For years now, I have been getting several requests per day from guys who need help getting an ex back.
Today, a man contacted me and asked, “Dan – I need help getting my ex back. It’s been two months since the break up. Is it too late to get her back?”
Three hours later, another guy contacted me to say, “I’m serious about getting my ex back, but I’m afraid that I’ve destroyed her feelings for me because I was begging and pleading for another chance when she broke up with me.”
Luckily, I do have the perfect solution to get a woman back, which has already worked for countless guys before you arrived at the site today.
So, to help you begin the exciting process of getting your ex back, I’m going to point out some of the classic mistakes that you need to avoid when getting an ex back.
9 Classic Mistakes to Avoid When Getting Your Ex Back
The following mistakes will slow down the process of getting her back and will make it more difficult for you, so make sure that you stop making these mistakes now or avoid making them from now on while you attempt to get her back…
1. Completely ignoring her by using the No Contact Rule.
Pretty much everywhere that you look online, people will tell you that if a woman breaks up with you, the first thing you need to do is stop contacting her for a minimum of 30 days.
Here’s the thing though…
Most of those random people online (a lot of them are just kids) simply don’t understand that the No Contact Rule doesn’t work on every woman, because not all break up reasons are the same.
The only time that the No Contact rule will work is if the woman still really loves the guy, feels attracted to him and respects him. If he then ignores her after the break up, she will miss him, contact him and they can then arrange a meet up and get back together.
The No Contact Rule can also work (sometimes) if the woman is unattractive and can’t find a replacement guy after the break up, or if she is young and inexperienced with relationships and doesn’t know how to deal with the emotional pain of a break up.
Yet, in all other relationships (I’ve personally helped 100s of guys to get a woman back via my phone coaching service, so my opinion is based on a lot of real world experience), the woman will simply use the no contact period to move on with another guy, or to go out and sleep with random guys to get over her ex.
If you want to get your ex back for real, what you need to do is get her on a phone call, apologize for your mistakes and then get her to meet up with you in person.
When you meet up with her in person, what you need to do then is make her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you. It’s only when a woman experiences that renewed sense of respect and attraction that her protective guard then begins to come down.
After a break up, there’s nothing wrong with leaving a few days in between contacting an ex, but following the silly 30 day No Contact rule that you will find online is usually a recipe for disaster.
2. Trying to get her to give you another chance, even though you haven’t really changed.
For most women, it’s not enough to hear that a guy will change if she gives him another chance. She wants to see that he already has changed, otherwise it just won’t feel right to give him another chance.
When you think about it, you will realize that a relationship between a man and a woman is a mutual decision that both parties continually make.
If a woman is unhappy in her relationship, she can make a decision to want to get out of that relationship.
Unlike in the distant past when a woman had to remain a virgin until married and then stick with her husband for life even if she was unhappy, in today’s world women are free to get in and out of relationships if they aren’t satisfied with the man they’ve got.
Just because you and her experienced some great times before, maybe had amazing sex and shared a loving relationship together, it doesn’t mean that she has stick with you for life.
The only way to get a modern woman to stick with you for life is to deepen her feelings of respect, attraction and love over time. You can’t take her for granted and expect her to put up with you, even though you aren’t prepared to put in the effort to make real changes and improvements to the flaws you currently have.
You don’t have to be perfect to get her back, but you do have to be able to show her that you already have made some significant changes to the things that caused her to break up with you in the first place.
For example: If a woman broke up with a guy because he was insecure and wasn’t enough of a man for her, she will need to see that he is now emotionally strong and confident and is also much more capable of being the man she really needs.
If he tries to convince her to give him another chance without making any real changes or improvements to himself, she knows that she doesn’t have to give in to his request.
She knows that she can simply continue on with her decision to break up with him and find herself a guy who isn’t insecure and is enough of a man for her.
3. Lying to her about being over her when you’re not.
Most people are able to detect when someone is lying them to.
For example: Have you ever been talking to someone who was trying to appear as though he/she was being truthful and sincere, but you could tell that they were lying?
Of course you have. We all experience that at some points in our life and most of us are good at spotting liars from honest, sincere people.
The same applies to your ex.
If you lie to your ex by telling her you’re over her and that you’re absolutely fine without her, she will be able to pick on that via your body language, tone of voice, behavior and how you are expressing yourself.
If she can’t detect the lie, she has a very simple way to find out.
