6 possible reasons why your ex is being indecisive:
1. You’re not making her feel enough respect and attraction to give her certainty about a future with you
To make your ex stop being so indecisive and just make a decision about being with you or not, you have to make it worth her while.
Get her to the point where she’s thinking, “I would be crazy to let him go now because he really has changed. If another woman meets him, she will like the new him and maybe I’ll then lose him forever.”
How can you do that?
By showing her that you really have changed, rather than promising that you will change or that she will feel differently if she is just patient with you.
Make her feel as though moving on without you will be a huge mistake that will come back to haunt her in the long term.
Don’t tell her that.
Make her feel it.
For example: When you interact with her and she’s saying things like, “I don’t know what I want,” or “I’m not sure if I want to get back together again,” stay calm, cool and in control.
Rather than getting upset and saying something like, “Hey, I’m tired of you messing me around. How long do you plan on stringing me along? Just make a decision one way or another so that we can both get on with our lives. Stop being so indecisive,” you just need to focus on making her have feelings for you in that moment.
How?
By showing her that regardless of how confused she might be feeling, you always remain confident in yourself and in your attractiveness and value to her.
You don’t get upset, you don’t doubt yourself and you don’t panic and worry that you’re losing her.
You know that you’re more than good enough for her and that she is going to give you and her another chance, so you remain confident and relaxed as you talk to her.
So, if she says something like, “I’m not sure I want to get back together again. I need more time to think about it,” you can say in a joking way, “Sure. How long do you need? 10, 20, 30 years? Will that be enough? Let’s make it 60 years. By then you’ll be old and grey and covered in cobwebs, but maybe I’ll be into collecting antiques at that point. Who knows,” and have a laugh with her about it.
By maintaining your confidence under pressure like that, she won’t be able to help herself from feeling respect and attraction for the new you.
She will then begin to wonder, “Maybe he is the right guy for me after all. Maybe we do have a future together. I like how I’m feeling. I don’t want to lose him now.”
On the other hand, if you get upset and demand that she stop being so indecisive and just make a decision to be with you or not, she almost certainly won’t obey you.
Instead, she will just keep giving you vague answers until you and her drift apart, or she meets someone else and can then say to you, “Sorry, but I’ve met someone else and I’ve made my decision. It’s over between us.”
So, don’t put yourself in that unfortunate position.
If you want her to change her mind, then focus on changing how she feels whenever you interact with her from now on.
Focus on making her feel attracted, not annoyed.
Focus on making her feel respect, not resentment.
Focus on making her feel love, not hate or indifference towards you.
When you focus on making her feel positive, desirable emotions, she will naturally decide that she wants to be back with you or at least give you another chance to see how it goes.
Another reason why your ex might be indecisive at the moment is that…
2. You’re not giving her any space to miss you
Sometimes, a guy will remain in constant contact with his ex after a break up.
For example: He texts her multiple times in a day, sends her long e-mails, messages her on social media and calls her on the phone as a way of staying on her mind and making his intentions (i.e. that he wants to get back together again) absolutely clear to her.
He wants to make sure that she knows exactly how much he feels for her, how serious he is about getting her back and how destroyed he would be if she didn’t give him another chance.
In some cases, a guy might even try to make her feel pity for him by sending her messages like, “Why are you doing this to me? Are you having fun messing me around like this? Don’t you realize how much I love you? Being apart from you like this is killing me,” as a way of trying to guilt trip her into making a decision about the relationship.
Yet, rather than make her think, “Oh, no! He’s right. I’m being so unfair to him! He deserves an answer on my decision right away,” she just feels pressured and this may cause her to become even more confused about what she wants.
Why?
The pressure he is applying seems desperate to her.
Women aren’t attracted to desperate men.
So, if she still had feelings for him and he then began to ruin them by being desperate, she would begin to feel confused.
On one hand, she would feel like she wants to give him another chance, but on the other hand, she would be thinking something like, “Why do I suddenly feel turned off by him? Why does he look different to me all of a sudden? Why am I actually starting to feel glad that we’ve broken up?”
Why?
Simple.
He is ruining her feelings of respect and attraction for him and as a result, she starts looking at him in a negative light.
She is no longer looking at him through the eyes of attraction, so he just doesn’t seem so appealing and interesting anymore.
The more he pleads, panics and appears desperate, the less sexually and romantically attracted to him she feels.
So, if you want your ex to stop being so indecisive and just make a decision to be with you or not, what you need to do is make her feel a renewed sense of respect and sexual attraction for the new and improved you.
Interact with her and let her experience.
Don’t go on and on about how much you’ve changed, what you’ve changed or what you’ve learned.
Just let her experience the changes in you.
If you do it that way, she won’t see you as being desperate and as a result, she will naturally be able to feel respect and attraction for you.
Then, when she’s feeling attracted and thinking things like, “I’m enjoying interacting with him again. It feels good,” you need to stop contacting her completely (i.e. no texts, e-mails, social media messages, or even just clicking like on her posts, and no phone calls) and give her a few days of space to miss you.
