Here are 5 possible reasons why she feels that way:
1. You and her seemed to have the same idea about what marriage was initially, but that changed over time
One of the most important aspects of a happy and successful relationship is that the man and the woman both have the same ideas about marriage.
For example: Imagine a guy proposes to his woman and they begin discussing their life together.
Seeing as the man was raised in a more traditional family where his father went out to work and provided for his family and his mother stayed home to take care of the household and the children, he may then expect the same dynamic to happen between him and his soon-to-be wife.
He might then say something like, “I’m quite well established in my job/business, while you’re still in a low level position at work. So, it makes better sense if I focus on my career, while you focus more on our home. Then, when we have children, it will be easy for you to quit your job and stay home to take care of them.”
At the back of her mind, she may be thinking something along the lines of, “That makes sense. His job is better than mine, so for now, I can take care of all the responsibilities at home like the cooking and cleaning. However, I am planning on moving up the levels in my career and when that happens, we can re-look our arrangement to suit both our needs.”
Naturally, because she is in love with him and is excited about getting married, she then agrees with his idea of how their marriage will be, without saying what’s on her mind.
Basically, she doesn’t think it will be that big of a deal and when things change (i.e. she starts to advance and earn as much, or even more than him), he will be happy to support her and share the responsibilities in the home and with any children they may have together.
As it turned out however, the guy never felt comfortable with changing the dynamic between him and his wife, even when she was the one with a better career and earning more money.
In his mind, he still expected her to be solely responsible for the household and the children.
This may then have led to arguments and disagreements where he said things like, “I thought we discussed this before we got married and agreed that you will be the one taking care of our family and home. Why are you being so stubborn now?” and she then responded with something like, “We agreed because you were the one who was more settled, but that’s changed. It’s only fair that the duties get shared equally now that I’m the one with the better job and earning more money. Why can’t you see that?”
Over time, this led to a total breakdown of the trust in the marriage and ultimately to divorce.
The guy might then struggle to understand why this happened and he may even ask his ex wife to explain what went wrong, only for her to say something like, “We grew apart and became different people.”
What a guy like that doesn’t realize is that even though him and his ex wife seemed to have the same idea about what marriage was initially, it doesn’t mean those ideas are set in stone.
In most cases, for a marriage to last, both the man and the woman have to change and evolve based on what life throws at them.
That doesn’t mean a guy (or woman) has to compromise on his fundamental beliefs about marriage (e.g. staying faithful to each other, treating each other with respect and consideration), but it does mean he needs to be flexible and open to change that can be beneficial to the both of them.
If he can change and evolve, his wife will naturally feel motivated to contribute to the relationship and be good woman to him.
However, if he stays stuck in his opinions and refuses to see things from her perspective, she will usually disconnect from her feelings of respect, attraction and love for him and begin pulling away, being closed off and wanting a divorce.
Another possible reason why your ex wife said you and her grew apart and became different people is…
2. One of you became increasingly mature emotionally, while the other remained the same or became more immature than before
The main thing that usually draws a couple together is that they are both on the same level as people.
For example: Both people in a couple might be…
- Party animals that love to go out to clubs and have fun, drink and dance the night away. Their relationship is mainly about being carefree and enjoying being young and full of energy together.
- At university or college together and only focusing on graduating and finding suitable work before they make decisions about buying a house or starting a family together.
- Avid travelers who aren’t interested in setting down roots in any one place and simply prefer to go from place to place and experience new people, cultures or environments together.
So, if one person matures a lot faster than the other, they will naturally start to grow apart and one, or both of them, will realize that they’re no longer compatible.
If the woman is the one who matures faster than her man (e.g. she stops wanting to party all the time and wants to focus more on her studies or career instead, while he still prefers to stick to partying and being carefree. She graduates, gets a job and wants to buy a house and then have children, while he still drifts from job to job and doesn’t want the responsibility of a mortgage or children. She gets tired of always being on the move and wants to settle down in one place, while he still wants to experience more places), she will eventually begin to feel that she is being forced to suppress her true feelings and desires for the sake of the marriage.
She will then likely start resenting her husband for not growing up and she slowly begins to disconnect from her feelings of respect, attraction and love for him, until it leads to them getting a divorce.