She can suddenly start to show you interest and see how you react (e.g. She might say, “I don’t know anymore…I miss you…I’m confused…I love you…do you miss me?”) and see how you react.
If you react by jumping all over her signs of interest and then declare that you’ve been missing her, are still in love with her and want her back, then she knows that you were lying to her.
When she discovers that, she will then lose more respect for you and may even want to get emotional revenge on you (e.g. have sex with a random guy she meets and then tell you that she met someone, send you random text messages to keep your hopes up, say that she wants to stay friends and see you every now and then, etc).
So, unlike the silly advice that you might find online that will tell you to lie to your ex about and pretend that you’re over her, what you really need to do is be honest and fearless when it comes to love.
You need to tell her that you do love her and you do miss her, but at the same time, you need to show her that you are doing well without her and that you are okay emotionally.
If she can see that you are emotionally strong, secure and happy without her, but you do still love her and are not afraid to say that, it will be something that makes her feel respect for you as a man.
However, if she feels as though you are an emotional mess without her and you then tell her that you love her and miss her, it’s not going to make her feel respect or attraction for you.
4. Bombarding her with texts, emails or social media messages.
This is probably the most common mistake that I see guys make when they are trying to get their ex back.
When I speak to guys via my phone coaching service, the main excuse they use for all the text messages to their ex is that she prefers text or messages.
My response is always the same, “Bad luck for her if she likes that. What you need to do is get her on a phone call and then meet up with her in person, because that is going to be your best chance to get her to feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.”
Hiding behind texts is the worst thing that you can ever do when you’re trying to get an ex back.
Why?
If your ex currently has a negative perception of you, she is most-likely going to look at your text messages through that negative filter of perception.
For example: If a woman broke up with a guy because he was insecure and clingy, she isn’t going to be fooled if he tries to act confident via text. She will roll her eyes and simply keep moving on without him.
The easiest, most effective way to get your ex to feel respect and attraction for you again is to get her on a phone call and meet up with her in person.
Only then can you use your body language, vibe, attitude, behavior and conversation style to show her that you really have changed and are now the sort of guy that she can look up to and respect, as well as feel attracted to.
5. Assuming that you are not allowed to flirt with her or make her feel attracted to you anymore.
A lot of the guys that I’ve coached have been making this mistake, where they feel as though it’s not their place anymore to be able to flirt with her, make her feel attracted or even say that they find her sexy or beautiful.
There is nothing wrong with you still being attracted to your ex, finding her sexy, flirting with her and making her feel attracted to you.
You are allowed to take on that position if you want to.
She might tell you that it’s not appropriate to be flirting or joking around anymore when you talk to her, but all you need to do is simply laugh at her for being so silly and serious about things.
Don’t let her push you around like that.
If you let a woman push you around into being a neutral ex who feels unworthy of her, she will actually lose respect for you and when she loses respect for you, she won’t be able to feel attracted to you.
Women respect balls, so don’t let her cut your pair off like that. Just smile at laugh at how silly, immature or overly serious she is being and then continue on being the type of a confident, charismatic, masculine guy that she and other women will naturally find attractive.
If you haven’t gotten her respect back first, she will probably deny feeling any attraction for you and will probably remind you that she’s not interested, so make sure that you follow the process correctly.
You need to get her respect back and only then will she begin to allow herself to feel attracted to you again.
When she allows herself to feel attracted to you, she will then begin to have some feelings for you again and will become open to meeting up again, hooking up sexually or giving the relationship another chance.
6. Showing signs of emotional weakness.
This is also a very common when attempting to get an ex back.
Of course, when the woman you love dumps you, it’s only natural that you will be feeling a bit hurt emotionally. You won’t necessarily be feeling the strongest and most confident that you’ve ever felt in your life.
However, you need to make sure that you don’t display signs of signs of emotional weakness to her. Why?
Women are naturally attracted to the emotional strength of men (e.g. confidence, high-self esteem, etc) and turned off by the weakness (e.g. insecurity, low self-esteem, clinginess, etc).
7. Not continuing to move forward in life in other ways.
When a guy gets dumped by a woman, he will sometimes fall into a downward spiral and not fully focus on his work or studies anymore.
Some of the guys that I’ve coached via my phone coaching service have told me that, as a result of the break up and the state of depression they are now in, they’ve recently gotten fired from work, are in trouble with their boss (e.g. coming in late, calling sick, etc), have stopped exercising or eating healthy food, stopped hanging out with friends and basically stopped making any more progress in life.
