There is no set number.
Whether you can get her back or not, depends on the following 5 things:
1. How serious the break ups were
No two relationships are the same, so no two breaks ups are the same either.
For example: Some couples will break up and then make up many times over trivial things.
This often happens when a couple is young or inexperienced in relationships.
So, when a problem arises between them, rather than discussing it and solving it like two mature adults, they get into an argument, feel upset at each other and then break up.
Then, after a few days, one or both of them realize that what happened wasn’t worth breaking up over and they kiss and make up, only to repeat the same pattern again a few weeks or months later.
Yet, over time, they may both mature and rather than breaking up at the drop of a hat, they begin to talk things through and resolve their problems in a sensible and mature way.
So, in an ex back case like that, the answer to the question of, “How many breaks up are too many?” is as many as it takes for the relationship to mature.
There are also couples who break up over more serious reasons (e.g. one of them cheated, the man was abusive, the man took her for granted and ended up treating her badly, the man became very clingy or jealous).
In cases like that, getting back together will depend on the ‘guilty’ person’s ability to truly change and improve.
For example: If a guy wasn’t being responsible about his life and future (e.g. partying all the time, playing video games too much, not making any serious progress in life), but promises to now change and become more responsible and goal oriented, his woman might forgive him and give him another chance.
However, if after they get back together he reverts back to his old habits or fails at his attempts to make progress in life, his woman will likely break up with him again.
Over time, if that pattern continues (i.e. they break up, he promises to grow up, she takes him back and then breaks up with him again), it may get to the point where she starts thinking, “He’s never going to change. No matter how many chances I given him, he always ends up doing the same thing in the end. As much as I love him, I have to face the fact that he’s never going to be the man I want him to be and that I won’t have a secure future with him. I need to find a man who is more mature and has the potential to succeed at whatever he aims to do in life. I need a man who isn’t going to make me have to worry about our future together and my ex isn’t that guy. He just won’t man up. I have to move on.”
She will then try to move on without him.
So, in a case like that, how many break ups are too many?
Well, it all depends on the man’s ability to change and let his ex woman see that he is no longer the same old guy that she had to break up with over and over again.
He really has become a more mature man and is already making progress towards his goals in life.
He’s no longer failing at it and is no longer avoiding making progress.
Things are happening for him now.
How quickly he can start making real progress will determine how willing she is to begin looking at him in a different light.
On the other hand, if he continues to think and behave in the same old ways as before, she will use that as a reason to end things for, “Look, we’ve had too many break ups. This isn’t normal. Relationships aren’t supposed to break up all the time. Our relationship clearly isn’t working, so let’s just accept that and move on.”
Whether you can get her back also depends on…
2. How you behaved during the break ups
How you behave after a break up is of vital importance.
Whatever you say and do after a break up will either convince her to give you another chance, or turn her off even more and make her try to get over you even faster.
For example: Some of the things that make it more difficult for a man to get a woman back after a break up are:
- He begs and pleads with her for another chance, which turns her off because she perceives him as being emotionally weak and desperate.
- He promises to change and improve if she gives him one more chance, which turns her off because he’s made promises before that he hasn’t ever been able to keep.
- He offers to do whatever she tells him, which turns her off because she doesn’t want to be his teacher in life about how to be a man.
- He tells her how much he loves her and needs her in his life, which turns her off because she perceives him as being selfish and only thinking about his feelings.
- He says that he can’t live without her, which turns her off because it highlights to her that he can’t cope with the challenges of life without her support and guidance.
If a man behaves like that after a break up, it doesn’t really matter how many break ups the couple had gone through because the woman will be turned off by his approach.
What matters most is whether or not your approach to her is re-attracting her and making her feel respect for you again.
Whether you can get her back also depends on…
3. How you behaved after getting her back
As important as it is to handle a break up in a confident, mature way, it’s equally important to be the same way when you get her back.
For example: Sometimes a guy will put in a lot of effort to convince his ex to give him another chance (e.g. be on his best behavior, pretend that this time he’s really changed the things she wants him to change, plead with her to just give him one more chance).
Then, if he happens to get lucky and get a chance with her, he continues to make the same old mistakes that he made to cause her to fall out of love with him (e.g. taking her for granted, not making her feel feminine and girly when she’s with him, being too jealous and controlling, being insecure or emotionally sensitive).
When that happens, a woman will start to think, “Why did I even bother giving him another chance? He put on a good show to get me back, but nothing is different. It was all just an act to get me back. He’s still the same guy as before and I’m now just wasting my time in a relationship that is going nowhere. We’ve had too many break ups. It’s time to give up and focus on finding a man who can give me what I want, rather than holding on to a lost cause of a guy. He’s not for me. I’ve got to break up with him once and for all.”
If he then tries to get her back again, she will be much more resistant than ever before because she doesn’t believe that he can or will change.
This is why, if you want to get your ex back and keep her, you have to truly change and improve some of the things that matter to her.
When she sees for herself that you really are a new and improved man, her feelings of respect, attraction and love for you will intensify and you and her will enjoy a much better relationship than you did before.
Whether you can get her back also depends on…
4. If you are able to make her love you again
When a woman breaks up with a guy, it’s usually because she doesn’t feel enough respect, attraction or love for him anymore to warrant being in a relationship.
Essentially, she doesn’t have feelings for him, because he is continually saying and doing things that are turning her off.
So, she falls out of love with him and then tries to move on.
If a guy wants to get a woman like that back, he has to focus on being a man that she can now fully respect, feel attracted to and love.
