Here are 5 tips to help you get her back, despite the differences between you and her:
1. Understand that you really don’t have to be the same to be in love
Right now it might seem that the main reason why you and your ex are no longer together is because you are very different to each other.
You may also believe that being different is a bad thing.
Yet, it’s not.
Although it’s great to be in sync with your woman (i.e. you understand each other and connect on the same level), it’s not necessary to be the same.
As a man you will naturally display characteristics and personality traits that are different to your woman.
For example: If a guy is emotionally dominant, it’s better if his woman isn’t like that too.
If she is, they will likely get into a power struggle with each other and this will almost certainly lead to arguments and disagreements.
Another example is if a woman is emotionally sensitive and tends to cry or get upset when she’s under stress, or even for no reason at all and it’s perfectly fine for her to do that.
However, it’s not okay for her guy to be like that as well.
If he is, she will feel turned off by what she perceives as his emotional weakness and she won’t be able to look up to him and respect him as her man.
As you can see, thinking, acting and behaving like your woman isn’t the thing that keeps a relationship together for life.
What is?
Mutual respect, attraction and love.
When you have that, both of you don’t ever feel the need to break up, regardless of what other people think or say, or how different you are from each other.
Instead, you only want to be together with each other in a committed relationship because that’s when you feel the most fulfilled, loved and happiest.
Another tip to help you get her back is…
2. Focus on the 3 most important feelings of all
Those feelings are respect, attraction and love.
Here’s how you can do it…
The way it works is that if your ex can respect you and feel attracted to you, then she will automatically begin to love you again (romantically, not just as a friend or ex).
It doesn’t matter if you are interested in different things, are from different walks of life, or have different ways of living.
Romantic love brings people together like nothing else.
So, focus on making her feel respectful and attracted to you, every time you interact with her.
For example: Some of the ways you can do that are by…
- Maintaining your confidence regardless of what she says or does (e.g. she says something like, “This just won’t work. We’re too different,” or “I’m sorry but our differences are too obvious. We can’t be together.”).
- Making her smile and laugh and feel relaxed to be around you again, rather than trying to convince her to get back together again.
- Believing in yourself and in your value to her, rather than worrying about your differences and coming across as insecure and unsure of yourself.
- Being emotionally strong and assertive when talking to her, so she can see that you’re not going to crumble just because things seem a bit difficult at the moment.
- Flirting with her to create sexual tension between you and her so she wants to release that tension with kissing and sex, rather than playing it safe and failing to make her feel attracted to you.
The better you are at making her feel strong surges of respect and attraction for you, the faster she will reconnect with her feelings of love and consider getting back with you.
So, focus on that.
Another tip to help you get her back is…
3. Try to adapt to her ways a little more
If a woman is totally in love with a man, she will usually try to adapt to his lifestyle and way of being (e.g. she will spend more time with him and his friends rather than her friends, take an interest in his hobbies, hang out at most of the places he likes).
However, if a woman is your ex, then she’s almost certainly not totally in love with you anymore.
So, to give her some comfort about the possibility of a relationship with you, it’s important that she can sense that you can now hang with her on her level and understand things that are important to her.
For example…
If you and her are from a different economic background (e.g. she’s wealthier than you), then to show her that you’re willing to adapt to her a little bit, you can focus more on your career.
If she can see that you’re rising through the levels of life and even though you’re not wealthy right now, you are on your way to being a successful man sometime in the future, she will begin to feel better about being in a relationship with you.
This isn’t about her being shallow and only looking for a rich man, but more about her being able to feel proud of you and show you off to her family and friends (especially if they’ve been trying to convince her to dump you).
Another example is if your ex is really passionate about a specific hobby (e.g. horse riding, paragliding, kickboxing) that you don’t like, but which is a big part of her everyday life.
To show her that you’re willing to meet her halfway, you might become more involved in what she’s interested in.
Again that doesn’t mean you have to do what she does, but if you show more interest (e.g. learn more about her hobby, join her when she goes to events, give it a try at least once), she will naturally feel some respect for you for putting in the effort.
She then becomes more open to interacting with you, which gives you the chance to fully reactivate her feelings for you and get her back.
Another example is if you’re more of a loner than her and don’t like to go out much and socialize with other people, while she’s a bit of a social butterfly who loves to hang out in big crowds of friends or to go partying.
In a case like this, it’s important that you reach a point where she feels like you’re putting in the effort to have more fun with her, while at the same time, you don’t end up resenting her for making you into someone you don’t want to be.
That might mean you agree to go out with her on Saturday nights to any party, club or gathering she chooses, while you do something that’s just the two of you on Friday or Sunday nights.
The more your ex can see that you’re putting in the effort to adapt to her way of life, the more she will doubt her decision to break up with you.
She may then start thinking things like, “He really is making an effort to change and adjust to my ways. Maybe I should meet him half way and give him another chance.”
You can then build her feelings for you and get her back in a relationship that’s better than before, because it’s now based on mutual respect and understanding.
Another tip to help you get her back is…
4. Don’t try to force a relationship to happen
Although you might really want to get back with your ex, don’t make the mistake of pushing her for a relationship right away.
It should happen naturally, as a result of the 3 main feelings (i.e. respect, attraction and love) being in place first.
So, don’t put that kind of pressure on her too early.
Instead, just focus on making her feel sparks of sexual and romantic attraction for you whenever you and her are interacting over the phone and especially face-to-face.
Let her really want you back, rather than trying to pressure her into making a decision she’s not fully prepared for.
In that way, when she’s ready give the relationship one more try, it will happen naturally all by itself, because she will really wants it too, without you having to push her into it.
