Here are 7 possible signs that she is using you:
1. She stays in contact, but keeps rejecting your attempts to meet up with her
Generally speaking, after a break up, a woman may feel worried that her ex will find a replacement woman and move on before she’s had a chance to hook up with another guy first.
Of course, she won’t want him to know that, so she might stay in contact with him (e.g. via social media, texting and phone calls), to keep tabs on him.
Then, while he begins thinking things like, “Could it be possible that she still has feelings for me after all? Maybe we can work things out and get back together again,” she focuses on trying to find herself a new guy.
If he then suggests a meet up, rather than say “Yes,” she instead makes some excuse as to why it’s not a good time for her.
He then continues to hold on to the hope that they might reconcile and get back together again, while she focuses on being the first one to move on.
So, if your ex is staying in contact with you but won’t meet up, it’s quite possible that she’s using you for emotional support as she moves on without you.
She just wants to make sure that you’re not going to move on before her.
Of course, you don’t have to put up with this treatment from her.
If you want her back, you need to call her right away and spark some of her feelings of respect and attraction for you (e.g. by making her laugh and smile, showing her that you’ve changed), so that she can’t stop herself from wanting to see you in person.
Then, when you meet up with her, you can fully reactivate her feelings for you and get her back.
Alternatively, if you decide that you don’t want her back, you need to cut off all contact with her and move on, rather than let her continue to use you.
Another possible sign that your ex is using you is if…
2. She texts you when she’s bored and then stops replying
Sometimes a woman will be sitting around feeling bored (e.g. on a Sunday evening, at the office).
She might then decide to text her ex as a way of passing the time.
She may then start a conversation with him (e.g. ask him what he’s doing and what he’s been up to since the break up, talk about things they both like such as movies, music, a shared hobby) to entertain herself for a while.
Once again, the guy might then take this as a sign that she still has some feelings for him.
However, if he then gets too carried away with the conversation, or he tries to start a text chat with her again the next day, she usually just ignores him, because she’s no longer feeling bored and is busy living her life (e.g. hanging out with friends, at work, participating in a sport or other activity).
He’s then left feeling confused and wondering things like, “What happened? Why is she ignoring me all of a sudden? I thought we were getting along so well the other day/night. Did I say something wrong to put her off?”
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that she was just using him to entertain herself for a while and isn’t really interested in him at all.
Another possible sign that your ex is using you is if…
3. She is happy to talk to you when talking about herself and her life, but she doesn’t really listen or care when you talk about yourself
If your ex is currently only interested in talking about herself and what she’s doing, but doesn’t give a damn about you and your life, it’s likely that she’s using you as her sounding board (i.e. because you’re familiar to her).
As a result, you end up getting friend-zoned or acting like her therapist.
Unfortunately, both of those situations mean that she won’t be feeling attracted and drawn to you in a sexual or romantic way.
So, if you want to get her back, you can’t put yourself in the position where she can use you in that way.
Instead, you need to be more of a challenge to her, rather than always being there for her.
For example: Some of the ways you can do that is by…
Not responding to her messages, texts or calls every time she tries to get in touch with you.
That doesn’t mean you ignore her or play hard to get, instead you take your time responding to her and then when you do, you say something like, “Sorry…I was out with friends/at the gym/in my photography class,” to make it clear to her that you have a life too and aren’t sitting around waiting for her to get in touch with you.
You might also use some humor to make her feel surges of attraction for you when she starts talking about herself, by saying (in an easy-going, joking way) something along the lines of, “Oh, we’re talking about you again? I’m not your therapist you know. However, I’m happy to listen, but you’ll have to pay me. I must warn you though, I’m not cheap!” and then laugh.
She will likely be a bit shocked and she may ask something like, “What? Pay you? What are you talking about?” and you can then respond by saying, “I told you… I’m not going to listen to you talk about yourself all the time without getting something out of it. It’s going to cost you a 3 course dinner. So, when are you going to pay up?”
She will then most likely start laughing with you and feeling more open and interested in what you have to say.
Even if she tries to fight it, she won’t be able to stop herself from beginning to feel respect for you for having the confidence and the social skills to stand up to her in that way.
