Why do so many people feel down, sad, useless, worthless and unlovable after a breakup?
Here are 12 of the most common reasons why:
1. Your life no longer feels happy without her in it
She was a big part of your life and a major source of your happiness, which has naturally left you feeling empty, worthless or useless now that she’s gone.
It sucks, but if you want her back, it’s essential that you get out of the slump you’re in and start feeling more confident, upbeat, positive, hopeful and optimistic.
Why?
It will make you more attractive to her because women are attracted to the emotional strength in men.
If you interact with her and she senses emotional weakness (e.g. insecurity, neediness, self-doubt, desperation), it will turn her off further and make her feel more certain of her decision to leave you.
So, lift your spirits by starting to feel more confident, upbeat, positive, hopeful and optimistic.
How?
By understanding that you can re-attract her and get another chance if you want to, so it’s not completely over yet.
You still have a chance.
Another possible reason why you’re feeling useless after a breakup is…
2. You know that it’ll probably be very difficult to find another woman who makes you feel the way she did
If you and her had a special connection (e.g. you had a private kind of humor that really worked between you and her, were into the same kind of things, she made you feel cool, the sex was amazing, you loved each other’s quirks or weird traits, you understood each other deeply), then it will naturally be difficult for you to let that go.
Additionally, right now, you probably don’t even want to let it go.
Instead, you probably just want her back.
You might also not be interested in dating any other women, no matter how beautiful they are.
You just want your ex back and that’s fine.
However, a big part of getting your ex back is becoming emotionally attractive to her again.
You won’t be emotionally attractive to her if you need her back (i.e. to make yourself feel better, because you can’t attract new quality women, because you’re not strong enough to let go and fall in love with a new woman).
To be emotionally attractive to your ex, you need to genuinely look at her as special and as a woman that you love, but not as the only woman who could make you feel true love, or make you happy.
Your ex is not the only woman who can do that.
You can literally fall in love with countless types of attractive women and experience an amazing, life-changing kind of love experience.
Of course, you don’t have to date any of those women.
Instead, you just have to know that it’s possible, rather than looking at your ex as the only option in the world for you.
When you stop looking at your ex as the only option, you automatically become more emotionally attractive to her because you become emotionally independent of her, rather than being emotionally dependent (i.e. needy, desperate, clingy).
That way, when you interact with her, she will sense the changes and naturally feel attracted and drawn to you, which will make the process of getting her back so much easier.
3. You’re still in love with her, but she doesn’t want anything to do with you
When a guy gets dumped by a woman he loves, it often feels like the breakup is ‘out of the blue’ or ‘all of a sudden.’
In other words, he doesn’t really see it coming, so her leaving him is a huge shock.
All of a sudden, he is left on his own, still in love in her and wanting to be with her, which can result in him feeling empty, useless, unlovable, worthless and so on after a breakup.
On the other hand, when a woman breaks up with a guy, she will usually have already fallen out of love with him, often weeks, months or even years prior to the breakup.
She will have prepared herself for it.
As a result, a woman is usually able to let go of the relationship and begin to move on a lot easier, compared to her ex who is still in love and wanting to be with her.
4. You feel like you have no power or control over the situation
Sometimes a guy will feel that way if he has tried to get his ex back with an ineffective approach (e.g. he begged and pleaded with her, promised to change anything she wanted if she’d just give him a chance, tried to charm her with flowers and gifts).
As a result, he ends up feeling useless, down and hopeless about the situation.
Yet, when a guy uses an effective ex back approach (i.e. he focuses on making her have new, sexual and romantic feelings), he has a lot of control over the ex back process.
She suddenly feels drawn to him and wants to get back together for her own reasons (e.g. she is curious about her new feelings for him and wants to explore them, worries about moving on and then regretting it later on, feels turned on by the changes in him, feels hopeful about making the relationship work, decides that she wants to try again, rather than risk wasting a lot of time by dating many new men).
So, just understand that you do have a lot of power and control over the situation.
If you re-attract her properly, she will give you another chance.