When she interacts with him, she will be asking herself:
- Is he confident and self-assured, or is he still insecure, self-doubting and unsure of himself?
- Does he make me feel like a real woman by being more emotionally masculine than me, or do I feel like I can walk all over him because he’s too emotionally weak and wimpy?
- Do I feel sure about a future with him because he has definite goals that he’s working towards, or do I feel uncertain and insecure with him because he’s too childish or immature?
- Would I feel lucky to be his girl again, or do I feel like I could do a lot better than him now?
If she can see a lot of positives, she will naturally feel drawn to him and want to give him another chance, despite the many break ups they’ve been through.
Whether you can get her back also depends on…
5. If you can handle her initial resistance to getting back together
Even if a woman still has feelings for her ex and secretly wants him back with him, she’s won’t always agree to give him another chance right away.
Why?
In most cases, a woman doesn’t want to make it too easy for her ex to get her back, especially if she has been disappointed by him in the past (i.e. him promising to change and fix things, but never being able to).
So, she won’t initially make it easy for him to win her back.
She will want to test his confidence, emotional strength and his ability to cope with a difficult situation (i.e. the extreme pressure he’s under of potentially losing her forever).
Will he give up if she doesn’t make it easy for him initially, or even for a few days?
Will he become insecure and emotionally sensitive and start begging and pleading for another chance?
Will he get angry with her and accuse her of being selfish or heartless for turning her back on him and not giving him another chance?
These are the questions she will be looking to find answers for when interacting with her ex.
So, if you want your ex back for real, don’t back down at the first sign of resistance and don’t lose confidence if she says harsh things to you (e.g. “You are a complete turn off to me now” or, “I regret the day I ever met you. You ruined my life”).
Instead, maintain your confidence, be a good man and focus on making her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for the new and improved you.
Then, seduce her back into a relationship by getting to a hug, kiss and then sex.
After you have sex, don’t push for a relationship.
Let her feel attracted and drawn to the new and improved you and allow her to want a relationship more than you do.
Then, she will naturally give you another chance because she wants it too.
4 Mistakes That Make Getting Her Back More Difficult
Here are 4 common mistakes that other guys make when in a situation like yours, which make the process of getting their ex woman back more difficult…
1. Trying to get her back by promising that things will be different
For example: A guy might say to his ex, “Look, I know I stuffed up, but this time, I promise that things will be different. I’ve learned my lesson and I won’t make the same mistakes again. I mean it. Please believe me.”
It sounds quite sincere, right?
He deserves a chance if he means it, true?
Yes, but not necessarily from the woman’s perspective.
If she has given him plenty of chances before based on him promising that things would be different, why should she believe him now?
This is why, rather than promising that things will be different, he needs to avoid saying that and just show her that things are already different.
In other words, make changes to how he thinks, talks, behaves and acts when around her, so she can see for herself that things really are different and she really does feel differently about him now.
When she can see that and experience that for herself, she will naturally want to give him another chance.
The next mistake to avoid is…
2. Trying to discuss the relationship in detail to hopefully work things out that way
Sometimes a guy will try to get into deep discussions with ex about the relationship and what went wrong.
He hopes to prove to her how serious he about working things out, so she then feels as though he deserves another chance and that things could work better this time around.
Yet, rather than making her think, “He must really be serious about getting me back if he wants to discuss our relationship and where he went wrong. So, I just have to give him another chance,” she simply begins to re-experience all the negative moments from the relationship (i.e. because he’s highlighting what went wrong and trying to discuss it in detail).
As a result, she feels turned off and repelled by the idea of going through all that again with him.
So if you want to get your ex back, don’t focus your energy on what happened in the past.
Instead, focus on making her feel new and exciting feelings for you now.
The next mistake to avoid is…
3. Not changing in the ways that are secretly most important to her
Most women will break up with a guy without ever giving him her real, secret reasons for doing so.
That is why a lot of guys don’t change the things that matter to her most and instead keep offering an ex woman things that she doesn’t really want or care about.
For example: A woman might want her guy to be more ballsy and stand up to her, rather than putting up with her bad moods and drama, but he keeps promising to treat her even better, spend even more time with her and so on.
As a result, she thinks, “He just doesn’t get it! I don’t want to tell him what I really want because then it will seem like he is faking it. I want him to understand this without me having to tell him.”
If she can see that he just won’t change in the ways that she really wants, she will switch off her feelings for him and begin trying to move on without him.
The next mistake to avoid is…
4. Giving up because others think that the relationship has run its course and is impossible to fix
Sometimes, friends and family just get sick and tired of hearing about all the trouble between you and your ex, so they begin to encourage you to end the relationship and move on.
For example: They might say something along the lines of, “How many break ups will it take for you to finally realize that she’s not the right girl for you? You two can’t even stay together for months without getting into a big fight. That’s not normal. Forget about her, man. She’s just not worth it. You deserve better than her. Just let her go.”
Yet, here’s the thing…
Nobody can tell you how you should feel.
If you truly love her and know that you’re ready to man up and make the relationship work this time around, then that is your decision to make.
You are allowed to do whatever you want.
If you feel as though you will regret it for the rest of your life if you walk away from her now, then decide to get her back.
Make the relationship even better than it was, by finally understanding what she really wants you to change and then changing that.
Additionally, use an approach to the relationship that gets her to change and start treating you even better than she ever has before.
Make her feel more respect, attraction and love than she has felt before, so she feels motivated to be a good woman to you and never leave you again.
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