Note: 3 to 7 days of space is enough time to make her miss you.
Any longer than that is usually a waste of time, because it just gives her more time to get over you.
So, don’t give her weeks or months of space.
Don’t go overboard with it.
After 3 to 7 days of space, you need to contact her (preferably by calling her on the phone) and continue sparking her feelings of respect and attraction for you (e.g. by using humor to break down her defenses) and then get her to meet up with you in person.
At the meet up, focus on making her smile, laugh and feel happy to be around you again, to the point where she’s saying, “I’ve made up my mind. I want us to be a couple again.”
Another reason why your ex is being indecisive about being with you or not might be that…
3. You’re trying to get her to make a decision via text
Maybe your ex has asked you to give her some time to think about what she wants, or maybe she’s refusing to answer your calls at the moment.
Alternatively, maybe you’re worried that she might not want you to call her, especially after how badly the break up went.
Whatever the case may be for you, something important that you need to know is this…
Trying to get your ex to make a decision about whether she wants to be with you or not via text, is one of the quickest ways to turn her off and make her say, “I’ve made up my mind and have decided that it’s over between us.”
Why?
If your ex currently only feels a very small amount of attraction and respect for you, she won’t look at your texts in a positive light.
So, sending her a text like, “Why are you being so indecisive? Why can’t you just make up your mind? Either you still love me and want to be with me, or you don’t. How difficult can that be?” is just going to annoy her.
Rather than make her think, “Wow, what an amazing text! I want to be with him again now. Everything about the way that he thinks, acts and behaves makes me feel so much respect and attraction for him now. I’m afraid that if I waste another day trying to make my decision, I might lose him forever,” she will think something like, “Does he honestly believe being pushy and demanding via text is actually going to make me want to be with him again? The more he texts me, the more I’m convinced that it’s over between us.”
Her ex might think that he is making progress because she is reply to his texts, but a reply to a text doesn’t mean much at all in an ex back situation.
In most ex back cases, a woman just doesn’t feel enough respect or attraction via text to make a decision to want to be with her ex again.
Why?
She can’t hear his tonality, see his body language or watch his behavior to determine whether or not he really has changed.
So, when you ask your ex to make a decision via text, she can’t base it on how she feels about the new you.
The new you is holding a phone and texting her.
She’s getting your words via text, but isn’t getting to experience the new and improved you on a phone call or in person.
So, what does she do?
She bases her decisions on how she felt for the old you.
She imagines that you’re still the same and still don’t know how to make her feel the way she really wants to feel in a relationship.
As a result, she doesn’t feel like making a decision to get back with the old you and keeps giving you mixed messages.
Eventually, she stops being indecisive and just texts back something like, “It’s over, okay? Stop texting me. We’re not getting back together. Bye!”
That’s not want you want, right?
If not, then make sure that you’re not trying to get her back via text.
When it comes getting an ex woman back, text really sucks.
It’s great when you’re dating a new girl who really likes you and when you’re in a happy relationship, but not when you’re trying to re-attract your ex.
Here’s the thing…
What you need to realize that you have a lot of control over how much or little respect and attraction your ex feels for you.
For example:
- Texting = Little to no attraction.
- Calling her on the phone = A good amount of attraction.
- Meeting up with her in person and letting her experience the new you = Strong feelings of attraction.
- Sex after the meet up = Maximum attraction.
So, don’t waste anymore time texting your ex and getting frustrated when she responds with something like, “I still don’t know,” or “I’m just not sure what I want. Please give me more time.”
What you need to realize is that she’s just waiting to feel enough of a spark to let down her guard.
So, get her on a phone call with you right away and blast her doubts away with your confident, charismatic, new and improved approach to interactions with her.
Let her be amazed by how much she now feels for you.
That is what works.
Another reason why your ex is being indecisive about being with you or not might be that…
4. She doesn’t believe that you can instantly change and give her the kind of attraction experience she wants
Right now, your ex isn’t seeing anything to make her believe that you’re no longer the same guy she broke up with, so she’s stalling.
She doesn’t want to get caught up in a bad decision (i.e. get back with you and then have to deal with things being the same as before, which will likely only lead to her breaking up with you again) and waste more of her time.
She is waiting for some real evidence that you truly understand her now and are giving her the kind of attraction experience she wants when you talk to her and interact with her.
For example: You’re more emotionally independent now and not as controlling or jealous as you used to be.
You’re more driven and focused now, rather than being immature and wasting your time on unprofitable hobbies and distractions (e.g. watching too much TV, playing video games too much, going to the gym too much, hanging out and doing nothing with your friends too often).
You’re more assertive in social situations now, rather than being a quite, shy or timid pushover type of guy.
There are many subtle things that can turn a woman off and lead to a break up, so make sure that you really get clear on where you messed up with her.
You can then make the right changes in the fastest amount of time possible (most guys can adjust, improve and change in under a week) and then naturally re-attract her.
