Follow these 3 steps to get your ex to spend more time with you…
1. Tell her that you accept the break up
Telling her that you accept the break up and understand that a relationship between you and her will never happen again, is a great way to bring down an ex woman’s guard.
So, if your ex has recently been avoiding you, or making excuses not to talk to you or see you, it might be because she is getting a vibe from you that you just want a relationship with her again.
However, since the feelings aren’t mutual (i.e. you are attracted to her and still in love with her, but she’s just not feeling the same way anymore), it doesn’t feel right for her to be spending time with you.
By the way…
If you’ve already told her that you have accepted the break up, but she is still avoiding you, it could be because you were coming on too strong (e.g. texting or calling her all the time, showing up uninvited at her home or place of work, or where she likes to hang out with her friends).
As a result, she may feel that you’re trying to force her into spending time with you and giving you another chance, even though the feelings aren’t mutual.
So, rather than getting into an argument with you about your approach or having to teach you what to change so she can open back up to you, she simply tries to avoid you instead.
It doesn’t mean that things are over between you and her though.
You can change your approach to her (i.e. focus on making her feel sparks of sexual and romantic attraction for you) and she will naturally open back up to interacting with you more.
Firstly though, it you haven’t sincerely told her that you accept the break up, you should start there.
For example: You can send a text message, message her on social media or send her an e-mail saying something along the lines of, “Hey (insert your ex’s name). I know that I’ve been putting pressure on you lately to spend time together and I’m sorry about that. I just want you to know that I have now fully accepted our break up. I don’t intend on trying to get us back into a relationship. However, I do think that we can be friends instead, if you want that too.”
By saying something like that to her, you’re letting her know that you understand how your behavior has been making her feel.
You’re also taking the pressure off her to spend time with you, which actually then makes her more willing and open to spend time with you.
When she can see that you’re no longer trying to force her back into a relationship with you, it allows her to relax her guard a little bit when she hears from you.
She doesn’t have to keep pushing you away or being cold or distant because you’re clearly not pressuring her anymore.
Once you’ve made her drop her defenses a little bit, the next thing you need to do is…
2. Get her on a phone call and focus on making her smile, laugh and feel good
Don’t just hide behind texts.
You have to get to a phone call, so you can let her hear your confidence coming through as you talk.
You also need to get her smiling, laughing and feeling good on the call, so she feels motivated to want to spend some time with you.
Unfortunately, a lot of guys mess things up when they call an ex woman.
So, to help you get it right, I will point out 5 classic mistakes that guys make when calling an ex woman and trying to get her spend some time with him…
Mistake 1: He begs or pleads with her to spend time with him
This is probably one of the most common reactions guys have.
If she says something like, “No, I don’t want to see you right now,” or “I’m not ready to meet up with you yet. Maybe in a few weeks or months, I’m not sure” he might plead with her by saying something like, “Please meet up with me just this once! I beg you! I just need to see you. Please don’t cut me out of your life completely. I need this. Please do it for me.”
Unfortunately, rather than convince a woman to change her mind, a begging, pleading guy only turns her off even more. Why?
A woman’s attraction to a guy is based mostly on his ability to make her feel like she can respect him, look up to him and feel proud of him as her man.
So, when a guy is begging, pleading and falling apart without her, rather than make her feel flattered that he’s so lost and hopeless on his own, she feels turned off by what she perceives as his lack of emotional masculinity.
As a result, she can’t look up to him and respect him, so she just doesn’t feel like spending time with him.
Another common mistake that a guy might make is…
Mistake 2: He shows emotional weakness
In most cases, when a woman talks to her ex after a break up, she won’t make it very easy for him to get her back.
Instead, she will play a little hard to get or behave in a difficult way to test if he really has changed or not, (e.g. Will he become insecure? Will he get angry and frustrated at her? Will he lose control of his emotions?).
It’s a perfect opportunity to really push him to the limit and find out what kind of man he really is.
So, rather than agree to meet up with him again right away, she might act cold, distant and possibly even hostile towards him.
