Here are 5 things you should do if you want her back:
1. Don’t give off an, “I want a relationship with you. That’s all I am interested in. I can’t deal with being just friends” energy when around her
Sometimes, when a guy still has feelings for his ex and secretly wants her back, he can’t stop himself from making every interaction he has with her about that.
For example: A guy might…
- Talk about all the great times they had together and say things like, “We were really good together,” or “What we had was really special.”
- Call, text or message her every day just to stay on her mind.
- Like all her posts on social media regardless of how trivial her comments might be.
- Suck up to her over the phone and when they are together, even when she’s being a bit bitchy towards him.
- Make himself indispensable to her (e.g. helps her with errands, chores or bills).
- He insinuates himself into her life (e.g. if they get invited somewhere by mutual friends he says things like, “Don’t worry about taking your car. We can go together. I will pick you up”).
- Make himself available to her 24/7 regardless of his own plans.
In his mind he’s likely thinking, “I’m just being a good friend to her, that’s all. It’s not like I’m asking her for a relationship or pressuring her in any way to get back together again.”
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that a woman can easily see through a guy’s act and pick up on his true intentions.
She then starts thinking things like, “I’m not sure that hanging out with my ex is such a good idea after all. It looks like he still has feelings for me, but I don’t feel the same way about him. So, the more we see each other, the more he will likely assume he has a chance with me. Yet, I don’t want to give him that impression, because I’m just not interested in him in that way anymore. Maybe it’s better if we cut all ties and move on with out lives separately from now on.”
Here’s the thing…
If you want your ex to start having feelings for you again, you need to focus on using interactions to make her feel respect and attraction for you.
That means, you need to behave in ways that are attractive to her (e.g. confident, emotionally independent, relaxed), rather than in ways you think she wants (e.g. extra nice, always available, overly helpful).
When you have the confidence to hang around your ex without making it all about getting her back, something amazing happens.
Not only do you feel better about the break up, but you instantly become more attractive to her as a result.
She stops thinking of you as her good old reliable, boring ex who she knows she can push around because he wants her back and starts to see you in a more positive light (i.e. because you’re being an emotionally strong, confident, masculine man).
She then starts to feel surges of respect for you again.
When that happens, she feels attracted and when she respects and feels attracted to you, her guard comes down and she opens herself up to the idea of getting back together.
Another thing you should do when hanging out with an ex you still have feelings for is…
2. Focus on making her feel sparks of sexual and romantic attraction for you, so the feelings become mutual
If your ex is open to the idea of you and her hanging out, you’re actually luckier than most guys are after a break up.
Essentially, you have a valid reason for meeting up with her any time you want (i.e. you and her are now friends).
However, if you waste that opportunity by being too nice or neutral with her (e.g. because you’re afraid of losing her if she picks up on the fact that you still have feelings for her), you might actually lose her for real to another guy who has the balls to make her feel attracted.
So, don’t waste your interactions with your ex by pretending that you’re not interested in getting her back.
Of course that doesn’t mean you should go on and on about how much you still care for her either.
Instead, focus on having fun with her, while at the same time making her feel strong sparks of respect and attraction for the new man you have become.
For example: Some of the ways you can do that is by…
- Making her laugh and smile and feel relaxed to be around you again, rather than trying to get into intense, deep discussions about the relationship.
- Flirting with her to create some sexual tension between you, rather than just acting friendly or neutral.
- Making her feel feminine and girly in your presence by being more emotionally masculine than her and not allowing her to dominate you during conversations.
- Maintaining your confidence with her regardless of what she says or does to make you feel unsure of yourself around her.
- Believing in yourself and in your value to her, rather than doubting yourself.
- Showing her that you’re now a new and improved man that she can look up to, respect, feel attracted to and love, rather than continuing to make the same old attraction mistakes as before.
When she experiences the new you for herself, she will naturally start to feel sparks of sexual and romantic attraction for you again.
She then stops putting up walls every time you interact with her and starts to feel open to the idea of being in a relationship with you again.
Another thing you should do when hanging out with an ex you still have feelings for is…
3. Be a more emotionally attractive version of yourself
This simply means you make some quick, easy improvements to yourself, so that when you hang out with your ex, she starts to see you with different eyes.
For example: Some of the ways you can become more emotionally attractive are…
- If you were a little bit confident before, like in situations where you felt comfortable such as at work or with your friends, you now become a lot more confident. Even when you’re in unfamiliar situations that would have made you feel uncomfortable or unsure of yourself in the past (e.g. when hanging out with an ex you still have feelings for), you now feel relaxed and sure of yourself.
