How often?
As often as it takes to get her on a phone call or video call, so you can then properly re-attract her and get her to meet up with you.
Just sticking to text almost never works.
So, if you want to use text to get your ex back, follow these tested, proven to work guidelines:
1. Don’t try to have in-depth conversations via text
One of the biggest mistakes guys make when texting an ex is trying to have a deep, meaningful conversation with her (i.e. discussing the relationship, discussing what went wrong and what needs to be done to try and work things out, discussing feelings).
Yet, that’s one of the worst things you can do.
Why?
It’s difficult and very time-consuming to write everything you really want to say and express it in a text.
As a result, a lot goes unsaid, or is misinterpreted and can cause tension or misunderstandings.
For example: A guy might explain his feelings to his ex, point out some of his mistakes, add in his thoughts on relationships and then end his text with something like, “I know I stuffed up, but I promise I can do better. Just tell me what you want me to change and I’ll do it. I know we can work this out. Just talk to me.”
From his perspective, he’s being open and honest and showing her that he’s willing to put in the effort to change, improve and become a better man for her.
From her point of view, she can easily take what he’s saying the wrong way and begin thinking things like, “Why can’t he just figure out what went wrong on his own and then fix it? Why do I have to tell him what it is and how he can improve and become a better man? I don’t want to be his teacher or mentor in life on how to be a man. Doesn’t he have any male friends that can help him to man up? I’m probably just wasting my time with him. He’s not man enough for me and probably won’t ever be, because he just doesn’t get it. I’ve got to start distancing myself from him. I’ve got to move on.”
She may then decide to stop responding to his texts, which makes it difficult for him to re-attract her and get her back.
In addition to discussing things via text being difficult and time-consuming, it’s also very draining for a woman to have to read, try to understand, reply and not create additional problems between him and her.
Quick texts are fine.
Flirty, confident, funny texts can also be added in.
Yet, you shouldn’t ever make the mistake of hiding behind texting because it seems easy or safe.
You’ve got to do what actually works on women, after they’ve dumped you.
For example, rather than trying to discuss everything with her via text…
2. Use humor to keep things light and make her enjoy texting with you
When a woman is smiling and laughing during a text exchange with her ex, it becomes difficult for her to focus on the negatives about him.
She starts to think things like, “Well, he’s not that bad. I still enjoy chatting with him. Maybe there is still something there between us,” which then makes her open up to you further.
So, if you are going to use texts as a way of getting her back, make sure that you make her smile and laugh at times.
It doesn’t have to be all the time, but at least 20% of the time, so she feels good about interacting with you.
For example: Imagine a guy getting in touch with his ex via text and saying something like, “Hey. I just wanted to say hi and see how you’re doing. Hope you’re okay.”
That’s a nice text, but if she’s no longer attracted to him, or in love with him, it’s not going to make her think, “Oh, I’m so glad he’s texting me! I missed him so much. I hope this is going to lead to us getting back together again.”
Instead, she’s probably just going to be thinking things like, “What does he want?”
She might then respond with something like, “I’m fine, thanks,” as a way of not showing too much interest, but still being polite.
If he doesn’t then do anything to attract her, she may think something like, “Hmmm…I don’t really feel anything. Maybe there’s just no spark between us anymore. Maybe I should just move on.”
She then opens herself up to going out to party with her single girlfriends, going on dates with guys from dating apps, or opening up to guys who have been interested in her while she was in a relationship with you.
Before long, she is sleeping with a new guy, or falling in love with a new guy who makes her feel the way she used to feel with you, but couldn’t later on in the relationship due to what happened (e.g. you became insecure, stopped being manly, treated her more like a buddy, or became clingy or needy).
So, if you’re going to text your ex as a way of trying to get her back, make sure that your text messages are lighthearted and funny where possible.
When she’s smiling, laughing and feeling good as she texts back and forth, she can then begin to think things like, “What’s gotten into him? He’s being so carefree and funny now. I like this side to him. I wonder what else is different about him now? Would he be this confident in person, or on the phone?”
She then feels compelled to lower her defenses and open up to interacting with you on a call, or in person, so she can see if you really have changed.
If you have changed (i.e. you’ve become more confident, more able to make her feel attracted and turned on during a conversation), then she will naturally want to give you another chance.
3. Get to a phone call, so you can let her experience the new and improved you and then arrange a meet up
Although it might feel comfortable and easy to just text, it’s not the end game.