So, stop worrying about how different you and her are and how you can make a relationship with her work and concentrate on building up her feelings for you.
The more you do that, the more getting her back into a relationship with you again will become a reality.
Another tip to help you get her back is…
5. Interact with her and let her feel attracted and curious about the new, more compatible you
The most important thing to do from now on, is interact with your ex and continue sparking her feelings for you.
That means, you can’t pretend that you only want to be friends now and that you’re not interested in her sexually and romantically anymore.
It also means, you can’t just text back and forth with her and expect her to suddenly begin thinking things like, “I know we broke up because we are very different from each other, but now I’m ready to overlook that and get back with him because I really enjoy his text messages.”
Instead, you need to get her to a meet up with you, so that she can experience the new, more compatible you for herself.
Remember: Your ex is most-likely going to be a bit resistant at first about seeing you again and she’s probably going to test you to see if you and her really are more in sync with each other, or if you’re just pretending to be more like her to get her back.
For example: Imagine a woman broke up with a guy because he’s too serious and stern, while she’s more light-hearted and doesn’t take things so seriously all the time.
So, to get her to a meet up with him, the guy calls her on the phone and uses humor to break down her defenses and to show her that he’s more relaxed and open now than he was before.
Naturally she feels drawn to this new, more easy-going side to him, so she agrees to meet up with him in person, because she wants to satisfy her curiosity about the new, more compatible him.
However, she also wants to make sure that how he is now making her feel is real (e.g. respectful, attracted, excited, at ease) and will continue if they get back together again.
At the meet up, she might say something along the lines of, “I don’t know why I’m even bothering meeting up with you. We are just too different and if it didn’t work before, it’s not going to work again. People just don’t change,” to see how he will react.
In the past, his serious side would have likely felt upset upon hearing something like that and he may even have tried to use logical explanations to try and convince her.
However, the new version of him knows from experience that that approach just doesn’t work.
So, this time, he uses humor to break down her defenses and to confirm to her that he really has changed and is now truly more compatible with her.
So, when she says that to him, he laughs and responds with something along the lines of, “Of course people change. I’ve changed 3 times today. I changed my shoes, my shirt and even my socks! Are you trying to tell me you’re still wearing the same clothes from yesterday? I can’t believe it!” and has a laugh with her about that.
She then begins to believe that he really is more relaxed and light-hearted than he used to be.
As a result, she starts to see that they are now more compatible in the ways that are important to her and she then drops her guard and opens herself up to the idea of getting back together again.
In the same way, when your ex becomes curious about the changes in you and how good they make her feel, she then naturally becomes more open to seeing you again to see what happens.
You then have an opportunity to continue building on her feelings so you can get her to the point where she wants to be your girl again.
3 Common Problems to Be Aware of When Trying to Get an Ex Back Who is Very Different Than You
As you may have realized by now, the differences between you and your ex won’t matter, when you know what to do to reactivate her feelings for you.
However, there are also some pitfalls which you need to be aware of, so that you can avoid them.
For example: 3 of those are…
1. Seeing her as being too good for you because she is different
For example: A woman might come from a wealthy family, be smarter or seem cooler than her guy.
As a result, he might end up thinking things like, “I don’t know how to make things work with her. She’s just too good for me. I can’t expect her to lower her standards and accept a guy like me. That just wouldn’t be fair to her.”
Yet, what he doesn’t realize is that feeling like he’s not good enough for his ex only makes him seem less attractive to her (and to other women).
Why?
A woman likes the idea of being with a man who is always confident and believes in himself no matter what happens.
The more emotionally strong he is, the more she is able to look up to him, respect him, feel attracted to him, love him and feel proud to be his girl.
So, when a guy doesn’t feel worthy enough to be with her, rather than make her feel happy that he values her more than he values himself, she feels turned off by his lack of confidence.
So, make sure you’re not putting your ex above yourself in terms of value.
When you accept and believe that you are more than good enough to be her man, she will start to see it too and the getting her back becomes easy.
Another pitfall to avoid is…
2. Lowering yourself to show her that you aren’t too good for her
For example: A guy might be too good for his ex and try to dumb himself down, act more irresponsibly and swear a lot more to fit in with her and her friends.
He might also act like he doesn’t care about success in life, if she happens to not care about it.
Essentially, he’s trying to make himself more compatible with her.
Yet, here’s the thing…
Initially, lowering yourself for your ex might seem like you and her now have more in common, but eventually, you’ll begin to feel resentment towards her for turning you into someone you don’t really want to be.
At the same time, she will pick up on the fact that you’re only doing this to please her so that you can get her back and she will feel turned off by what she perceives as you desperation.
The truth is, even though compromise is a key ingredient for a successful relationship, changing your core personality is not.
If you can’t be your genuine self with the woman you love, then what you and her share isn’t real and it will eventually break you apart; either because you don’t like the man you’ve become for her, or because she doesn’t like it.
Another pitfall to avoid is…
3. Not focusing on what matters the most
What matter most are her feelings.
If she has strong sexual and romantic feelings for you, she’s not going to worry about how different you are compared to her.
She is just going to want to be with you.
Thankfully, feelings can be created.
Her feelings for you are largely based on how you interact with her (e.g. are you confident or nervous, manly or neutral?).
So, just because your ex is very different than you, it doesn’t mean you can’t change how she feels and get her back.
You can.
You made her want to be with you once before, so you can definitely do it again.
However, for that to happen, you have to focus on making her feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for the new you from now on.
When you interact with her in ways that re-spark her feelings for you, everything changes.
She starts to want you again because she is attracted to you and it feels really good to talk to you, be around you, kiss you and have sex with you.
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