Naturally, if the guy then seems insecure or anxious over the phone, she will lose respect for him based on the fact that he can’t handle the pressure.
She may then begin to think, “I never really wanted to admit this to myself before, but he’s really just a weak-minded, wimpy guy, isn’t he? He’s not strong enough for me. I’m sure that I can do better than him. I just have to stick with this break up and get back out there again. I will find myself a real man who isn’t going to fall apart every time he’s faced with a challenging situation. I’m actually kind of glad that we broke up now because it has given me the chance to see what kind of man he really is deep down.”
Another ineffective tactic a guy might use to get his ex to spend some time with him is…
Mistake 3: He tries to make her feel guilty for how hurt he is that she won’t spend time with him
Rather than making her smile, laugh and feel good on the phone so she then wants to catch up with him, a guy will sometimes make the mistake of seeking pity from her.
He might try to make her feel guilty for not spending time with him by saying something like, “Why won’t you spend any time with me? Doesn’t what we used to have together mean anything to you now? After all the love and good times we shared, the least you could do is give me a few minutes of your time. Why are you being like this? I mean, maybe I was wrong about you. I thought you really loved me, but I guess our “love” was something that only I felt. I love you and have always loved you, but this is how you treat me. I didn’t know you could be this cruel and heartless.”
In some cases, a woman will agree to spend some time with her ex based on that kind of approach, but she won’t like it.
She will resent him for making her feel guilty and for seeking pity from her in that way.
Yet, here’s the thing…
Although a guy may be experiencing a lot of emotional pain from being rejected by his ex woman, it’s not reason enough for him to turn into an emotional wussy.
Watch this video for more info…
Being an emotional wussy might get you some temporary time from her, but it’s not going to last.
If you want her back for real, you’ve got to be a man about it.
You also need to focus on making her having feelings for you.
Mistake 4: He shows her that his life is essentially on hold until he can spend time with her or get her back
Sometimes a guy might say, “I know that you’re not willing to spend time with me right now, so I’m just going to wait until you are. I don’t want to move on without you. I love you and I only want to be with you. I don’t care about anything else in life right now. I would throw it all away right now just to be with you. Please understand how much I love you and how much you mean to me.”
He’s hoping that she will feel flattered about how devoted he is to her and say, “I’ve been so silly! How could I have treated you so badly? I’m so sorry! Let’s meet up right away! I can’t wait to see you again. After all… any guy who is willing to put his life on hold for me is worth keeping.”
Obviously, it just doesn’t work that way.
Why?
Firstly, the feelings have to mutual for her to care about meeting up with him.
Secondly, a woman doesn’t feel respect and attraction for a man who can’t function properly without her.
A woman wants to be in a relationship with a man who loves her and wants her, but doesn’t actually need her there supporting him before he will continue on pursuing his goals and rising up to reach his true potential as a man.
So, when a guy is telling his ex woman that he doesn’t really care about anything else in life because he needs her back, she’s going to feel turned off by that.
She will feel as though he is more of a burden than a benefit to her.
As a result, she will close up and it will become a little more difficult for him to then get her back.
Finally, one of the worst mistakes a guy might make is…
Mistake 5: He makes it about him spending time with her (which is him being emotionally needy), rather than them spending time together as friends
Sometimes, when a woman keeps refusing to meet up with a guy, he might get so caught up in his feelings (e.g. how frustrated, sad, annoyed, or hopeless he feels without her) that he forgets how he is making her feel.
For example: He doesn’t realize that he’s coming across as being too emotionally sensitive or needy when trying to get her to meet up with him and spend time with him, which then makes her feel like she is being pressured into something she doesn’t want.
Even though the guy is a good guy and has good intentions, it just doesn’t feel good to her.
Some women may even think, “He’s being so selfish! All he’s worried about is stopping the pain of me rejecting him. He wants me to spend time with him so he can feel better about himself. Well, what about how I feel? Has he even given me a second thought? Does he realize how unattractive his needy, selfish behavior is to me? I bet he doesn’t even care. He just wants me to stop the pain and make him feel better by spending time with him. Well, no…I’m not going to do that for him. He wants me back, but he hasn’t even made me feel like I want him back yet.”