- If you were too much of a nice guy before and allowed your ex and other people to push you around, you now become more assertive and stand up for yourself in a firm, yet loving way.
- If you fell into the habit of treating your ex like a friend so she stopped feeling like a real woman around you, you now become more emotionally masculine in your approach so that when you hang out with her, she starts to feel feminine and girly again.
- If you were unsure of your purpose and direction in life before and seemed to just be drifting along, you now become more focused and goal oriented. You know what you want and you’re busy working towards achieving it.
Show your ex (via the way you now talk, act, think, behave and react to her) that you now have the ability to be the man she always wanted you to be.
Then when you hang out together and she sees that you really have changed and are more emotionally attractive to her as a man now, she will automatically begin to feel surges of sexual and romantic attraction for you again.
When that happens, it will then become a lot easier for her to reconnect with her feelings of love for you and want to give the relationship another try.
Another thing you should do when hanging out with an ex you still have feelings for is…
4. Let her see that your confidence isn’t dependent on how she treats you, reacts to you or feels about you
Right now, your ex probably suspects that you still have feelings for her.
However, even if she feels the same way about you, she’s unlikely to make it easy for you to get her back.
Instead, she’s almost certainly going to test your confidence before she opens herself up to giving you another chance.
For example: Some of the way she might do that is by…
- Pretending that she’s completely over you to see if you will lose confidence in yourself and stop hanging out with her, because you can’t bear to be around her knowing she doesn’t return your feelings of love.
- Flirting with other guys in front of you, or talking about other guys that are interested in her to test if you will get jealous or angry and start doubting your attractiveness to her, or if you will maintain confidence in yourself and your value to her.
- Being distant and closed off towards you during conversation to see if you can maintain your confidence with her, or if you become insecure and unsure of yourself (e.g. you start stumbling over your words, you become extra nice to her, you try to please her).
- Messing with your head by saying things like, “I miss you, but I don’t want to get back together again,” to see if you will lose it and start begging and pleading with her to change her mind.
Essentially, she wants to see how strong of a man you really are, so it’s very important that you don’t let her get to you.
It’s up to you to stay emotionally strong, regardless of what she’s saying or doing to make you doubt yourself around her.
Remember: Women are naturally attracted to confidence, so if you can pass her tests, she will naturally feel attracted to you, even if she initially only wanted to mess with your head.
When she feels attracted, she will then drop her guard and open herself up to giving you another chance.
However, you must stay confident.
If you don’t, she will feel turned off and then she will stick to her decision to break up with you and move on.
Another thing you should do when hanging out with an ex you still have feelings for is…
5. Be a challenge, but don’t play too hard to get
Most guys who get the chance to hang out with an ex they still have feelings for, often make the mistake of being too nice and accommodating to her in the hope that this will please her (e.g. he makes himself available to her whenever she wants, answers all her texts, messages or calls instantly, lets her call all the shots).
A guy like that may even justify his actions by thinking something like, “It’s no big deal. I’m just being a good friend to her and maybe in time she will start to have feelings for me again when she realizes that I’m always there for her and that she can depend on me no matter what.”
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that a woman doesn’t want to feel as though she is more valuable or powerful than her man.
Instead, she wants him to make her feel as though she needs to be the one who is nice and accommodating to try to please him, rather than him being no challenge to her at all.
She doesn’t want to feel as though she can push him around and treat him like dirt without him standing up to her, or even walking away, because she’s being a brat.
So, if you want to re-spark your ex’s feelings for you, stop being a good little boy around her who is always saying and doing things to please her.
Be a bit more of a challenge to her by not always being available when she wants to meet up.
Take your time answering her texts, messages and phone calls.
Have fun with your own friends without her.
You’d be surprised to see how attractive a bit of ballsiness can be to a woman.
Before you realize it, she will be the one chasing after you and saying things like, “Maybe we should give our relationship another try.”
Where Guys Go Wrong When Hanging Out With an Ex They Still Have Feelings For
When you approach hanging out with an ex in the right way, you can easily change her feelings and get her back.
However, if you make common mistakes that guys make in a situation like yours, you can end up losing your chance.
So, make sure that doesn’t happen to you, by not making any of the following mistakes:
1. Acting like a neutral friend and expecting something sexual or romantic to happen
Being broken up can cause a guy to feel a bit awkward when he interacts with his ex, especially if he still has feelings for her.
