want to get your ex wife to not only respond to your texts, but also want to interact with you over the phone and in person, make sure that you only text her short messages that will make her smile or laugh.
However, don’t hide behind texts.
Instead, start reactivating your ex wife’s feelings of respect and attraction for you on a phone call and then follow through with a meet up, where she can see for herself that you really are a very different man from the one she divorced.
That’s the real, fast, manly way to get a woman back, regardless of whether she’s an ex girlfriend or an ex wife.
When you make her have feelings for you again in person and she then begins to reconnect with her feelings of sexual and romantic attraction for you again, she naturally wants to continue talking to you and seeing you.
However, when you hide behind texts, it just doesn’t make a woman feel motivated to stay in touch with you.
Another possible reason why your ex wife doesn’t want to talk to you is…
3. She can see that you still don’t understand what really turned her off, or you haven’t yet changed it
Quite often a guy will attempt to stay in his ex wife’s life in the hope that she will eventually reconnect with her lost feelings of love for him and give him another chance.
Although this is quite possible, the problem arises when the guy doesn’t know what aspects of his thinking, behavior and attitude turned her off in the first place, so he continues to make the same attraction mistakes as before while he tries to get her back
So, while he’s hoping that staying in touch with his ex wife is the key to finally getting her back, she’s likely thinking things like, “Why won’t he leave me alone? After all, our divorce is final and it’s better for both of us if we go our separate ways and try to make a fresh start. Maybe if he had changed or improved a little bit since we broke up, I would have wanted to at least remain friends with him, but seeing as he’s still stuck at the same level he was at when we divorced, I don’t see any point to keeping him in my life. He’s just holding me back and preventing me from moving on.”
This is why, if you want your ex wife to remain open to interacting with you, you need to show her that you understood her real, secret reasons for divorcing you and have already taken steps to improve some of those things about yourself.
That doesn’t mean you have to be perfect in order for your ex wife to want to remain a part of your life, it just means you need to show her that some definite, positive changes have been made.
By the way…
If you’re unsure of what may have caused your ex wife to want to get divorced, here are some of the things that can turn a woman off about her husband…
For example:
He stopped being the confident, emotionally strong man she married and has become very insecure, emotionally sensitive and unsure of himself, resulting in her having to be the emotionally stronger one and take care of him (e.g. by boosting his ego, encouraging him to take more risks in his life, pushing him to try new things).
Although he initially seemed to have a purpose and direction in life, she’s now realized that it was all an act and that he never actually takes steps towards accomplishing his goals and ambitions. He’s all talk and no action.
She fell in love with him at the start because he didn’t need her and it was fun to chase him, but he ended up changing completely and becoming a needy, clingy husband.
He started off being a nice guy who could stand up for himself, but over time he became wimpy and submissive around her. He allowed her to get away with bad behavior, which made her feel unsafe about his ability to handle other challenging people in life (e.g. at work, friends, family).
He started off being loving and attentive towards her, but as the marriage progressed, he began to take more and more advantage of her (e.g. didn’t pull his weight in the home, failed to show appreciation for her efforts to look good for him, didn’t notice all the nice things she did for him).
Before they got married he made promises to her (e.g. to buy a house, to go traveling, to focus on their careers for the first few years before having children, that he would provide for both of them so that she could finish her studies), but over time she realized that he had no intention of keeping his word to her.
At the beginning of the marriage he treated her like a sexy, desirable woman that he couldn’t get enough of, however, over time the spark died and he started to treat her like a friend or roommate.
By understanding and then changing the things that really matter to her, your ex wife will be able to begin feeling respect for you again.
When she starts to respect you, she will also feel attracted to you and with those two very important emotions in place, reconnecting with her feelings of love won’t be very far behind.
Another possible reason why your ex wife doesn’t want to talk to you is…
4. She is tired of giving in and letting you walk all over her
Sometimes, a guy will continue to treat his ex wife like they’re still married.
For example: He might…
- Ask her to run errands for him (e.g. fetch his suits because the cleaners are on her way home from work, buy a few things for him as well when she goes grocery shopping for herself).