One of the things that a woman can feel attracted to about a man is his emotional strength to keep pushing forward in life, no matter how challenging life gets.
So, if your ex notices that you’re not really making much progress in life anymore because the break up has destroyed you, it’s going to cause her to lose even more respect and attraction for you.
8. Allowing her to treat you badly or disrespect you during conversations.
A couple of weeks ago, I was coaching a man and he said something like, “Getting my ex back hasn’t been easy because every time I talk to her, she seems to shoot me down or disrespect me during the conversation. What should I do to get her to take me seriously?”
In cases like this, a guy needs to apologize for his mistakes and show her that he has changed the things about himself that caused the break up.
For example: If she broke up with him because he lacked balls and she was sick of being able to push him around in the relationship, he needs to be able to talk to her in a more confident, assertive way, while also still being the loving, good guy that he is.
So, if he is talking to her and she disrespects him on the phone, he can demonstrate confidence and emotional strength by not getting angry, flustered or nervous in response.
Instead, he needs to smile and laugh at her in a relaxed, easy-going manner and say something like, “Hey, there’s no need to be rude to me like that. I deserve more respect than that and I know that you’re capable of being more mature, so just go easy on the cold bitchy stuff.”
If she does it again on the call or in person, or does it again when he meets her days or weeks later, he needs to smile and laugh again and say, “Hey, ease up on the cold bitchy stuff. I deserve more respect than that…I know that you’re more than capable of being mature, so how about a little smile and a bit of respect?”
She will get the picture that her bitchy attitude is her fault and that he’s only being a good, loving man. Since he is being confident, assertive, but also loving and easy-going, she will feel foolish to continue talking rudely to him.
Then, based on that, she will begin to respect him more and when that happens, she will begin to open herself up to feeling attracted to him again, forgiving him and meeting up with him in person more regularly.
9. Showering her with gifts.
Sometimes a guy will feel as though he can win his ex back by paying her rent, buying her the engagement ring he always promised, buying her gifts or offering to take her on expensive holidays.
In some cases, it is a good move, but in 95% of the cases I’ve dealt with, it has been a bad idea to shower the ex with gifts or financial assistance.
Here’s the thing…
If a woman doesn’t respect her ex (e.g. he has been really insecure and still hasn’t changed, he allows her to push him around, etc) then she’s not going to feel attracted to him.
When a woman doesn’t feel respect or attraction, then she’s not going to really value the gifts that he gives her.
She might take them (most women do, based on what I’ve heard from clients) if she is selfish or if she wants to get some revenge for how he treated her during the relationship, but it’s not going to get the relationship back together.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with buying something for a girlfriend, fiancé or wife if you’re in a happy relationship, but in an ex back situation, it’s not a strategy that works to make a woman think, “WOW! I made a mistake dumping this guy. I need to be with him because he’s so generous with money and always buys me things.”
What you really need to do is get her respect back (i.e. give her an apology, have already significantly improved the things about yourself that helped cause the break up) and then make her feel attracted to you again when you talk to her on the phone or meet her in person.
Note: I said, “When you talk to her on the phone or meet up with her in person.” I didn’t say, “When you text her.”
When getting an ex back, text is the worst thing you can ever use because if she has a negative perception of you (e.g. she thinks you are insecure), she will read your texts through that perception filter and will feel suspicious if you try to act confident and emotionally secure without her.
So, in terms of buying her things as a way of getting her back, just hold off on that for now. Only buy things for her or give her any financial assistance if you are actually back in a relationship.
Buying her things will not get her respect back or make her feel attracted to you. The things you buy her or what you help her pay for are not you. She needs to want you, not things.
She’s going to be in a relationship with you (not the things you buy her), so you need to get her to respect you, feel attracted to you and want you.
What you need to do is focus on getting her on a phone call where you will get her respect back and begin to respark some of her feelings of attraction.
Then, you need to get her to meet up with you in person and further regain her respect and get her to feel attracted to you. When that happens, her protective emotional guard will begin to come down and she will open herself up to having feelings for you again.
It will happen naturally and automatically, as long as you start by getting her respect back, followed by making her feel attracted to you.
If you don’t know how to do that, I explain what to say and do at each step of the way in my program, Get Your Ex Back: Super System
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