She then stops being so self-absorbed and starts to feel drawn to you in a way that feels good to her.
She becomes more open to meeting up with you in person, which then gives you the opportunity to fully reactivate her feelings for you and get her back.
Another possible sign that your ex is using you is if…
4. She says she doesn’t want a relationship right now, but is secretly trying to find a replacement guy
Sometimes, a woman wants to break up with her guy, but keeps him in her life (i.e. by staying in contact with him) while she secretly tries to find her next boyfriend.
Then, once she secures a new relationship, she will break the news to her ex and quickly cut him out of her life.
Basically, she used him to feel good about herself and move on without experiencing the pain of being rejected or not wanted after the break up.
If this is the case with your ex, you need to quickly decide what you want to do.
Are you going to let her use you and then dispose of you when she meets another guy, or are you going to reactivate her feelings for you and get her back.
The choice is yours, not hers.
If you feel that she’s the right woman for you, then don’t allow her to mess you around while she secretly tries to move on.
Instead, interact with her in ways that create feelings of sexual and romantic attraction inside of her and make her really want you again.
The more attracted to you, you make her feel, the less motivated she will be to replace you with another guy.
Suddenly she will start being nice to you, because she will fear losing you to another woman and you can then kiss her, hook up with her sexually and get her back.
Another possible sign that your ex is using you is if…
5. She wants sex, but isn’t interested in anything else
In some cases, a woman will keep her ex around for sex when she’s between boyfriends, or feeling alone or unattractive.
She can then turn to him, get her sexual fix, make herself feel better and then go back to enjoying her life without the restrictions of a relationship with him.
Of course, the guy might then take that as a sign that she still has feelings for him and cling to the idea that if he just hangs in there, over time, the sex will evolve into a relationship again.
On the other hand, the woman is busy actively trying to move on by finding herself a replacement guy.
Then, when she does, she will drop her ex like a hot potato and move on with her new man.
Here’s the thing though…
If your ex is still having sex with you, it means that on some level she still finds you physically attractive.
All you need to do is make yourself more emotionally attractive too (e.g. by changing some of the things that turned her off about you before) and she won’t be able to stop herself from feeling drawn to you and wanting to be your girl again.
Another possible sign that your ex is using you is if…
6. She uses you for financial support, but doesn’t ever seem interested in wanting to start a real relationship again
Sometimes a woman is an opportunist.
So, when she realizes that her ex still has feelings for her and she can use him to help her out financially, she decides to take advantage of him.
She may then be extra nice and sweet to him and even give him some hope by saying things like, “You really are the best guy I’ve ever known,” or “I don’t know why I ever broke up with you.”
He might then start thinking things like, “It sounds like she still has feelings for me after all. Maybe we can work things out and get back together again.”
If he then suggests that they give their relationship another try, she puts him off by saying things like, “I’m just not ready for that yet. Let’s keep things the way they are for now and see what happens later on,” or “Please don’t push me for a relationship right now. I need more time to figure out what I want in my life before I can commit to being with one guy for the long term.”
He then continues to help her out with money (i.e. because he thinks they will eventually get back together again), while she enjoys the feeling of financial freedom at his expense.
Then, if she meets another guy who makes her feel attracted in the ways that are important to her, she will quickly drop her free ride and move on, leaving him feeling confused and used.
Another possible sign that your ex is using you is if…
7. She keeps giving you mixed signals, but never wants to take it any further than that
In some cases, a woman who is using her ex will behave in ways that makes him think he still has a chance with her and that she’s open to getting back together again.
For example: A woman might…
- Turn to him for help of advice like she used to when they were together.
- Call him just to chat about random things.
- Tell him that she misses him.
- Send him photos of herself.
- Hang out with him on the weekends like they’re still together.
- Take him as her date to parties or family events.
However, if the guy then tries to get her to commit to getting back together again, or attempts to kiss her when they’re together, she pulls away, possibly becomes angry and says something like, “What are you doing? In case you’ve forgotten, I’m not your girl anymore, nor do I want to be. Please don’t try that with me again, or else I’m going to have to stop being your friend.”
Naturally, he’s left feeling confused and wondering, “Is my ex using me?”