At the back of his mind he may be wondering things like, “Should I let her know that I still care about her and want her back and risk being rejected by her, or should I just play it cool and just hang out with her and let her lead the way?”
In most cases, the guy will decide to let his ex call the shots and he just sticks around pretending to be her nice, sweet, platonic friend who isn’t interested in getting her back.
Yet, what almost always happens when a guy does that, is he gets the shock of his life when his ex calls him up one day (i.e. because he’s her nice, sweet friend) and tells him something along the lines of, “I’m so excited and I wanted you to be one of the first to know. I’ve met someone and I’m in love. Isn’t that great? I hope you will meet another girl soon too! Maybe we can even double date when that happens.”
He’s then left feeling devastated and wondering why this happened to him.
The answer is simple.
It happened to him because he failed to reactivate his ex’s feelings for him and make her want to be in a relationship with him again.
So, if you don’t want the same thing to happen to you, make sure you don’t waste your interactions with your ex, pretending you only want to be her platonic friend and that you don’t want her back.
If you act like a friend, that’s all you’ll end up with (i.e. a friendship, rather than a relationship).
So, make the feelings sexual, initiate a kiss and then enjoy the great times ahead with her.
Another mistake to avoid is…
2. Telling her that he has feelings for her, even though she doesn’t feel that way about him yet
As tempting as it maybe to just go ahead and say, “Hey, I still have feelings for you. Let’s try to work things out,” it’s not a good idea. Why?
If you haven’t spent time reactivating your ex’s feelings of respect and attraction for you first, she’s not going to want to hear that, because she doesn’t feel the same way about you.
Instead, she will likely say something along the lines of, “That’s really sweet of you, but I don’t think we can go back to being a couple again because I just don’t feel the same way about you anymore. I’m sorry, but being friends is the best I can offer you. If you can’t accept that, then maybe we should stop hanging out and try to move on.”
So, if you want a relationship with your ex, make sure that it’s what she wants too before you go and pour your heart out to her.
How will you know?
If you focus on using your interactions with her to reactivate her feelings for you (e.g. by making her laugh and smile and feel good to be around you, flirting with her to create some sexual tension, showing her via your actions that you’re a new man), she’ll start to want a relationship too, because it feels like the right thing for her.
Another mistake to avoid is…
3. Being afraid to hug her or touch her when appropriate
If you want your ex to start seeing you with romantic, rather than friendly eyes again, you need to be able to hug her and touch her from time to time.
That doesn’t mean you should throw yourself at her and make it uncomfortable for her to be around you because you’re constantly groping her and making her feel uncomfortable.
However, there’s nothing wrong with giving her a friendly hug to say hello or goodbye, or touching her occasionally during conversation.
It’s just two, mature adults interacting with each other in a playful, innocent, friendly manner, with subtle romantic undertones.
Yet, despite that, many guys are still too afraid to touch their ex.
So, a guy will keep his distance from her and hope that she somehow changes her mind and starts to feel attracted to him again in a romantic way.
However, in almost all cases, a woman won’t because he’s not doing anything to spark her sexual and romantic feelings for him.
He’s just causing her to feel neutral around him, or worse, turned off even further because there’s clearly no spark between them anymore.
This is why, if you want your ex to begin having romantic feelings for you again, you have to be comfortable enough with her to initiate some physical contact.
So, don’t go around treating her like a neutral friend and then expect her to feel turned on.
The next mistake is…
1. Getting friendzoned by assuming that he doesn’t deserve to be in any other position with her
If you start telling yourself that the only way you can stay in contact with your ex is if you accept being her friend, then getting your ex to see you as more than just a friend will be difficult.
The best way to get out of the friendzone is to not see yourself as being in it in the first place.
Instead, see yourself as a guy that your ex is clearly attracted to.
She wants you.
It’s obvious and you know it.
By having that kind of mindset, it causes you to display the type of confidence that actually does make her feel attracted to you (i.e. belief in yourself, relaxed confidence, no need to try hard around her because you know that you’re good enough and that she wants you).
You can then easily build on her feelings for you and lead her back into a relationship with you.
However, if you only see yourself as her friend, she will only see you that way too.
She will then look for another guy to make her feel sexually and romantically attracted.
Don’t lose your chance with her.
Be that guy who makes her feel the way she wants to feel (i.e. attracted, desirable, turned on) and get her back.
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