Of course, it’s not always the woman that matures faster than her man and it can also happen the other way around.
Either way though, when a couple is not in sync with each other, it will inevitably lead to misunderstandings and unhappiness.
When that happens, a woman will likely tell herself something along the lines of, “This doesn’t feel right anymore. I used to feel so good around him, but now it’s terrible. I just can’t be who I want to be anymore, because I’m always putting on an act to please him. It’s just not working between us anymore. We’ve grown apart and we’ve become different people.”
She then asks for a divorce, so that she can reconnect with the person she really wants to be, rather than suppressing her true self and being forced to be who her husband wants her to be.
Another possible reason why your ex wife said you and her grew apart and became different people is…
3. After all the arguing and fighting, the marriage just didn’t feel the same anymore
Although arguments and disagreements are natural in any relationship, if it becomes something that happens all the time, it will inevitably change the man and his woman and the way they perceive each other.
Basically, it’s like they become different people.
At times they’re almost like enemies at war with each other and always trying to prove the other wrong, so they can then feel good as individuals.
In situations like that, a woman will eventually get tired of how much effort seems to be required to be in the marriage with her husband.
She may then begin thinking things like, “This is not what I signed up for. I hate that we’re always fighting and that I end up hating him when it’s over and hoping something bad will happen to him. I don’t like being that person. This marriage has become too stressful for me.”
So, rather than continuing to deal with the stress, she will look to get a divorce.
He might then feel hurt and disappointed with her and he may even say to himself, “Why did she give up so easily? Didn’t our vows mean anything to her? Sure, we had some problems, but she didn’t even try to make things work. Instead, she’s telling me that we grew apart and became different people. I just don’t understand.”
Here’s the thing though…
Unlike in the past where a woman would stay in a marriage for life regardless of how bad she felt, in today’s world, a woman is free to leave any time she wants if she isn’t feeling the way she wants to feel (i.e. like she can look up to, respect, feel attracted to and love her man).
It’s just the way things are.
So, for a guy to get his wife back in a situation like this, he needs to change how he interacts with her, in a way that makes her feel respect and attraction for him again (e.g. he makes her smile and laugh, feel feminine and girly in his presence, understands her subtle, secret reasons for feeling turned off by him initially), then her feelings for him will also change.
However, if he continues to argue and fight with her about the same things, she will just keep saying things like, “Forget it. We’ve grown apart and are two different people now. Our marriage is over and you need to accept that.”
Another possible reason why your ex wife said you and her grew apart and became different people is…
4. You weren’t able to maintain her attraction and possibly even developed unattractive traits and behaviors that weren’t there initially
For a woman to be happy and maintain respect and sexual attraction for her man, she needs him to think, act and behave in ways that are important to her (e.g. he is confident and emotionally strong and takes care of both of them, he thinks about their future together and takes the right actions to get them there, he is good to her which makes her feel motivated to be good to him, treat him well and make him feel loved as well).
So, if her husband starts to behave in ways that turn her off, she will naturally begin to disconnect from her feelings of respect, attraction and love for him.
She will then usually stop feeling motivated to contribute to the relationship and be a good wife to him and will instead start pulling away.
When that happens, the sex will usually start to dry up, they begin to spend more and more time doing separate things (e.g. hanging out with their own friends, focusing more on work, participating in separate hobbies) and slowly grow apart.
Eventually, there is nothing keeping them together and they end up getting a divorce.
This is why, if you want to get your wife back, you need to get clear on what aspects of your thinking and behavior turned her off, so that you can make some attractive adjustments to yourself and easily re-attract her.
For example: Some of the unattractive traits and behaviors that a guy might develop after he gets married are:
- He starts feeling unsure of himself and his attractiveness to his wife, so he becomes needy, clingy, jealous or controlling.
- He struggles to cope with the stresses of life (e.g. the responsibilities of marriage, work, raising children), so he becomes irritable, snappy and easily annoyed or angry with her.
- He stays stuck at the same level in life and refuses to make any progress towards his goals or dreams.