In a case like that, chances are high that she is. Why?
Often, a woman will do this because she’s already seeing another guy and just doesn’t want to come out and say it.
Instead, she likes the idea of having her ex available to her every beck and call, while at the same time, she enjoys the sex and romance of being with a new man.
Alternatively, a woman might simply use her ex to give herself an ego boost, to get emotional revenge on him for hurting her, or just for something fun to do.
It’s not nice, but that’s how some women are.
After a break up a woman can change and become a completely different person.
Not all women are that mean of course, but many guys do encounter a completely different side to their ex after a break up.
So, don’t let yourself get caught up in a situation like that.
If you allow your ex to use you, it will do nothing to change her negative feelings for you and make her want you back.
Instead, she will probably lose even more respect and attraction for you for not having the balls to stand up to her and put her back in her place (in a loving way) when she steps out of line and tries to use you.
So, go ahead and take charge of the situation and use it as an opportunity to spark her feelings of respect and attraction for you and make her want you again.
How Guys Often Mess Things Up Further When They Realize They Are Being Used By Their Ex
Sometimes a guy will know that his ex is using him, but instead of putting an end to it, he actually makes it worse by making the following mistakes:
1. Seeking pity for how upset, confused and sad she is making him feel by her approach
For example: A guy might say something like, “Why are you using me like this? Does it make you happy to treat me like crap? Are you trying to hurt me for what happened between us? Well congratulations! You’ve succeeded. I feel terrible. I hope you’re satisfied with your handiwork.”
Secretly, he’s hoping his ex will think something like, “Oh no! What have I done? I’ve been such a bitch to him and now he’s feeling hurt and used. I feel horrible for doing that to him. He doesn’t deserve it,” and then start being nice to him again and give him another chance with her.
Yet, that’s practically the last thing that will happen.
Instead, she will feel even more turned off by what she perceives as his emotional weakness and vulnerability.
She might then treat him even worse than before, because she’s lost all respect for him as a man, or just cut him out of her life completely and move on.
Another mistake is…
2. Putting up with her bad behavior just to get to text with her or spend time with her
In some cases, a woman will openly use her ex and treat him with disrespect.
However, even though he can see what she’s doing, he continues to put up with it in the hope that she will realize what a nice guy he really is and give him another chance.
Yet, that almost never happens.
Instead, the woman loses even more respect for him for not being man enough to stand up for himself.
When she can’t respect him, she also stops feeling attracted to him and then there’s nothing there to make her want to get back into a relationship with him.
Here’s the thing…
Your ex might not admit it to you, but she wants a man who won’t allow himself to ever be used, by her or anyone else, because he values himself too much.
So, if you want to get her back, you need to make sure that the next time she tries to use you, you stand up to her and show her that you’re no longer the kind of man she can push around and disrespect.
It’s not about being rude to her, being aggressive or anything silly like that.
Instead, it’s about standing up to her in a calm, confident, loving, but assertive manner to remind her that you’re the more emotionally dominant one.
When she realizes that she can no longer get away with treating you badly, she will naturally feel respect for you again for having the balls to stand up to her.
She will then also feel attracted and then getting her back becomes a lot easier for you to do.
Another mistake is…
3. Using a neutral or friendly approach to get her back
If every time you interact with your ex you pretend that all you want is to be her nice, neutral friend, chances are high that that’s exactly what you will get.
She’ll likely continue to use you to her advantage (e.g. when she needs a date for some random event, when she needs help with her car/to paint her house/to help her move), while at the same time making herself available to meeting, hooking up with and dating other guys.
Here’s the thing…
Pretending to be Mr. Nice Guy, Mr. Plain or Mr. Neutral doesn’t create a spark.
Instead, it puts you in the friend zone and it reduces your chances of getting your ex back dramatically.
So, if your intention is to get your ex back, you can’t pretend to be her neutral friend and then expect it to happen.
She’s got to know for sure that you’re attracted to her in a sexual, romantic way and that you’re open to being with her.
At the same time, you need to focus on making her experience sexual and romantic feelings for you, so that she wants to be with you in that way too.
You can then easily get her back because you both want it to happen.
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