Here’s what you need to do:
1. Stop trying to convince her to give you another chance and start reactivating her sexual and romantic feelings
Her feelings of sexual and romantic attraction are the most important thing right now.
If she’s not feeling that way for you, then she’s not going to want a relationship no matter how hard you try to convince her.
Unfortunately, a lot of guys simply aren’t aware of that while trying to get an ex woman back.
For example: When a guy is thinking, “I love her so much! She is so special to me! I can’t lose her! What am I going to do? How can I stop my ex from walking out of my life forever? How can I get her to realize that there is still something special between us that is worth fighting for, if she won’t listen to me?” he might then begin to behave totally out of character.
He might send her long text messages or e-mails pleading for another chance, repeatedly call her up on the phone to discuss the relationship, or ask her what he could change to make her want to give him another chance.
When talking to her in person, he might say something like, “You are the only woman that I have ever loved this way. I’ve never loved a woman as much as I love you. The thought of losing you forever is unbearable. I haven’t been able to eat or sleep properly since the break up. Every day is just a blur and all I really do is think about you, the great times we had together and how we shouldn’t be throwing that away. So, please don’t do this to us. We don’t have to break up. Can’t you see that there’s always been something special between us? We have a special connection and we can have an even better relationship if she just give this a chance. I love you more than anything and I know that you love me. Isn’t our love worth fighting for? Please don’t walk away from what we have. I love you so much.”
He’s hoping that when she sees how much he truly cares for her, she will feel flattered and will give him another chance based on that.
Yet, that’s not how it works.
If a woman has lost respect, attraction and love for a guy, him telling her how much he still loves her and that what they once had was so special, isn’t enough to bring those feelings back.
In fact, rather than making her think, “Oh, that’s so sweet!!! He’s so right! There is something special between us that is worth fighting for,” she’s usually going to be thinking about all the things he did near the end of the relationship and since the break up that turned her off.
As a result, she will think something like, “He’s just going on and on about how he feels, but he’s not actually taking my feelings into consideration. Maybe he thinks that I just broke up with him on a whim? I had very good reasons for doing it and he obviously doesn’t understand that yet. He doesn’t even know what was really turning me off about him. He just doesn’t get it. So, he’s just hoping that I’m going to forget about all the things that caused me to stop loving him and give him another chance based on his feelings for me. I bet he even believes that I’ll be flattered because he confessed his deep, undying love for me. He probably also thinks that I won’t be able to easily find real love with a new man…and that the love we shared means we are soul mates and are destined to be together forever. Well, he’s in for a surprise. Not only am I not interested in what he has to say anymore, but his actions are actually motivating me to move on as quickly as possible, just so I can show him that I don’t actually need him.”
She then becomes less and less willing to talk to her ex and opens herself up new guys by flirting, going out to party and accepting offers from guys who want to date her.
Before her ex knows it, she’s having sex and falling in love with a new guy just to prove to him (and possibly herself) that she is fine without him.
You don’t want to make your ex feel that way and push her into the arms of another guy, right?
So, let’s make this easy for you instead.
To get her back, you need to stop trying to get her to see your point of view or realize that the relationship is worth fighting for.
What you need to do instead is focus on making her feel the way she really wants to feel in a relationship.
Do you know what has been missing in what you’ve been offering her?
Have you been trying to get her back even though you haven’t improved or changed the things she really cares about?
For example:
- Are you still insecure and emotionally sensitive, but she wants you to be very confident and emotionally masculine?
- Are you still looking at her as your main purpose in life or reason for living, when she wants you to be more emotionally independent and start following through to achieve your big goals and ambitions in life?
- Are you still being very neutral around her, but she wants you to be a lot more masculine in your energy, behavior and actions?
When you truly understand what has been missing in the relationship and start offering her that, she will be impressed and start paying attention to you again.
She will feel as though it would be a mistake to let you go because you’re obviously now the kind of man that she wanted you to be all along.