The faster your ex can see that you’ve changed, the quicker she will make a decision to just open back up to you and give you one more chance.
She will begin to think something like, “Finally. This is what I’ve wanted from him all along. He really does understand me now and has taken steps to be the man I want him to be. So, I have no problem making up my mind now. It’s a yes. I want to give this a try and see how it goes.”
She then stops being so indecisive and allows herself to just follow her heart and give you another chance.
Another more reason why she’s being so indecisive is because…
5. She doesn’t want to have to teach you what she needs from a man
When a woman is struggling to make up her mind about getting back together with her ex or not, the guy might say something like, “Just tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it. I’ll do anything to help you make up your mind.”
He’s hoping that she will then say, “Okay, I need you to do these 5 things and I will give you another chance. We can then get back together again and everything will be perfect.”
Unfortunately, that’s not how it works.
A woman rarely, if ever, wants to be a guy’s teacher about how to be the kind of man that she needs.
So, when a guy is asking her to tell him what to do, she doesn’t think, “Okay, great! A willing slave. I can now get him to do whatever I want. I own him now. I can control him! Yayyy!”
Instead, she feels turned off by the fact that he doesn’t even know how to attract her in the ways that are important to her.
For example: He hopes that says something like, “Okay, treat me nicer, take me out to dinner more often and listen more” and he can then do that and everything will be fine.
Yet, that’s not what is important to her.
What is really important to her is to be in a relationship where she can naturally respect her man as the leader of the relationship.
Alternatively, she might secretly want to be in the kind of relationship that makes her want to do good things for him all the time (e.g. cook for him, clean, suck him off, compliment him all the time).
Yet, he just doesn’t bring that side of her out.
…and she resents him for it.
She hates how equal their relationship or how she is usually the one in the power position and he’s just doing whatever she wants him to do.
She’s not going to tell him that though because he’d then begin promising to do it and it would feel fake or forced to her.
Here’s the thing…
Women know that there are men out there who know how to manage a relationship like a real man and make a woman feel like a real woman as a result.
So, she doesn’t feel like it would be fair for her to have to teach, instruct and guide her guy on how to be that kind of man.
She fears that might put all that work into improving him and he may then cheat on her and leave her when he notices that other women are so much more attracted to him now (e.g. because he’s more emotionally masculine, charismatic and charming).
So, rather than waste more time or risk being cheated on or treated badly if he improves his emotional attractiveness, she just wants to get away from the relationship.
How about you?
Have you been asking your ex what you can change to make her happy?
If so, you need to stop putting that kind of pressure and responsibility on her.
It’s not a woman’s responsibility to do that for a man and in many cases, she has no idea on how to teach him or help him.
She just knows that something isn’t right in the relationship, she’s not feeling attracted and she should probably just leave.
If her ex puts pressure on her to make a decision, he will be asking her to make a decision at a point where she doesn’t really feel enough respect, attraction and love for him to want a relationship.
Eventually, she will just say something like, “I’ve decided what I want and it’s not you. I want to be on my own now. You and I are not getting back together. You need to accept that now and leave me be.”
Another reason why your ex might be feeling indecisive about being with you or not is that…
6. You’re giving her more power over you than she actually wants
When a woman is being indecisive about giving the relationship another chance, a guy might make the mistake of being on his best behavior around her (e.g. being extra nice, doing whatever she wants, being generous, listening to her problems and basically sucking up to her) to hopefully show her that he’s a great guy and she will regret losing someone like him.
Yet, although a woman might temporarily enjoy how much power she has over her ex, it’s not going to make her feel sexually attracted to him.
Instead, she will feel turned off by his desperation.
She might string him along for a little while to enjoy watching him suck up to her and do whatever she wants, but she won’t want him back.
So, what should you do instead?
Stop giving her so much power over you.
Realize and understand that you have a lot of control over how much or little attraction you are making her feel.
For example: If you’re being insecure, self-doubting and unsure of yourself, then you are making her feel turned off by you.
On the other hand, if you’re being confident, self-assured and believing in yourself no matter what she says or does, then you are making her feel attracted to you.
Your ex doesn’t want to see you in a state of desperation where you hand over all your power to her and hope that she takes pity on you and gives you another chance.
She wants to see you rise up and meet the challenge that she has placed on your confidence.
Let her see that you know that she is feeling attracted to you again and aren’t worried that she is being indecisive at the moment.
You know that she is going to want you back today, tomorrow or the day after that.
You know that you’ve re-sparked her feelings for you and she is going to sleep at night thinking about you, missing you and want you back.
As a result, you exude the type of confidence that is naturally attractive to her and pretty much every other woman on the planet.
So, don’t wait for her to tell you that it’s okay to believe in yourself and be confident.
Rise up to the challenge by believing in yourself no matter what she says or does.
If you do that (in a relaxed, easy-going way), you will see that she naturally changes her mind because you’ve changed how she feels about you.
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