The end game is her hugging you, kissing you, having sex with you and saying that she loves you and doesn’t want to ever lose you again.
Anything prior to that are just stepping stones to get you across the river.
If you stop at step one (texting) and don’t continue crossing the river, then you won’t get to the end game.
The reality is that your ex can be texting back and forth with you, while texting with other guys, or dating other guys.
She can also not want you back because you’re not sparking her attraction, but string you along just to keep you showing interest in her.
Then, one day, she can say, “I’ve got something to tell you. Please don’t be mad.”
She then tells you that she met someone else recently, is in love and he has requested that she no longer communicate with you.
So, to avoid messing up her relationship, she asks you to please respect her relationship and no longer contact her.
As a result, all of the effort you put into texting for weeks gets you nowhere.
What should you do instead?
Once you’ve opened the lines of communication with her via text and she’s feeling attracted, or seems open, call her (audio or video call) and make her feel attracted to the new and improved you, so she becomes open to meeting up in person.
Don’t make the mistake of asking her for a meet up via text.
I always hear from guys who’ve done that and in some cases, the woman says yes (to avoid a text argument), but then cancels at the last minute, the night before or the day of the meeting.
If you want to get a meet up, attract her on a call first and then suggest catching up.
When you get on a call, don’t use the same old approach to communication that turned her off in the relationship (e.g. being too nice or hesitant, displaying insecurity, reacting to her as though she is the more dominant one, being afraid to express your manliness, being timid, etc).
Use an approach that will make her feel attracted.
For some guys, that can mean…
- Being more lighthearted and funny during interactions as a way of making her feel relaxed and happy to be talking to him again.
- Being a good man, but also being confident and assertive when talking to her, so she can see that she no longer dominate him during conversations like she used to.
- Maintaining his confidence with her regardless of how cold, distant or even bitchy she seems at first.
- Believing in himself and in his value to her, rather than doubting himself and coming across as nervous, insecure and anxious as a result.
- Flirting with her to create sexual tension, rather than being too neutral or friendly with her.
- Being more of a playful challenge during conversations with her, rather than being predictable and agreeable and causing her to feel bored and uninterested.
When she feels sparks of attraction for who you are now, it makes her want to open up further to explore her new feelings.
Her guard comes down and she becomes willing to meet up in person and see what happens, rather than walking away, missing you and regretting it when she sees you move on without her.
If she can’t find herself a good enough replacement man and sees you happy without her (i.e. via your social media posts, where you post photos of yourself having fun with other people, or dating a new, attractive woman), it will make her feel like the one who got rejected and left behind.
As a result, she wants to open up and see what happens.
4. Don’t avoid a phone call because you think (or know) that she prefers text
It doesn’t matter how much she likes text, or doesn’t like phone calls.
What matters is what works to get a woman back.
What works is when she experiences the new and improved you on a phone call, video call or in person.
At the very least, she hears the confidence in your voice when you send her voice texts.
Just typing texts isn’t the answer or best way to get an ex back, even if you think it’s what she likes or prefers.
For example: At some point, your ex may have even said something like, “Just text me. I don’t like talking on the phone.”
So, you may feel worried that if you call her, she’ll get angry at you, or will say that she never wants to hear from you again and then block you.
Yet, when you call her, spark her attraction with your confidence, humor and flirting, she’s going to be feeling good on the call.
She might still not want to be talking on the phone, but you will be doing what actually works to get a woman back.
What’s that?
Re-attracting her.
You’ve got to make her feel attracted and when you’ve done that, you need to arrange a time to meet up.
5. Don’t keep texting her after arranging a meet up
Some guys make the mistake of securing a meet up with their ex girlfriend, only to then have her pull out of it because of something he texted her later on.
For example: He keeps texting and seems to be trying a little too hard, or comes across as insecure, clingy, needy or desperate.
Alternatively, he texts her something to hopefully make her jealous and want him more, buy she then feels like he’s trying to manipulate her.
In another case, a guy texts too much to the point where she starts to get bored of hearing from him, rather than having the opportunity to miss him and see him when they catch up.
So, once you’ve arranged a catch up, try to avoid texting her as much as possible.
If she texts you, then reply with something and try to add in some humor and flirting where possible.
However, don’t make the mistake of getting into discussions with her via text.
Save all that for the catch up, where 95% of your focus will be on re-attracting her and making her fall back in love with you right away.
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