She can feel that now and it is making her feel drawn to you and want to be with you.
She can stop herself from imagining being back with you, in your arms and being kissed by you.
She wants that.
That’s what you need to do for her.
You need to let her see that you’re not stuck at the same level you were at when you and her split up.
You have leveled up as a man.
You are different now and she really likes who you are and how you now make her feel.
When her feelings come flooding back, she will realize that you were right about your relationship being worth fighting for.
She will realize that she almost lost you and as a result, she will stop being so closed off towards you and open back up to truly loving you again.
Another way to change how she feels is to…
2. Stop talking about the relationship and just start laughing, smiling and having fun together when you talk
If you want to get your ex to realize that there is something special between you and her that is worth fighting for, you need to make her have real feelings for you again.
At the moment, you feel attracted to her and you love her, but does she feel that way about you?
If not, then she’s not going to agree with you that you and her need to fight for the relationship, because she’s just not going to feel the same way about it.
How can you make her feel the way you feel?
A great way to start is by using every interaction that you have with her from now on (e.g. via text, on a phone call and especially when you see her in person) to make her smile, laugh and feel good when talking to you.
If you do that, she will begin to think, “Did I make a mistake by breaking up with him? Will I ever be able to find another guy who makes me feel the way he does? We always have so much fun when we talk. I love him. He is special to me. There is something unique about our connection…and I’m not sure that I am willing to lose that now. I mean…why do I feel so sad about losing him all of a sudden? Why do I feel like I made a decision that I no longer want to stand by? Maybe he’s right after all…maybe our relationship is worth fighting for. Maybe we are supposed to be together. Maybe I should just give him another chance. After all, I feel good when we talk now, so why not?”
When you make her feel that way, getting her back is easy.
However, if every time you interact with your ex, you’re trying to discuss the relationship and what went wrong, you will never be able get to that point with her.
She will feel stressed, annoyed and overwhelmed by your need to discuss the relationship and try to ‘work things out’ when she simply doesn’t feel the same way you do.
So, make sure that you focus on making her have strong feelings for you as your number one priority.
You have to stop worrying about trying to get your point across and start giving her what she wants.
If you do that, it will feel fairer to her and she will stop being so closed up and stubborn about sticking to her decision.
Of course, not all guys get to learn what you are learning here right now, so they annoy their ex woman until she eventually says, “Leave me alone! Never contact me again!”
Just imagine how a woman feels when her ex guy is constantly saying things like, “I’m so sorry. I stuffed up everything between us! It’s all my fault. I’m such an idiot! Please forgive me and give me one more chance to make things up to you. I know that I’m not worthy of your love anymore, but if you give me a chance, I’ll do anything you say to make you happy.”
Will she be thinking, “That’s so sweet. He’s insecure and feels unworthy. Wow! That’s exactly the kind of guy I want in my life,” or will she be thinking something like, “Seeing him behave this way is doing nothing to change my feelings for him. In fact, all of his begging, pleading, apologizing and asking me to tell him what to do only turns me off even more. Doesn’t he realize that a woman wants to be with a man she can look up to, respect and feel attracted to, rather than an insecure, needy guy who doesn’t believe in himself and in his value to her?”
If you chose the second option, you’re obviously right.
Women aren’t attracted to emotional weakness or to submissive, desperate behavior from men.
If a guy wants to get his ex woman back, he has to be confident and believe in himself at all times.
He also needs to make sure that he doesn’t waste time going on and on about his feelings, needs and wants.
That’s not her problem right now.
She’s single now that she has broken up with him and as a result, she’s not obligated to care about his feelings, needs or wants.
If he wants her to care about him and the relationship, he has to focus on making her have strong feelings again, so she naturally decides to give him a chance without feeling like she is being forced into it.
One of the easiest ways to bring back some of a woman’s feelings is to use humor to get her smiling and laughing.
For example: Imagine that you’re talking to your ex on the phone right now.
