At one time, you and your wife really were in love.
Your relationship seemed like it would last a lifetime, so you made the decision to get married. After the wedding, you likely headed off for a fun, loving and enjoyable honeymoon. Things were great for a while, but they eventually fell apart. Now, you’re looking for advice on how to get your wife back.
So, what happened? Where did you go wrong? When attempting to get your wife back, you must understand where it all went wrong before you can make things right.
After helping men get their wife back for years, it became very clear to Dan Bacon (founder of The Modern Man and creator of Get Your Ex Back: Super System) that women go through a 3-stage process before deciding to leave their husband…
The 3-stage process doesn’t happen overnight and it is usually not a selfish, mindless decision by a woman. In most cases, the woman puts up with a bad relationship for a long time before finally deciding to call it quits.
Can you relate to any of the problems outlined in the video above? If so, the good news is that those problems can be fixed. As long as your wife can see that you really have changed, fixed your issues and improved yourself, she will become open to the idea of being with you again.
Here’s why…
You don’t have to become a perfect man to get your wife back, but you simply need to let her see that you really have changed. It’s not enough to promise that you will change because you’ve probably promised her that many times before and haven’t been able to follow through.
A wife will usually give her husband many chances before eventually pulling the trigger to ask for a separation or divorce. So, if you are serious about getting your wife back, you will need to be serious about making some real changes to the way you think, behave and act around her and in life.
Why Did Your Marriage Fall Apart?
The reasons for a marriage falling apart are varied and complex. However, did any of the following apply to you and your wife?
1. Did you let her wear the pants?
One of the most common traps guys fall into in a marriage is thinking that TV “marriages” offer an insight into what it takes to make a real world marriage work. This is a mistake on many levels, not least because real life is not like life as we see it on TV.
In the majority of popular TV sitcoms, the wife “wears the pants” and the husband usually adopts an “anything for a quiet life” attitude to keeping the peace in the marriage. On TV this seems to make for a “happy” marriage but in reality it won’t work out that way because contrary to the popular portrayal, women don’t want to be in charge.
The bottom line is that modern women are still instinctively looking for a provider and a protector in the same way that their hunter-gatherer ancestors did.
The world may have changed beyond recognition, but on a deep and primal level, a woman still wants to be with a man who has what it takes to make her feel like a real woman. In other words, a man who makes her feel girly at times, makes her feel pretty and sexy, while also respecting her and allowing her be her true self.
If you fell into the trap of believing that a woman wants to wear the pants in a relationship, chances are you slipped into putting your wife in charge of making all of the decisions in your marriage.
You probably thought this was the easiest way to keep things running smoothly and to avoid any arguments over domestic matters, but in reality it will have resulted in your wife feeling less and less like a woman with each passing day.
Remember: A woman wants to feel like a woman in a relationship but to be able to relax into a truly feminine role she needs to be with a man who can confidently take the masculine role.
With this in mind, any attempt to get your wife back by asking her to tell you what it is she wants will not bring you the results you want. By asking her to tell you, you’re demonstrating that you don’t know what the problem is and that you don’t have the masculine qualities needed to be able to naturally take the lead in a relationship.
This means that saying something along the lines of, “I can change, just tell me what it is you want me to do differently and I’ll do it,” will change nothing because words are just empty promises without actions to back them up.
If you don’t know what it is that needs to change and you’re asking her to spell it out for you, you’re asking her to take the lead and this does not allow her to relax into the feminine role she wants to be in.
2. Did you take her for granted?
Another common mistake made by married men is slipping into patterns of behavior that lead a wife into feeling she is being taken for granted. A good example would be making a habit of changing your plans at the last moment.
This might be calling her from work to say you’re going to be late because you’re going for a celebratory drink with a work colleague who has just been promoted, even when you know she’s at home cooking you a special meal, or choosing not to have a quiet night in to watch a movie as planned because “something came up” and you’re going out instead.
If you adopt an attitude of, “We can do it some other time,” and you change plans frequently without giving her a second thought, she’s very quickly going to feel taken for granted in the relationship.
With this being the case, any attempt to get your wife back by saying you’ll pay her more attention or you’ll put her needs first will fail unless you can show her that you mean what you say.
Guys often say that their wife left without any warning and it came as a complete shock that she was unhappy, but this will not be the reality.
She will have been sending out plenty of warning signals and she will have been communicating her feelings through her body language, and his inability to pick up on those signals or respond in any way only adds to her feelings of being way down on the list of priorities in his life.
Whatever her reason for leaving, to get your wife back you need to show her through your actions and behaviors that you have learned from the experience and you have taken steps to become a better man.
At the time of leaving you, she felt she had fallen out of love with you, so getting her to consider coming back is all about getting her to feel differently about you and to fall in love with you again.
Here at The Modern Man, we teach men how to develop the qualities that women love and need from a man and we show guys how to use those qualities to create the ideal relationship dynamic.
When you take steps to become an even better man than you are right now, you not only become a man your wife wants to come back to, but also a man she falls so deeply in love with that your relationship grows stronger, happier, and more loving than ever before.
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