- Show up at her house with his dirty laundry and ask her to wash it for him by saying that his washing machine is broken, or that it will only be a one time thing, or because he can never do it as well as she does.
- Call her all the time to ask her to help him find random things in the house (e.g. various documents, the extra washing powder, his spare care keys, the instructions on how to use the dryer/microwave oven/vacuum cleaner).
- Ask her to still host business dinners for him, entertain friends or take care of obligations they have with family or friends on his behalf.
Although a woman might initially give in and help out where she can (after all they were married and she understands that it’s likely difficult for him to adjust to her not being around and doing all the things she used to do for him), if she gets a sense that he’s using her and subconsciously still acting like they are married, she will almost certainly get fed up.
In a case like that, she may decide to cut him off completely and refuse to talk to him, so that she can get on with recovering from the divorce and moving on.
Here’s the thing…
If you’ve been taking advantage of your ex wife (e.g. because you miss her and it feels comforting when she still does the things she used to do for you), it’s time for that to stop.
If you want her back, you need to focus on reactivating her feelings for you, rather than walking all over her and taking advantage of her good nature.
Only when she’s feeling drawn to you again in a way that feels good to her, will she also be happy to help you out, not before.
Another possible reason why your ex wife doesn’t want to talk to you is…
5. She has heard it all before and doesn’t believe you this time
By the time a divorce goes through, a couple will likely have had several fights and arguments and possibly even a separation.
So, the woman will have likely heard all her guy’s promises and excuses to change before.
This is why, if after the divorce the guy continues to say things like, “Please give me a chance to make things right between us. I know I really stuffed up, but I’ve truly learned my lesson now. I promise that things will be different if you just give me one more chance. I really still love you and I don’t want to let you go,” rather than feel happy that there’s still a chance of reviving her marriage, she simply won’t fall for it, because she’s likely heard it, or something similar, before.
As a result, she may decide to cut him out of her life completely (especially if they don’t have children or other binding obligations together) and refuse to talk to him or see him in person.
So, what can a guy do in a situation like that?
Firstly, he needs to take steps in actually changing and improving some of the things that caused the break up in the first place (e.g. if he was reckless and rash before, he’s now more responsible and grounded, if he was lazy and lacked ambition before, he’s now more focused and is actively pursing his big goals in life, if he was too clingy and needy before, he’s now emotionally independent and making progress and having fun in his life without her).
Then, he needs to interact with her over the phone and especially in person and let her pick up on the changes.
He doesn’t tell her that he’s changed.
He lets her pick up on it herself.
Women are very good at noticing the subtle changes in the behavior of men, which indicate a man’s confidence, emotional masculinity and self-esteem, because it naturally comes through in his attitude and in how he talks to her, what he says and how he reacts to what she says and does, without him having to say anything to her about it.
So, don’t bother trying to convince your ex to give you another chance by making promises to her that things will be different this time, or try to detail all the little things you’ve changed about yourself to hopefully hear her say, “Wow! I’m so impressed. Okay, you can have another chance now.”
Instead, just be the new, improved, more confident and emotionally strong version of yourself when you talk to her and she will inevitably pick up on it.
However, even when she gets to the point where she can see that you really have changed and is willing to interact with you more and more, you shouldn’t be asking her to get back together again.
Remember: A relationship is the final step of the ex back process, not the first.
That means, before even getting to the point where you suggest having a relationship again, you have to first re-attract her and get to a kiss and then sex.
Focus on that and a relationship will naturally begin to be discussed or considered after that.
4 Common Mistakes to Be Aware of When Interacting With Your Ex Wife From Now On
Just because your ex wife currently doesn’t want to talk to you, it doesn’t mean she will feel that way after you’ve reactivated some of her feelings of respect and attraction for you.
This is why, you need to make sure that every time you interact with her from now on, you’re turning her on, rather than turning her off.
That means, you can’t be making any of the following mistakes:
1. Always trying to have serious conversations with her about the relationship
Right now, you and your ex wife have gone likely being going through the long and often difficult process of breaking up a marriage (i.e. getting separated or going through divorce proceedings).