If you make classic mistakes now that she has left you (e.g. cutting off contact and waiting for her to come back, writing a soppy email to her, texting her about your feelings, trying to work things out via text and so on), then you will end up feeling more disappointed and useless when you see that she just moves on without you.
5. She was your world, or a big part of what made you feel confident and secure about yourself in this world
In some cases, that can happen if the woman is very beautiful, or is truly a special woman that he doesn’t want to lose.
In other cases, it’s because the guy mistakenly assumes that she wants him to make her the center of his world and not focus on other things.
He may believe that due to inexperience with relationships, a misunderstanding of what really attracts women, believing what he heard a random woman say (without knowing that women almost always say one thing and do something completely different when it comes to relationships with men e.g. a woman says, “I want a nice guy” and she then lusts after bad boys or players), or because he’s seen that kind of relationship dynamic on TV (e.g. the guy treats her like a princess, gives up everything for her) and assumes it’s what women really want.
A guy like that will stop focusing as much on his goals, hobbies or friends, in order to be able to give her all of his attention.
While doing that is fine initially in the early stages of dating, it’s not sustainable (i.e. women don’t want that dynamic in the long run. A woman wants a man who is totally focused on his biggest goals, dreams and ambitions, while also giving her enough attention and interest) and it also leaves a guy open to having his whole world come crashing down if the woman dumps him (i.e. because she has become his world, his purpose, his goal).
How about you?
Did you go that far with her, to the point where she became the most important person and most important thing in your life (i.e. she became your world and nothing else really mattered to you)?
Alternatively, did you continue working on your goals and making progress in life, but simply ended up relying on her too much for your sense of security, identity and worthiness as a man in this world?
Whichever approach you used (or whatever version of it you used), now that she’s left you, it’s only natural that you are feeling down.
Here’s the thing though…
Don’t worry if you placed too much importance on her, made her your main reason for living, or relies too much on her for your emotional security; you can still fix the situation and turn things around.
Almost all women are open to getting back with an ex, as long as he can level up and attract her in ways that are important to her.
Another reason for feeling useless, worthless or unlovable after a breakup, is…
6. You’re not sure if you’ll ever be good enough to keep a quality woman for life
A breakup can really put a dent in a guy’s confidence and feelings of worthiness when it comes to quality women.
Even though he may be a success in other areas of life (e.g. at his job, with investments, playing sports, maintaining friendships, taking care of his health), none of that really holds much weight when the woman he loves dumps him and no longer wants anything to do with him.
Without her, everything else about him seems meaningless, or unimportant.
After all, those things didn’t make her stay with him, so why would another quality woman want to stick with him?
If a guy begins to feel that way, he will naturally feel down and may even feel like a useless man, who doesn’t really deserve a quality woman.
Yet, here’s the thing…
He simply made some mistakes.
Pretty much everyone stuffs up a relationship at some point in their life.
What separates the average men from the great men, is that the great men of this world use challenges they face as opportunities to become stronger, wiser, more attractive, more appealing and more effective.
You can do that too.
You may already be a good man, but you’re not at your best.
You can be better.
Use this as an opportunity to level up, so you can either re-attract your ex, or attract new, quality women who would love to be with you and stay with you for life.
7. You’re feeling demotivated because you’re not interested in doing things without her
After being dumped by someone you love, getting out and doing things, socializing or having fun with others usually doesn’t seem very appealing.
You’re feeling sad, depressed, rejected and dejected and it’s possible that the last thing you want to be doing right now, is spending time around other people who don’t understand and expect you to just snap out of it.
Yet, here’s the thing…
You’ve got to be strong if you want to be emotionally attractive to her and get her back.
Push yourself to get out and be around other people and have fun (e.g. do outdoor activities, socialize, party).
Why?
Women are instinctively attracted to men who are emotionally strong enough to get on with their life and be happy, regardless of what life throws at them (e.g. a difficult breakup).
On the other hand, women are turned off by men who struggle to pick themselves up from the floor when something difficult happens.
So, if you interact with your ex and she senses that you’re feeling depressed and unwilling to do anything without her, she will interpret it as emotional weakness and feel turned off by you.