She says something like, “I just don’t know… I’m not sure I can forget about what happened between us and try again. I don’t feel the same way about you anymore.”
Rather than getting upset about it and launching into a long apology and explanation about why you believe there’s still something special between you (which will likely only cause her to switch off even more), just turn it into something that you and her can laugh about together.
You can say (in a joking way), “Hey, do you remember when you broke my favorite coffee mug?” and she then says, “Yes” and you can say, “Well, I forgave you that” and have a laugh.
Then say something like, “If I was willing to forgive you for breaking my favorite coffee mug, you should be able to forgive me for 100s of mistakes I made in our relationship. That’s fair. One broken coffee mug for 100s of my mistakes and for being such a jerk to you” and have a laugh with her about that.
You can then say, “Seriously though, I am sorry for what happened and I am a different guy now. I’m not the same as I used to be. Can you see that?” and let her answer.
If she answers will something like, “I don’t know…I don’t know if anything about you had changed” you can then add in, “Yeah, you’re right…I’m still the same jerk as before. In fact, I’m even more of an asshole now” and have a laugh with her.
You’re obviously joking when you say that last bit and she will understand that.
She will notice that no matter what she says or does, you maintain your cool, remain confident and even have the good nature to focus on making her smile and laugh when talking to you.
You’re not like a selfish, needy guy who would get angry, irritated or upset if she wasn’t being nice, friendly and open when talking to him.
Instead, you’re a confident, loving, good man who has the ability to turn a potentially negative statement from her around into something that both of you can laugh about together and feel good about.
That’s how it’s done.
If you are making your ex smile, laugh and feel good, she won’t be able to deny to herself that there is still something special between you and her that shouldn’t just be thrown away.
Another way to make your ex realize that there is still something special between you is to…
3. Make her miss you
When guys think about making an ex woman miss them, the first thought that usually comes to mind is to ignore her for 30, or even 60 days, as a way of showing her that he doesn’t care.
A guy hopes that she will fear losing him, feel rejected because he’s not contacting her and then coming running back.
Yet, that result rarely, if ever, happens.
Why?
Think about it like this…
If you dumped a woman that you didn’t like or feel attracted to anymore and she then didn’t contact you for a few weeks or months, would you go running after her and begging her to come back, or would you feel relieved, or possibly not even notice that she’s gone?
Chances are high that you wouldn’t care, right?
You’d just get on with your life and try to find a woman that you are attracted to, right?
That’s how a woman feels when she gets ignored by an ex guy that she isn’t attracted to anymore.
Since she doesn’t have feelings for him anymore, it just doesn’t matter to her that he isn’t contacting her.
She doesn’t feel like she is losing anything, so she happily moves on without him.
This is why I don’t recommend that a guy ignore his ex woman for 30 to 60 days as his main method of getting her back…
What should you do instead?
You should interact with her, make her smile and laugh and feel good in your presence and then give her a few days of space (no more than 3-4), so she can miss you and start thinking, “Hey, why isn’t he calling me? I was actually enjoying having him in my life again. I can’t believe it, but I really do miss him. I hope he’s going to contact me again soon. I hope he hasn’t met a new girl. I want him back.”
Then, contact her again and repeat the process until she wants to get back with you and give the relationship another chance.
In most cases, a guy can achieve that the first time he does it (i.e. interact with her, attract her, give her a few days of space, contact her again, get her back), but in some cases, a guy needs to do it 2-3 more times before she opens back up and gives him another chance.
So, if your ex doesn’t come running back to you after the first time, don’t give up hope.
Instead, just continue to build on her new feelings for you during every interaction and then give her a few days of space.
Before you know it, she will stop being so guarded, open up to you and want to be back with you in a relationship.
Finally…
4. Make sure that you’re not turning her off in subtle ways
When a guy is desperately trying to convince his ex to give him another chance, he’s usually on his best behavior – at least that’s what he thinks anyway.