As a result, your ex wife may feel as though everything that needed to be discussed has already been discussed and that there’s nothing left to talk about.
So, if you continue to try and have serious conversations with her about the relationship, how sorry you are about hurting her and how you wish things could have worked out differently, without first changing how she currently feels about you (e.g. like it’s all your fault), rather than make her open back up to you, it will just highlight to her all the reasons why you’re divorced.
Here’s the thing…
At this point in the ex back process, you need to focus on making your interactions with your ex wife feel as fun, enjoyable and stress free as possible.
It’s not about constantly cracking jokes around her and not taking things seriously.
Instead, it’s simply about not making every conversation you have with her about the relationship.
When she’s smiling, laughing and enjoying being in your presence again, it becomes difficult for her to keep thinking, “I don’t want to talk to him anymore. I want him out of my life.”
Instead, she drops her guard and opens up to at least being friends for now and you can then build up her feelings for you and get her back.
Another mistake you shouldn’t be making is…
2. Asking for another chance, even though you haven’t reactivated her romantic feelings
Even though you might still have feelings for your ex wife and want her back, chances are, she doesn’t currently feel the same way.
The truth is, for a relationship to get back together, there needs to be mutual feelings.
It doesn’t have to be exactly mutual, but your ex wife does need to still have some positive feelings for you.
If you try to get her back when she doesn’t, she’s naturally not going to want to talk to you or see you anymore.
She’s going to be saying, “No… I’m not interested. Why are you being like this? We’re divorced for a reason and you need to accept that and leave me alone.”
So, if you want another chance with your ex wife, you need to re-spark her sexual and romantic feelings for you first.
You don’t have to be perfect to re-attract her, just better.
Then, when you interact with her again and she sees that you’re at a different level than you were when you and her were married, her walls will naturally begin to come down.
Even if initially she tries to stop herself from caring about you again, she won’t be able to stop herself from imagining what being the wife of the new you would be like.
She then opens back up to talking to you again and seeing you in person and you can then build up her feelings and make a fresh start together.
Another mistake you shouldn’t be making is…
3. Making her feel like she is obligated to talk to you because of your history together
Sometimes, a guy makes the assumption that because him and his ex wife were married, she owes it to him to stay in touch.
At the back of his mind he may even be thinking things like, “I don’t know why she’s being like this. She was my wife and even though things didn’t work out between us, she can’t just stop talking to me. That’s not right. After all we’ve been through, she can’t just turn her back on me like this. What we had was big and now we’re a part of each other’s lives forever, whether she wants that or not. That’s just how it is.”
Yet, that’s not how it works.
What you and your wife had is in the past now and unless you and her have children together, or are business partners or something similar, if she doesn’t want to keep you in her life, she doesn’t have to.
So, if you want your ex wife to continue talking to you so that you can get her back, stop demanding it and start making her feel like she wants to.
In other words, don’t make interactions with her feel like a pain in the butt.
Instead, make her laugh and smile when you’re interacting with her.
Then, she will automatically want to keep you in her life because she feels good when talking to you, not because she has to, based on your history together.
Another mistake you shouldn’t be making is…
4. Sucking up to her in conversation
In some cases, after a divorce, a guy might act super nice and sweet to his ex wife, in the hope that she will feel bad about not wanting to talk to him anymore.
Unfortunately though, rather than that happening, his sucking up to her actually results in her feeling annoyed by his lack of confidence and balls.
In her eyes, he no longer has the ability to be the man in the relationship.
He is essentially handing over all of his power to her in the hope that she is nice to him and takes pity on him.
That’s not enjoyable for a woman.
She wants him to be good to her, but not to lower himself as a way of hopefully gaining her pity.
As a result, she loses even more respect for him and feels determined to cut him out of her life for real.
So, don’t bother sucking up to your ex wife to make her feel pity for not wanting to talk to you.
Instead, focus on re-sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for you, so she naturally wants to talk to you and see you again.
You can then make her fall in love with the new and improved you and get her back.
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