This is why it’s so important for you to start having fun again asap, even if you don’t feel like doing it right now.
8. You feel like a failure in comparison to your friends, or family who are able to keep relationships together
Comparing your relationship to that of your friends and family is pointless because every person and every relationship is unique.
What you and your ex shared together can never be replicated by anyone else, just like the relationships of your friends or family can’t be duplicated by you and another woman.
So, don’t focus on them.
Focus on you and her and how you can get her back.
When you do that, you will realize that there are easy things you can do to re-attract her and make the relationship even better than it was before.
9. You’re still in the early stages of the grieving process and don’t know how to speed it up
The 7 stages of grief after a breakup are:
- Shock
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Testing
- Acceptance
In some cases, it can take a guy months or even years to get to stage 7 (Acceptance), whereas in other cases, a guy will get there within hours or days.
The guy who gets there quickly can then begin interacting with his ex, re-attracting her and getting her back.
You can do that too.
10. You love her so much, but she doesn’t feel the same way in return
Maybe she used to love you just as much as you loved her, but she stopped feeling that way due to certain things that happened in the relationship (e.g. you became insecure, weren’t manly enough, didn’t know how to handle her very confident, or independent personality, you often became frustrated and irritated around her, you sulked and sought pity from her if she wasn’t being affectionate).
Alternatively, it’s also possible that she didn’t ever love you the way you loved her because you didn’t understand how to attract her in the ways that she truly cares about (e.g. she wants a guy who is more of a challenge, rather than nice, neutral kind of boyfriend who just wants to be good friends with her. She wants a guy who is very manly in his behavior, or a guy who is more determined and ambitious).
In other cases, it could be due to the fact that she couldn’t ever really be her true self around you (e.g. you needed her to dull her personality down around you, otherwise you felt insecure, unloved, awkward, confused).
Whatever the case is, you have found yourself in love with a woman who doesn’t feel the same way about you.
No matter what you’ve tried to do (e.g. plead for another chance, promise to change, ask her what she needs from you), she hasn’t budged and won’t give you another chance.
So, what should you do?
Understand that you haven’t done everything to get her back.
There is still a lot more you can do to get her back and it will be easier to do, compared to what you’ve tried already.
Another possible reason why you’re feeling useless after a breakup is…
11. You tried to be a great boyfriend, but it wasn’t enough
It would be great if being nice, sweet and doing whatever a woman wants in a relationship was the secret to maintaining her respect, attraction and love for life, but it’s not.
What makes a woman stay with you for life, is when you understand the attraction experience she wants (e.g. for you to be the more dominant one, but still respect her and love her. For you to make her feel the need to impress you and maintain your interest, while also putting in effort to impress her and maintain her interest) and you then do that, no matter how many years pass.
When you give the woman the attraction experience she wants, she will want to forgive any mistakes you make, so can continue being with you and feeling the kind of attraction she wants.
However, when you just focus on being a good boyfriend to her (e.g. being there for her, being generous, caring for her, always having her best interests at heart), it won’t make her stay with you for life if you’re not giving her the attraction experience she really wants.
You could literally give her the moon or stars and it won’t matter, if she isn’t getting the attraction experience she wants.
So, if you did try your best to be a great boyfriend, but she dumped you anyway, it’s only natural that you might feel a bit useless, lost or confused right now.
You thought you were doing the right thing, but you were missing a big piece of the puzzle (i.e. the attraction experience she wants).
12. You’re basing your perception of yourself on how little she valued you in the end
If she saw you in a negative light near the end of the relationship, it doesn’t mean her perception of you is final and cannot be changed.
Yes, you made some mistakes that turned her off leading up to the breakup and possibly during and after it, but most people do.
That’s why breakups happen.
It doesn’t mean you are unlovable and unworthy of her now.
You can literally change her perception of you by making her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
When that happens, she will see your value again and naturally feel drawn to giving you another chance.
Most guys can achieve that within 24-72 hours after a breakup, whereas others take about a week or so to get it done.
So, if you want to stop feeling useless, worthless or unlovable, start the process of getting her back and then enjoy a new, improved relationship with her.
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