As you can see from the example mistakes above, it’s very important that you approach the phone call correctly when speaking to your ex and asking her to spend some time with you.
Don’t worry if you’ve stuffed things up already, or have made the classic mistake of hiding behind texts.
What matters is what you do from this moment onwards.
For example:
Imagine that you’re on a call with your ex and she says something along the lines of, “Why do you keep pressuring me? I just don’t want to see you right now. You need to accept that.”
The old you might have felt upset, begged and pleaded with her, or reacted in some other unattractive way (e.g. getting angry at her, seeking pity, trying harder to convince her, expressing your annoyance or frustration at the situation).
However, the new you doesn’t lose control of his emotions just because she’s being closed off.
Instead, he sees it as an opportunity to make her smile and laugh.
So, when she says something like that, you can reply by saying in a light-hearted, joking way, “No problem if you don’t want to see me right now. How about in 2 minutes? Is that enough time? Okay, maybe I’m still being too pushy… how about 5 minutes from now? Okay, okay, how about this…I’m feeling generous today, so I’ll give you 10 minutes to get ready and then meet me at the coffee shop to say hi” and then have a laugh with her about that.
If she can hear the playfulness in your tone of voice, she will almost certainly smile or laugh while you are saying it, or afterwards.
She will then be forced to think about you in a more positive way, because you’re reacting very differently to what she’s expecting (i.e. you’re being confident and playful with her by turning a potentially serious conversation into something you can both laugh about together).
At this point, you should…
3. Ask her to catch up for a quick coffee to say hello
After a few minutes of light conversation with your ex, where you continue to make her smile, laugh and feel good to be talking to you again, go ahead and ask her to meet up with you to say hello as friends.
You can say something like, “This is the best chat we’ve had with each other in ages. It’s great to see that we can finally talk like two mature adults, rather than awkward ex’s. Let’s catch up for a quick cup of coffee sometime this week. However, I’ve must warn you… it’s only a catch up to say hello as friends, so don’t ask me to get back together with you, okay?”
Say the last part in a joking way and then add, “Seriously though, it would be nice to meet up in person. After we have that coffee, if you decide that you never want to see me again, I promise to accept it and never contact you again. So, how about it? Which day would suit you best? I’m busy on Tuesday and Wednesday, but available on Monday and Thursday.”
In most cases, a woman will say “Yes,” and you can then go ahead and make plans to meet up with her at a convenient time and day.
Important: Many guys make the mistake of meeting up with their ex woman without first improving their emotional attractiveness (i.e. the guy is still hurt by the break up and needy of her, he lacks confidence around her now, he doesn’t feel worthy of her anymore, he suppresses his instinct to joke around and plays it safe by being nice).
If you make that mistake, your ex won’t be feeling those all important sparks of sexual and romantic attraction for you as a result, she won’t feel motivated to give you another chance.
So, make sure that before you get to the meet up, you’ve spend a few days making some attractive changes to your way of thinking and behaving, so you can properly re-attract your ex.
For example: Some of the things that will trigger her feelings of respect and attraction and make her want to spend more time with you are:
- You maintain your confidence around her, regardless of what she says or does to upset you or make you feel insecure.
- You use humor to bring down her guard and make her open up to you.
- You create sexual tension by flirting with her one minute and then pulling your attention back and talking to her normally the next.
- You make her feel feminine and girly by being emotionally masculine around her.
- You take the lead in the interaction and don’t allow her to dominate you.
When she sees that you are now able to attract her in the ways women really want, she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling a strong, renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.
She will then drop her guard a little bit and allow herself to imagine spending more time with you.
The more time she spends with you, the more attractive and in love she feels.
Before you know it, you and her are back together, in love and enjoying a committed relationship once again.
That’s how it works.
You can achieve that within the next few days to a week.
Don’t waste any more time.
Get her back before you potentially lose her forever.
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