However, without even realizing it, a lot of guys say and do things that turn their ex off even more.
So, rather than convincing her that the relationship is worth fighting for, his behavior just gives her more reasons to remain broken up.
For example: After the break up, a guy might start feeling insecure and unworthy around his ex, causing him to give her more power over him than she actually wants.
He may say to himself, “I have to make sure that I’m always on my best behavior around her and never step out of line. I will let her call the shots from now on and I will do whatever she wants me to do. Hopefully that will make her happy. Then, when she sees how much of a good guy I’m being, she will hopefully take pity on me and give me another chance.”
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that rather than make his ex feel respect and attraction for him, his behavior just makes the rift between them even bigger.
Why?
Firstly, if a guy is being super nice to his ex woman all of a sudden, she’s going to see right through it.
She’s not stupid.
She will know that he’s just trying to suck up to her, because he doesn’t have a clue how else to make her feel sexually attracted and respectful towards him.
Secondly, when a woman feels like she is more emotionally dominant than a guy (i.e. she has power over him, she calls the shots, he is following her lead, he is sucking up to her), she won’t be able to feel respect for him.
Respect is so important.
If a woman can’t respect a guy, then she also can’t feel real sexual attraction for him and without those two emotions, there’s nothing to fight for.
The guy might really feel as though the relationship is worth fighting for (i.e. because he respects her, feels attracted to and is love with her), but she pretty much feels nothing for him now.
She can’t respect him and as a result, she can’t feel attracted to him.
Without respect and attraction, she can’t be in love with him.
So, the feelings just aren’t mutual.
He feels a lot for her, but she is turned off by his behavior and just can’t get herself to agree that there’s anything worth fighting for anymore.
Another subtle way that a guy will turn an ex woman off is by seeming to be lost without her.
For example: A guy might…
- Stay home and refuse to go out with friends and have a good time in case his ex calls him. He wants to show her that she is all that matters to him.
- Post lonely photos of himself online, to hopefully make her feel pity for him and give him another chance based on that.
- Post status updates like, “Another Saturday night at home. Feeling so lonely without my girl,” or “Miss my girl so much it hurts,” on his social media pages.
- Call her up at random times and not really have much to say. He tells her that he just wants to hear her voice.
- Show up unexpectedly at her place of work, or at her house and appear sad, lost or distressed without her.
Sounds like something out of a romantic Hollywood movie, right?
Yeah, well that sort of thing works in movies because the actors have to follow the script.
It’s designed to entertain the audience.
Yet, in real life, a woman isn’t entertained by or attracted to that kind of behavior from a guy.
Rather than making a woman feel flattered that her ex is so lost and hopeless without her, she feels turned off by his neediness.
Women aren’t attracted to men who need them to feel okay about themselves.
Women want men who are confident, happy and forward moving in life with or without the support of a woman.
Being forward moving in life is not about meeting or dating other women by the way.
Instead, it’s about getting on with life, enjoying yourself and making progress in life, even though she’s not by your side anymore.
If she can see that, she will be impressed, feel respect for you and feel some attracted.
However, if you appear lost, lonely, confused or distressed without her, she will be turned off and feel even more determined to remain broken up with you.
So, if you want her, firstly make sure that you’re not turning her off in subtle ways (e.g. by being too insecure and needy, being too nice around her and being afraid to make her feel attracted, letting her dominate you emotionally).
Secondly, make sure that you’re not sitting around waiting for her to contact you and say, “I miss you and want you back!”
That’s like hoping to win the lottery.
If you want to get her back, you have to be the one who leads the way by contacting her, making her feel attracted and guiding her back into a relationship with you.
Make your own luck.
Get her back by using natural attraction.
If you do that, you won’t have to try hard to convince her that the relationship is worth fighting for.
She will feel the same way as you do (i.e. attracted and in love) and will naturally want to get back with you and give the relationship another chance.
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