- He gives up all his own friends, interests, hobbies and dreams in life so that he can spend all his time with his wife and he expects her to do the same thing too.
- He becomes too serious and responsible in the marriage and stops being fun to be around.
- He starts taking his wife for granted and begins to treat her more like a friend (i.e. he stops making her feel like a desirable woman).
- He loses the emotional masculinity that attracted her to him in the first place and becomes wimpy and emotionally weak by allowing her to dominate him.
When your ex wife can experience your new, attractive behavior for herself, she will naturally begin to feel more respect and attraction for you as a man.
She will then drop her guard and allow herself to open back up to the idea of being in a relationship with you again.
Another possible reason why your ex wife said you and her grew apart and became different people is…
5. You let the stresses of life change you as a person
Every couple goes through stressful times or moments and experiences challenges and obstacles.
It’s how they deal with them and react to them that makes all the difference.
Some couples are happy and totally in love despite their world crashing down around them, whereas some couples can’t even deal with minor obstacles or bumps in the road.
The responsibility rests on the man’s shoulders to be the strong one and guide himself and his woman out of the chaos and back into control.
When that happens, both him and his wife don’t ever feel the need to break up.
They only want to be together with each other in a committed relationship, because that’s when they feel the best, most fulfilled, most loved, safest and happiest.
On the other hand, if the man can’t create a secure, happy dynamic in his relationship with his wife, they will inevitably grow apart and become different people.
Where Guys Go Wrong After Divorce
You can get your wife back if you want to.
However, if you go into the ex back process with the wrong mindset, it will become a lot more difficult than it needs to be.
So make sure you avoid making any of the following mistakes:
1. Not knowing that it’s possible to re-attract her and get her back with a new approach
If you try to get your wife back by using the same old attraction methods you used before you and her got married (e.g. being really nice to her, buying her gifts, letting her have her way), rather than make her want to get back together again, she will likely just think something like, “This is my point exactly. He’s still doing the same old things and expecting me to be impressed. Yet, I’ve changed. I’m not the same naïve young girl that fell in love with him the first time anymore. I’m a mature woman now and what I need is a real man who can make me feel like a real woman when I’m with him.”
So, if you want to show your ex wife that you’ve changed and matured in the ways that matter to her, you need to make sure that your approach to attraction is new and different from now on.
When you begin attracting her in new ways (e.g. being more confident around her, being more ballsy and standing up to her when she disrespects you or creates drama, being more emotionally independent), she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling drawn to you again in a way that feels good.
She won’t be able to stop herself from feeling a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you and then, the idea of getting back together again starts to seem appealing to her.
Another mistake is…
2. Acting like a neutral friend to her and expecting her to feel sparks of romantic and sexual attraction
If you act like a neutral friend around your ex wife, she will probably only ever have friendly, neutral, non-sexual feelings for you.
She might even start turning to you for advice when she becomes interested in another guy or experiences guy problems because she now feels so comfortable with you.
So, if you don’t want to find yourself in that position, make sure that every time you interact with her (on the phone or in person) you actively spark her feelings of sexual and romantic attraction for you, rather than pretending that you only want to be her friend.
Of course, it’s perfectly fine to be friendly with her, but just make sure that you’re not pretending to be an innocent friend who isn’t interested in her in a sexual or romantic way.
If you do, you may end up regretting it when she calls you to tell you that she’s in love with someone else.
Finally, another mistake to avoid is…
3. Giving up if she doesn’t seem interested at the moment
In almost all ex back cases, a woman won’t seem very enthusiastic at the idea of getting back with her ex.
Instead, she will remain neutral, or even cold and closed off and wait to see if he’s really changed and improved before she lets down her walls and allows herself to have feelings for him again.
So, don’t worry about it if your ex wife is currently acting like she’s not interested in giving you another chance.
You can make her interested.
All it usually takes is for you to interact with her over the phone and especially in person and make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for the new man you’ve become.
When she sees for herself that you really are the man she always wanted you to be, her reasons for wanting to be divorced will begin to fade away.
She then opens back up to seeing you more, to see where things go from there.
So, if you want her back, don’t give up just yet.
Get her back and give your marriage one more try.
It’s actually pretty damn easy to do.
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